Careers and dating
That is right, do not ever bring up money or career during dating. If she asks about your job or education, avoid it or say “I can not tell you’. Or better yet, tell her you are poor. This is one of the best piece of dating advice I can give you.
Women like career guys like men like career girls. – My wife
Why do men perpetuate this misconception among themselves that women go for money? I personally acquit myself with women that care if their man is sincere and authentic, however, women that care about money, not the type you want to marry or be around.
Guys think they need to put it out there that they have a career, education or a job or money. Often in the dating process the girl knows your education and job in the first few weeks of dating. That is nuts!
If you open up the conversation about your job while dating, that is a dangerous game you play.
- You will turn girls off by sending them the message ‘I am trying to impress you with this”.
- It gives them the opportunity to categories you and opens the door for you to be a ‘meal ticket’.
- Who gives a deuce if ‘you good caveman and bring home meat’. Many unhappy marriages, divorces and low-life guys are good providers for their homes, but hopeless fathers and rigid and judgmental husbands. Often couples in good provider marriages see a lack of patience and compassion between the spouses. In contrast, look at the Amish, many communities have little material wealth, yet they have happy marriages based on faith and understanding. Yet, on the other hand, in Manhattan I think there are quite a few unhappily married corporate lawyers. Open your eyes to see the reality of this world.
Money is the most overvalued asset in our society. – Mark Biernat
Money is not the root of all evil at all. I am an unrepentant capitalist. I just suggest it plays no role in a healthy loving relationship, and need not be discussed. Money and careers is a dirty distasteful subject Romeo and Juliet would not talk about.
The second you introduce it into a relationship, the dynamic changes. You no longer are seen as ‘Mark or Allan’ but also as a ‘accountant’ , ‘lawyer’. ‘ IT consultant’ or a PhD.
Who wants to marry a workaholic guy? What wife wants to know her little place, bored at home all day, while the man is away from the home ten hours a day at the office and with couple hours in a commute? Sure if you need money I understand but a lifetime of this gets old fast. Is that love?
When did I talk about career in my relationship?
I recommend you do not talk about anything like that. My wife and I did not get into know about the other persons education and career until about a year after knowing each other. It was not important but a year later causally came up in conversation when I was applying for something.
Yes do not talk money or career or education with a girl, ever. Not ever, do you get it? Avoid all references to such and if it comes up downplay it. Tell her you are poor. Tell girls you have no money.
I know this advice is hard-core, but I can guarantee the girl who sticks around after she hears that you have nothing going in terms of money or career truly loves you. She is not one of the hyper consumptive vampire girl who will ing your life energy from you.
In fact, I would recommend that you put it out there you have no money and no career. I always had the most dates when I was unemployed and living in my parent’s basement. I did not tell my wife I had any career or money, she knew I lived in a 190 square foot apartment and washed my clothes in the shower. She did not care. We now live on a foofy island off the coast of St. Augustine, Florida in high standard, but the point is who cares about money?
Money, dating and wealth
Everything you have is a gift from God anyway. Do not be impressed with your position in life. Your wealth and intellect is nothing more than a gift. And the more that is given means more will be expected. That goes for dating too by the way. The second you mention your job, the girl will have expectations.
Do you think it is a virtue that someone has an unearned windfall. I think it is lucky but not anything to do with character. Build the house of your relationships on stone not sand.
- Oh and by the way, divorce lawyers are scum and prenuptial agreements are for those with limp (insert noun).
Why people often pursue careers and over relationships
Unless you really like what you do, many times career is what we do because we were taught by our parents to be good little bees in the hive. Life is short and love is the most important thing in life and the meaning of life. Why would you spend such an inordinate amount of time working in the hive?
Yes there are fun things to do in life connected with job. For example, one person I know does voice overs, another is a programmer. They do it because they love their job. There is nothing wrong with that. It is a fun way to make money for them. But they do not marry their job, they marry their spouses.
Find the girl or guy that cares about love and destiny and God will reward you. Work on building a heart of compassion in your relationship. Do not give a deuce about your boss or career, unless it is something you think the big boss up there is calling you to do.
make ourselves indifferent to all created things… so that, on our part, we want not, riches rather than poverty, honor rather than dishonor – Ignatius of Loyola, St (1522)
13 thoughts on “Want love? Tell your date you are poor with no career”
Read your article and agree totally. Oh and it cuts both ways. I don’t care how much money you have or how much money you make – and i don’t want you to care about mine either. love me for me!! I’ve been well off and I’ve been poorly. life tends to ebb and flow, there’s give and take. it all evens out in the end if you do things whole heartedly…
“Guys think they need to put it out there that they have a career, education or a job or money.”
This I know because my father taught me from when I was a child to get into college, get that great career and I will be able to provide with a bunch of money. Society backs this up by perpetuating it in the media. Essentially, if I don’t have these things then I am completely worthless and a total failure as a man in this society. If I don’t have that high status job, then what good am I? Such is what goes through the minds of people around me.
