Categories
Romanticism

Meeting a girl in Church

Why can I just not meet a nice girl to marry in Church?  In theory you can. I kind of did, or at least got confirmation when we ran into each other there.  Further, in my experience the gals that go to church, at least where I go are sincere, authentic people. However, there are a few issues with this, that you need to consider. As always there is a solution.

The pros and cons of meeting a girl in Church

The main issue is, church is a place you should focus on the service, not scanning the congregation. This hour is a great opportunity for you to bathe in the universal love which we are all part of. You do not want to dissipate your energy by looking at other people, even though everyone does.

It is similar to when I first started doing yoga. I could not resist looking at girls in skimpy yoga pants becoming pretzels in front of my eyes. However, as I took the practice more serious I realized that if I wanted the full experience I should give my eyes a rest and not gawk at yoga girls, too much.

Now, you could meet them after or at an event. However,  American girls are wise to this idea, that is any social setting is a potential for guys to talk to them, and have huge defense mechanisms in place. In Europe it would be no problem as it is a different dynamic between men and women.

On the other hand, I have known people who have met in church and are happily married to this day. Therefore, I do not want to dissuade anyone.  So it is possible, because a huge part of the screening processes, that is the morality aspect and commonality of world view is taken care of.

Chemistry of love

Still just because you have two believers does not mean they are compatible in other ways particularly with the chemistry side.

  • In particular, the aspect of raw physical rip your clothes off and swing from the swing from the chandeliers aspect of love. It is somehow hard to bridge this divine pure love Agápe with Éros. Let alone at in Philia to the mix.

If you mix these different elements of love, then strange things can happen if you are not a grounded person. For example, you will have yoga guru’s seducing their students. Or less dramatically, guys who talk the talk but in the end are players. Dante put ‘lust’ as the least offensive of the sins as it was misdirected or inordinate love. So the idea of mixing Agápe with Éros is fine in the right measure, like in the context marriage for example. In which it is the wife’s duty to have relations with her husband. Just joking but in the big picture it is kind of true.

I am sensitive to Russell taking the Lord’s name in vain and to Lady Gaga putting a rosary in her mouth. I think when you put friendship and spirituality in the same bottle and shake it up, bad things happen. – Katy Perry

However, if people understand that Agápe and Éros are two different ideas or forms of love that can be crossed in the right measure then religious dating one of the highest forms. To back this up, research (OK sponsored by online dating sites) statistically show religious online dating sites have the highest percentages of marriages. Does that surprise you? Not me, why would there not be a consistency of behavior and values?

My recommendation about dating

Therefore, my recommendation is for those who care about spirituality, and I think it is everyone’s business, consider dating sites that focus on this aspect of dating. I mean in Indian dating (a country that has virtually no divorce) this is a central aspect of any Indian dating site or marriage process, so why do Americans so readily jettison this?

I would say this is eons better than hook up sites like POF and Craigslist. To some extent match.com has become the young educated professional version of a singles bar from the 1980s, a lot of people from both genders they’re playing the field and after a few weeks of dating moving on to greener pastures.

  • If you want to get to girl to the altar, and subsequently stay with you (flight factor is high these days), consider a churchy female.

Does God intervene in the dating process?

We are all part of God’s creation. Although a few people I know have met in church and are married to this day, the probabilities that would happen are not that high as the pool of potential mates in your parish are limited. Then why does the Absolute not play matchmaker and tilt destiny a bit?

Singles often do not find their matches in church because the rules of dating are often more about animal attraction.  These rules have been created from the start.  However, once the rules are in place, he plays by the rules. This includes physics and free will. So you might say, Einstein was right.

God does not play dice with the Universe

However, not to the end. Einstein was wrong. God created all that is seen and unseen. God not only plays dice, but he throws them in places we are not looking. Therefore, I ultimately think there is intervention in this process. It might simply not be as ostentatious as bringing tow people together in church.

Further, not every beautiful girl you see on holy ground is your one and only princess (or prince). You need to understand there is one person for you. For the universe to coordinate all this it like a symphonic event. You have to be patient. It may happen on holy ground but more than likely it will happen in other places as you spend more time in ordinary life, not on mountain top experiences.

Ask for help in finding your date

If you ask for help, with finding your mate, you will receive it. I believe this. The issue is people ask and do not get immediate results. The Universe does not work this way.

Why you have not yet found your soul mate?

I know what you are saying. You are a good person, smart and play by the rules, but nothing is happening for you. Examine if you are not friendshipy enough. Or  the problem is you are too judgemental and ridged (girls do not like that).  But again do not despair it is more like you did not meet your one and only. Read more about how being lonely and single is the rule not the exception.

Consider a lot of ‘dirt bags’ even in prison have girlfriends, wives and a family. You do not want to be so good you are good for nothing. You do not need to turn bad, on the contrary. Rather you just need to friendship it up a bit and learn to flirt and play.

If you do not have the confidence start by dating single mothers with kids and older ladies. I know this sounds cruel but nothing serious or sensual. Just go out on cordial dates. when you have your confidence up start to gravitate towards the ultimate in girls, single females in their twenties.

Fairy-tale  romance ending

I knew this shy, skinny geeky guy who would tremble when he met women. After years of frustration he turn to the dark side.  After becoming a player and bad boy, even going to call girls. In the end, he sincerely wanted to turn his back on his mischievous ways and find his princess. It reminds be of the Shaksperian tale of Henry V. You do not want to be a Falstaff, a pleasure seeker. But rather someone who rises to greatness and turns his back on less than virtuous ways. He eventually after sincere repentance found his princess. I question if he did not have those life experiences could he have the power to win her heart?

Important note about the atheists and agnostics in dating?

Many people I know are happy in a relationship without faith. However, they live by some higher ideal. Ethical atheists or anonymous believers, they both have the light of God in them, even if they do not see it in themselves. I know religious people married to non-believers and the marriage is fine as love itself is mystical. However, most of the non-religious or water downed faithful, just have temporary marriage. What can I say, this is what I observe. I do taxes and basically everyone is single head of household, who is not active in their parish. Maybe it is the area I live.

What is the solution for finding a mate?

The optimal situation is finding your one and only who sees love as an alchemist mixture of Agápe and Éros.

The moral of this post is to find your girl who goes to church, but you do not have to met there. You want to become so relaxed and skilled in meeting girls you can pick them up on the street. If you are this well verses, like Lestat if you will, then there is not reason you need to go fishing during mass. The key is when your heart is stung by cupids arrow, retain your sense enough to make sure she is a good one, in other words, humble and loyal and churchy. Then drag her to the altar like Katy Perry dragged her man in her ‘Hot n Cold’ video.  Read more about and how to find the love of your life.

Categories
Romanticism

Attractive hairstyles for girls

Are you living in the 1950s? Then why are  you girls still, frying, dying  and cutting their hair? Don’t you want to look good and attract the guy of your dreams? Then stop reading magazines by women or male hairstylist that are attracted to men. The purpose of this post is to explain to girls what is the most attractive hairstyle on girls from a guy’s perspective.  You will have the definite, truth, like it or not. Here I give you real hair hots, not altered and airbrushed for a magazine, which every hairphotoout there is.

