Being single is lonely

lonely depressed single

All single people are lonely

I do not know why people are afraid to admit this but being single is painfully lonely. You often feel you will never meet anyone.  All single people are lonely, including me before I was married. The purpose of this post is to not only tell you why this is true but give you a real solution, that I think few people give you.

Do not kid yourself and say I enjoy being single.  Sure I know guys that are in their 40s and still going to the pub and tell me they like their freedom. Even guys that are players. However, like in the movie Family man mpst of the confess they wish they were in my shoes, that is married to a cordial young beautiful wife and have a child. A wife who is there for them and really makes them happy. My single friends tell me I am really lucky. I know, I was once single and lonely myself.

Perhaps, you have had a series of misfires in terms of relationships and you feeleven if you find your mate it will be just some variation of someone you dated in the past.  This is the farthest things from the truth. When you meet the person you are suppose to be with it is a radical departure from anything you have ever experienced in the past.

Why give up being single?

  • Lust and other pleasures of the flesh – What are you so puritanical to admit this? When you are married you can have this as much as’ boom boom’ you like. Even if you are an amoral player, you can not have this without a lot of work or guilt. When you are married no problem, no guilt, just marry someone who you think is super cordial and does not hassle you.
  • God wants you to be married – Sure when you are done with you life God will ask what did you do with the gifts that were lent to you? Do you want to say, I selfishly stayed single.
  • It is rewarding to have a wife – Being married is th highest level. No comparison to being single. This is why like 96% of the people eventually marry and even people who divorce get remarried. I do not care if you are a famous actress or something, no one wants to be alone. Most people do not start making real money until they are married by the way, so do not believe this focus on your career mantra.
  • Single people are neurotic – Yes this is basically true. I was, and I think I was pretty normal and together, but when you have a family you are not obessing about your problems. Mating is one of the most instinctive things living beings do, and if you are not doing it you, you start obsessing about it or something else.

Do not believe this new wave thinking abut happy and single. It is not true. Being single is lonely.

Dating in America

One of my friends in Boston Jerzy is single. He has dated countless women, but never found the one. I think it is because he has only dated American women. He is a tall good looking guy with a great job, a house and travels. He just dated American women that treated him bad. Here are some examples of nutcases he dated.

Funny examples of American girls he date online and offline

  • Marry a millionare dating -He dated some girl that would not give him a second date until he revealed his net worth to her.
  • Dating a boss – He dated another girl from who was a dragon. She was an American business women named Michelle in her 30s who was a VP of a large company in the marketing department. Even though he made six figures it was not enough for this VP girl. She did not say it right out but this was what it was. Years latter he looked her up and she is her mid 40s and she never got married and had children. In fact like 8 years latter he noted she was still on This girl was a serial Ms. dater as well as a dragon, looking for someone to control as she like to be the boss.
  • Online mismatch – With online dating he meet a girl that was a doctor, she made some comment that she would only marry another doctor as no one else can understand the importance of her job.
  • The flakey date -He tried again and while he was waiting at Starbucks to meet her, he saw a women in the back of a cab look at him and then wave the cab driver to drive on.
  • The spoiled American girl – He was dating a girl who was a professor at Harvard. He thought this girl must be reasonable as to achieve this position in life she must have worked hard. The one was so pampered, she would take a cab to go a few blocks down to the corner store, in fact everywhere. The subway or walking was not an option.
  • Therapy for couples – Another girl on the third date suggested they go to couples therapy.
  • Speed dating – He actually considered 8 minute dating, which is another story.

Basically he has scores of stories of his dating misadventures. Most of the women if they did not like him would not ever give him a s The bottom line is he is lonely. He comes home every night to an empty house. He orders some Chinese food, watches the discovery channel, reads. On the weekend he goes hiking and has some day trips and on the weekend his boss does not call him in. Most days his life is OK but many nights he is painfully lonely and does not feel his sense  in life.

Being single is fine in your twenties

In your 20s it is cool to be a slave to the company and have pet cats and go out with your girlfriends. It is not cool in your 30s. If you are in your 30s you start to see the morality of your life and feel you are missing the boat, your limited window of opportunity.

In your 40s you start to see what a joke careerism is,especially in corporate America. It is cool to be single in your 20s but it gets old fast and most of my friends become painfully lonely who are single. It hurts more than anything and the pain is real. It is like a real physical pain. Especially at night you feel the pain of being single. This is nature pushing you to take action.