The faith of our fathers and the great generation and advice about love and dating
So you were taught to go to school, get a career and you will get the best mate (loyal loving ideal of a nice little wife in the suburbs) for life? Even if not told this out right it is somewhat implied. Most guys were raised this way. But the truth is when I was unemployed I had more dates than I ever did as a high flier in my career. And the truth is many of the women I dated as a businessman were not the ones I would want any man to be in a marriage with. In contrast the girls I dated while I was poor would have made a lot of guys happy if they were husband and wife.
The American economy and careerisms is a train wreck and those who took that train built their houses on sand.
The do not believe the myth that the WWII and after generation was the greatest generation. I think they got us into wars, ran us into debt and now living off the entitlements and looked the other way with things like drinking and racial problems and have a huge premium on being right and an over valuation on material goods. On the other hand they had other positive qualities our generation might not have. I think each generation has their own challenges. I think a man who accepts the values of transmitted by the last generation regarding dating will set themselves up for a sad life.
Similarly women who act on these whistles and bells such as money, career and power will be setting themselves up for disillusionment. We were looking for houses for fun an a rich area this weekend and I was talking to a lady from Eastern Europe and had married a rich American. I asked her if she was happy, her answer was very reserved. In contrast was talking to a two different poor married couples and their answer was an unreserved yes in not so many words.
I am not saying there is an inverse correlation between wealth and marital happiness, however, each person only has so much time and energy in this life because we are moral (except our soul) and if you are pursuing a career and love/marriage is treated as a component of your whole life picture rather than the center, something has to give. You can not cheat life.
So do not be mislead. The advice our fathers was good for self-preservation, however, from dating and mating strategies if you look at the world demographic changes the poor have the children and lover rates of divorce. Just look at India. Self replication is more important than self-preservation for the human race to continue to evolve and develop not to mention your own personal happiness which nature does make synonymous with its own plans.
Yes, I was taught this and I know women in my generation were taught to look for a guy like this too. Their parents taught them that “he better have his life together” or else he isn’t worth your time or the air that he breathes. I would be asked the “what do you do for a living?” question in every conversation that I ever had with a woman. This would happen without fail. Never anything about say what I like to do with my spare time or my interests. I may as well be a robot. Couple this with the sub-conscious hatred that feminism teaches women to have for men at a young age and the result is a nightmarish dating scene for men and women. If I walk up to a woman in public who is by herself and try to say hi, I can sense the paranoid feeling she gets just from my being around her like I am some sort of monster. I know this same problem happens to other men too who have experienced the same thing. The only way to meet someone in such a cliquish environment like the USA is to be introduced to her through whatever friends and family you might have, or sadly, through the rise of PUA techniques (no thanks). All other attempts will fall in futility.
I really appreciate your comments. I like this comment about paranoid feeling. I do not know why that exists. I guess the whole dating dynamic in the USA is so off and almost hopeless. I can not tell you how many single miserable friends of both genders I know. I wish I could somehow put them together. But in the end they would not match as it is the whole person. OK so guys in the USA are players and women are materialistics.
I say abandon ship. Find someone from somewhere else who will love you not based on money or career. ‘What good is it if a person gains the world and loses their soul in the process’?
Good advice which I intend to take, Mark. The ship is indeed sinking, and I don’t want to be on it when it hits bottom. I’m just being honest. You can’t expect to meet a new woman if they are constantly being uptight and paranoid of guys they’ve never met. I have a Ukrainian friend that I work with, and I asked him if he noticed the cliquish bubbles that people keep themselves in after he left Ukraine to come here for work. He said definitely yes and pretty much confirmed the huge social differences from overseas versus the U.S. I will tell you he had a really hard time adjusting to it. The society here is ill and I don’t believe there is any cure for it.
I remember when was in Poland I could walk up to any girl and ask directions, while in the USA, you would get strange vibes like they might run away. These girls where I worked who were the size 14 plus were always talking loudly about being stalked. I do not know maybe they were, but you know I looked at them and thought you have to be kidding. I never heard one Polish or Ukrainian girl in the USA or in Eastern Europe talk like that.
Basically I would with rare exception waste my time thinking about an American girl. There are exceptions of course. But mostly they are like a fine bread of horses, something to be admired for their beauty (rare) in the Platonic or abstract sense, but I certainly do not want to date American girls. Why? The values generally are connected with materialism and feminism.
I am looking for a new apartment to live, and I have talked to 5 real estate ladies and 5 of them have all been divorced. Maybe it is the guys fault as dating in the USA is at fault in general not only a particular gender (I guess). But I am trying to figure out an intelligent way to analysis all this. What might be the root cause? Is it the media, feminism, wealth effect, lack of religious values?
