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Much of what I have written over the last several years has been skewed towards dating and seeking marriage abroad. This was based on my positive experience with being married to a foreigner wife. My marriage has stood the test of time.
In addition to my personal account, there is good statistical evidence that marriage to a foreigner has a higher probability of success than to a local girl, yet this all depends.
To claim women aboard are better wives or better looking is a simplification. Let me explain.
Who gets Girls? -The Corporate Warrior or the Pirate?
When I lived in Boston and had a corporate job, I guess I was OK in terms of dating material. I dressed well, liked bookstores and sushi and did Yoga and had a Master’s degree. I was funny. I love to travel, art, hiking, reading, came from a good family, and did I mention I dressed well. I had all the checkmarks. However, in a word I was boring.
Think about it, do you want that girl in the office, who is ‘nice’ and has paper cut out hearts in your cube and eats 3 pm birthday cakes from the latest conference room gathering? Or do you want to meet the hottest girl in the club, and take her home, and marry her?
The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason, he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything.
Yet, I was not a millionaire or a pro ballplayer. The latter was not realistic. However, I could climb the corporate ladder, invest in speculative tech stocks and perhaps start to accumulate real estate. This would take some time and a lot of work. However, with that resume, I would expect that I would attract women of what I perceived as more beautiful and marriage worthy. In my humble opinion, that is a lot of work. Living a dreary vain existence just to find something that I had read in my childhood fairy-tales was free from the impediments of this world, that is true love was based on beauty and virtue.
Behind all seen things lies something vaster; everything is but a path, a portal or a window opening on something other than itself.
Wind, Sand and Stars – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
When I was traveling abroad, I instantly started to attract the eye of women which only stars like Brad Pitt or the lastest heartthrob, or some newly minted tech Billionaires hoped to attract.
For years I assumed it was simply the women abroad were just more open to marriage or appreciated what I had. To some extent that might be true. However, upon reflection, in retrospect, it could have been just by virtue of me being cooler, did I attract women. The question is how did I become cool?
Cool guys get cool girls
Cool. Yes, you know like the Fonzie from Happy Days. I went from being a corporate loser with a title: ‘Director, Manager, Project Lead, etc. to some guy living quasi off the grid, who did not worry about money and living on potatoes. I was more about living. I was concerned with exploring life, and on a day-to-day level, not my resume or my house or condo or whatever mattered. I was free.
What girl in their right mind would not love a guy who was intelligent and did not stress about money?
Women and Money again
‘What value is it is a man gains the world and loses his soul in the process? – Mark 8:36
If you think women love money and care about money, you are 100% wrong. Women want a guy who they feel safe with. That is defined as when they have a baby, they will not be carrying that baby through the woods somewhere or living in a car.
That is a big difference than money.
See intelligence is almost defined by the ability to adapt to new circumstances. Think about what this means. It means that movie stars that have money and lose it are not as good as the person who has a resume of defeats but can still rise up and adapt to the situation at hand. It means that someone living the corporate job with the house is OK, just OK. But if you take life by the stones and live abroad, be a DJ, live like there is no tomorrow, women will flock to you. They will feel alive around you.
You do not have to be a dirtbag or a lowlife mind you, you could be a maverick but, one of virtue and dress stylish by thrifting if you have no cash.
When I returned from living aboard and traveling the world, the USA seemed different. Yes, the women were still standoffish but I flew above all that. If I was single it would make less of a difference if I dated a girl abroad or from the USA.
I now had Chutzpah. I was no longer a cube worker but a pirate. Even when I went back into cube life to earn some money it did not matter.
So my point is if you are not dating a Cinderella who looks like a runway model, maybe it is because you have not taken enough life risks. I mean real-life risks like giving your corporate boss the finger.
To get the girl, better than browsing Russian or Asian dating sites, better might be to like the Bible says ‘give your possession to the poor’, a local thrift shop. Cash-out your home and investments. Live with a friend in the meantime. Then one day, when you are ready, when you have a big meeting at work or just a random day, that you are really needed, just not show up.
Rather you are on a plane to some foreign exotic land in a quest. Not a quest for a girl mind you but to save your soul from the mundane, quiet life of desperation most people are living.
Maybe take one bag and a 3.5 lbs Chromebook.
Nothing can match the treasure of common memories, of trials endured together, of quarrels and reconciliations and generous emotions. It is idle, having planted an acorn in the morning, to expect that afternoon to sit in the shade of the oak.
Wind, Sand and Stars – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Live that romantic life.
That is taking life by the stones. You might wind up flat on your face, sick or broken in some hole. But that is what life is about. It is a learning experience. And if you want a princess, you need to be prepared to give up your fears and preconceived notions about this world. The word ‘should’ sound much like the word ‘Sh_t’. Have you noticed that? There are no ‘shoulds’ in life. Learn to think outside the box.
Get the ‘shoulds’ out of your life. I am not just telling you this, I did it. Live a fantasy, and just find your fairly-tale princess. Then you can settle down and live the life of a sucker with a small house with a white picket fence and an SUV and you will be happy because you actually have lived your life.
If you want to know is it better to date the girl next door or marry a foreign wife, the answer really if, it does not matter as long as you are living your life by your rules.
I want you to have a happy life. If you need an extra word of encouragement, write to me from my contact page.
The idea is simple. If you want to get high quality women you need to be idealistic not realistic in any way shape or form. Player and cynics might get women for the short-term but their women are not the who I would personally go for.
The high road is the the easy road if you are authentic. If you really believe in knights in shining armour and damsels in distress, and that this world means something beyond the next Netflix binge or the next provocative insta photo, then you are in luck. The highest quality women are idealistic and they might not be doing something society deems as important but they believe in something greater than themselves in act, word and deed.
If you want to understand something, ask yourself what is its nature?
Marcus Aurelius – Meditations
What is their reason for being?
Most women have forgotten their true nature. Just like you. You may have forgotten who you really are. That you are not just some guy, trying to find a succulent wife, rather, you are a great powerful spiritual being who has passed through Ameles Potamos, the river of unmindfulness (Plato).
This is why you need to remind yourself and tell yourself, ‘the whole world might go to heck in a hand basket’, but you will not. You will aspire to this dreamy notion of romantic love, faith and hope, even if you get burned on every date. You need to be the lonely romantic rebel.
Simple things like being polite and not swearing and opening doors are a start but better is to attend weekly service. I know these seem old fashion but do you not want manner and refinement in the girl that will raise your children?
Be the prince that rescues her. Find a reason to buck the trend even if it causes you years of painful loneliness in the process. Because if you believes this idealism in your heart I promise you there is a beautiful girl who does also.
Find your reason to be idealistic. Not just for her, but for the redemption of your own eternal soul. It is this process of discovery will open your eyes. Not being a hermit philosopher that we all are before marriage. You need to be a little bit touched in the head to have the guts today to turn off the noise and live with the gods. But if you are, you will find your way. I promise.
Your lucky to find a woman like this, who really deep down believes. Many women today do not think in these terms.
Kate : I’m not very good with men. Leopold : Perhaps you haven’t found the right one. Kate : Maybe. Or, uh… maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we’ve been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting caught in the chimney.
Kate and Leopold
Idealism is not borne from sloth or naivety. Rather be an idealist you need to think just a little harder to be aware of the world around you. Anyone can just get up in the morning, take a shower (or not) and be reactive. Even if you create short and long term plans about your life and have goals this is not idealism. Anyone can search for the answer to life on the internet. However, to live the life of idealism, to believe in something more than yourself and really care about the poor suffering souls of this world and see people as equal to you, this takes some meditation. To believe in love and the struggles and suffering of life and rise above that is idealism.
This is what I am talking about:
Leopold : You require a chaperone. His intentions are obvious. Kate : I’m alone with you, do I need a chaperone? Leopold : We are not courting, Kate. If we were, as a man of honour, I would have informed you of my intentions in writing. Kate : Are you for real? Leopold : I believe so.
Kate and Leopold
Sound silly? Well you can ditch the self help advice of this time and all the ideas of how men and women should be or need to be, and take a cure from the time of romanticism. How did men behave then? What were they dressed like? If someone really did teleport from that time, I promise you women would flock to him. I mean if you meet a women from the 1800s dressed and refined would this not peak your curiosity a bit, especially if it was not an act, but real. This is who she really is.
To want, to have the will and desire, to live beyond the ordinary with your life, beyond making money, getting the girl and relaxing, takes effort. To study philosophy, theology, read the classics, learn a language, listens to classical music, plays chess, goes to art museums or if nothing else, is a sweet person. Yes, focus on eternal ideas like classic philosophy, rather than the sophistry of today. You should be proud you are a classic romantic philosopher and modern women dis you, wear it as a red badge of courage. Your battle scars of life will make you only stronger.
Some women put forth this effort also. Find that girl even if she lives in Asia, Europe,Appalachian Mountains, Siberia or a village somewhere unconnected to this would as you are to reality.
I am not talking about women who are well dressed or detailed oriented with their careers or house, or hobbies. All women gravitate towards this. I am talking about a girl who is high quality.
Traits of a high quality woman
Goes to Church or Service – If I was single, this would be at the top. In the end, only hypocrites go to church. Church the hospital for sinners. That is why I go because I am a hypocrite. Perfect people do not go to church. I do not want to date a perfect person. Marry a weekly churchgoer.
Grows things – Growing up on a farm, growing plants and food or any strong connection to nature. If a girl is not all about nature, then you are not going to convert her to be a grower. Maybe she will honor your interest. However, I can not see a shopping mall girl embracing soil. If a girl does not want to get her hands dirty and is more about ‘mani-pedi’ then, I would take a step back and reflect who you are inviting in your life. Growing and nature is not a hobby on par with an interest in cricket or social media. Rather, a strong connection to nature and growing is transcendent. You need this transcendence in your life. If you are not a service goer than you need to at least transcend in another way. When you are in the garden, growing potatoes or hemp or flowers you ground yourself. You are rooted in the energy of the earth and this allows you to grow wings. I do not know too many chaotic, moody farm girls. Marry a village girl.