The solution to being painfully lonely and single

Understand the world is not America. Understand you do not have to limit yourself. I have meet countless men and women that find their other half when they realizes that all of creation, not just the USA, is where you will find your spouse. Look abroad. Marry a foreign lady friend or groom.

Play to win in life and do not settle. Expanding your search abroad will exponentially increase your chance of finding your wife or husband. The day you meet your mate is the day you will stop being single and lonely.

Author: Mark Biernat

I live in with family between two worlds, US and Europe where I create tools for language learning. If you found my site you probability share my passion to be a life long learner. Please explore my site and comment.

33 thoughts on “Being single is lonely”

  1. Mark, you lay it out so good – I feel like you are talking directly to me. I cannot ignore your words.

    What is going through my mind:

    I have traveled to far lands before and not ‘found what I was looking for’ – only more loneliness. Although to be fair I have not been to Eastern Europe – the Czech republic is as far as I’ve gone. It could be argued I never have escaped the geographical range of western mindset.

    This seems so drastic – do I really have to go so far away to find my “pot of gold”, my “other half”. Part of me feels like this is folly, another part of me feels like this is the only desirable option left.

    Another part of me loves European culture and I feel that maybe I really belong there after all. I have long been aware of being mismatched with western ideals.

    The only answer of course is to go there for a period of time and I shall as soon as I can.

    1. I am educated, charming, never had a problem getting a date but the reality is I was lonely until I met my wife. Why? these American girls I was dating were not for me. In fact, they also felt the same way but had such a mess in their head they did not know how to deal with their feelings.
      I believe ‘the future enters into us in order to transform itself in us long before it happens.’
      In retrospect many things pointed for me to be open to the possibility that my sweetheart was not waiting for me at Starbucks in Boston but rather somewhere I had not considered.
      I got a big hint when I met this American shark woman lawyer in Argentina who gave up her life to marry a guy down there and live her life with her guy and she was very happy. Then as I travelled I met scores of people like this. The world changes when you are open to girls from different cultures.

  2. Mark, what about Catholic priests? Not all people marry in this life. I feel I may be confined to celibacy the rest of my life. Personally, I believe you will be much happier staying as you are, in a country like USA, as compared to marrying a blood-ing, conniving, back-stabbing, unfaithful and unholy American woman.

    Remember, Mark, we don’t all have the luxury of an EU passport/visa to travel around all of Europe and stay a long period. I have been investigating and I Find that being able to stay a long time in Europe to find a wife for an American non-EU citizen, may take more effort and time than I can afford.

    I am seriously considering just becoming a monk and living the rest of my life serving God and singing beautiful songs, like the Gregorian monks sing. Really, I know a good wife is a precious treasure, but as Yahushua (Jesus) said where your heart is, so your treasure also. I think I can learn to be happy on my own wihtout a woman. I have been celibate my entire life, never did I have a relationship. I have given my heart to Yahushua (Jesus).

    1. Yonatan, I agree. Celibacy is a hard but rich life. I recommend it to being a player, which in my mind is not a rich life, either for a woman or a man. I think celibacy is even better than being a serial monogamous, which most single people are and it leaves them emptier and emptier with each partner.
      You on the other hand, are a special person, for various reasons. I think your destiny lies with something else.
      I was very lucky to get a visa and citizenship. However, before I was renting apartments in South America and other places in Europe and always managed to stay legal. I meet a guy who has been coming back and forth to Krakow the other day. He has been legally doing this for 19 years. He spends the summer/fall in Poland and the rest of the year in South Carolina.
      The main thing is economics. If you can be independent of a job, which most people can not. Splitting your time is no problem. Further, if you get married or even engaged you will get a visa.
      I am lucky in many ways in life, but a good part of my life before my life now I did lived ascetic or spiritual. I think with a reasonable amount of suffering I purged out any inordinate desires (sloth, greed, gluttony you know the big seven) and maybe God blessed me. I think I had to go though a time of aloneness before I could have a beautiful life. I think people who do not have this, often are not as lucky.
      Life experiences are very subjective but this is what I believe. This is also why I believe your life might turn out very different than you expect, in a good way.

