Category: Romanticism

I frequently get questions regarding the citizenship status of a child born to a surrogate mother abroad. That is, if the child has US parents, but the mother is from another country will the baby born in another country have US citizenship at birth?

The answer is yes, generally. If the surrogate mother is a non-US citizen, the US state Department looks at the biological connection between the baby and the non-surrogate parents. That is, the parents that conceived the baby with egg and seed. Only then can you get a CRBA or a Consular Report of Birth Abroad of an American Citizen. Also at the end of this post I have a good resource to follow through with so read everything to know the facts and the law.

The biological connection of the parents determine citizenship of the baby

It is all about the connection and genetic line.

However, a big qualifier is the United States State department looks at each case on a case by case basis. Further, if you are unsure talk to an immigration lawyer or someone who specializes in Surrogate mother. However, the general rule is the blood connection between the baby and the parents.

• DNA testing will be the fastest way to determine the citizenship of the child.

• Jus sanguinis – applies to most European countries but the USA has an allowance for babies born abroad.
• Jus soli – would apply if the child was born on US soil.

The reason the genetic test is so important is fertility clinics switch genetic material when convention is not viable and often people do not know about it and it is not reported on any documents.

However, this also begs another question. Can the child born in lets say Europe or South America for example, acquire the citizenship of the country they were born to a surrogate mother? Generally no. However, if the surrogate mother were to put her name on the paper as the mother in the foreign country and not mention surrogate then in theory yes as they government agencies would assume that is the birth mother.

• Obtaining dual citizenship would complicate the issues of citizenship for the genetic mother-child relationship. Therefore I do not recommend it. I would say if someone was clever they could do it, but I question the legality of it.

Is DNA testing required in the case of a surrogate baby? Not always, if the official paperwork is in place and the US State department can base the case off of official paperwork, but I would say universally a DNA case is needed.

What if the child can not get confirmed a citizen? The birth parents could adopt the child and bring it into the USA with a more complicated process. But I can not imagine a case that would be the case. The first goal is to get the child confirmed as an US citizen, this is different from applying for naturalization. Remember the citizen parent has to fulfill the normal requirements of Consular Report of Birth Abroad of an American Citizen, which including living in he USA a certain number of years. Further, there are requires for both father and mother that are subtly different in cases of citizenship and wedlock factors.

Does the above mentioned rule apply to other countries as well in case of citizenship and surrogate parents? Although this is new ground for the legal system, cases are being established were the above mentioned procedure, that is a case by case look at the biological connection is the general rule in most countries arround the world.

Do I personally feel surrogate births are ethical? I believe all life is sacred and how can any baby be a wrong? I believe that parents who do this for fertility reasons have a real desire to have children. However, adoption can also be a consideration. As a catholic maybe I should be more opposed to it, but I love being a parent and parenthood and do not want to deny someone who, you decide but ask me if you have moral issues.

Why an international surrogate mother?

• If you are looking for a surrogate I recommend a surrogate from another country because the pay or compensation is less (money and economics is a reality we are restrained by).
• The mothers living in another country are often living in a clean air more natural environment away from WiFi and electromagnetic fields and impurities in the diet.
• I would choose the environment as the number one factor, a good diet, natural and rich in DHA and or supplements as prescribe by a doctor.

Further resources about International surrogacy and citizenship of the baby

Is a baby born of a surrogate mother a citizen?

Ask me any questions you are unclear on the relationship, pregnancy, artificial insemination or arrangement.

Women think different from men, this is cliché. The important point here is, what each gender fantasizes about, tells your something about the collective unconsciousness of women and men. Why do you need to know about what goes on in the deep recesses of a girl’s imagination?

Because, if you are a guy and understand the female mind you will get girls interested in dating you. Even if you do not do any of the things listed below,  just talking about it will get you in the door with a girl.

Films (good) brings to life our collective unconsciousness related to dating

To illustrate this point, do you remember the film ‘Kate and Leopold’ when Leopold starts talking about Paris, to a group of hipster girls? The result is they immediately listen and warm up. Well guys you have to know how to talk to women and this includes knowing what is going on in their subconscious.