Prudent in her demeanor – This includes, being a good listener, puts her napkin on her lap during meals and elbows off the table, not swearing or being too opinionated or wrapped too much into politics, but rather lives with the gods, focuses on things eternal. Marry an idealist.
OK, sorry for all that. You get the point. I am telling you this not for you to be dissatisfied with your current relationship or judge your girlfriend based on ridiculously high standards, rather, be the romantic dreamer and maybe you will meet one too. How to get high quality woman naturally? Be the person you want to attract and that starts with a romantic vision for your life.
Office Geeks and Spreadsheet Power-User Nerds need Love too
You have to get married. You have no choice. Either that, or you will for hear the rest of your life the question “Why did you not get married?”. To simply avoid this question is not the reason to get married but it tells you something about why we are really here.
I know there are a series of rationalizations you can put forth, how you do not believe in marriage or you just want to ‘co-parent’ or you were married and it did not work, or you can tell stories about the one that got away. However, the bottom line is that talk is for rationalizers, players or cowards.
Everyone can get married. If you do not feel you are attractive enough or women have changed, you are wrong. You are attractive and women want to get married.
You have to get married and this post tells you how to use an Excel or LibreCalc spreadsheet to put your dating into high gear and increase your probability.
I know this is a very left brain male approach. It is not the only way. It is just an idea, that is all. But from this you can get some perspective. Even just creating the spreadsheet might give you some insight to what you really want in life and what you do not want.
Dating with a Spreadsheet
I know this is Anti-Romantic. However, whenever I have a problem in life, I take it to Microsoft Excel. I actually use Libreoffice Calc for my spreadsheet because it is free and all you need. Things I have done with a spreadsheet include:
I designed my whole urban farm/garden
My Ph.D. thesis
My income and expenses
Calander of important events
Ideas for entrepreneurial activities
Websites mapped out
Complex investment accounting consulting
Spreadsheets are nothing more than a tool to help you organize. Word does little for the organization of ideas, you need to clarify in a linear way. How is Excell or LibreOffice Calc different from a “little black book” from the old days?
I know girls use little pink scapebook books of dreams and doodles but guy’s brains think different. That is why Excel (Google Sheets, Libre Office Calc) works for me. Maybe I will add some color to the rows and columns. Or use a diferent font. But for a guy, you need to organize your ideas or life will take you somewhere else.
The reason I like a spreadsheet is it forces you to be brief and concise in your ideas.
Any Dating site or Dating app is just an SQL database anyway, better you be the one who designs your vision.
If I was at the point where I was not married and in my 40s (or 20s or 30s and nothing is working), I would try everything. I would pull out all stops. I would sign up for every online dating website I could. Even though this contradicts my general advice of meeting women (or guys) in person.
My advice or columns or dating sites might not be yours. However, these exercises clarifies priorities. Girls might dislike this ideas, but, you see how women often think. They will be Doctors and go out with some biker guy. They often do not think things through when it comes to romance.
What dating sites would I try
I would even do Tinder. Better might be International dating sites. But best is I would sign up for Christian dating, Catholic dating, and organize my plan before just clicking. I know this seems to contradict much of my luddite advice, but you do not want to get the question of ‘why you never choose to marry’ for the rest of your life.
Being buried with your pet
You do not want to die alone or be buried with your pet as now is the trend among some of the ultra lonely who project everything on their pets. I see a number of people bring pets into grocery stores and in baby carriages. Some people have pets in the bedroom (could be OK but better is a woman).
For me, someone who is married with a family is a sign that they are willing to take risks and do things others will not. So do not let anyone intimidate you into thinking putting your dating life on a spreadsheet is strange, it is not. It might not be romantic but if it gets you to find true love you can delete the whole thing and never look back.
What I would put on column headers
I would format it like this:
First Name – You do not need much other biographical information. Looking online often does not yield relevant information like you might think. My wife to this day does not have a Facebook account. If I did not have websites I would delete mine. Sometimes you can find information, but better is to simply ask.
Cell phone number – once you have this you do not need a score of other contact information.
Physical attractiveness – Go for what you personally like. For me this has to be fantasy level. The good news is everyone can be attractive.
Religion – I think the same religion does matter, at least for me, but in theory, I could marry a woman from another religious entirely as long as she authentically into it.
Religious commitment – That is, does she go to service weekly and/or really walk the walk or in name only. This might be the most important entry on your spreadsheet. If you have a household not governed by the widsom of God, and your kids raised with the morals of the public schools, you will have an empty life. Maybe not at first, but you know how life is.
Virtue – How humble, compassionate and good listener they are. So many people, even “religious people”, swear, are headstrong, opinionated or generally not sweet. Someone who is empathetic towards the struggles in your life and can balance this out with wisdom an be a good listener than your days will be pleseant. Someone who says they are sorry a lot and is humble.
Money – Do they care about money? In my book, money is almost the opposite of love. Once you are married you might need to pay some of your bills. But my goodness, when you are young you should be full of piss and vinegar and be able to take Rt. 66 from Chicago to LA in a convertible that has the check engine light (putting a tape over it is effective) on or on your bike, or hike the Appalachian trail. Anyone who cares about money, I would heavely discount, or else you will be a slave to her your whole life, even if you do not stay married.
Education – It is a sign that someone can make a commitmit and follow through.
Earthiness – Do they know anything about agriculture or nature or are they hyperconsumptive buying things in packages.
Romantic – Someone who believes in love and its mystical quality.
That is it. Perhaps it could be faith, beauty and virtue. Keep it simple.
Get the raw numbers
Try as many approaches as you can. If you had 100 girls on a spreadsheet, there is one that will be a 10,10,10 for faith, beauty and virtue.
Sign up for dating sites, free ones, paid ones, it does not matter. Approach girls on the street. I would, as the pain in my life broke much of my inhibitions. Do you really care what other people think of you, I do not.
Ultimately once your clarify what you are looking for and have practiced this in your spreadsheet, you can delete it and find the love of your life.
I am so out of the game. I do not want to mislead you. However, my knowledge is relevant more than ever.
Great knowledge is often forgotten
Yes I am aware of all the chatting apps to meet strangers and girls on your cell phone. Apps like:
These are to name a few. I may review some of these someday. I am not against technology. However, real power comes from somewhere else besides the Playstore or the Apple Store.
Don’t be too proud of this technology…The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.
What I have learned in my PhD research
For example, I started researching monetary theory for my PhD. I read scores of articles in modern literature. However, now I am a reading few modern economists, rather researching the classics Why? Because classic writers of the last two centuries had greater insights into monetary theory than the minds of today. In fact, modern information I find on the web is vastly inferior.
Knut Wickell, or Ludwig Von Mises or Carl Menger, for example, are eons beyond Paul Krugman or something you find on a web search. These minds of the past penetrated deeper into the reality of our current day economics, than the noise that streams through modern technology, like our cell phone.
If Bobby Fisher were alive today and starting out, he could dominate chess, with or without the current technology. He started out on chess board bought at the old Five and Dime store, with a sometimes homeless single mother. The key thing is he was interested in chess and his ability to take risks (more on that latter). Metaphorically and literally, often technology makes us weak. If you drive everywhere we get fat. If we use dating apps and social media too much, we get authentically feeble and so do the girls we meet.
Do not let technology deny you of your birthright. Be the great person that you are.
I coach chess and can beat the other coaches hands down. They use Fritz, one of the best phone app and computer-based chess coaches. I just use my brain. Old school still works. I improved the most taking simply a minor piece on a board and moving it until the patterns became embedded in my mind and I could visualize the board.
The key here is, not if your approach to getting dates, you will always get dates, but do you get the right ones. Try grounding yourself in the real-world or use technology as an ‘after thought’ rather than your hook, line and sinker. If you really want win, and I mean the love of your life be willing to try unconventional methods.
What effect has this technology had on making you a better human being? What effect has this technology had on you, or as important, ‘the girl who catches your eye’ a better human being? That is all that matters.
So how is this different than anything in life? If not real more fun the virtual? To feel pain and disappointment better than to be dropped by a chick digentally. I want real. I want to feel pain.
Better to feel pain than nothing at all
If the best stock traders of the past, were to be placed back into the stock market game today, I image with a little updating, they would do well. What is Shakespeare were alive, would the cell phone enhance the beauty of his words?
Da Vinci would not need digital software to create masterpieces, and if he had would they have been timeless works of art? What about Mozart who contrary to popular myth did not create music out of thin air, but studied it since infancy.
Yes use your phone and social media to find girls
My point is the wisdom you need to meet the love of your life has little to do if you use technology or not. Yes, use your phone if you want. Yes, use dating websites. It is OK. Call girls on their mobile phones. It is fine as long as you know what is real and what is not.
Once you get strong again, like you were as a child full of imagination and hope, you might want to discard the crutches.
Remember, the key determinate criteria if you will meet the girl of your dreams is the technology of your brain and heart. The heart thinks and not just metaphorically, but it beyond the scope of this article. These two organs are better than any cell phone connection.
I remember this poor Chinese teen that sold one of his kidney’s to buy an iPhone 1. Where is that technology now compared to the priceless part of his body?
Relay on your own hardware and software. Develop and update that software rather than your phone or the next app or social media advice.
Awareness equated with dating power
What is real? How do you define real ‘? If you’re talking about what you can feel what you can smell what you can taste and see then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain?
Try to understand what is real and what is not. That has been a recurrent theme that I write about.
Because what is real will get you to marital bliss. What is not real is a house built on sand.
You build your house on what is not real, it will be washed away.
If a girl is obsessed with her phone now, do you think she will be different when you are married? The kids will be crying and dinner will be burning and she will be on Facebook or checking her mobile phone or taking a selfie.
You might consider a girl who for some reason is not on her phone too much or uses it, but is not overwhelmed by it. I do not know if my wife is the ultimate yardstick for everyone, but she dislikes having any images of herself on the web. I basically forced her once to do a YouTube video on a Chromebook, as an experiment, but that was it.
Perhaps consider someone who does not put themselves out there.