The hair style that is universally attractive no matter what your face or shape

For a woman’s physical attractiveness there are three components:

  1. A girls shape – discussed largely in my article on skinny girls.
  2. A girls face – read my article on female facial beauty.
  3. a girl’s hair

The first and last  points above, women have control over 90%, I tend to think almost 100%. The second point, facial beauty,  does not matter as all women are beautiful in their face. That is, if they know to bring it out. Genetics has refined female facial beauty over one million years of evolution. If you think you do not have a beautiful face think again.

  • Lets talk about hair, female hair – Long hair unaltered hair, preferable to the small of your back.  Natural color and shape, with money spend on natural quality or homemade hair conditioners, if you do not have the money to shop at Wholefoods. This long natural even untamed hair will drive men wild.

Why hair is important in dating and mating

Hair is a secondary friendship characteristic. It is your crowing glory and conveys a message of vitality and health. Healthy hair means a fertile female ready to reproduce.  Nature has excess health and protein to divert it to something, not vital to the survival of the organism like hair growth. So if someone has nice hair they must be healthy and ready to mate,  is what the signal beautiful hair conveys.

Why long hair appeals to men at a subconscious level

Some people say that long hair is a sign of submissiveness in females (yes it is true, guys love humble submissive women or at least the appearance of this) and materialistics like to cut their hair short or career women can not be bothered. Use the power of evolution and psychology to attract men with long hair.

Look I am telling you the way it is from a guy’s perspective, long hair is where it is at, unless you just had a baby or something.  Remember, no guy likes a fighter for a wife.  Men want a girl who will not hassle him too much, and want to be attractive for him, not a troubled woman. And frayed or frazzled hair is not reason to chop it (you can trim it with out a full fledged hair-cut), find a long-term solution and the root cause of the problem.

Guys fantasizes about women wrapping their hair and all the things hair does in the moments of intimacy. Girl with long hair can look like a princess and put their hair up and in the right moment let it down. What guy does not dream of this?

No guy wants a short-haired feisty headache after a long day at work to come home to. He would rather be greeted at the door calmly with his long-haired wife with a nice outfit and drink in her hand and a smile.  So girls if you’re dating relathionships are  not working,  maybe it is you are sending signals that you will be a rebellious wife, by cutting your hair too short (with the exception of pregnancy or post birthing hair of course).

For girls who need to take care of a little one, short hair is very OK.

Girls who color their hair with dyes and chemicals

Just do not do it. Walk away from the idea that chemicals will make you beautiful (do the research it can make you ill).  Every girl and most guys can tell artificial hair color. If you want to play arround with hair color and you are young sure why not, but as a modus operandi for being beautiful and attracting the right guy, I recommend natural colors. Henna, Surya or Ecocolors look pretty good if you want to alter your shade or tone. Or better yet focus on other aspects of your life than hair shade, just let nature do its work.

A vacation at the beach does wonders for hair highlights or even lemmon juice in the sun, and salt water puts waves into one’s hair. This “hair vacation” is a much better investment than a series of high-priced salon trips. Hair dressers often have tacky hair if you have noticed, and they are the ones giving advice mind you.

If you want to alter the look of your mane, you can put it in braids or pig-tails and this will get guys flocking to you. It gives the idea of something primitive and rustic in the case of braids or youthful in the case of pig tails.

Look at the picture below, you can tell it is not a natural hair tone. The girls look nice because of their long hair but coloring your hair is a tricky and dangerous business, one shade or tone off and it looks less then optimal. In contrast rarely does a natural color look wrong.

What if you are losing hair as a girl?

Do not worry in the near future they will have a cure for female hair lose. Alopecia will be cured with genetic stem cell type treatment. Men have problems because of  the action of the enzyme 5-alpha reductase forming DHT and acting on the male hormone testosterone. Women have this hormone too (thankfully as it increases libidinal drives).

Girls can wear wigs and hair attachments. Women can shave their hair off if they have illness and to be honest it is a statement that many guys like and understand in cases of illness. It pulls at guys heart-strings a little as we want to take care of women. I mean don’t you girls want to take care of men?

What short hair or a bob looks like to a guy

Imagine a real skinny guy in a black sci-fiction t-shirt with a long pony-tale. This is what short hair or even boring shoulder length hair looks like on a girl through a man’s eyes.

Why girls alter their hair style and color

I know girls have a need for various reasons to change their hair. It is mostly psychological that something is not working in their life or they need a change. They are unhappy with something. It is fun and easy to do, just get a hair fix and you are a new person. I have no problem with that. Just when you do consider what I have written.

  • Try to keep your hair natural looking
  • Try to keep your hair long
  • The money you same from going to the hairdresser invest in natural conditioners or a good multi-vitamin and diet to get all the trace minerals and nutrients feeding your hair.
  • Try the reflexology method of nail buffing, that is rubbing your nails together vigorously for about ten minutes a day to stimulate hair growth. Or massage your scalp with a good conditioner. You can make your own with rosemary or various herbal teas. Money should not be a worry when it comes to nice hair as there are many low-cost methods that beat out the pricey salon treatments.
  • Bad hair days and bed head, do not worry about.
  • Actresses with all the money they spend on hair often have lame styles, trust me. They get the wrong advice ( on just about everything and they attract the wrong guys of course).
  • I always found drinking a package of gelatin a day accelerated my hair growth. This is purely anecdotal but it seems to work for me as your hair is mostly protein (keratin).
  • Flax seed oil, greens like spinach and collard greens, eggs (sulphur) fish and nuts all are nutrient dense, I like taking vitamins as to make sure calories do not get excessive.
  • Do not worry about waves or curls too much unless you want to go all out. It is better for you let your hair retain its natural shape.
  • Hair drying and heat will damage your hair. I dry mine well with a towel. You do not have to wash it that often in fact. It will allow your hair to retain some of its natural oils.
  • Go to an Indian store. There are many Ayurveda hair treatments that work and are dirt cheap. I think Indian hair treatments are better than Chinese, although they are geared to darker hair colors.

If you have questions about hair and beauty just ask.  I invite, close minded skeptics to rebut and comment on what I have written or agreeing comments or questions for more detail. Remember I am a guy and have no reason to tell you anything but the way it is and can speak on authority as I have been into health and hair my whole life. I want to be positive and help women with beauty. Consider the three aspects of physical beauty, shape, face and hair. If you are thin and have long natural hair you will get dates.

Categories
Romanticism

Why I love women

What I like about girls A to Z

I do not know if it is that I grew up with two wonderful sisters or my best friend  George did also. This left a positive impression on my formative years from 0 to 13. Or that I went to an all boys New England boarding school during my teen years, and only saw women in idealistic terms. However,  I love women and try to understand their special role on this earth.