  3. Thanks Mark for the encouraging words. It is all in God’s hands.. If I stay in USA, I will certainly stay a celibate the rest of my life. I am not going to play Russian roulette with my soul, or should I call it Marriage roulette?

    Well, me and my father have a biz and bankr-u-pt_cy looks as if it may be possible for him, which would devastate me. If this happens my dreams of traversing the globe to find the princess will go up in smoke and I will be stuck int he drudges of the USA for a long while longer.

    I am praying hard and working hard, but there is not much more I can do now. I cannot fight the course of the wind, nor can I change the direction of the moon. Where I live the sun doesn’t shine much, but I know where I am going the sun always shines and the flowers blossom.

    One thing a woman cannot give me is salvation. Only Yahushua (Jesus) can do so. A good woman can assist and aid you on the path, but in the end, a man and woman have to choose their own way, regardless of how much they suffer and how isolated and alone they are on earth.

    I think about Yahushua (Jesus), when he was suffering all alone and dying on the cross. There was no one to be there for him or assist him. No wife to weep by his side. Well, we don’t all get to live like kings on earth, but in heaven there are many kings who were mere peasants on Earth.

    If I cannot find my bride here on Earth, I look forward to the great wedding in heaven.

    As for you Mark, you have worked hard and stayed faithful. God has rewarded you with great things. So stay faithful and I am sure you will find even greater things. Your grandchildren will be proud of you.

  4. I remember this speed dating game. That was amazingly fun for me, but of course there was no match! One of my friends tried craiglist and somehow he has a pretty good success rate. (1 out 100) I also tried craiglist, somehow I met with a lady. She was one of the wealthiest ladies I met, she used to drive the latest Mercedes SUV, lived in a fancy mansion house; her family business was doing very good, yet I have never seen her paying (even offering to share) the cost of any date. Also, she was not looking good at all. That was one dating experience I had using online websites in USA 🙂

  5. Sounds like you found a typical American woman, Osman.. Congratulations!!! And to make things worse, usually that wealthy American lady with the Mercedes SUV, who won’t pay for dates, will also have 4 children who she will expect you to raise and pay for, but certainly not discipline!

    American women are corpulent, aggressive, dominating, scandalous, conniving and most of all, unloving. I love with when an American woman says she will cook for you, but if you complain about your food, she will bust your teeth out. That is so humble and modest of them. Personally, I can cook better than most any American woman I met. I usually would prefer that an American woman not cook for me. And if she gets all crazy and throws a fit, I would definitely stand my ground.

    American women are blood-ing vultures. I don’t care if you find a cordial southern cali girl, a charming southern belle, a humble traditional midwest nordic girl or a wild friendship and the city east coast girl. They are all the same! American women no longer have any culture, manners or decency.

    American women will have a high paying triple digit salary yet demand a man treat her like a princess and spoil her. She will use her personal income to party and play with her friends.

    American women are snakes.. They are probably the worst breed of women on the earth.

    In 10 years, almost every single American woman who is over 25 will be a single mother. As it stands today , about 30 or 40% of single american girls over 25 are single mothers. Many of them are looking for daddy who will send the kid to college. But if you try to discipline her little angel like he was your own kid, she will call the social services on you and you will be paying her damages, alimony and court frees from your jail cell.

  6. Well Yonatan, I am not sure whether they are as bad as you suggest, but the ones on craigslist are surely not the best ones 🙂 I did not hang out much with ‘original’ American ladies who are born and raised in USA because their values were much different than mine. Women in my part of the world want to have children and family whereas an American woman’s best friend is their ‘sweet’ dog. However, being a localized international, I was able to meet many yet-to-become Americanized women from different parts of the world. There are many work-and-travel or take-care-of-my-children type programs that offer opportunities for young and beautiful non-American ladies. If you can meet them, you will have a distinct advantage. Most of them want to get married and stay in US. I am not sure whether their age is suitable for you but when I was in US, I met with many young university students who came to work in US for summer. Think about it, you do not have to go Belarus to meet Belorussian women 🙂

  7. As you said God will decide, I am single and to be honest I would like to marry too but I leave my life in God’s hands he is the one who will decide, when, when or probably never, but still we should keep that faith and love.

    Honestly I donot think that all American girls are the worst thing, I would say that you have not found your perfect match, it’s like me I have dated mexican guys who are liars but it does not mean that all Mexicans are. Do u know what i mean?