I even saw a Mennonite woman who did a YouTube on her morning routine. I understand, they are a new family and need to generate web income. But I lost a little respect for her.
Think of the 1960s and 1970s, during the Sexual revolution. People were connecting left and right before technology. Or the 14th Century France with the ideal of courtly love. What do you think the Middle Ages was about? People had fewer distractions so whatever were they doing, you know the people who had 14 kids and all? I do not see too many people having that many kids today.
Not to mention the huge decline in male ‘seed count’ over the last fifty years. I wonder if that has anything to do directly or indirectly with technology?
An acquaintance of mine runs a dating website
The guy runs one of the largest dating websites and cell phone apps in the world. I will not say which one. I use to work with him. Fifteen years of running it he is still not married. He wants to get married, but girls do not stay with him. In stark contrast, I see a lot of guys who are humble, poor locals, with do lawn care who know who to sweet talk a girl without a phone or technology get married and stay married have children and live happily ever after.
How I would meet a girl today
Do you want a happy life? Find a chick who is not putting herself out there. Meet her in a club or in Church or on some charity project or in school. Most of my students still meet in school. Take a class in foraging food in the wild. Join a permaculture group or a cooking class, travel. Go aboard and meet women.
I am going to Europe in a few weeks for my school. If I was not married, and I am 100% married, do you think I would have any trouble meeting women everywhere I go? I do not even bring my cell phone when I travel. The airport, the youth hostel, the street, the market? All without a phone.
Friends, meeting a girl has to do with where you are in your life. If you have “wisdom” in the old-school sense. Meeting the love of your life will just happen, when you have been tested and tried in life. technology come with improving technological devices or flirting techniques or advice from others on the web who are not married themselves on where and how to connect with women. My advice is wisdom trumps all of this.
For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.
1 Corinthians 1:25
In fact, I am writing part of my Ph.D. on this premise in economics. Specifically improved econometric techniques and computing power have not to lead us to money macro equilibrium or optimal economic income diversity or high growth.
Attitude determines altitude
I promise you the power of your spiritual level will determine your mate. So if I were you, I would work this unseen intangible side and you will be running from the girls who are chasing you. This depends not on what you look like or how much money you have in your bank account or cell phone apps you have. Take the attitude that this world is largely illusionary and the things people focus on like money and looks are not what is real. It is like the matrix or Plato’s Allegory of the caves. Once you realize this, you will be unstoppable and be able to get chicks movies stars cannot.
What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets? – Neo No, Neo. I’m trying to tell you that when you’re ready, you won’t have to. – Morpheus
Look at me, in my basic clothes, and not having two nickels to rub together, I would get dates from top looking women all day long. That is not a boast it is a fact. I do not want to, nothing would be more unappealing to me.
What if your life thus far has been pretty sucky?
What is if you have an average or boring or a painfully lonely life so far? What if you tried everything and God does not seem to answer your prayers (God hears, he is saying learn patience). You tried and you are tired of it all. Great you have the red badge of courage, the battle scars of life. You will be stronger for it.
I would be able to get the dates not because of my texting ability and agility, but because much of my life was pain, suffering and lament. This raised my awareness. People look at me say ‘you are so happy’, what could you have gone through? It does not matter.
Take your suffering and offer it up to God.
Start to realize your power, and see yourself for who you really are, a great spiritual being. A strand of energy between heaven and earth and on a mission to do something beyond great in this world, something people do not do now days. I don’t know something crazy, like having a family and raising children with more importance than your career or fame.
Additionally, I am well read. I read books with paper pages. Books, you know the classics or modern writers who read the classics.
I take risks like living in other countries, including where I do not speak the language. Taking small risks at first and then build to bigger risks.
Take a day of rest. Go off the grid every Sunday (or Saturday). Do not shop or spend money or work, rather go on a day trip in nature after service once a week.
I believe in prayer. I believe in humility as one of the sweetest virtues. I travel in my imagination during the day and daydream a lot.
All this sums up to a person that women and others respond to and they do not know why. It is this intangible quality of life that attracts women.
People ask me how much time do I spend with my wife? Answer: 24/7 – 365. We work together and spend all our free time together. I know right! OK, sometimes I am working in the office and she is cooking or I am in the garden and she is sewing, but that is pretty much it.
How did I become such a sucker?
I used to travel the world and was an international man of mystery. What changed?
I did not change fundamentally. I was always a hopeless romantic. I just never met the right one. Perhaps I was jaded or bitter about the world I was born into. I felt life was unfair to me. from a broader perspective, I felt that society was on the decline and I should have been born in a different time.
Further, I felt that life in corporate America was exceedingly boring. Yes, I did it. I worked on Wall Street and I made some money, consulting, almost as much as I could spend, mind you.
However, it was not a vain, shallow existence as portrayed in movies, it was just boring. I did not pursue that line long enough to be fat and filled with ennui. I checked out and traveled/lived abroad on a shoe string.
Call me lazy, and maybe that is my problem, but I just cannot do it. Working in corporate America was analogous to living on ants as a food source. Even if they were chocolate covered ants it would not go down well.
Many of you might feel this way.
Dating was worst than work
Perhaps so many people in the West are obsessed with the ‘unit of account’ called money, because the pursuit of their ultimate mate is even more saddening. You keep going on dates trying to see if this one fits or is right for you, until the patterns get old and worn out. You might through your hands up and ask, ‘what is the point?’.
After some rude awakenings in the dating scene, which is par for the course in our post modern world, I rebelled against almost all that was holy. I acted out my disgust for the society, for this life and world, this cosmic joke that I was thrown into with rebellion and a feeling if people just use others, ‘what is the point’.
I felt women did not live up to my ridiculously high ideals (which after I met my wife, I realized I was aiming too low).
The Holden Coldfield experience
Was it that bad? Yes, if you are living this life of loneliness and feel alone all the time and then the darkness of winter set in, you become mildly depressed. Couple that with existential doubt and you have the classic 20 something Holden Coldfield experience.
I know today, you all can just go to phone dating apps and find some ego boasts. And society is a different perhaps, but it is not. At the end of the day, you are alone in the world and perhaps fewer women of quality are out there.
Consequences of not getting married
If you do not get married you will die alone and your seed will be wiped from the face of this earth. The end.
No great ‘I fulfilled myself though my career or my pets are my family’, rather, you might have some regrets. Read my lips, get married, if and only if you find the right one.
Most of the time, I felt like the fictional character Louis in the book Interview with a Vampire, existing half dead and half alive.
Most of all I longed for death. I know that now. I invited it. A release from the pain of living. My invitation was open to anyone. To the ‘hor’ at my side, to the pimp that followed. But it was a vampire that accepted.
My only saving grace was at my core, I believed that in this life there is no meaning in this life, rather only one ultimate meaning to life. Yes, you can find meaning in work or that door nob over there. But unless you see how meaningless this life is and be honest about that, you are deluding yourself.
Ultimate meaning is found in God, and this translates on this earth to loving someone and having a family. When you do this your world will change.
My point being, find your spouse.
You can watch movies on your phone in your tiny home or apartment, but doing this with a hot chick is more fun.
You can be broke, depressed and neurotic, but doing this with a hot chick is more fun.
You can travel the world and be vegans, but doing this with a hot chick is, you got it… just more fun.
So what happened next?
I continued on the path through the dark forest. I stripped away any romantic idealism with the radical corrosive skepticism and nihilism of Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche. I even felt superior deep down that I was doing this and not like ‘those unenlightened people’.
When you strip away any illusion or fairy-tales, and in the end, realize that humanistic meaning is not fulfilling. You start to look for meaning in the void. This approach is anti-humanistic in the sense to shave off the illusion that the distractions matter. It is contrary to NPR and the New York Times view of things. Nothing matters except finding and uncovering the ultimate meaning in this Uni-verse.
Like in the book One-Dimensional Man by Herbert Marcuse, or like Sartre wrote in No Exit, there really is no exit and no transcendence in this transitory life except the ultimate meaning.
If you want to disagree with me, go ahead, roar like a lion. You could be like Sisyphus and push that rock up the hill to spite it all. If you do hats off to you.
However, better might be to try not find meaning in life, or ascribe some meaning to something, but rather search for the the ultimate meaning of life. A good book is by Hans Kung The Beginning of All Things. What if you do not see it? OK you do not, I understand. No worries.
No mediation – meditation on reality and the meaning of all things
However, maybe if you turn off your phone and computer and stop meditating and doing yoga and going to church, reading and listening to podcasts, and worrying, and just sit in the quiet of a room in your apartment and look around and watch the dust float by and the beam of light through the window. Do this and look at the walls and perhaps you can penetrate this reality. Try to really think about your existence and the composition of material and textures. Do not look for insight or a breakthrough or an ‘aha’ moment. You will most likely not get one. However, do it anyway perhaps you will taste some transcendence.
How meaning and marriage are connected
OK, so how did I get to the point of being with my wife 24/7 – 365?
I did not consciously reform my ways, or get that ‘Aha’ enlightenment moment.
Rather, I met my wife and she brought me back to my core nature. Not my culturally conditioned core nature, but the core nature of all conscious beings. She reminded in faith in God and an ultimate meaning was not only possible but probable. She saved me from myself.
Ironically I did the same for her.
We were metaphorically like in Aesop’s fables, the mouse who took the thorn out of the lion’s paw for each other.
My core ideas were romantic, naturalistic and rebellious combined with authentic religion.
She reminded me it was OK not to succeed in the matrix because you were never about that anyway. And it is very OK to want to date the girl that looks like she is from your adolescent dreams, and better yet marry her.
My advice to you is, birds of a feather flock together. Do not marry just anyone. You do not see seagulls and eagles hanging out. But you do see flocks of birds spending their life together. You do see deer traveling in packs. Find that person who you do not mind 24/7 365 dating. You can do it. Its should start with insane with physical attraction, which I recommend, but ultimately is only connected to radically common core spiritual values.