I married Kasia (it is really she who saved me) the woman of my dreams and blessed with a daughter. I think the world of them. They really are the fairer gender. Life without women would be boring as they are the bearers of life itself. Here is a list from A to Z of some of the things I like about women. It is not all-inclusive and if you want to add your own ideas please do.

  • Apartments – They make apartments warm and comfortable. Hey you walk into an apartment which is decorated by a girl and has all these small touches it feels great. Guys like this stuff but rarely put it all together.
  • Beautiful – I do not think I have ever seen a woman who was not beautiful. They all young or old, fit or corpulent have a beauty. I am not talking you have to desire them, but beauty as defined by Plato, is something that gives pleasure to the sense without having to be consumed.
  • Confidence – If you are in a relationship with a girl your self-confidence soars like an eagle. Ironically this is one paradoxes of this is when you have high self-confidence other girls flock to you. When you are not in a relationship, you feel like a loser and no girls like you, unless it is the one for you. She will love you no matter what.
  • Dangerous – ‘Women are man’s most dangerous play’ – Friedrich Nietzsche
  • Eat – They like to eat and cook and it is great being married coming home to a real meal every night, not some restaurant fare. I remember I used to date women who did not cook. Hah, was I ever naïve. Girls try to tell me how important their careers were. Well if you have a child who will mother your child? On another note,  if you are in love you feel you can just eat them (not literally of course but poetically).
  • Funny – I am not talking about girl’s mind you, rather they laugh at our jokes and make us feel we are smart and funny. Like the song says ‘Girls just want to have fun’.
  • Giggles – With girls you can giggle and have ketchup fights and be silly and not feel a loss of your masculinity, because you are going it with a girl. And anything you do with a girl is cool.
  • Health – If you are married you will live longer and be healthier. If you stare at a woman’s chest your blood pressure immediately drops. So if you are stressed out you know what to do.
  • India – Imagination, exotic warm and colorful like India is the female Jungian psyche Animus.
  • Jealous – If your girl is not a little jealous then why are you with her, Want a girl to be jealous, it means she cares. Anyone who is ‘whatever’ in a relationship either is at a higher spiritual plane “OMM” or does not care. To date I have not yet meet someone on this earth who is that evolved.
  • Kangaroos – Girls have proportionally long powerful legs, wide hips and big butts much like  kangaroos. This asymmetry is because they are made for reproduction. Nietzsche quote is ‘ a woman’s whole goal is pregnancy’.  This is not a bad thing at all.
  • Love – Women are all about love and love is the energy that governs the universe.
  • Mothers – They become mothers and who does not love their mother. They take care of the world. They hand culture to the next generation and civilize men.
  • Non Judgmental – Women do not cast stones like men. Men by our nature like rules and things to be black and white. Women are more holistic and do not see things in terms of right and wrong. But more colors or at least shades of grey. Men mostly start the wars and march to drums. Women are more about healing, communication and compromise. Sometimes you meet women who like to abuse power like men but no usually.
  • Omega – Every Alpha man needs their omega. Alpha men go out and find your Omega point and stop wallowing in unfulfilling self-love.
  • Psychologists – I am not a big believer in having your girlfriend be your psychologist (not a big believer in this field as that what friends are for.  But golly ghee it is so nice to have a wife listen when life beats you down. Women are supportive or at least good ones are.
  • Quest –  Every knight has a mission or else he is nothing more than a silly man with heavy clothes. He must win a girl.
  • Replication – Self replication is impossible without women. Unless you want your seed wiped from this earth, find a woman.
  • Sensual – when you stop caring about this aspect of love you are all dried up and just a puff of dust will fire from you cannon. Sensuality is what keeps you full of vitality and life and a sparkle in your eye. Find a woman you are attracted to physically. S- Smile – with a woman’s smile your feel great.
  • Trust – In a foreigner country if you need directions or help as a woman. Often guys will try to scam you. Not common in women unless they are really twisted.
  • Under estimated – Women can do anything they set their minds to.
  • Vessel of culture – It is women who transmit culture from one generation to the next. This includes religion and values. This is why it is so important you marry a girl with strong ideals or they will transmit tattoos and promiscuity to your offspring.
  • Weak – Girls are like this. The create a castle to hide in an defend. They give guys such hard times during the dating process. But once a guy can rescue the girl after storming their castle and fighting off their legions of trolls they send after you, they surrender.  Weaknesses and giving into the basic drives is what makes life so fun. Sure they put up great resistance but like Shakespeare said ‘ because she is a woman she can be won’. Women are weak and give into pleasure and desire. Is that not great? However, society also has a responsibility to protect girls before marriage. This is why there were chastity belts and strict religious laws to protect a girls. You might think this sounds medieval (and it is hard) but young women must be guided and protected as there are so many bad guys out there today ready to influence and corrupt angels of goodness (women).
  • X-ray – They make you order the x-ray vision glasses out of the back of a superman comic book.
  • Yell – they have emotions. Thy yell and scream and cry and laugh. It adds a little spice to or left brain lives.
  • Zoo – They like to do things like go to the zoo and hold hand. Guys alone would not do such things. Holding hands at the zoo with your sweetheart is one of the best things there is in life.Let me know why you love women. This was a little lighthearted and really man’s relationship with woman is divine and spiritual, however, I had to start somewhere. Please add to this list with a comment below.
Categories
Romanticism

Are marrried people happy

Who are the happiest people on the planet earth? Married people in traditional monogamous relationships are the happiest. This is a fact. How do I know? I do taxes. Taxes? Yep Taxes. By the end of this post I will give you at simple formula for martial happiness, full proof, and an argument for why married people are the happiest people on earth based on my life experience.

Let me explain. One of the hats I wear is I prepare taxes for people in the spring, I also was a financial advisor for years. During financial disclosure interviews, I have seen hundreds if not thousands of people describe their life situation for me. Couples sitting in front of me confidentially bearing their souls. I might know more about your neighbor than you do, because they have to tell me things they would not tell others.

I have to do due diligence and the questions who, what, where, why, how and when. Without exception I can say really the only happy smiling easy-going people are married couples with a family. Yes often times they look stressed but they do look universally happy. Think of the movie “Family Man” with Nicolas Cage.

Filing status and relationship happiness

Divorce couples – I do sometimes see single people who are somewhat happy but not totally and for some reason say something bitter about their ‘ex’ almost without exception.

Single mothers are the least happy and struggle to survive, single fathers are usually slightly bitter. But divorced and single moms are the ones that struggle the most and I really feel bad for them. I know a number on anti-depressant. Any mother who has to do it all is pushed to the limits. They are also easy targets for player guys who want to call girls and smile at them rather than having a meaningful relationship. It is sad.

Why do people idealise the single life? – They do not understand they idealize youth not being single. Their brains confuse the ideas. Youth, you know the Beach Boys to Emma Watson, not having to worry about the future because you are young and healthy, and life goes on forever. Being young and single different ideas for happiness.