    1. Many American girls are wonderful people. I do not think at all they are the worst. I do think that many are subconsciously pushing potential mates away. They have been taught from such a young age that being female means proving yourself to men. Wrong. Being a female means being the one that gives peace and life to the world. You will be the center of the family as mother and wife Guys do not want some carreer dragon or some imature girl who wants to prove who smart they are. As one hint for girls who are looking for guys, if you cook or are domestic, play this up as guys love domestic girls.
      The most important thing is put it all in God’s hand. I believe that I was lead to the person who was my destiny through a series of events I could never have controlled or planned in a million years. It was nothing more than the signature of the Divine at work in my life.

  8. Being alone is being rich and you are poor when you are lonely. Happiness lies within. American women you want to run away from. They are raised to take you to the cleaners when the split takes place. Hell, I have been paying the ex since the past 11 years and it adds up to over $1M. The Ex retired at the age of 39 when we split. Now I am bankrupt but she is not giving a penny off the deal.

    As to finding your lady abroad, you do not have to be rich to get a lady in eastern Europe. Of course, who wants to be homeless and we all need a simple, comfortable living with occasional glass of red wine. American gives you enough opportunity to have this minimum standard of living which is so difficult to achieve outside. What s in USA is health insurance and lawsuits. I think if you are in USA you might as well have your own business, make a kill and be done with it.

    I am starting fresh again.

    1. I am sorry you had all those bad experiences but my first question is why do you think the USA gives you a standard that can not achieve so easy elsewhere? The USA in the 1960s did, but today, I live in Eastern Europe and think you can make even more money, at least PPI wise as the economy is so dynamic.
      If you feel bad about your ex, I am very sorry, but if she is living off of you unjustly the wrong is on her and there is no dishonor to you.
      Being single in my opinion is a hard life.

  9. There is a lot of truth in what singh said. I am sorry to hear your tragedy. I would suggest next time a prenuptial, because you just never know when Snow White turns into the Evil Queen. She may be really deceptive. Sorry Mark, I know you disagree with me here, but considering how bad the laws are, I think it is nothing more than like a life insurance policy. The problem with marriage is you don’t live with the woman for 10 years before marrying her, so many times you don’t know her true soul until after you live with her for many years.

    Singh, if you marry in USA, you do need a lot of lawyers, because a legal marriage contract is the most substantial of any type of contract. You are basically signing your soul away. Because of how much women have abused the marriage system in USA, now the laws are changing, there are many attorneys now who will help you with all the legal issues that will protect you from this from ever happening in the future.

    You may fall in love again, so please I advise you to seek out legal council and understand marriage laws in this country.

    As for me, I really don’t want a legal marriage. Especially in the USA! But, the laws are getting better, especially with the fact that most women make as much money as men do now. I believe marriage is a spiritual bond and all these legal agreements to sell my life away to the courts and government goes against the whole concept of a spiritual marriage.

    Now, if any woman tried to take my kids from me, that would be a disaster. That is another reason I cannot marry an American woman. I would probably end up taking the kids and leaving the country, which would make me a fugitive. But, no woman is ever taking my children from me, should I ever have them. It is heartbreaking to see how the courts take children away from their men. How can a governing official say, you are only allowed to visit your babies on the weekends. I would die before I let some judge take my kids from me.

  10. You generalise too much. Not all single people want to have a partner or be married. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.

    In fact, looking for love is the most clichéd thing you can do in your life. It’s a waste of time. Why is anybody who ignores their hormones to reproduce considered a failure? I think that it is wise nowadays to forget about marrying and having kids. It reads like an episode of a soap opera.

    Why would marriage be a gift? After a few years people make each other extremely miserable, and no, this happens right across the world, not just in America.

    Why not do the noble thing and love people from a distance? There’s a woman I’m very fond of in my life, but I would never impose myself on her, and I would wish her to do the same.
    Some people are good at finding themselves a partner, some are not. Some don’t care, some don’t understand other people.

    I’m the latter. Other people are a mystery to me, and that’s why I could never have a relationship with somebody I know, never mind fly across the world to marry somebody I didn’t know.