I enjoyed you post, I’m going to try it out, had some money and a job in the past, now I have neither, but happy within myself, I like your comment about building house of relationship on stone not stand. Find your other posts Interesting also, will visit site again to read more.
Well i haven’t been here in a few months. As a poor college student I guess that works for me. I guess it also had to do with men here. My coworker was told by her boss that this guy makes a lot of money and you should date him. I told him straight up all your going to do is end up with idiots if you make your money a reason to date you. Me i curious what they do but could really careless what they make. My job I tend to complain about but emphasis that I love working with the people and that’s what makes it worth it.
To comment on a previous comment on the skiddish behavior I was dead afraid to approach any women here. Even when my self confidence went up I still can’t do it. Only way I have meet people is through friends as was said.
Anyways I’m talking to a wonderful Russian lady now. She is different. Intelligent and really likes to listen to what i have to say. She is also soft spoken. The other qualities i haven’t quite pinned down yet but she is different in a good way. Were the same age and while young were all on the same track.
I know what you mean, Tanner. Most women in western culture give off bad vibes that basically say “stay away.” That makes them impossible to approach, and have a normal conversation with. There are basically only three acceptable ways to meet a girl in this society:
1) through friends
2) through family
3) through online dating
I have no luck with the first two, and the third is basically a catastrophic nightmare for men for many reasons, so I won’t touch it. I’m sure you know the term “breaking the ice” with a girl. Well my question is why does this ice barrier have to be there to begin with? The problem is a sociocultural one that teaches young women to be paranoid of us guys, and it is not with you. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise because they will be wrong. Once you take a look at the big picture, then you will see that the problem was never with you. Soft spoken, intelligent, feminine, low maintenance ladies, such as the Russian lady you are talking to, are the best.
Your last line is brilliant and should echo in the mind of any guy who wants both a happy married life and an exciting life in general. Why guys go for any girl who is not soft-spoken humble girls is beyond me. Girls who are high maintenance and take all they can or think they are so ‘clever’ are a sure recipe for unhappiness.
Meanwhile there are countless girls who are over looked because they prefer not to shine in a base way but rather live their lives of quite desperation. These are the girls you want to connect with, rescue and sweep off their feet. They will appreciate and love you all the days of your life. Not the girls who look good at first glance and have been there done that or aspire to be there and do that.
Like the Bible says, when at a feast position yourself at the lowest point at the banquet table and so when the host see you he will say come join me by my side. You do not want to be the one who takes the seat of honor and is asked to move aside. And so it is with women.
Family and friends are just OK ways of meeting girls as the numbers of connections do not permit enough matches that could be potential for more.
Breaking the ice exists because women have so much at stake (pregnancy and family to care for) if they hook up with a guy so they are careful. Basically is a girl smiles at you and looks you in the eye you are in (after a lot of effort of course). So girls operated on a different level, more subtle.
But in the USA they use this breaking the ice as a power play. They are paranoid (materialistic culture conveys men are the enemy) of guys or standoffish to the nth degree, but the irony is they have no problem hooking up in a club is they have been drinking with a stranger. It is feminism. It twists females ideas of mating and dating so much it is not worth meditating on.
Eastern European are not like this. The game is more win her heart like a knight wins a princess and she is yours to love and marry.
Good article. I agree people should be judged on the content of their character not on how much is in their bank account. Marrying for love should be a priority.
However, it was mentioned that maybe one of reasons why western women are not good to date because they lack religious values. Personally, I do not want to date a girl who is too religious. Dating a woman who is holier then thou would be a turn off. If I have children I want them to know God is loving not a big brother dictator in the sky. Also, I think it is friendshipy if a woman is freethinking on matters of spirituality.
Besides what does one mean by religious values? Which religion? Remember, there is a gazillion religions in the world. In Christianity alone there are many different sects.
The values I look for in a woman as do all human beings are kindness, generosity, and civility. A sense of humor is nice too. 🙂 Just my two cents.
Again, good article.
I am glad you wrote this and it is a complex topic that is a religion of rules vs a religion of acceptance. I think you should be 99% ( we are still human) acceptance but rules are good also or we would be like hippies of the 1960s living in free love communes and sharing partners with everyone.
I think as long as the girl stays with the man and does not cheat this is the only real rule, the same goes for men to. You do not want to have children with a man who is cheating and leaves you high and dry.
So besides that, yes religion is love and acceptance not ruling or a dictator.
Many men think it is about rules. It is not. It is not about suppressing women but liberating them and allowing girls to be fuller expressions of who they are. Religion does not replace humanism but exists with it.
God does not want women to be a slave in kitchen or serving a man. God wants women to be free and equal and actualized herself, however, this also means being a responsible loving wife and mother.
However, as a human, not a religous person, I want my wife to be a good girl and cook me nice meal while I go hunt for food and build shelter (uhhg – caveman grunt).