The mind is an iceberg where only 1/7 is seen in the conscious mind – Sigmund Freud

Understanding what a woman daydreams of,  is like learning to speak her language. It enables you to chat with them, build a rapport and break the ice. And guys don’t you want to talk to girls?

What do women want to experience in life

1. Strolling around Paris – this could include shopping for perfumes, seeing the Louvre,  or holding hands by the Seine.
2. Dancing in Latin America – tango in Argentina or disco in Brazil and forgetting who they are and all the restrictions on them for being a Western woman. I recently saw Hillary Clinton do this on the news,  and she looked like it was the happiest moment of her life.
3. Driving the Amalfi coastline in a red convertible with a cordial Italian guy.
4. Living on a tropical Island, as long as all the comforts of home are present.
5. Visiting New Zealand (since Lord of the Rings  a lot of girls mention this).
6. Getting married in Vegas, with no long drawn out dating or living together for seven years.
7. NYC and walking around 5th avenue seeing the tall buildings, going to Greenwich village or SOHO and browsing alternative clothes shops and looking at the interesting people and then doing lunch in Chinatown.
8. Hanging out in alternative coffee shops in Seattle Washington or Portlandia drinking foofy coffee and reading books.
9. Reading books in any cafe in a trendy section of town, perhaps something they picked up in a used bookstore.
10. Going on a spiritual retreat in New Mexico or a Yoga retreat in Costa Rico
11. Taking their top off on a beach where they can just be free and no one cares, somewhere like southern France or a Greek Island.
12. Visiting a Middle Eastern market in a safe place like Morocco or Istanbul and getting a good deal on things like handbags made locally and that look unique.
13. Going to India and observing spiritual practices.
14. Speaking French – The French language conjurers up images of elegance and culture (I think the French developed this wealth as they were good imperialists, like the English by the way). So mentioning you know some French is not a bad idea.
    
15. Pampering make over day, spa day, massage and mud masks and seaweed wraps. I use to do this in the French quarter of Montreal. I can not believe I was so self-indulgent.
16. Sweets – Anything involving sweet, gooey, chocolate cakes. Estrogen is the primum movens and guys will not understand it.
17. Culture – having a conversation about classical art or art museums. Women are the vessels which transmit culture from one generation to the next so they like art , languages , dance, religion,  music and fashion.
18. Going horse back riding – girls like it. Or anything to do with animals for that matter. But riding a horse on the beach seems to a pretty common female fantasy.
19. Having a house on the Ocean – Preferably near a lighthouse. Talking to women and dreaming with then about houses is a lot of fun. Contrasting different interiors and exteriors. Talk of materials and colors and light, and landscapes are like talking to men about sports.
20. Talk about children or babies – It is so deeply ingrained in their unconscious that it is exciting to them just thinking about it. They get all giddy and smiley when talking about babies as they should as they are the ones that protect and nurture the next generation. Evolution has programmed this into them. Girls that do not get into baby/children conversations, you want to avoid, as they are not females in the true sense of the world. You want a girl who would love to have kids someday, even one that is baby crazy.  This is a sign of a healthy body and mind.

Male concrete cognitive thinking repels women and stands in contrast to girly sensual imaginative creative projections of the female mind

All the above, is in contrast to the male mind fantasies, which could be something like being in a heavily forested area in the mountains in rustic cabin. This is the male mind.

Girls get lucky when they find a guy who understands their dreams and envisioning. It makes their life easy if they find a guy who likes living this girly life or at least talking about these things. I mean I kind of do, I live on a semi tropical Island and have a dual EU – US passport.

You can say this or that about this approach to develop your mind and cultural side, but I always could get more girls than any macho guy or pretty boy because I have a gentleness, I am well read and traveled.

• The main take away here is women are the ones that transmit culture to the next generation and in their subconscious they are seeking someone who will help them with this. Take advantage of this by getting to know the world of female fantasies.

In contrast my friend, George, likes to do Colonial war reenactments and spend a great deal of time in the mountains of New Hampshire, unshaven and unwashed for a three-day weekend. That to me is interesting, but he has not found a girl who would like to cross the  corpus callosum gender fantasies and join him.

If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you’re not going to make it with anyone anyhow – The Beatles

Guys, you can exist in your bubble world of abstractions, left braininess or rugged male concreteness but you will not get quality ladys if you do.