For example, I remember driving down to Key West in College. We sleep behind a Seven 11 and on the beach and went out all night. We lived on cola and chips and a few baloney sandwiches with white bread and yellow mustard wrapped in aluminum foil. They were soggy because my roommate Chris (now a cordial-scordial environmental law partner in D.C.) spilt grape soda on them. This is youth, no worries. However, do not confuse the joy of youth with being single. Two different ideas. But we wanted to meet girls, and we were geeks and did not know how. So we went to the Earnest Hemingway house where the gay tour guy made a pass at my friend. We ended up watching MTV videos of cordial girls at his grandparents house on the way back, to relieve our frustrations. Back then life was great but mostly frustrating because we did not have girlfriends.

All I wanted was to hold a girl’s hand on the beach and her to see me as someone special. Today, I live on an Island and have that everyday with my wife. Do you see my point? Most single people I know have existential unease. In my article about being single, lonely and depressed I detail this.

Being single is not the ideal. The whole point of being single is to find your other half before your time runs out. And time stops for no one, the hour-glass sand is running out for us all. So do not believe writings on that Alpha male stuff, I have been married and single and the former is eons better. The ideal is a happy married relationship. If you do not have this, that is a happy family life – you will be living at a level of low-level of life quality or mild depression, like a low-grade fever. Being single is like living with really slow Internet. It mildly irritates you. You might not even know you are living like this or there could be something better, experience the next level.

Why do you think so many young single people enjoy reading Vampire books and watching TV series on such? It is because they can identify with the theme. These are creatures that live on the edge of society, not belonging to the mainstream. They are lonely beautiful creatures but also dark and sad. Trust me, it is to have a warm loving family and read children’s books or teen books with your child, is more fun than being alone. That ‘I am differenet’ mantra many single people tell themselves gets old.

What is the happiest relationship model:

These are rankings in descending order.

  1. Married with a family
  2. Married with no children
  3. Single
  4. Divorce
  5. Single mothers
  6. Homeless, addicted, lost in the world

You can choose to be at any one of these levels. Life is a choice. Look at my rankings of happiness based on my observations and ask yourself where you want to be.

So you can see the ideal is to get married and stay married. My advice though out this website (look at my side bar under ‘facts about girls’ for more advice about how to find a wife) is find the person of your dreams, not based on money or career, but someone you will be strongly physically attracted to so you do not want anyone else.

A super cordial lady who is slim and leggy or has wide hips or on a basic level you are attracted to.  Then make sure they have good morals, like believe “in only one great love”, and they do not believe in divorce, and see their marriage as something God has joined and may no one on earth break apart. This is a simple formula for martial happiness: super cordial lady plus saintly moral ideals.

Categories
Romanticism

Avoid Women who are Materialistic

I have to give credit to the ladies on this one. I believe in women when it comes to controlling the day-to-day expenses of the house and home. I used to work at PWC one of the big four accounting and audit firms. I was struck by the disproportional number of women in audit. At one point, I actually had ten girls in my department when I was and accounting manager at a Boston insurance company. A whole department of women and me. I did the hiring.  Maybe subconsciously I just like girls or maybe there are just a lot of female accountants in the market. To this day I am not sure which one it was?

My point is, you would think accounting is man’s work, because it is money and business.  Not so, women have a passion for details and this includes tracking the movement of money.  In contrast, when I worked as a stock broker, with rare exception the trading floor was dominated by men. It seems men like money jobs that involve a high risk/reward utility curves.  In contrast women like to be on top, of controlling the flow of money that is.

There is a lesson in all this for dating, avoid women that consider obtaining money and lifestyle though the dating process. The whole key is the word ‘obtaining wealth’.  The verb to obtain, or hunt is a man’s characteristic, while to harmonizes and manage is a female characteristic.

Women focused on getting wealth girls as a side benefit or perk in the dating process have the wires crossed in their brains. They are messed in the head. If a woman is going after money like a man, good for her, but I would not date or marry her. Not that I have a problem with women who pursue money, job, career, just the ones that are sharks and pursue money like a man, or let wealth and success (theirs or his) factor into the dating process. And believe me women do.

I am not talking about out right gold diggers or sugar babies mind you, rather who want love and a nice lifestyle though their choice in mates. I have had many girls tell me this, not in all too may words. I dropped them like a bad habit and let some other fool meet the slack.

I think I not have as much problem dating or marrying a call girl. At least there is some honesty there and I prefer honesty.

Dangerous women to date

On match.com like many online dating sites there is a screen for income as well as a profile

If a woman is focused on obtaining money in the dating process her brain is messed up. I am not talking about ‘working girls’ who do it for other reasons, but I am talking about girls you might meet on match.com or some other dating site or generally in the USA or the UK or anywhere mind you.

For example, this girl in Boston who was a PhD in psychology told me right out her friends will go on a date with a guy if they want to try a new nice expensive restaurant. Another one wanted to know my net worth before I date her and yet another my income. Most women size you up in a more subtle way.The worst thing is they do not even think there is anything wrong with it. They are sick.

  • Read my lips, if you want love tell women you are poor.

I have written about this before on a few of my women and money  and girls money and  careers posts. Women who are looking for a good man with a good job or career or income are not looking for anything else than a meal ticket. Women who seek love and money are not women.  There is even a website seekingarrangement.com which outlines such arrangements in a non-direct way. I think it is wrong and do not recommend it.

Where to look for love not based on money

You want to find a girl who does not date for money, try areas where faith is strong, this includes parts of the south in the USA, or Poland, or Western Ukraine or Romania or India or Pakistan. Not Boston, MA for example, maybe there are nice girls there but few and far between. My simple answer for girls who date for money, take the UK and the USA off your dating search locations, off your radar and find your real one and only true love  somewhere else. If you need ideas or recommendations or have had a similar experience just ask with a comment.

Categories
Romanticism

Want love? Tell your date you are poor with no career

Careers and dating

That is right, do not ever bring up money or career during dating. If she asks about your job or education, avoid it or say “I can not tell you’.  Or better yet, tell her you are poor. This is one of the best piece of dating advice I can give you.

Women like career guys like men like career girls. – My wife

Why do men perpetuate this misconception among themselves that women go for money? I personally acquit myself with women that care if their man is sincere and authentic, however, women that care about money, not the type you want to marry or be around.

Guys think they need to put it out there that they have a career, education or a job or money. Often in the dating process the girl knows your education and job in the first few weeks of dating. That is nuts!

If you open up the conversation about your job while dating, that is a dangerous game you play.

  • You will turn girls off by sending them the message ‘I am trying to impress you with this”.
  • It gives them the opportunity to categories you and opens the door for you to be a ‘meal ticket’.
  • Who gives a deuce if ‘you good caveman and bring home meat’.  Many unhappy marriages, divorces and low-life guys are good providers for their homes, but hopeless fathers and rigid and judgmental husbands. Often couples in good provider marriages see a lack of patience and compassion between the spouses. In contrast, look at the Amish, many communities have little material wealth, yet they have happy marriages based on faith and understanding. Yet,  on the other hand, in Manhattan I think there are quite a few unhappily married corporate lawyers. Open your eyes to see the reality of this world.

