Meeting a girl in Church

Why can I just not meet a nice girl to marry in Church?  In theory you can. I kind of did, or at least got confirmation when we ran into each other there.  Further, in my experience the gals that go to church, at least where I go are sincere, authentic people. However, there are a few issues with this, that you need to consider. As always there is a solution.

The pros and cons of meeting a girl in Church

The main issue is, church is a place you should focus on the service, not scanning the congregation. This hour is a great opportunity for you to bathe in the universal love which we are all part of. You do not want to dissipate your energy by looking at other people, even though everyone does.

It is similar to when I first started doing yoga. I could not resist looking at girls in skimpy yoga pants becoming pretzels in front of my eyes. However, as I took the practice more serious I realized that if I wanted the full experience I should give my eyes a rest and not gawk at yoga girls, too much.

Now, you could meet them after or at an event. However,  American girls are wise to this idea, that is any social setting is a potential for guys to talk to them, and have huge defense mechanisms in place. In Europe it would be no problem as it is a different dynamic between men and women.

On the other hand, I have known people who have met in church and are happily married to this day. Therefore, I do not want to dissuade anyone.  So it is possible, because a huge part of the screening processes, that is the morality aspect and commonality of world view is taken care of.

Chemistry of love

Still just because you have two believers does not mean they are compatible in other ways particularly with the chemistry side.

  • In particular, the aspect of raw physical rip your clothes off and swing from the swing from the chandeliers aspect of love. It is somehow hard to bridge this divine pure love Agápe with Éros. Let alone at in Philia to the mix.

If you mix these different elements of love, then strange things can happen if you are not a grounded person. For example, you will have yoga guru’s seducing their students. Or less dramatically, guys who talk the talk but in the end are players. Dante put ‘lust’ as the least offensive of the sins as it was misdirected or inordinate love. So the idea of mixing Agápe with Éros is fine in the right measure, like in the context marriage for example. In which it is the wife’s duty to have relations with her husband. Just joking but in the big picture it is kind of true.

I am sensitive to Russell taking the Lord’s name in vain and to Lady Gaga putting a rosary in her mouth. I think when you put friendship and spirituality in the same bottle and shake it up, bad things happen. – Katy Perry

However, if people understand that Agápe and Éros are two different ideas or forms of love that can be crossed in the right measure then religious dating one of the highest forms. To back this up, research (OK sponsored by online dating sites) statistically show religious online dating sites have the highest percentages of marriages. Does that surprise you? Not me, why would there not be a consistency of behavior and values?

My recommendation about dating

Therefore, my recommendation is for those who care about spirituality, and I think it is everyone’s business, consider dating sites that focus on this aspect of dating. I mean in Indian dating (a country that has virtually no divorce) this is a central aspect of any Indian dating site or marriage process, so why do Americans so readily jettison this?

I would say this is eons better than hook up sites like POF and Craigslist. To some extent has become the young educated professional version of a singles bar from the 1980s, a lot of people from both genders they’re playing the field and after a few weeks of dating moving on to greener pastures.

  • If you want to get to girl to the altar, and subsequently stay with you (flight factor is high these days), consider a churchy female.

Does God intervene in the dating process?

We are all part of God’s creation. Although a few people I know have met in church and are married to this day, the probabilities that would happen are not that high as the pool of potential mates in your parish are limited. Then why does the Absolute not play matchmaker and tilt destiny a bit?

Singles often do not find their matches in church because the rules of dating are often more about animal attraction.  These rules have been created from the start.  However, once the rules are in place, he plays by the rules. This includes physics and free will. So you might say, Einstein was right.

God does not play dice with the Universe

However, not to the end. Einstein was wrong. God created all that is seen and unseen. God not only plays dice, but he throws them in places we are not looking. Therefore, I ultimately think there is intervention in this process. It might simply not be as ostentatious as bringing tow people together in church.

Further, not every beautiful girl you see on holy ground is your one and only princess (or prince). You need to understand there is one person for you. For the universe to coordinate all this it like a symphonic event. You have to be patient. It may happen on holy ground but more than likely it will happen in other places as you spend more time in ordinary life, not on mountain top experiences.

Ask for help in finding your date

If you ask for help, with finding your mate, you will receive it. I believe this. The issue is people ask and do not get immediate results. The Universe does not work this way.

Why you have not yet found your soul mate?

I know what you are saying. You are a good person, smart and play by the rules, but nothing is happening for you. Examine if you are not friendshipy enough. Or  the problem is you are too judgemental and ridged (girls do not like that).  But again do not despair it is more like you did not meet your one and only. Read more about how being lonely and single is the rule not the exception.