I was a bit lucky in love.  I have travelled the world and had a woman in every port.  I was not a beggar in the dating game but a chooser. My message is everyone has to be a chooser. Do not compromise. Play the game like you could date anyone you want. A large part of that in the initial phases translates to being a dating detective. You have to uncover the facts. Not about their income or hobbies mind you, but about your partners view on life and suffering. Ask your date  a series of probative questions that will reveal their answer to the meaning of life question.

The determinant criteria for choosing a husband or wife has to be based on a barometer of two things, your date and mate must have:

• Irresistible attractiveness
• A deep moral sense of responsibility, ideals and guilt, remorse and even humility to the point of self debasement

Sound radical? Read on. The purpose of this post is to give you some ideas on questions to ask your date.

Humans have a dual nature. On one hand, we are animals or animals gone wild without instinct to restrain us. We are motivated by gluttony, greed, lust, pride, desire to rule and dominate, even me. On the other hand, we have a Divine nature that lifts our actions from base or lewd behavior to a higher ideal.

I think if there were no laws civilization would quickly revert back to tribal leaders and strong-arm thugs carrying out orders from their master. Even with laws we have, the world is a rough place. This is because although many people are moral, many people are not. The world is made of sheep and wolves.

• I played the computer game civilization countless hours when it first came out, to the point I was pasty white with rickets from lack of sunlight. One thing it taught me how much civilization has changed, yet how little man himself has change.

People act moral for two reasons:

• Law and fear of punishment is a disincentive for acting in an immoral way. Why steal if you will be punished?
• Internal moral compass. This can be based on religion or humanistic ideals.

It is the rule of law that is based on ideals that keep many people in check on a social group level. However, it is only personal ethics that are in play on a personal relationship, dating and marriage level.

What the deuce? Why can not people understand this? Why do they not consider a persons moral fiber or character during the dating process? They date good-looking people with money who are dominated by their reptilian or limbic brain?

• My message is date a cordial looking person with exceptional ideals that should shame you.  Marry a person who is irresistible physically with the ideal of Brother Cadfael or Mother Theresa.

The person does not have to be religious in the traditional sense. They could even be guided by a humanistic ethic of love and compassion or a free spirit. However, if you date someone and they are ‘nice’,  no good. It is a recipe for a relationship Titanic. Nice is not radical enough, understand their meaning of life their reason for being.  Ask them ‘what they would do if’ type questions.

Mark, why are you so serious? Because life is serious. We have a limited time to do our work and our flame will be extinguished here on earth. You hook up with someone who is ‘nice’ and you will wind up being a single mother or a father paying alimony for the next ten years, like both my neighborhoods.  Date a nice means translates to you will be burned. You will have your purgatory here and maybe latter also.

You do not want nice, you want deep, meaningful, idealistic a knight in shinning amour on a white horse and princess that needs to be rescues from trolls and scoundrels.

Questions to ask during the dating process

Ask the person their stance on divorce. If they believe in divorce in some cases, or say in a semi high-pitched voice,  ‘if someone who is not happy should leave a marriage why not’, then I highly advice you to drop them like a bad habit.

Does this mean do not consider divorced people? I am not saying that at all. If a person is divorced and yet says they do not believe in divorce and their marriage split because of youthful mistakes and a situation out of their control do not judge them and you can stay with them as long as they tell you, they believe marriage is forever.

Ask them if they believe if money or careers matters at all in a relationship? Then stay silent and see what they say. Money means nothing in love, zero. I live in the USA and you can live well here will little money, just with a job at WalMart.

Yes, I have done taxes for many WalMart employees and they have houses, cars and a nice life. So why is money important in a relationship?

Ask them the role of humility in life? If they keep going back to the pop modern psychological virtue of ‘self confidence’ over humility and repentance for self transformation, I would tread with caution. Self confidence is good in business and the meet game in a singles bar or a disco. However, humility is much more sweeter when you get to know someone and have to live with them on a day-to-day basis. They do not have to be like people from the Middle Ages who engaged in self-mortification or flagellation in their rituals, but someone who spiritually will suffer and sacrifice for the higher good.