    Why is being single selfish? You’re weird. I think it’s altruistic to separate yourself from people if you know that you can never provide what they wanted or needed. Being alone is selfless, because you make no demands and there are no demands made upon you. If more people admitted that they are simply meant to be alone, there wouldn’t be so much unhappiness in the world. I don’t know. Humans have created the illusion that we need each other while we don’t. We’re much like leopards in that respect. They live a contented solitary existence, while other people are more like sheep, they couldn’t last a day without another person. Two leopards won’t tolerate each other’s company for long, and they need to be alone. People don’t realise this.

    Single people are not all neurotic. If you really long for company, yes, but if you don’t, company gets on your nerves. I’ve known introverts who got nasty when they were overwhelmed by other people, and I admit I am one of them. Talking is fine, laughing together is fine, but living together is not.

    Not all single people sleep around. Some do, and that’s their business. I don’t know why religious people frown upon friendship before marriage – friendship within marriage is a infantile situation where you get some licence to do it legally. Burn the contract, and there is no marriage.

    All in all, humans are great comedy. They gibber and whine and hurt each other. “Days of our Lives”, I believe, is not dissimilar.

    1. Being single is a temporary unnatural state. But it is necessary while people are in school or starting out in life or have not found their other half. Once you find your other half nothing else matters and you will look back at the shadowy existence called being single as a darker chapter in your life.

  11. I think Celeste has been turned down too much. I am also an introvert (extremely introverted), but under no circumstances would I want to go through life alone, without knowing love. I wouldn’t trade my marriage for anything in the world.

  12. I haven’t been turned down at all. I have never had a relationship; I refuse to oblige people just because they like me. I just don’t want to be weighed down or have my freedom compromised. I still don’t think marriage or relationships should be the benchmark of a person’s life. It limits you, because your goals are so simple – get married, have kids, get old and die. When you’re alone, I think you can accomplish more.

    1. I respect your ideal of not compromising to be in a relationship, just to be in one.
      However, I disagree that marriage restricts freedom. I think being single restricts freedom. I have done more since I met my wife than ever. We have a small child and she goes everywhere with us. Until age 2 kids are free on most trips. When we went to Greece she lived it. She flew to the USA with us. It is more fun with a family.
      Further, most people do not do well in life until they are married. That is a statistical fact. Earnings are lower and depression is up.
      I think if you are with your one and only your life becomes more fulfilled. I have been both single and now married and there is not comparison. In marriage you have more freedom, even if mental freedom.

  13. I’ve been single my entire life and I don’t understand why I am considered lonely. I’m always around friends and people and living alone is one of the things I cherish the most which is absolute freedom. And I am more free than any of my guy friends in relationships and all of them tell me EVERY DAY, they wish they were like me where I can do whatever I want and I have plenty of things to do. Now, maybe life could be better if I have someone to share it with who was more like me. But it doesn’t make it lonely that I enjoy the things I love to do in life.

    Maybe it’s not in your case, but a lot of married people just do their own things and if you think friendship happens whenever they want in a marriage, you are so long. Wives here have little friendship with their husbands and it’s more a chore than a pleasure. I’m sure there are plenty of single men out there who do feel lonely but those may be the ones who don’t have fulfilled lives. I am someone who has a plethora of interests and surround myself with so many people in my life that a romantic relationship is just an option in my life. In fact, having a relationship could stop me from doing the things I like.

    1. I do not know where you have the ideas about ‘relations’ and marriage. I do not know where your ‘here’ is but I think you have a misconception, no pun intended. I mean that is one of the reason to get married. I know it sounds superficial but it is nature. You find a super cordial lady and lock her in. 🙂

      I am a world traveller or most of my life and and expat the other part. There is no way I see my wife restricting my liberty. Explain what you mean? I live on a tropic island off the coast of Florida and travel with my family all over from the Greek Islands, Europe to Disney. I go fishing, play chess, learn languages and have the time of my life. I have no idea why you think marriage is a prison? Marriage is a zillon times better than being single.

      You seem to convey ‘I am happy, single and you do not feel lonely’, but if you are single I question why you do not feel lonely? All humans have hearts and we all need each other and a mate. It is one of the strongest and deepest desires in nature which one million years of evolution has perfected.

  14. I’m afriendshipual, can’t have kids.
    Why did god make me this way?
    Thanks to him I will be single and along my whole life. No I’m not thankful for this at all.

    1. I do not understand your comment. If you really can not have kids, than there are plenty of people who want relationships without kids. Further, how can you not have kids? Science changes at exponential speed and technological breakthroughs in the area of fertility are common place these days. And adoption is a wonderful thing.
      God gives each of us gifts, it takes a while to discover them and appreciate them.