Money is the most overvalued asset in our society. – Mark Biernat

Money is not the root of all evil at all. I am an unrepentant capitalist. I just suggest it plays no role in a healthy loving relationship, and need not be discussed. Money and careers is a dirty distasteful subject Romeo and Juliet would not talk about.

The second you introduce it into a relationship, the dynamic changes. You no longer are seen as ‘Mark or Allan’ but also as a ‘accountant’ , ‘lawyer’. ‘ IT consultant’ or a PhD.

Who wants to marry a workaholic guy? What wife wants to know her little place, bored at home all day, while the man is away from the home ten hours a day at the office and with couple hours in a commute? Sure if you need money I understand but a lifetime of this gets old fast. Is that love?

When did I talk about career in my relationship?
I recommend you do not talk about anything like that. My wife and I did not get into know about the other persons education and career until about a year after knowing each other. It was not important but a year later causally came up in conversation when I was applying for something.

Yes do not talk money or career or education with a girl, ever. Not ever, do you get it? Avoid all references to such and if it comes up downplay it. Tell her you are poor. Tell girls you have no money.

I know this advice is hard-core, but I can guarantee the girl who sticks around after she hears that you have nothing going in terms of money or career truly loves you. She is not one of the hyper consumptive vampire girl who will ing your life energy from you.

In fact, I would recommend that you put it out there you have no money and no career.  I always had the most dates when I was unemployed and living in my parent’s basement. I did not tell my wife I had any career or money, she knew I lived in a 190 square foot apartment and washed my clothes in the shower. She did not care. We now live on a foofy island off the coast of  St. Augustine, Florida in high standard, but the point is who cares about money?

Money, dating and wealth
Everything you have is a gift from God anyway. Do not be impressed with your position in life. Your wealth and intellect is nothing more than a gift. And the more that is given means more will be expected. That goes for dating too by the way. The second you mention your job, the girl will have expectations.

Do you think it is a virtue that someone has an unearned windfall. I think it is lucky but not anything to do with character. Build the house of your relationships on stone not sand.

  • Oh and by the way, divorce lawyers are scum and prenuptial agreements are for those with limp (insert noun).

Why people often pursue careers and over relationships
Unless you really like what you do, many times career is what we do because we were taught by our parents to be good little bees in the hive. Life is short and love is the most important thing in life and the meaning of life. Why would you spend such an inordinate amount of time working in the hive?

Yes there are fun things to do in life connected with job. For example, one person I know does voice overs, another is a programmer. They do it because they love their job. There is nothing wrong with that. It is a fun way to make money for them. But they do not marry their job, they marry their spouses.

Find the girl or guy that cares about love and destiny and God will reward you. Work on building a heart of compassion in your relationship. Do not give a deuce about your boss or career, unless it is something you think the big boss up there is calling you to do.

make ourselves indifferent to all created things… so that, on our part, we want not, riches rather than poverty, honor rather than dishonor – Ignatius of Loyola, St (1522)

Categories
Romanticism

Moody girls – Why women have mood swings?

I have two sisters, a mother, a wife and a daughter. I know a little about women and emotions. The female mind is like the ocean, it brings peace and tranquility or storms which make the strongest flee.

Why do women get angry and have moods?

I think it is connected with hormones. Hormones are nothing more than motivator. They encourage a person  to act certain ways.  A person can act on these or not based on free will.  Stress hormones which bring out latent weaknesses in a persons tendency to be depressive or confrontational can be exacerbated by coffee, sugar, lack of vitamins, alcohol, lack of sleep, lack of exercises, lack of mental stops in place etc.

  • In most cases, the moody girls I have met almost all universally consume coffee and sugar lifts daily. When women are pregnant hormones can spike also. If a girl has a genetic tendency towards depression or aggression this is manifest more easily under certain circumstances.
  • Magnesium in my personal experience calms my moods and the moods of others around me.

Women because of their sensitive natures tend to internalize and dwell in their despair while men are more easy-going. Psychologically women see he world differently and react different. I also think they tend to be more depressive.

Do I have women all figured out?

No way Jose, not even close, nor will I ever. However, with some experience accrued in my 48 turbulent years of life, I have come to realizes certain things. The most important is be courageous in your patience and compassion. Be the fool.

What about men and moods?

Men have their own problems no doubt, equal to women. We tend to be workaholics, pleasure-seeking (drink, games of chance, girls), over rational and not see the complex stratification of reality around us. But the purpose of this is to explain why women get angry and what to do about it as a man in a relationship.

Advice to men who are dating or married to a moody girl

  • It is really simple and this has to be understood.  Do not make it worse. In the heat of the argument or when there is tension in the air, even if you are 100% right and your wife or girlfriend is basically crazy in the moment, so what. Just you try to be light and breezy and try to listen and hear what she is saying. Be yin not yang.
  • Even if every strategy you have, to make this better, is not working, just be patient and understand like a storm at sea, this will also pass. The main thing is to make sure there is a not regrettable exchanges of words.
  • Buy her flowers, chocolate or a cupcake or something small to show her that you care and sincerely say you are sorry, even if it is not your fault. Being wise is about being the fool.
    If the anger storm lasts longer than an impulsive outburst, just give it time, lots of time and do other things in your life. I play chess online for example. If she is not ready to talk do not push the issue. Women operate different then men.

Women are from Venus – not

This is not another men are from Mars and women are from Venus article. I do not believe that, really. It is more an acceptance therapy post. Acceptance and how deep you can go into acceptance is probably the most important determine criteria for relationship success.
It is no coincidence that I also think this is a pillar of authentic spirituality. That is a spiritual centered on ‘being’ more than ‘believing’, on ‘acceptance’ more than ‘judgment’.

What if you’re not married and your girlfriend has no ideals?

Do not do the above with just any girl. A girl you care about should have already stood the test of time as someone whom you want to spend time with and can tolerate and accept. If you are dating some materialistic self-centered, egotistical girl, who never says she is sorry and tries to control and rule you, drop her like a bad habit and find another girl to date that same week so you do not go back.

If you are married and you think your girl is like this, most likely she is not. You would not have married such as girl. Try to think back when you two first met and how it was. Chances are you are just getting upset too often because of life stresses.

Do not make a mountain out of a mole hill

So you flipped out, so what we all do. Do not make an argument a drama series.

Life stress factors

Take a simple online stress test for life factors and determine which factors might be subconsciously affecting you.
Did you just move or is work a factor?

What was Yoda’s advice?

‘Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to the dark side’.
What are you afraid of? Loss of money, the fact you can not do it all? Analysis your fears and this is often the source of your anger. Do not go to the dark side and get all negative. Ask God to help you.

What if you are the girl?