When you find that type of connection, you will not be looking to to find ‘space’ in the day away from her. You will not be looking forward to a girls’ night out or guys’ night out. I look instead to playing the board game ‘Ticket to Ride’ or chess together or going to the mineral springs, the beach, talking philosophy or our next adventure. We have been together for a number of years. I know other couples like this also. I think it is mostly connected to some sort of strange mix of physical attraction and religion.
When you find the person who saves you from yourself, why would you not want to bath in that saving grace all day and night? That is why my wife and I spend 24/7 365 together.
Love phrases in Hindi and English are for those who want to win the heart of an Indian girl. These words of love and love idioms in Hindi will attract girls on your mobile phone, Snapchat, Whatsapp and even TikTok.
The language of love is like the taste of a sweet White Mulberry in Spring. And metaphorically, the girl who reads or hears these words will melt in your hand like Kulfi on a summer’s day in Goa.
Using these love phrases is better than the power of artificial intelligence listening to you on your mobile phone and then matching you with an ad. I will match you with your mate better. Why? Because these romantic words were written by someone who is married. I have been in your shoes. I know what it is like to be single. I found a way out. The way out is bridging the chasm between heart and head with words.
Girls see with their hearts and not with their eyes, the way to a girls heart is through words.
The way to stand out in the dating game is use your words
My advice is to use colloquy. Employ words that are eloquent and charming, not crude or crass. Win a woman with words, and you will be different than the thousand other guys out there trying for that girl. Be more idealistic and better quality in tongue, pen wit. Go for the girl of your dreams and win her with poetic incantations.
I am married. I tried dating. Dating is nothing compared to marriage. With marriage like you have a sweet lassi . In stark contrast when you date girls they tend to be stand-offish. Stop dating and go for love.
I know Indian guys tend to be shy because you come from a formal culture, which is a good thing. However in if you want a love marriage or relationship you have to rise above your fears and go for it, even if it seems awkward or makes you feel outside of your comfort zone. Be the hero of her dreams and she will be the heroine of yours. Ignore your cultural conditioning and all your mental and put yourself out there.
A princess – dripping with Rajanigandha water
Better than the direct approach is simply uses these love phrases in the Hindustani language. Analogously, do not splash her with common chlorinated tap water, rather drip small drops of jasmine and rose water on her skin. From this sweet she will grow weak from your parley. Be the romantic and she will tell her friends about how you wood her with your words, when you are married someday and she is with your family at the park. Write your story now.
What you do will echo through eternity
Introducing yourself in a nice way
How are you?
hau aar yoo
हाउ आर यू
How is the weather where you are?
aap jahaan hain vahaan ka mausam kaisa hai?
आप जहां हैं वहां का मौसम कैसा है?
How old are you?
aapakee umr kitanee hai?
आपकी उम्र कितनी है?
Where are you from?
kaha se ho
कहा से हो
Whom do I have the pleasure of chatting with?
aapako kisake saath chait karane ka aanand hai?
आपको किसके साथ चैट करने का आनंद है?
What is your name?
aapaka naam kya hai?
आपका नाम क्या है?
Getting to know the girl
What do you do for work?
aap kaam ke lie kya karate hain?
आप काम के लिए क्या करते हैं?
What do your parents do?
aapake maata-pita kya karate hain?
आपके माता-पिता क्या करते हैं?
Do you have brothers or sisters?
kya aapake bhaee ya bahan hain?
क्या आपके भाई या बहन हैं?
What video games do you play?
aap kaun se veediyo gem khelate hain?
आप कौन से वीडियो गेम खेलते हैं?
What do you watch on Youtube?
aap youtubai par kya dekhate hain?
आप Youtube पर क्या देखते हैं?
What do you watch on Netflix?
aap netaphliks par kya dekhate hain?
आप नेटफ्लिक्स पर क्या देखते हैं?
PewDiePie or T-Series?
paiwdiaipiai ya t-sairiais?
PewDiePie या T-Series?
Do you like Bollywood?
kya aapako boleevud pasand hai?
क्या आपको बॉलीवुड पसंद है?
Do you like romantic movies?
kya aapako romaantik philmen pasand hain?
क्या आपको रोमांटिक फिल्में पसंद हैं?
What is your Snapchat username?
aapaka snapchhat upayogakarta naam kya hai?
आपका Snapchat उपयोगकर्ता नाम क्या है?
What is your mobile phone number?
aapaka mobail phon nambar kya hai?
आपका मोबाइल फोन नंबर क्या है?
What is your Whatsapp id?
vhaatsep aaeedee kya hai?
व्हाट्सएप आईडी क्या है?
Let’s connect on Facebook
phesabuk se judate hain
फेसबुक से जुड़ते हैं
Who is your favorite Bollywood star?
aapaka pasandeeda boleevud staar kaun hai?
आपका पसंदीदा बॉलीवुड स्टार कौन है?
What are you interested in?
kya aap mein ruchi rakhate hain?
क्या आप में रुचि रखते हैं?
What is your Facebook?
aapaka phesabuk kya hai?
आपका फेसबुक क्या है?
Are you on Instagram?
kya aap instaagraam par hain?
क्या आप इंस्टाग्राम पर हैं?
What do you like to do?
aapako kya karana pasand hai?
आपको क्या करना पसंद है?
Are you an introvert or extrovert?
kya aap ek antarmukhee ya bahirmukhee hain?
क्या आप एक अंतर्मुखी या बहिर्मुखी हैं?
Do you play any sports?
kya aap koee khel khelate hain?
क्या आप कोई खेल खेलते हैं?
Do you play Cricket?
kya aap kriket khelate hain?
क्या आप क्रिकेट खेलते हैं?
Do you travel?
kya aap yaatra karate hain?
क्या आप यात्रा करते हैं?
Do you like chess?
kya aapako shataranj pasand hai?
क्या आपको शतरंज पसंद है?
Have you ever played chess?
kya aapane kabhee shataranj khela hai?
क्या आपने कभी शतरंज खेला है?
Can we play chess online?
kya ham onalain shataranj khel sakate hain?
क्या हम ऑनलाइन शतरंज खेल सकते हैं?
I can teach you chess.
main tumhen shataranj sikha sakata hoon.
मैं तुम्हें शतरंज सिखा सकता हूं।
Do you like to read?
kya aap padhana pasand karate hain?
क्या आप पढ़ना पसंद करते हैं?
Do you do yoga?
kya aap yog karate hain?
क्या आप योग करते हैं?
Do you meditate?
kya aap dhyaan karate hain?
क्या आप ध्यान करते हैं?
Do you like to cook?
kya aapako khaana banaana pasand hai?
क्या आपको खाना बनाना पसंद है?
Are you a vegan?
kya aap shaakaahaaree hain?
क्या आप शाकाहारी हैं?
Are you a vegetarian?
kya aap shaakaahaaree hain?
क्या आप शाकाहारी हैं?
Where do you go to school?
aap skool kahaan jaate hain?
आप स्कूल कहाँ जाते हैं?
What do you study?
aap kya adhyayan karate hain?
आप क्या अध्ययन करते हैं?
That is interesting.
yah dilachasp hai.
यह दिलचस्प है।
What do you think of astrology?
aap jyotish se kya samajhate hain?
आप ज्योतिष से क्या समझते हैं?
What religion are you?
aap kis dharm ke hain?
आप किस धर्म के हैं?
Which Chakra most describes you?
kaun sa chakr aapako sabase adhik varnan karata hai?
कौन सा चक्र आपको सबसे अधिक वर्णन करता है?
Do you have a boyfriend?
kya aapaka koee boyaphrend hai?
क्या आपका कोई बॉयफ्रेंड है?
How does he treat you?
vah aapake saath kaisa vyavahaar karata hai?
वह आपके साथ कैसा व्यवहार करता है?
bas theek hai?
बस ठीक है?
When is the last time he gave you flowers?
aakhiree baar usane tumhen phool kab die the?
आखिरी बार उसने तुम्हें फूल कब दिए थे?
I would give you flowers.
main tumhen phool doonga.
मैं तुम्हें फूल दूंगा।
Do you believe in destiny?
kya aap niyati mein vishvaas karate hain?
क्या आप नियति में विश्वास करते हैं?
You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen… really.
tum sabase khoobasoorat ladakee ho jo mainne kabhee dekhee hai … sachamuch.
तुम सबसे खूबसूरत लड़की हो जो मैंने कभी देखी है … सचमुच।
What do you imagine I am like?
aap kya kalpana karate hain?
आप क्या कल्पना करते हैं?
Can you send photos?
kya aap photo bhej sakate hain?
क्या आप फोटो भेज सकते हैं?
Call center or IT?
kol sentar ya aaeetee?
कॉल सेंटर या आईटी?
Do you want to see my photos?
kya aap meree tasveeren dekhana chaahate hain?
क्या आप मेरी तस्वीरें देखना चाहते हैं?
You could be an Instagram model.
aap instaagraam modal ho sakate hain.
आप इंस्टाग्राम मॉडल हो सकते हैं।
You could be a video game fantasy character.
aap ek veediyo gem kaalpanik charitr ho sakate hain.
आप एक वीडियो गेम काल्पनिक चरित्र हो सकते हैं।
What would you like your husband to be like?
aap apane pati ko kya pasand karengee?
आप अपने पति को क्या पसंद करेंगी?
I am a time traveler, let us choose a romantic time.
yaatree samay mein, hamen ek romaantik samay chunana chaahie.
यात्री समय में, हमें एक रोमांटिक समय चुनना चाहिए।
Escape with me.
mere saath bacho.
मेरे साथ बचो।
What do you dream of when you are not asleep?
jab aap so nahin rahe hain to aap kya sochate hain?
जब आप सो नहीं रहे हैं तो आप क्या सोचते हैं?
Do you have an arranged marriage in your future?
kya aapake bhavishy mein ek arenj mairij hai?
क्या आपके भविष्य में एक अरेंज मैरिज है?
Do you believe in love?
kya aap pyaar mein vishvaas karate hain?
क्या आप प्यार में विश्वास करते हैं?
Asking to meet the girl
What is your favorite movie?
aapakee pasandeeda philm kaun see hai?