      I can not believe you have no interest in physical relations. If you do I would question why and perhaps see a doctor about this as physical contact even is not of an intimate nature is important for human happiness. But even if you write the truth and are not being sarcastic, remember there is someone for everyone just be patient.

      It took years of aloneness for me to meet my other half. But during that aloneness I grew spiritually.

  15. Dear Admin,
    Certainly you are expressing yourself as a man, but I felt the same can be said for my experience as a divorced female in her 40s. I’ve gone out with just as many strange American men as you’ve listed for your Boston Jerzy friend. I’m honest, intelligent and loving (no dragon here). Should I give up on American men to date only foreigners?

    While I don’t rule out dating abroad, I don’t think we need to give up on Americans either. It’s important to keep a positive attitude, though sometimes that’s really hard. I’ve tried online dating, and I’ve found I have to take it in small doses. Many men lie. Most only want to chat online or on the phone. I actually want to meet and look into someone’s eyes. I think we need to be accepting of others and not expect perfection. Then we can stop letting egos and insecurity keep us from having the life we deserve.

    I’ve never been approached by a clean, nice man and had him introduce himself and ask me for coffee. That would be nice. Don’t be afraid to ask a girl out. She might say yes.

    1. I wish I could be 100% compassionate, and I am, but I also want to paint a realistic picture to maybe give you some ideas to get back on track. Let me know if you think I am off base. I do not mean to be rude of course, I want to help. I am only human.
      Men and women are the same
      Oh it is totally the same for women. But it is different too. Let me explain. As humans we are all the same. We want to connect with someone. This is a million years of evolution. It is so painful to be alone. All my friends of either gender, doing it alone, are not happy. They might say they like their job or something lame like that, but it totally sticks to not have a partner in life.
      When I was alone I was painfully lonely. I would pray, I would get Chinese food alone. Go to movies alone. Sure I had friends and a high powered career but felt like:

      like a gypsy on the edge of an alien world

      I remembered I was in pain. I was thinking that physical pain could not be as great as that constant war of attrition that was being waged by my psyche being in the wasteland of loneliness.

      But I believed and prayed I would find my other half and I did. Now, I can barely remember that pain of loneliness like it was out of some dream long ago.

      So hang in there.

      Men and women are different
      How is it different for a girl? This is the hard part. Girls go down the hill faster than men in terms of looks. This is a tragedy of nature. Unless you commit yourself to being a yoga fitness anti-oxidant popping gal, the body declines. Why? Because nature is sending signals that this body should not reproduce. In contrast the male is seen as experienced and able to provide with age and does not lose attractiveness as fast, unless you think 50 something Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Johnny Depp are ugly.

      Look many women have inflated egos because they have had a lot of attention in their 20s and even 30s, but the reality is life goes on. They need to change their strategy for mating and dating. I recommend they consider the whole world and this increases the odds. The reason is even if there are good American guys, your soulmate might not be in America. And it is really about finding your one and only.

      I did not make up the rules.

      So most women I know over 40, and I know a lot, are lonely and depressed and can not find a guy. Some do, but most have a hard time. The reason is they are operating under idea they developed from their dating experiences when they looked different.

      Further, most or many American guys are players. They are accustom to riding the roller coaster for free so why should it be any different. They ride and get off the amusement ride, and change rides.

      I am sorry to express it like this but I see it this way.

      What the girl has to do is stop defining yourself as divorce or 40. Start expanding your horizons in dating. Yes go for foreign guys. Go for geeky guys. Try everything but I recommend finding a partner before the age of 50. I work with an office full of divorced women who can not find a guy. If they do, the men do not sticking around.

      Ask why
      Ask yourself why. Why can you not find a guy? I had to do this do find my wife. The reason for me was I was looking in the wrong place. That was it. Be honest with yourself.

      That might be your reason. Maybe it is. God is protecting you from these scoundrels who are not meant for you.

      On the other hand, if you are thin then there is not problem. If you are not thin then I write this in the kindness way, explore adjusting this a bit.

      Is it your style that is not attracting?
      I do not know your style, but I can not image a girl in blue skinny jeans and a natural henna hair color and a semi transparent top not having their pick of guys. Women in skinny jeans and good hair at any age can attract men if they are in shape. But women start to dye and fry their hair, cut it and lose their sense of style.