  • Read as many books as you can on spiritual ideas, anger management, nutrients, and try to become aware of why you get so angry. I personally think it is nothing more than hormones but still, if you read books like this it helps you be aware and  float by the storms without having to make it a tragedy. Some books that are good are anything by Claire Weekes. Get a cheap used copy, she writes on nervous suffering and peace for your nerves,  but I think they are good books and at the point of anger you can use the same technique to ‘float’ past the situation.  This could be the one take away from this post, but it is a good one. Women are naturally good. It is all about keeping warm, peaceful and secure and low stress to keep your ups and down under control.
  • Try no coffee and sugar and add vitamins and minerals like magnesium. No wine at night etc. I have seen the effects of a little drink on people my whole life. Read up on vitamins and educate yourself.

Are any arguments or moods important?

I do not think any arguments are really that important. I can not think of one life situation that is really worth sticking your feet in the ground and becoming entrenched about. If anyone has one please let me know. I think most ups and downs in long terms serious relationships are about stress and hormones and people reacting to this.
Thank you for reading my post on moody girls and let me know if you have any questions.

Categories
Romanticism

My dream girl

My ideal girl and the girl of your dreams

My dream girl is one whose virtue and beauty are in sync.

Ideal girl and looks
I did not have too many preconceived notions about how my girl should look like. I guess I had some physical preferences such as long dark hair, be thin, tall, I like blue or green eyes, predominate facial features (nose), round butt and long legs. OK maybe I did have preconceived notions. Normal guy stuff. This is what I find attractive on a girl.

I took a girls approach to finding a mate. This approach is ‘find someone you think is cordial and try to make it work’. Lucky for me, the person who I thought was out of this world physically was one in the same with my one and only.

dream women and the meaning of life
The one thing I was hopeful for was that my one and only was a person of faith.  Why was that important to me? Because the world is crazy now days. There is temptation to do bad things and get lost and lose yourself in this world.  I see many couples destroy their lives with arguments over money, career, having no time to de-stress, people cheating. I think the one thing that can help you is when both people are people of faith. I personally have met all kinds of women in this would and if they did not have ideals or an awareness I could not find much sweetness in them. There are many lost souls in this world and just because a girl is cordial does not mean you want to make a life with them.

Get real what is life about? We are here on this earth only for a short time. Life is about caring for our eternal souls not some superficial fleeting moment of happiness by having a trophy wife or a nice lifestyle. You do not want a woman who will weaken your faith and jeopardizes your eternal soul.

Now do not get me wrong you can marry a model looking girl. However, as long as she has her mind upward on loving God. Would someone please explain to me why guys do not consider this in the dating and mate selection process?  Why would you not want a girl with ideals about love and God and family?  It is the most important thing. Anyone explain this to me?

Humility and girls
Why do guys settle for women who are angry at men, or no humility or faith in God above? Why do women act like such prima dona’s or intimacy is nothing special. If you break up with one guy they will find a replacement in a few weeks. Why would you not want a girl who is good in her heart?

Society today is all about self-esteem.  And this is a good quality but only with self-criticism or awareness can you see your own rough spots and want to change them. I would prefer a girl who debases herself than is walking around like a puffed up and ready to prove you wrong.

Yeah that is all I want is a bunch of girls walking around encouraging each other to be ‘strong women’. Translation to try to one up men.

Women and emotions
All women have mood swings, but I have no major problem with this. It has to do with hormones. Some are worse than others, I tend to think coffee drinkers (I love coffee,for example Godiva Hazelnut Creme)  have more because of low magnesium and other micronutrients are excreted to a higher degree. In contrast, men at their worst tend towards self-destructive behavior, drinking, games of chance, cheating, sloth, pig headedness; while, women at the worst tend towards moods, vanity and control. Mood swings in woman is not a problem. It has nothing to do with anything.

But there is nothing wrong with moody girls. Moody girls are fine as long as they are aware of this. We as men should also be aware of this and just be supportive and ride out storms.  I have always said moody girls tend to be the cordialtest.

I think women are moody because their juices are flowing.  Old ladies are sweet and no not moody as they have not juice. We as men can help them with this by creating a peaceful environment and really just learn to be calm and ride it out. Girls can read books on anger control. But moody women have nothing to do with anything. I have no problem with moody girls.

Girls and money
Money and love are two different ideas. I have a master’s in Economics from Trinity and give great thought to economic issues.

You know what, wealth and money is all relative and subjective after a certain level of substance is achieved. When I lived in Poland in a 180 square foot apartment eating potatoes everyday, I was just as happy as when I was pulling over 10,000 dollars a month in income living in Beacon Hill Boston being a sushi consumer.

Some how people get ideas about money and love and intermingle them, this is sick. Money has nothing to do with love unless you are looking for a sponsor. Its called being a call girl.

I with my family live on a tropical island off the coast of Florida on the beach in a luxury condo. In this foofy paradise our fixed cost under a thousand dollars a month. We go to the Library several times a week and go fishing, surfing, biking and live a wonderful life. I am a smart guy and could spend more but life is not about that.  We live a good life.  Find a girl who has no expectations about wealth and income. She will be your best choice.

Do you need a time machine to find your ideal date?
It amazes me how many people have told me they feel as though they were born in the wrong century. They are looking for this ideal girl from someone out of the Middle Ages or Jane Austen. I hear this over and over again. Well the good news is you do not need a time machine to find such a girl. They are everywhere.

I guess my question is what is your dream girls?

Categories
Romanticism

10 girls to avoid marrying

Ten women not to marrying

I tell it like it is. Below is a list of ten girls you do not want to marry under any circumstance. Do not walk, but run away from them and hide. Look, I know how it is out there, you want to have a beautiful queeny, but you just meet and date base women. In fact, almost every American girl I have ever met had several of these characteristic.

My message is if  they have even one of the following characteristics, drop them like a bad habit and avoid further contact. They are dangerous.  Why put your life in danger?

You need to rescue a princess not negotiate love. For example, my friends have dated girls who wanted to go to couples counseling before marriage. Yeah right. The girl you marry needs to  be so wowed and in awe of you that,  her heart skips a beat when you come into the room. This is the girl you marry, not the following:

  1. Girls that believe in divorce. Did you know that in the UK in a survey of lawyers in 2004 93% of the people who file for divorce are the woman? In the USA I have read it is 90% among college educated women and 60% with non-college educated women. This is not a statement about women of course, I love women. However in Western materialistic society the flight factor is too high a risk to get married to some whacked out female who has issues.  It is much better not to get married if you will be held hostage by the fact they might just walk out on you from a marriage like it is some high school relationship. Yes after they walk out on you they will have their cry. Also when it is over and their war party with other girls to bad mouth you and say how bad you are, and then find some other fool guy to into their life drama. If a girl believes in divorce then it will happen. That is why only 51% of adults in the USA are married (all time low) and single mother or multi parent homes our now the norm over two parent homes. Read my lips, do not marry a girl who says anything other than she will be with you all the days of her life. Humans are full of emotions. I have ups and downs all day long and emotions and the dark side clouds the decision-making process. That is why you need ideals to guide you rather than a knee jerk reaction.  Love is patience. Love is understanding.
  2. Girls that make you their last chance guy – These want to make your their last chance guy. I know countless girls in the 30s that went to school, even graduate school and are now looking for a man. Now in their life plan they want to get married and have a child.  You are an aspect of their life, not their whole life. You fit into their life plan. It is not love without limits, but you are a well thought out component of their life.
  3. Girls that are into girls night out – Yes even after marriage, they will continue to have ‘girls night out’ where they check out other guys and giggle. I was in Pilates class the other day and these married women were talking about that and I was thinking I would not want to be these girl’s husband. I mean, I have zero desire to go out with the guys like I was single. I do not know why, maybe I just love being with my family and call me a this or that. But a nights out are like college frat mentality. Nothing is more exciting for me than to be with my family.
  4. Girls that have conditions – This group of girls are actually the least offensive as they simply have misconstrued notions about what love is.  These are conditional lovers. They want their man to have dark hair or be a certain age or have these money or a career to a certain level. Sure we all have preference  notions in mate selection. I am happy that my wife is a brunette for example. You have every right to marry the person that does it for you, but do not let the love of your life pass you by because of some silly preconceived notion of the way your mate should look like or be. The word ‘should’ sounds a little like the word’ sh__t’ (sorry). There are no shoulds in life and no rules. Girls that have all kinds of fears and preconceived notions either need to be rescued or cast back into the pond.
  5. Girls that believe in love and money – No money no problem. Like the beatles song goes ‘all you need is love’. Money is an opposite of love. Many girls tell me that they want to marry a man for love and money. I call this a call girl. I mean come on, money comes and goes. I know many out of work bankers and in contrast plumbers doing well. If you size a man up based on career path and earning potential you will have a rude awakening when real life happens. And yes life happens.
  6. Girls that resent the idea of humility – Perhaps this point invokes the strongest reaction from women I know. They have the idea that submission or humility is a sign of weakness. I believe, humility is necessary to control ego from running ram pit and destroying everything good in a loving relationship. I am a dude and I submit to my wife like she submits to me. Love is not about ego or a war of the will, it is about giving your life to love.
  7. Women that do not say they are sorry or hold a grudge – Until I met my wife I can could the number of times a woman ever said they are sorry on my left hand. Maybe it is the USA or maybe it is our culture in general. But to admit you are wrong with sincerity and no ‘but’s is a rarity. I make mistakes all day and play chess with up. I have no problem admitting this and saying with all sincerity I was wrong, with no ‘ifs’, ‘ands’ or ‘buts’ about it. For some reason my friends do not date women who apologies, rather it is a war of the wills. This might be stimulating during the dating process, but no one wants to live in a constant state of war. Only fools fight in a burning house. Life is hard and the general idea is unity, not competition.
  8. Career girls –  I do not think career girls are bad. I could marry a career girl. What I do mind is when they do not realize what it means to be a women. Being a woman means you have to protect and care for an innocent child, not service your boss at work.
  9. Girls that talk about their past boyfriends or compare you to others –  ‘My past boyfriend was so smart or rich or something’. Why are you not with him then? ‘We had something special and it was between him and me’  – Super I suggest you go find him. ‘You know how intense love feels when you are young, it’s not the same.’ Know I do not know.  I would drop that type of girl without even an explanation. Cut your losses and move on.
  10. Girls who have been there and done that – These girls think they are so smart because they have experienced all the good things money can buy. Nothing you can do for them would impress them. Move on.

Why not be a chooser in your relationship, rather than a compromiser or a settler. Why not marry a model who things you are amazing and will be loyal to you and cook and is supportive and warm to be around? Or whatever your conception of a princess is. For me my wife and I are of the same faith and see the world in the same way. I never meet anyone like her before.

I can recommend a few of my other posts that deal with the question of marriage:

Do you not believe we are part divine? Then why do you date girls who are less than worthy of your love? Why settle for something less than divine in love and marriage? If you think you can not find true love in your own country I highly recommend you look beyond the girl next door. Why not consider a lady friend from India or Russia or Poland to find someone? What is so wrong with a cordial South American wife?  What does it matter if your one and only does not have a blue passport? You need to get real about your dating life by watching out for these red flags in dating.

Ask me if you have any questions, I can help you find a wife.

Categories
Romanticism

Lose weight after Pregnancy

How to lose weight after you are pregnant

Being pregnant is one of the best times of your life. Besides the obvious, that you are bringing the miracle of life in this world, there are some less important but satisfying aspects of being pregnant. One is you are exempt from worrying about your shape. Or at least you should be, although many girls do worry about what will happen to their body. You must not worry about weight during pregnancy.

You have to stop obsessing about what your body looks like and what it will be. You must focus on the child and take vitamins and DHA have the protein required to grow a baby and a lot of quality calories as recommended by your doctor. Read about prenatal DHA, I think this helps with the child’s brain development, as does classical music.

Read about adequate iodine intake.

This is the one time when you have to not worry about your appearance. Once you have your child and are done with breastfeeding in a year or two. Then you can hit the gym or freeze the fat off. But focus on the baby and your husband will be happy.

I am a father and this is the real perspective. I do not care about weight during child bearing years.

During pregnancy you can eat largely on the instinct principle – That is eat what your body is craving for and not worry about your shape. Many a vegans start to eat red meat. It is like a get out of jail free card. You are free from judgement. You can do almost anything you want and people will smile and be charmed by you. The good news is men instinctively are at some level attracted to pregnant and breastfeeding women no matter what they look like. You can cut your hair short, or totally pork out be slightly erratic emotionally, yet men will be still smiling at you with starts in their eyes. Its nature. However, this post is for those one year after their pregnancy and want to shape up.  If you have not had your baby yet, do not even consider your shape, look at the hots of my wife below, she bouced back with ease, she was huge and in her 30s. Do not worry until your baby is like a year old and healthy.

Chart on how many calories the average person consumes per day in some countries. I left out more extreme examples as they would not fit on the graph. But you can see Americans consume like 1,000 more calories a day than some European countries. 1,000 calories a day more. Maybe that is why we are so obese not big bone. It is because most Americans do not educated themselves on nutrients. There is a lot more to it than simply calories.

I myself a man even gained weight when my wife was pregnant. She was eating so why not me. Maybe it was out of subconscious sympathy. In fact, some men where these sympathy baby bumps, which I think is a little flake. I even have heard some men trying to get their breast to produce milk, again for me outside the realm of what I would do, but you get the point.

I think it has something to do with our evolutionary programming, that is us guys all have a soft spot for pregnant women, as they are the ones that keep the human race going. It is deeply encoded in our genes to be enchanted by pregnant women and breast-feeding women. So for 9 months and about a year or more after giving birth, women are exempt from all the worries about body image and being anything other than the best mother possible for the little miracle of God that is dependent 100% on them.

Two American mothers with kids in my area. Not exactly like portrayed in the series  TV series Parenthood. Americans eat too much according to the CDC.