आपकी पसंदीदा फिल्म कौन सी है?
What kind of music do you like?
aapako kis tarah ka sangeet pasand hai?
आपको किस तरह का संगीत पसंद है?
Do you want to meet?
kya aap maapana chaahate hain?
क्या आप मापना चाहते हैं?
I would like to meet you?
main aapase milana chaahoonga?
मैं आपसे मिलना चाहूंगा?
What are you doing this weekend?
aap is saptaah ke ant mein kya kar rahe hain?
आप इस सप्ताह के अंत में क्या कर रहे हैं?
Let’s go shopping.
chalo khareedaaree karate hain.
चलो खरीदारी करते हैं।
I want to take you to dinner.
main tumhen dinar par le jaana chaahata hoon.
मैं तुम्हें डिनर पर ले जाना चाहता हूं।
Let’s walk in the park.
chalo paark mein chalate hain.
चलो पार्क में चलते हैं।
Do you want to do a video call?
kya aap veediyo kol karana chaahate hain?
क्या आप वीडियो कॉल करना चाहते हैं?
Things to say on a date
I like you.
main tumhen pasand karata hoon.
मैं तुम्हें पसंद करता हूं।
You look pretty.
tum bahut sundar lag rahee ho.
तुम बहुत सुंदर लग रही हो।
I’m glad we met.
mujhe khushee hai ki ham mile.
मुझे खुशी है कि हम मिले।
You are funny.
aap majaakiya hain.
आप मजाकिया हैं।
You are very charming.
aap bahut aakarshak hain.
आप बहुत आकर्षक हैं।
Tell me about yourself.
apane baare mein bataie.
अपने बारे में बताइए।
Useful Hindi relationship words
Romantic words and phrases in the Hindi language
I love you.
aaee lav yoo.
आई लव यू।
You mean so much to me.
aap mere lie bahut maayane rakhate hain.
आप मेरे लिए बहुत मायने रखते हैं।
I am a bee and you are my flower.
main ek madhumakkhee hoon aur tum mere phool ho.
मैं एक मधुमक्खी हूं और तुम मेरे फूल हो।
Your lips are red like pomegranate.
aapake honth anaar kee tarah hain.
आपके होंठ अनार की तरह हैं।
You taste like a fresh mulberry.
aap ek taaja shahatoot kee tarah svaad lete hain.
आप एक ताजा शहतूत की तरह स्वाद लेते हैं।
Your body’s curves are like a mango
aapake shareer ke mod aam kee tarah hain
आपके शरीर के मोड़ आम की तरह हैं
I am thinking of you.
main tumhaare baare mein soch raha hoon.
मैं तुम्हारे बारे में सोच रहा हूं।
You are attractive.
aap aakarshak hain.
आप आकर्षक हैं।
What is your style?
aapaka stail kya hai?
आपका स्टाइल क्या है?
I like your dress?
mujhe aapakee dres pasand hai?
मुझे आपकी ड्रेस पसंद है?
Salwar or Abaya?
salavaar ya abaaya?
सलवार या अबाया?
Will you marry me?
kya tum mujhase shaadee karogee?
क्या तुम मुझसे शादी करोगी?
You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.
aap sabase khoobasoorat ladakee hain jise mainne kabhee dekha hai.
आप सबसे खूबसूरत लड़की हैं जिसे मैंने कभी देखा है।
You are cute as a red panda
aap ek laal paanda ke roop mein pyaare hain
आप एक लाल पांडा के रूप में प्यारे हैं
What is your kitten name?
aapaka billee ka bachcha naam kya hai?
आपका बिल्ली का बच्चा नाम क्या है?
Let’s repopulate the world.
chalo duniya ko phir se dikhao.
चलो दुनिया को फिर से दिखाओ।
Would you like to travel with me?
kya aap mere saath yaatra karana chaahenge?
क्या आप मेरे साथ यात्रा करना चाहेंगे?
Your place or mine?
apanee jagah ya meree?
अपनी जगह या मेरी?
Your skin is fifty shades of Almonds.
aapakee tvacha baadaam ke pachaas rangon kee hai.
आपकी त्वचा बादाम के पचास रंगों की है।
You are my olive and I am your martini.
tum mere jaitoon ho aur main tumhaaree maartinee hoon.
aapaka ek sundar naam hai kya tum mujhase shaadee karogee?
क्या तुम मुझसे शादी करोगी?
Your eyes sparkle like diamonds.
aapakee aankhen heere kee tarah chamakatee hain.
आपकी आंखें हीरे की तरह चमकती हैं।
Use Love phrases in Hindi even on Facebook or when you want to make a connection in any context. Use in or out of the Hindi belt as there are Indian girls in Europe and America or even women that speak Urdu as these languages are intelligible.
Even if you are fluent in the Hindi language or English, it does not matter, use these specific words, even if seem corny and cheesy, they work. You can speak them, with the transliteration or copy the Devanagari script into your cell phone.
Note: read my website generally as I have a lot of good advice on how to find true love. There is no advice like this on the web because I am happily married. Most guys when they are married forget the pains of being single. I want to help you.
If you know more ways to say I love you in Hindi or have had an experience with trying to win a girls heart romantically, leave a comment below.
You can date a girl from the city, the suburbs or the countryside.
You can date an uneducated person, a modestly educated person or an educated person.
If there was a quadrant that mixes these two variables and if you were to run a regression on this, I would speculate that country girls who are educated have give the highest marital happiness. Conversely city girls who are uneducated result in unions that yield the least life satisfaction. Granted these are only two variables, however, I think based on the logical arguments below you would see a correlation.
This is not just because I married an educated village girl, but observed in my life experience. I have seen more successful marriages from people who are not ‘street smart’, but rather embedded with the wisdom of the countryside.
Every generalization is a distortion of the truth
I would say ignore this advice if it does not apply to your current situation.
Universals when looking for a mate
Modern thinking is dominate by the idea that subjectivity is the only way:
In economics, we see a subjectivity in value, Léon Walras, and Carl Menger and William Stanley Jevons.
In Philosophy existentialists like Sartre emphasized a subjective phenomenology.
Psychology is science with a post-enlightenment bias on the individual.
In art, modern art, pop art and digital art with shock value has more notoriety en masse than the classics of then Raphael, Lippi, Leonardo da Vinci, Titian, Giorgione
And in relationships it all depends on what you personally emphasis in your life.
That being said, consider the idea that there are some universals when looking for a mate and ideas that make a marriage happier. Subjective thinking where ‘up is down and down is up’, will lead you to unhappiness when choosing a life partner if you are not careful.
That is because there is something in the hard wiring of the human brain which came about through the process of evolution that influences our happiness when choosing a mate.
We evolved over a million years in the wild. For most of human existence people were hacking their way in the wilderness and burying their dead along the way.
Now we live in some strange surreal fishbowl of metropolis what we can not unplug from.
As a side note, I acknowledge the paradox that most of us, including myself, go fishing in the fishbowl of the city rather than going for rustic wild caught beauties.
However, I think happiness is often connected with people who at least grew up in isolation from, rather than emerged in the mass of humanity. Granted you can find people who are isolated in the city and people who live in online metropolises like Facebook despite a rural location. However, my point is I think isolation is a positive thing when a person is developing their character during their youth, and this is connected to a demographic of growing up in a less populated area.
Values that work for me in marriage
The mirror of my own life are values connected to self sufficiency, e.g. Henry David Thoreau, Romanticism which is connected to rebellion ( I can count on my left hand the numbers of years I lived 9 to 5) but also nature and transcendence (for me religion), education which is connected to my appreciation of liberal arts and a classical education.
If you come from a different reality, perhaps you want to date street smart city slickers but at least consider my ideas here.
Values of the countryside
I naturally gravitate to people that are self-sufficient, romantic, unconventional and rustic. I married someone like this. The skills she posses are almost in her genes. You either grew up with an appreciation for them or you do not.
My wife Kasia:
Cooks (in fact she is cooking now as I am writing, 100% from scratch, she bakes her own bread. I feel like I live like a king)
Frugal with money
Gardens, organic. I can watch scores of videos and read books but somehow she knows more than me.
Attends service weekly
Tutors our daughter for hours a day
Basically does everything we lived 100 years ago.
We have all the modern convinces, yet there is some instinctual drive to be master primitive technology see end product to work done, rather than be a paper pusher.
We do not feel like optimizing consumption is synonymous with optimizing life happiness.
These are the values that come from a small village. It would be hard to educate them into someone.
I want to qualify the terms here. When I mean someone from the countryside I do not mean currently living in the countryside. I mean someone who grew up in a particular demographic concentration. That is, someone who grew up in the countryside and lives in the city I would still consider them a country person, because, the first twenty years of life shape and mold your outlook.
I have experience and perspective: City versus Country
My experience is based on this:
I was born in Philadelphia
I grew up in New England
I worked professionally in NYC and Boston
I traveled reasonable part of the world
I lived in a city in Eastern Europe
My family is from a small village in Eastern Europe
I live in a town in Florida which is being transformed overnight from a small town to a large, but I still have a hamlet here I call my own.
I also teach college. I have exposure to countless college-age students and can see their behavior, work habits, attitudes, intellectual skill and even mortality.
Without doing a deep dive into the academic literature, and I may be proven wrong if I did, based on anecdotal life experience, people in the city tend to be more players as they have more options. People who at least grew up in the countryside, in a village or a town with limited options were protected from the corruption of society.
The world is changing but not to the end. If I were to go to the village of my family in Eastern Europe, the values are still different than Anytown, USA. Similarly, when I talk to girls from Kansas they are different when I talk to girls from Long Island. Where you grow up matters. Where your grows up matters for your personal happiness.
Avengers Villains from the village vs Human City dwellers
Let me tell you a story
I was standing in line at Walmart next to a couple that like they could have been in some Netflix originals cops and robbers show or some comic book movie like Vampirella or Shazam, as the villains. Yet, when I started to talk to them they were living in the county in the countryside and we started to exchanging gardening growing tips. They were calm, warm peaceful people. They were charming.