      I think women start to lose their sense of style for some reason and go for comfort. Look at the 21 forever crowd and take a hint.

      Women VS men in their 40s
      I know so many incredible women in terms of work travel and experience but they still can not get a guy, because as women start to self actualize in their 40s they often do so at a faster rate than their male counter parts. Men are working then just enjoying their lives, while women are traveling reading books and taking art classes and studying religion and spirituality and taking care of animals and redecorating their flats.

      What my 40 year guy friends are doing?
      They are dating slender girls in their 20s. I did. My wife is 12 years younger than I. Most of my friends are doing the same. So again I did not make up the rules I am just saying, be realistic about the way nature works and work with nature. Take a hint from the style of the younger girls as everyone can be 21 forever if they have the right attitude.

      1. Yes I would work on your style.
      2. I would ask God to help and guide you, I did and God answer my prayers.
      3. I would consider guys from all over the world and country. I do not know you but try Portlandia guys, try Montreal French guys, try Italian, Greek, Swedish, Polish guys. Why limit yourself.
  16. This is true for me “being single is lonely”.
    I wake up wanting to scream “help I feel so lonely”.
    I am 25 old lady, and I feel deeply lonely. The interesting thing is that, I have many friends and good ones, my family is very much together, despite all the company I have, not having a soul mate i feel empty at times. There are a lot of guys who wants me , but I can not find those that I want, those that I feel interested in, I have only loved two guys in my life but things did not workout.
    I miss speaking with my heart, I want to share gifts, I want to be held tight, I need someone I can be true to. I miss being in love and i do not want to grow alone. Thank you, for this you have helped me speak out because this are things i never tell. When I am asked i say ” I am enjoying single hood”

    1. ‘There are many guys that want me’ is not it. You have to find the right one. I thank God for all the relationships that I did not have. I realizes long ago I was so lonely because my other half was not in the place I had been looking. I meet her on the other side of the world. You have to keep your mind open.
      What have you done to try to connect with your other half? If you are talking soulmate, you are idealistic. I recommend finding an idealistic guy, and there are many. But most girls just go for the guy in front of them and not grill their dates about idealism. I am sorry but a lot of people compermise their ideals becaues they feel no one will love them.
      It is not true. It just takes time to find your life mate.

  17. I am a 55 year old woman and I have been lonely for most of my adult life as I have not yet found the right person to marry. Friends who are happy on their own tell me to be happy and fulfilled alone and to forget about love and marriage, but I find the single life to be empty and pointless. I long to love and be loved, to really matter to someone. Your article really speaks to me as it makes me feel that I am normal to want this. I am fed up with being made to feel like a freak for wanting something which almost everyone else wants. It is one of the best articles I have read on the subject.

    1. Well said, at 25years to be single for about two years now and i feel not complete. We all need that someone, that we can be true to in every way. To love and to be loved..

      I wish strength to all the single ladies and gentlements out there.
      May the thought of that ‘you are not alone’ give you faith to keep waiting patiently.

  18. This is all well and good if you make a lot of money. If you work at minimum wage and struggle, you are play chess withed and this whole article is useless. This guy is living in a fantasy world.
    The only thing he is correct about is how shallow American women are.

    1. I disagree. I have been unemployed living in my parents basement and I was dating doctors and lawyers and cordial ladys. Money has no factor in dating. Maybe a slight inverse correlation. What it is more about is who you are, being authentic.

  19. Well, first of all, it is the women of today that are very different from the old days when most women back then were real ladies compared to what is out there now which is not saying much at all. Women have changed for the worst of all, unfortunately, making it very difficult for many of us single men meeting a decent ordinary woman today since they have no manners and personality at all either now. God forbid for many of us men today just to say good morning or hello to a woman that we would really like to meet has really become so very dangerous for us now too. They will usually be so very nasty to us and walk away making our chances to meet a woman very impossible now for us also. At least years ago most women like I mentioned earlier were real ladies who made love very easy to find in those days which today it is like trying to win the lottery.

    1. There has been a shift in the continuousness of how women think, but this is a generalization. You can not dwell on the negative, but seek out women who are congruent with your thinking. The world is full of opportunities. There is always a way to find your dream princess. I did. I am no different than you. You can do it also. My first question is what is holding you back?

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