When to shape up after Pregnancy

However, after the child is born and breast-feeding is over I would recommend you focus on shaping up. Some girls start right after the child is born but remember they are depending on you for their food supply. You want to make sure it is nutrient dense with essential fatty acids and all of what they need so my wife and I set the goal after breastfeeding. Your shape will start coming back before that of course. In fact, a common fear for girls during pregnancy is looking at their body and are wondering what is going on here.

My wife right after the birth of our child. My wife focused on super nutrition and worked with the doctor to make sure her diet and vitamins were optimal for the baby during and after pregnancy. During Pregnancy she was huge, like Jabba the hut, but after breast-feeding her body bounced right back. My message is do not worry. focus on your baby then a year later shape up.

Will my body ever be the same? My answer is maybe better because your body has been bathed in hormones that have healthy and protective properties. Everyone knows pregnancy decreases the risks of a score of major diseases.

It is a crazy think to be human. And one of the usual things about being human is, despite the fact we are so advanced intellectually, we are still mammals, we have hair on our body, have emotional swings and we carry our developing child inside of us for quite a long time then we feed the child with human milk. For the female of our species to do this it is a radical experience.

An artsyphotoof my wife today

I know I write a lot of crazy things on this website but that is about dating. However, I have an infinite respect for women. I sincerely do and I am grateful to every one of you.

The purpose of this post is to give women who want to lose weight after pregnancy some ideas on how to make this less of a challenge.

What all diet and fitness books say

I recommend people self educate themselves on nutrition by reading everything they can. However, the problem with weight loss information is there is so much general guidelines out there. I used to work in a bookstore for many years and all those late nights at the information desk I read them all. They all said basically the same thing, move more and eat less. There was a diet for everyone, ranging from the chocolate diet to the Neanderthal diet. The question remains is how do you really lose weight after pregnancy and feeding are over?

First rule is relax. Most of the weight will naturally somehow come off. The female body is designed this way, to rebound after pregnancy. Most of the weight you put on is fluid and the child and protective corpulent. It will come off. You should not think about weight loss during pregnancy at all. Get it out of your mind. It will come off. Take it easy while you are pregnant. Many women have to lay down for six months. Be a hero and put your child first.

It is all about habits. If you have healthy habits but not obsesses about it your child will develop healthy habits. The main things is not to be extreme or obsess over it.

The problem is a lot of women simply continue their eating habit a year after giving birth. They pack themselves and lay around like when they are pregnant. If they started to do their normal routine, the weight will come off real fast. All the women in my family experienced this and my friends also. My wife had this experience also.

A body in motion stays in motion. A body at rest stays at rest. – Physical law.

A multi prong attack to lose weight after pregnancy:

  • Yoga for weightless after pregnancy – The reason I am a fan of yoga for weightless is shedding pounds is not only a calorie in calorie out equation. It is a hormonal issue. Hormones are chemical messengers. Yoga stimulates hormones and glands and orchestrates your body back into balance. It can range from easy peasy Hatha yoga or Ashtanga variations of yoga that the biggest muscle heads in the gym would find challenging. There is also a great emphasis on balance. When you learn balance on the mat, your life often becomes more balanced including eating. Fat is not the enemy, nor is food. What is the problems is when something is out of harmony in your life and yoga teaches you to gently bring it back in.
  • Eat what your baby eats diet– sure once you re off breastfeeding if you eat similar to your baby, a little portion of rice and baby carrots and non-fried ladyen or fresh fish, bananas and bread rolls. Plan and read about what is healthy for a small child nutrient wise and how it should be non greasy as their little livers can not take too much , yet also containing the corpulent they need. Educate yourself on child’s nutrient and you will lose weight. What your baby eats you eat, maybe more of course but the general idea. You do not have to cook twice, just twice as much. It is a way of showing solidarity with your baby. Simple, non greasy plain food in smaller portions. You will lose weight one this.
  • Chicken soup diet – ‘One good meal a day is all you need’ – this is what an old surgeon told me. Basically a multi vitamin and a one good meal a day. The ladyen soup diet is similar to the idea of eat what your baby eats and based on the ideas that you need to increase liquids when dieting. Most people are living a life in front of the computer and eating three meals a day and snacks and drinks. They over-estimate what they need to live and do not drink enough water. The human body needs basic macro nutrients like protein and essential corpulentty acids but besides that not a lot. I see women packing 2,500 calories a day. I do not even do that and I am an active guy. As a disclaimer I am not giving advice and talk to your doctor or a nutritionist if you need to, but really research caloric intake needs in different countries. I know in Eastern Europe where I am from girls are thin and beautiful because they do not have a lot of extra money to chow down. Maybe hey buy a carrots and celery to make soup with and that is it and add some ladyen parts for broth. My wife makes ladyen soup almost everyday and this is the center of our diet. I do not know too many healthy problems associated with homemade ladyen soup. However, I see a lot of girls drinking soda and eating processed foods and wondering why they can not lose weight.

You can approach this anyway you want. It is your choice. The above methods are just ideas.

I have also written a few posts on weight loss:

They are worth looking at.

Yet more ideas on losing weight after your pregnancy

If you go to the gym and build muscles and metaphorically your engine is bigger and your body burns more gasoline.

You could walk one hour a day really fast. This is pretty easy to.

If you can not leave your home because of your child, try dancing at home for an hour. Turn on the music you like or start a YouTube play list and dance. It might feel silly but it is more efficient than going to the gym as you do not have commute time.

Walking, yoga, Pilates, cycling, stepper, jogging, weight training it’s all gold. I like natural exercises like yoga which use your own body and mind to elongate your muscles.

Starving yourself to be thin

Hold your horses I do not literally mean starving yourself. However, if you starve yourself a bit with rational calorie restriction (read up on life extension and calorie restriction, works by Dr. Walford M.D.

For a ripped body focus on body corpulent not endless abs. Even if you do nor work out your muscles come out and you will have washboard abs almost naturally. Abs is more a body corpulent percentage problem than a lack of definition problem. I have seem women who do not work their abs in Eastern Europe who are skinny and look like they go the gym because of their washboard abs. They just do not eat much. The problem with starving yourself you need to make sure your body does not cannibalism important organs like the brain for energy to run itself. So if you are really serious about going the calorie restriction rout talk to a nutritionist as an appointment is only like 30 dollars in most cases.

Eastern European girls look like models – By the way Eastern European girls do not starve themselves. Models often in my ind are crazy with how they deny themselves. I am not talking about this. The girls in Eastern Europe I know eat normal, but normal is relative. Look at the chat below of different countries average caloric intake.

I also think diet clubs work, if you want to go that way.

Depression after pregnancy

After you give birth often it is like you lose all your juice. You hormones deflate so radically you feel flat. Not all girls feel this way so do not psych yourself into believing this will happen so it becomes a self fulling prophecy.

However, giving birth is such a mountain top experience going down the mountain might make you feel blue. To counter this there is a lot you can do, including yoga positions like wheel. You can research this yourself. Just know that like a rainy day this will pass and do not spiral down into emotional eating.

Remember you can take the weight off, do not worry. If the weight is stubborn try visualization. Learn and read about how your mind can shape your body.