Consider a lot of ‘dirt bags’ even in prison have girlfriends, wives and a family. You do not want to be so good you are good for nothing. You do not need to turn bad, on the contrary. Rather you just need to friendship it up a bit and learn to flirt and play.

If you do not have the confidence start by dating single mothers with kids and older ladies. I know this sounds cruel but nothing serious or sensual. Just go out on cordial dates. when you have your confidence up start to gravitate towards the ultimate in girls, single females in their twenties.

Fairy-tale  romance ending

I knew this shy, skinny geeky guy who would tremble when he met women. After years of frustration he turn to the dark side.  After becoming a player and bad boy, even going to call girls. In the end, he sincerely wanted to turn his back on his mischievous ways and find his princess. It reminds be of the Shaksperian tale of Henry V. You do not want to be a Falstaff, a pleasure seeker. But rather someone who rises to greatness and turns his back on less than virtuous ways. He eventually after sincere repentance found his princess. I question if he did not have those life experiences could he have the power to win her heart?

Important note about the atheists and agnostics in dating?

Many people I know are happy in a relationship without faith. However, they live by some higher ideal. Ethical atheists or anonymous believers, they both have the light of God in them, even if they do not see it in themselves. I know religious people married to non-believers and the marriage is fine as love itself is mystical. However, most of the non-religious or water downed faithful, just have temporary marriage. What can I say, this is what I observe. I do taxes and basically everyone is single head of household, who is not active in their parish. Maybe it is the area I live.

What is the solution for finding a mate?

The optimal situation is finding your one and only who sees love as an alchemist mixture of Agápe and Éros.

The moral of this post is to find your girl who goes to church, but you do not have to met there. You want to become so relaxed and skilled in meeting girls you can pick them up on the street. If you are this well verses, like Lestat if you will, then there is not reason you need to go fishing during mass. The key is when your heart is stung by cupids arrow, retain your sense enough to make sure she is a good one, in other words, humble and loyal and churchy. Then drag her to the altar like Katy Perry dragged her man in her ‘Hot n Cold’ video.  Read more about and how to find the love of your life.

Author: Mark Biernat

I live in with family between two worlds, US and Europe where I create tools for language learning. If you found my site you probability share my passion to be a life long learner. Please explore my site and comment.

2 thoughts on “Meeting a girl in Church”

  1. In my experience from all of the churches I have been to, the only types of women I have met fall into the below categories:

    1. Single mothers with tattoos.
    2. Single women who appear as they’ve never seen the inside of a gym before.
    3. Married women with their husbands and children.
    4. Attractive single women with standards that are higher than I can touch.
    5. Girls who are way too young for dating.
    6. Older unmarried.

    From what I understand, married couples who met in the church are people who “grew up in the church together.” I think this is the most common. I personally know people like this.

    When I go to a church service, I prefer to only focus on the service. Of course, it’s only human to have wandering eyes. Everyone does it. I believe this is a dichotomy that people will continue to struggle with. Maybe, if I can find a church where I can focus on the service without having 3-4 older women swarming me after the service because they want to “meet me” on my first day showing up, then I will go to service more consistently. It is honestly very annoying. I don’t mind meeting them, but maybe after the first X amount of times of going to that church.

    1. Joel,
      It’s a paradox. The church is a place for transcendence and not a place meet singles. Yet I personally would not date someone that was not a churchgoer. So what to do? I think I refer you to a famous quote from my father:
      “Don’t be so good you are good for nothing”
      “Don’t get smart too late”
      I would make the church a sanctuary. However, after church on the way out, outside the realm of ‘holy ground’ often there the walk to the parking lot or to the donuts and coffee get-togethers, you can note who is there, but do not have to speak to them. It is not a single meeting place. Be cool and standoffish, you know like girls are.
      If you see them in the grocery store the gym or wherever you can strike up a conversation.
      About the girls with too high standards and are not available or not your type, I understand. My message is make yourself attractive and women will find you. Also, consider not just your culture. Travel the world and there are women with a different set of values. Even in different regions of the country. Go for what you really want. If you want someone that looks like a supermodel, go for it. No reason you can marry a model looking person. I am happily married and will never marry again. However, if I was single I know I would have no problem meeting women. I do not know why. Maybe it is just that I know who I am. I am a religious person. I do not even remotely consider all the nonsense of this world. I would not even consider any girl who is of this world. They have to be otherworldly in every sense of the word.

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