In contrast, I come across snow bird’s or corporate consulting types from metropolises up North, for example, Long Island. New Jersey, Cities in Ohio here on vacation in Florida. They consistently rub me the wrong way. Even if they are cloaked in the latest fashions I always feel discombobulated after a brief conversation and have to burn incense or something to get their energy off me.
My point being, even in a cordial conversation with someone it can be seen that how and where they grew up makes a difference. Therefore, forget who you are standing in line next to at the , who do you want to live with for the next fifty plus years? A wrong choice, and a small, subtle difference extrapolated out over time could pull you to the dark side. You can not deny that there is a different vibe from metros than from the farmer’s daughter.
More Positive generalizations about the Farmer’s daughter
Perhaps this does not play as strong as a role in the current era as technology has broken down a lot of boundaries. However, there are more variables than just exposure to the Internet.
Girls in the countryside attend church more
Girls in the countryside have their immediate family and extended family in close proximity to watch over deviant behavior
Girls in the village have a calmness because of the fresh oxygen content and low noise pollution and traffic. Life seems to move at a slower pace. Try going hiking in the mountains all day and see if you are as irritable as when you come home from your commute. Extrapolate that out over time and a habit is formed.
Try this experiment yourself, to test women in the city versus county
Women from the countryside greet you with a smile while the city slickers often meet you with cynicism. You do not have to fly across the globe to test this.
Go to a store like Tractor Supply or your local feed store and chat with some people.
Next, go to the nearest large metro area near you and see the vibes you get. It does not even have to be a posh store like Anne Talyor where moneyed girls hang out, rather, any store will do.
Take a reasonable sample of women or people.
Analysis your results and draw your own conclusions.
College students show the same patterns
Even with students, you get some co-ed from small-town Georgia whose daddy is a corn farmer, and they are universality syrupy in a positive way. In contrast, the city girls seem to know it all. I may be wrong but this is the way I see it.
If you are looking for college-age girls, consider where they grew up.
If you talking about a girl from another country I would use a coefficient when analyzing this and some logarithmic adjustments. That is, if you date a Ukrainian girl from Lviv, this would be equivalent to a home schooled girl in Nebraska.
I really need to create a formula for this dating equation. – Mark Biernat
Let me know in the comments if you think that would be a good idea.
However, one thing I want to convey, is being with an unrefined mind can be boring as their ability to navigate and analysis complex issues will depress you. So yes country is good, but not country music type country, rather renaissance peasant type country. Someone who would have an organic garden but can speak another language and will listen to classical music or read classic literature or speculate as you look at the night sky.
You want to find a normal inquisitive girl like this:
Or a intellectual living in romantic isolation like this:
See the best combination is countryside, romantic beauty with intelligence. I am not condemning people because they live or lived in a city, but really consider their values.
Why an educated girl?
Education is a humiliating experience unless you are going into a specialized trade like medicine, law or accounting, in which case it can have the opposite, ego boasting effect.
My wife has a Master’s degree in Political Science and went to a medical college. Do you think I care? I do not, just it is wonderful to spend countless hours talking about the world around us and how we could help or change the world to make it a better place if given the opportunity. We analysis and read (books) on all subject and can discuss. It seems like trivial point, but intellectual stimulation is a non-consumptive higher level human activity that you can derive pleasure from without the need of money or dopamine rushes. You just feel different when your brain operates on a high level and life is a mystery to be explored with the intellectual curiosity of a child. Do you not want this?
Coefficient of Money
Few of us can insulate ourselves from health or money problems after the age of 18. But what you can do is choose a partner who gives you joy regardless.
You want someone who transcends money.
You want someone who is sweet and syrupy but has the intellectual sharpness of a blitz chess player and the refinement of a proper lady.
You want to marry a proper lady. More often than not in my experience that is a countryside girl who has been sheltered and is almost naive or innocent. You want a lamb. Not a wolf or a player.
Post apocalyptic girl
Someone to spend time with in a Post apocalyptic grid down situation or world. Someone so stimulating you do not mind being without your conveniences and stimulating enough you do not have to check your phone or the Internet.
Someone so hot you do not mind helping repopulating the world with if surviving scientist deemed you and that girl as one of the worlds last hopes.
I am romantic. I am religious. I do not care about career. I do not have an inordinate affection for money or prestige. I believe in self-sufficiency. I am an idealist. Family comes before working at a career. I would rather be at home with my child teaching them chess than being in the metaphorical beehive. So what does this have to do with why my wife is from Europe? Why do men go abroad for marriage? Everything. Read on.
You will be surprised. Here is the statistics right from the US government above.
Do not let people feel funny about looking for a foreign wife.
Below is my reasons for marrying abroad in a video. – Subscribe to the channel.
Feminist might sayyou to leverage the income disparity between the two countries, and hence increase their power in the mating game. False. The idea is rich American men find poor, girl from a developing country and this is their play.
Nothing could be further from the truth. If men wanted to find a poor Cinderella, they could find it in America. I live in Florida and the poverty here exceeds the poverty in Eastern Europe in many ways.
You want poor, look at the endless trailer parks here in the US. Many of my college students I teach live in double wide trailers with their parents on food stamps.
The difference is not the level of earnings a person has that matters. Not for the woman or the man. It is what is in their head. For example, even the poor in Eastern Europe are highly educated or at least can converse about basic ideas with regards to history or literature.
In contrast, the girl next door, often has intellectual curiously that is defunct. The US and the UK is like Ancient Rome. We are practical business oriented people. Continental Europe is like Ancient Greece, with an emphasis on intellectual culture. I teach college in the US and go to school for a PhD in Europe. There is a world of difference in culture of students with regards to education.
If people ask, put it right out there, that you are looking for a foreign bride. Have some courage.
Loyalty factor in Marriage
In my family’s village in Poland and Ukraine, people stay together no matter what. People can drink, cheat and not even like each other, but they stay together. In contrast in crazy American and Western European people split for trivial reasons. The US has a 53% divorce rate, Belgium 73% in contrast in India 1%, Poland 19%. I know we are a great country etc but man. We in the West are socially anti-marriage. If you are not into marriage you are not into children, because kids need both parents.
In the US sometimes I think it is better to find a woman you really dislike and give your house and half your money and save yourself the stress.
What it comes down to is I believe in love and love that last forever, not until one person’s ego flexes or the other persons ego becomes bruised.
The bottom-line cultures are different relating to relationships around the world. There are variance in marriage longevity as well as happiness. These are measured, qualitative and anecdotally but also statistically and empirically.
Men go aboard to find their wives because they do not relate to the culture around them. I relate to a culture of family and marriage and religion. I have a dreamy romantic outlook on life.
I would not fit well with a cell phone addicted girl who is raised on package food in the suburbs and taking online courses for her MBA to further her career. Give me a slim, European liberal arts major who know how to grow her own food and sews any day of the week, and on the weekends goes to church with me and really tries to humble herself as I hope I do.
Why I married my wife
I married my wife because I love her, she is my soulmate, she relates to my cultural origins, we go to church together, do not compete with each other and really are not into careers. We are into family.
Yes perhaps I could have found someone kind of similar in the US but I believe in a one and only.
In the end, there can be only one
People who criticizes foreign marriages need to be open to the possibilities
You can not limit yourself to the girl next door. In the old days you could. The culture was more uniform. My parents were both Catholic and Slavic, ate the same food, cerebrated the same holidays, saw life in the same way and were from the same Philadelphia neighborhood. They were together over 70 years.
In fact, if my dad married someone from Poland or Ukraine it would not have been the same because of the cultural chasm that existed at the time as a result of the political economic events in the world.
Find another child of God no matter where they come from.
Similarly, it is often the case with Indian American women going to India to marry a guy. Yes they are from the same culture but they see the world in a different way.
My point is in this time and place if I were a Millennial or Gen Z, since we have so much technology at our finger tips, and ease of travel, there is no reason not to go abroad if that is where your heart leads you. Women abroad speak English and they are sophisticated but still have values that are old world.
It is all about values.
Culture is one aspect that influences values. Find a culture you personally identify with and start there.
It has noting to do worth ethic make up. If you do a test like 23andme you will see that we are all a Heinz 57 of ancient peoples. Even me I have an unusual high number of Neanderthal genes.
What matters is knowing who you are. Women around me never really understood my romantic notions of love as portrayed in books from Jane Austen to Russian romantic writers and poets. I grew up in woodsy snowy New England with dreamy visions of love and marriage. It just was not me to compromise my values and dreams in the only relationship that really matters.
Know thy self
Inscription on the Temple of Delphi
What matters is the you free your mind and stretch beyond your own psychological boundaries and limitations when it comes to ‘shoulds’ and ‘have tos’ of where to find a wife or husband.
Where do start to find a wife abroad?
The choices you make now will echo through eternity
My top recommendation is travel – I do not want to hear that you have a house or career or you some lame excuse. Travel. I did it and so can you. I quite my career for a decade and missed the financial crisis in ’08 and ended up better than many of my friends who were too scared to leave their careers in the beehive. I now have a family and live in a nice house and have a job etc, everything is fine. My two friends, George and Scott who did not travel and hunkered down in their careers are not marry, bored with their careers in the cube, and cynical.
Start chatting with girls online – Alternatively you can try online dating sites and marriage sites as those have women who are serious about marriage. However, better is to start online with traditional dating sites. I have written a lot about dating online and you can read some of my articles.
Go to school abroad – I do and so can you. I am no different than any of you. It just takes a little effort. The biggest Internet in the world is a college campus. When you are studying abroad at any age you will find more women that are single then you could ever meet online. Why? Because they are screened with your eyes rather than some photo-shopped Instagram image. You can talk to them and hear their voice rather than get an emoji. You can smell then and touch them rather than downloading their photos on your phone.
We are mammals and have not transferred our conciseness to AI, at least not yet.
If you have questions, write me. I want you to be happily married.
I am a college economics professor and getting PhD, and I am a school chess coach. I can with good authority say, that education is one of the best ways to live a successful, happy fulfilled life. Further, it can get you married and get you to stay married.
there are two fairly significant correlations with regards to education. One is you will earn more income. This is pretty straightforward. The second is you will be more likely to stay together in marriage. Yes, you can show me exceptions to the rule and point to people who have done it without and I think that is great. But the reality is the more educated you are, generally you will make more and stay married.
Evidence of the positive effect of education on life and relationships
I think the above correlations make sense in the content that education is painful. It takes commitment and it takes perseverance. It takes cognitive diligence and the ability to overcome circumstances. You need to be able to go through with a commitment. You have to stick with it even though it has ups and downs. Therefore I think it is no coincidence, especially with the data to support my argument, that women and men with only high school educations are more likely to split. In contrast men and women with a college education are less likely to break up. If you have a couple with Masters degree or PhDs they usually stay together.
The idea is the ‘consistency of behavior’. If someone can be trusted in little things they can be trusted with big things. That is if someone consistency with regards to going to class and actually getting their degrees, then I think there is a greater chance they will stick it out when times are hard in a relationship.
How does this translate into a search for a spouse
Forget the endogenous and exogenous variables what do these studies mean for you? Here is what it means. Look for someone who is educated at least to your level.
Yes, on one level educational achievement never mattered to me, because people have different ideas and circumstances about how to live their life. On the other hand:
a tree will be known by its fruit
For example, when I meet my wife I did not know or ask her level of education. I thought my wife had a high school degree for a year into dating. However, she had a Masters and a medical college. I did not base my rapport with her on her resume, but rather all the subtle hints my subconsciousness received that she had an elevated mind.
Love sees with the heart and not with the eyes
My relationship with my wife while dating was captivating for me partially because she loved to read and converse on topics in-depth and with an intellectual curiosity. Just her vocabulary and her ability to analyze issues were indications that she was an educated person.
In contrast, with exceptions, you can tell an uneducated person within a few minutes of speaking to them. Often these are the people you will encounter at a party or social gathering or when you are interacting, and within a few sentences your subconscious brain knows who you are dealing with. When having a tête-à-tête with an uneducated girl you often want to escape from the conversation and their nonsense. In your mind, you say to yourself ‘at some level, this person has nothing more to offer’ and the enchantment of their beauty disappears.
Education is easy pickings for critics and cynics
I know there is a lot of criticisms of our education system. I am often education’s largest critic. However, considering the positives and the negatives, education or at least the people who educate themselves are more stable in relationships and in my experience are more interesting to be around. Their minds seem to possess a little more intellectual curiosity and have a little more objectivity.
Often those in the limelight, whether it be on Youtube or in the entertainment industry, people who have the spotlight, are not educated. Some might even tout you do not need an education. You might draw a conclusion from these flexers that education is not an essential ingredient to life success. My rebuttal is – I would rather have my life than theirs.
People in my class have class
For example, I noted that in my PhD program the people have a calm, relaxed and cheerful demeanor. They are reserved in their opinions and if they have them, they are cautious and listen to your opinion with interest and consideration, rather than reacting. When I am in class I am happy and feel refreshed. Then, when I go back home and am shopping at Walmart or interacting with some rude or an opinionated customer service person, I feel depressed.
If you extrapolate that approach to interpersonal relationships, would you not want a spouse who is intelligent? You want a partner who is not reactive, but rather cool, calm and collective, a problem-solver and tries to see issues with objectivity?
Classroom of life
In the classroom of life, specifically when you are married, it seems like it is a series of tests that require patience and problem solving skills.
For example, not that marriage is a test, or a challenge – it is not, marriage is easy, rather life sometimes puts you through challenges. For example, life challenges are choosing a house or a job based on commute time, versus income or a school for your child, or budgeting. What will you do when something breaks and you do not have the money? If you are educated you have a better change to navigate through these problems. Are you going to give up or react, or are you going to with a calm, objective mind, be persistent in trying to solve the problem? When you have a partner who does this it makes life easier. You want to marry someone who is educated and this will make your life go smoother (generally).
Education trains your mind, but also helps you in mate selection. It helps you determine who has this ability to follow through with long terms goals and plans despite adversity.
My warning however, is not to collapse this into an Americanized version of simply adding this filter to a dating app or website. Rather just beware of the influence of education, particularly a liberal arts education at a graduate level life quality.
A stable home often leads to a stable future marriage
Perhaps it might be as simple as people who are educated generally come from a more stable home environment and therefore, are more emotionally stable. I do not want to be pedantic. However, if I am selfish and honest I want to couple with a smart person in life.
I know my message to you about choosing an educated person sounds like a bold statement, but I wold refer back to the statistics on income, crime, longevity, marital success. Granted it is only one variable, but I am saying, if you are going to spend the next fifty plus years with someone day in and day out, choose someone who excites the largest organ of arousal in your body, your brain.
You want your genes to propagate
When choosing a spouse on a subconscious level I also think you are choosing someone who will raise a good family. There is evidence that when the parents are educated the children do better in life and have a higher IQ. You want your genes to survive so why not choose a mate that will facilitate this and according to it looks like someone who is educated.
Another strategy for gene propagation is to live in a double-wide and have eight kids. However, you could live in trailer and have eight kids and be educated. Would that not be better?
My ancestry comes from Eastern Europe and one of the reason the Ashkenazi Jews fared well was their culture stressed education. Even with surmountable odds against them, they somehow survived because they educated themselves. Maybe circumstances are not so extreme today but maybe they are on an analogous level for the time, when you consider how much the country in going into debt and how the Gini coefficient shows an increasing stratification of income.
Weird urban single hermits
Are people who have an education snobs? Maybe some are, but I think it is no worse than what a lot of people do, that is become some weird urban hermits that belittle education or careerists whose ego defense mechanisms weave a world of opinions to justify their hermitage and single-hood. At least in school you are participating in life.
Education is so conventional
Never confuse school with your education
You can be unconventional and educated. The two are not mutually exclusive. For example, I grow my own food on an organic homestead, see myself as an online entrepreneur, traveled the world on a backpack, literally hitchhiking and camping out in parks, I am basically Peter Pan. Few of my ideas are conventional, for example, I personally think we do not need US currency rather a classic commodity standard would bring price stability and higher growth than the Federal Reserve. I would do a yoga retreat anytime or walk the Appalachian trail, the whole thing, if the opportunity avails.
Yet, when it comes to education, as enlighten and aware as think I am, I believe other people can still teach me something. I believe my brain needs to be challenged and stretched in ways that go beyond my solitary quest and exploitation of this existence.
It is very easy to poke fun at our schooling. However, the truth is, even if one in ten of your professors are worth your tuition, when you can get a professor who is life changing or has an influence on you it elevates you. Who is not inspired by stories of beautiful minds?
What does this meaning when choosing a husband or wife? You want someone who is always inspired and excited about ideas. Not trivial and base things like money and prestige, but impressed by eternal things like virtue and the mind.
We all add up to one hundred percent and are all children of God, so going through a formalized education system does not matter. Yet on a humanistic level, rather than spiritual level I just enjoy spending my time around people who challenge me intellectually. It is not the facts you learn but the who idea of learning that makes education important.
Its really about you life experience
Education has another benefit, that is, it expands and trains your mind if you have good professors. If your school is about multiple choice questions and standardized tests, I would switch schools. If your school is about online courses, I would switch schools. If your school has teachers that really challenge your brain and draw information out with the Socratic method, than this will benefit you, your whole life.
Anyone who does not live at the height of their culture, swindles themselves out of their own life.
Good news about School – It is where the hot girls are
Both as a teacher and a student, I can unequivocally say that there, is an infinite stream of attractive women you want to marry who are in school. I would say one in twenty of my students has an Instagram account. Most people in my Ph.D. program post to their Facebook, once a year or so. In my hundreds and hundreds of students, I have really only a couple that has a Youtube account. My point is if you are looking online for girls to marry, why not consider an alternative reality, school. The ones that are more offline than online are women you want to marry. If you want to be counter culture and buck the trend, find a sweetheart in school or who educated.
As a college professor I can say people meet in my class and date.
If a girl spends time online tending to her social media compared to her education, chances are when you are married she will spend more time on social media.
What type of Education is optimal for mating and life fulfillment?
My recommendation is go for an education. I know it seems long run and boring and a waste but it is not. You will develop and meet people, that will change you world.
What types of education do I recommend? I think a classical education or home school or a parochial school is best for K-12. Public school is good if the child is enrolled in after school chess for example and goes to tournaments on the weekend.
For a college the best are small liberal arts schools or if you can not afford it a small state school over the big factory universities. A school that does not interfere with your education, that is gives you just enough structure without being an institution.
For Master, best is not an MBA or a Law Degree. Education can lead to arrogance if it is coupled with a false sense of elevation based on what society though income matrix gives feedback on. However, as a note my counter to that is uneducated people can also be arrogant. Mental power needs to be tempered with wisdom.
To get this combination of education and wisdom, my recommendation is rather than focus on the practical, focus on a broad liberal arts experience. For example better is to major in Economics, Psychology, political science, English or Philosophy, again, liberal arts. Education is not about getting the degree, but about the exam of life. So if you educate yourself for money itself, it is a waste of time. If you educate yourself or choose someone who educates themselves for wisdom and learning in and of itself than you will win and choose a winner.
Find that liberal arts girls who looks amazing for you. Educate yourself, not with an online MBA or a nursing degree or something practical, but educate yourself with something impractical but you love, like philosophy or art history and do it with real brick and mortar classes. The amount of time and mental energy you spend on looking for a girlfriend, boyfriend or wife would be better spend in class where it could happen magically for you anyway.
Too old or in a career?
What if you are in your career and too old? I would recommend pick out a burial plot and call it a day. Just be honest – you are waiting for the measureless gulf of eternity to shallow you and wipe your seed from the face of the earth.
Are we clear? Do not take council of your fears, but rather educate yourself and move forward in your life in some remarkable way, start to think of ways to improve your life for the long term.
I would put religion as #1, looks #2 and education as #3 for criteria for selecting a mate you can spend your life with. Why ignore the wisdom of the ages that proclaims: Mens sana in corpore sano?
If you do not know where to start looking for a wife or husband or how to continue your education, write me in the comment or to my contact.
Prayer compared to Law of Attraction for love and marriage
In this post, I am looking at two ideas, prayer and the law of attraction and asking the question, are they essentially the same for finding the love of your life.
As a corollary to this question there is another question: are traditional religions coupled with prayer different than the modern version of spirituality and the laws of attraction in the context of marriage? I am not here to be nice to you or be politically correct or proselytize. I am not my brother’s keeper. I am already married and happy. Let us look at this objectively as the above questions are relevant to your dating life.
Yield to the logic of the situation
Consider this powerful idea
Deeply embedded in every religion is the idea of creation. I am not talking about the creation of the cosmos, that is debatable, rather, procreation. Procreation is not debatable. That is creation, through a Divine union entailing intimate physical relations.
This underlying premise in religion, lives in people’s subconsciousness and dwarfs any conflicting messages they may have from their generation’s social mores.
It is a powerful message when your religion tells you ‘you should be fruitful and multiply’. This ancient message can contradict modern messages of ‘you do not need to get married or you can do it alone and enjoy your life’.
Even if you are a mess in your head, your faith tells you, having physical relations in the context of marriage is not only guilt-free but good, even required. You are told it is your oblation to have relations frequently and freely, in the content of marriage. How is that for being direct and to the point?
There is no, if, or buts. That is a central part of being married if you are religious. Further, it is recommended you do not use artificial barriers. If this is part of your religion, a core part, then you better believe it, religious people are motivated to get married.
People who are specifically religious, rather than spiritual want to get married and have a family.
The marriage solution – I know 0.00% hot looking religious people who are not married or on their way to married.
This combo and looks plus religion is what I call the marriage solution. Before you escape, read on, I will look at this objectively. Consider the power of transcendent ideals coupled with homo sapiens’s need for physical contact. Then add something called prayer.
Why not just be spiritual?
Lets first look at the idea of religion compared to the popular culture idea of laws of attractions. Laws of attraction is the straw man which represents pop culture general spirituality. That is a positive idea or set of ideas that seem to emulate religion without all the bureaucracy and nonsense. Even I like this free thinking idea. I even recommend techniques to find love here that are similar, such as visualisation to find love or image your ideal princess or prince.
The issues there is no strong commitment to an ideal on par with ‘crossing the desert’ or ‘carrying the cross’, ‘giving up your life for a higher calling’, ‘a life of self-denial’. On the contrary, spirituality today is often messed with the idea of what is best for you at the time. Therefore, people who are ‘spiritual’ tend not to be as committed to marriage to the same degree as prayerful people in the pews.
Further, even if people consider these two things synonymous, the power of laws of attraction for some reason is not as strong as traditional prayer.
What is the Law of attraction?
Law of Attraction is a resurrection of the ideas of Joseph Murphy’s Power of the Subconscious Mind, which is a reinstatement of ideas that go back further. The idea is your subconscious mind communicates to the universe to help you find love. I do not have an issue with this, even if it is wrapped in a New Age cloak because many people today are not traditionally religious. I understand and respect that and recommend Joseph Murphy’s book. I have never read The Secret as frankly, it seems like too much nonsense, someone’s own way to make money.
Law of Attraction results
Objectively it would be challenging to compile statistics to determine if the of attraction works. However, I would say there are a lot of Youtubers promoting it and making claims so we might cautiously say there is anecdotal evidence.
However, I would also like to point out it seems the Youtubers promoting the LOA are themselves single and are not actually married, just dating or with a significant other.
That does not mean it is not effective, it just says, despite the popularity of the concept I do not see overwhelming scientific validation that it is better than being a farmer or a sports fan for example.
I can not say definitively there is a cause-effect relationship with the law of attraction and finding love. For example, if you look at farmers or sports fans statically are they worse off then people who use of attraction to find a spouse? You would have to filter out too many variables and do a cross-sociological study to determine if there is any evidence to support the use of the law of attraction alone as a determinant factor. Anecdotal evidence is intriguing but I can not say either way beyond personal experience.
Even these statistics have issues. Also, the degree of commitment is not reflected in this study. For example, people could be lukewarm and ‘in name only’ association to an affiliation and this might skew the statistics of people in contrast to people who are, example, Amish.
However, based on we can conclude that the devoted and service goers are generally married and less likely to break up. The people I know that are to their faith are happy in marriage. The ones that are lukewarm are lukewarm in marriage.
What about just being spiritual and praying? The stats do not pan out the same. It is something about having a commitment to a core set of (with all their imperfections) that go beyond the conventional wisdom of being spiritual.
In religion it is about giving up yourself. Some people are willing to die for their religion. However, spirituality is often whatever suits your needs. Therefore, when it comes to marriage partners who will be more committed, and , with you not if things get rough but when things get rough?
Sad story of a spiritual woman
For example, I know a woman personally, who went on a Tony Robbins empowerment seminar in Mexico with her husband. She met another man there who started a Tequila business and ran off with him. His net worth was ten times more than the current husband. She chalked it up to ‘different partners at different times in our journey’. Let us be real, the man sells a drug, called alcohol. He ran off with another man’s wife. Now she is back in town giving seminars on empowerment and spiritual LOA type talk.
Guys can you now see my point? Open your eyes. Women who are spiritual, but not , are for marriage as and they have a high flight .
Give me a character out of Fiddler on the Roof any day over that lady. I know what love and marriage are about and it indeed is not that lady’s set of beliefs.
What about prayer to find love?
Based on my personal experience in life nothing compares to a simple prayer. Forget all the mumbo jumbo, just ask God for a wife or husband. This might be something you want to explore if you are looking for love. Eventually, you may find yourself jettisoning the rules and karmic based thoughts of the Laws of Attraction and your ‘paralysis through analysis’ and replace it with a simpler idea. Specifically asking the all-loving God to help you find your soul mate.
The simple reveals itself after the complex has been exhausted
Again I have no major issue with the laws of attraction. But for me, prayer is like a key that opens the door in the morning and closes it in the evening. Ironically there are no rituals needed, no purification of your thoughts or long minutes spent in meditation. It can be as simple as asking for help. When you have a busy schedule and are metaphorically ADD like me. A 1-minute ask is easier than doing the whole Zen thing.
If you are hiking in the forest even better in my experience as you can feel some transcendence.
What if you do not believe in God? OK, I understand that. You can still pray, something might happen.
A match of a spiritual person with a religious person
My answer is less rational more to the point. OK, you might say, Mark, ‘I am not religious but I should get a good religious girl right?’ Wrong, you do not have the right to do that to someone. You need to choose someone as idealistic as you are. If you are not that idealistic maybe you should consider a hobby like collecting than marriage. The whole idea of marriage is based on ideal that not make sense to the modern culture we live in.
Because of our traditions, we’ve kept our balance for many, many years. Here in Anatevka, we have traditions for everything… How to sleep, how to eat… how to work… how to wear clothes. For instance, we always keep our heads covered, and always wear a little prayer shawl that shows our constant devotion to God. You may ask, “How did this tradition get started?” I’ll tell you! …I don’t know. But it’s a tradition… and because of our traditions… Every one of us knows who he is and what God expects him to do.
Tevye – Fiddler on the Roof
I meet a couple of girls in Amsterdam staying in my room. They were with long-term boyfriends but not married. They said they might never get married. I asked them if they were religious, the answer was not at all, but they had beliefs and ideal, just not about God the ultimate reality. They even meditated and did affirmations. In the they said they did not see marriage in their future.
In contrast to spirituality, I know countless and I mean countless people of faith from all religions who are happily married. Think of all the pious humble, Muslims, Jews, Christians from the prophetic religions of Isreal or Hindus and Buddhists from the mystical religions of India that are married and have a family. How many traditional people are married? Billions.
I am just asking you to put the thoughts which are in the Western Collective unconsciousness in perspective of the world and history.
With all the issues with religion, that does not negate the power of prayer.
In my personal life, I asked God to help me find true love. When I met my wife, I put this in God’s hands, even if I was still asking. I am married.
Why not tap into the ultimate source of love and compassion in the Universe. Why leave it to your own responsibility and burden? Why carry that weight, you are already doing everything you can now to find true love. Why not start down a path that Billions of people have taken before that leads them to marriage?
Why prayer does work and Law of Attraction might not?
There are a lot of components to this analysis. For example, LOA works on one level, that is it taps into the great ocean of the collective consciousness which we are all connected and sends and message through this bio-psychological ether to communicate with your other half and brings destiny and reality together like gravity.
My thesis is prayer does that also. However, there is an additional benefit. Prayer usually involves a community. Your church, synagogue or temple or mosque. Even if you are not active, you are still somehow communing with people that beyond individual efforts.
In other words, even if you are not religious and do not attend service, I believe somehow, praying within a construct of belief, somehow gives a little more power to that ask.
What if you are agnostic or atheist?
This means you might be an agnostic former Catholic, Methodist or Jew, but still, in the deep parts of your you have a question, not your faith but your doubts.
You questioned and lost your faith years ago. ‘You put away childish things’, right? The notion that there is this projection that is a father figure in a flowing white suit on a chair watching mostly our actions with regards to our intimate choces.
But what did not go away were your doubts. This fundamental existential
You rationally cannot swallow the fairy-tale. Yet, you have doubts. Not doubts about faith. Rather subconscious doubts about agnosticism and atheism. Like before he left the Maxtix, the question was burning in him.
It is beyond the scope of this article, but just be open to the idea that your subconscious doubts are haunts you.
That maybe there is a complex stratification of reality. Maybe there is an ultimate reality beyond these Platonic caves we hide out in.
What if you have tried prayer and it is not working?
Pay attention to your own looks. Make yourself as beautiful as you can while you wait for your soulmate. I think people underestimate looks. Looks are critical. I made a video here on how to be good looking.
Keep up your prayer. Prayer is like a chain, each day it strengthens your power. Why not tap into the ultimate power for help?