Inquire about their level of acceptance – Ask them if you were corpulent and disfigured and feeble would they still love you just the same? If they say ‘yes’ or ‘more’ than keep them. If they would reject you for being corpulent or weak or mentally in-stable or love you less why bother with them?

What is marriage? Marriage is an equal partnership that is not 50% – 50% but always 100% and 0%. You should be willing to bear 100% of the load of the marriage for your whole life. You submit the “I’ to the “we”. The real question is can you find someone who is willing to do the same?

A giver and a taker will not work, as the giver will get exhausted. A taker and a taker will destroy each other. Only when two givers, who are moral, loving compassionate and moral can a relationship last and be happy. I had one girl tell me, ‘you are a giver and I am a taker and this is why we are symbiotically good for each other’. I replied, ‘have a nice life’.

What is your relationship? Do you think I am too extreme regarding screening people, not on their hair color or hobbies but rather loyalty to ones ideals? I mean I see so many genetic Match.com profiles filled with trivial things, rather than seriousness of their commitment to the life process of self transformation and love.  They list their passion, for example, ‘wine and cheese tasting parties on the weekends’ on their match.com profiles, yet do not mention anything like how they are believe life is sometimes pain, suffering and lament so we might be transformed by this purgatory so we might be greater lights in the world to others. Find a super cordial lady ( or dude) who talks like this and win their heart. What do you think?

I am a guy and I will tell you in a no-nonsense way why you are not married.  A guy’s point of view, why you are single and have no husband. So stop flipping though Self magazine and listening to your girlfriend’s lame relationship advice. Here are the real reasons you are single, and knowing these will enlighten you on how to get a husband.

The reason I am writing this post is, I can not tell you the number of women, educated and intelligent and together in their lives, and yet are single, unmarried and lonely (and believe me we all know it is painful to be single). The question is why is this?

Let me explain with this metaphor, if you know why you are single, the rest will take care of itself. It is like in Bikram yoga when we are told to exhale deeply, the inhale will take care of happen. Similarly, if you know why you are single, you will know how to get a husband without trying. So take a deep breath, have a cup of tea and read my post.

Sure maybe you have had some boyfriends or even have one now,  but you do not have martial bliss. These single ladies with their fancy degrees and coach handbags are not getting being propelled to a higher level.

What is a higher level? That is to have a white picket fence, a dog and a station wagon with wood on the side or SUV  small car (post crisis) and a nice hubby who loves and supports you and helps you with all their fears.  Someone who you miss, even when he is taking the trash out. A cordial husband that you can get silly with and tickle each other and have ketchup fights with. Someone who makes you feel, when he holds you tight, like you and him are the only two people in the world…  and a crying baby who you love with all your heart is there to remind you are not. This is the highest level in life.

Here is why women are single or do not attract a proper husband:

• Not attractive
• Not easy-going
• Does not inspire ideals
• Weak brain (no intellectual curiosity)
• Has not met the right one

The purpose of this post is to look at each of these point and their explanatory value as to why girls are single. Sure there have been mainstream books on he subject such as ‘ Smart women foolish choices’, but most of these pop psychology books are not radical enough in their honestly and written by women.  This is what I give you, only the truth.

Girls are not attractive enough to get a husband

Before all you haters start writing nasty comments that women should be accepted, and a size 12 or 16  is OK, and who am I to judge, hear me out. I did not make up the rules. One million years of evolutionary programming is not going to be negated by a couple of decades of militant materialistic ideology in liberal pockets of the USA or UK. I am sorry.

However, the good news and the hopeful message is all females are beautiful. I have never met a woman who was not, they all have their special attraction. Again, I think it is evolution. Love is not reserved for the beautiful and the strong. It is for everyone.

However, that being said, why would you not want to optimize your looks to attract the mate of your dreams? Sure it takes a little self-sacrifice and disciple, but beauty is something that is easily obtainable to all, not something written in the stars or our genetic code.

When I was a boy and reading classics in Greek literature and I remember the story of the man who could choose beauty, wealth or wisdom.  I know the proper answer is wisdom, but I always wanted beauty. I wanted to be so cordial that I could get the girl of my dreams. Little did I know that beauty is not something given by the gods, but something woman-made. We can all be at least eights on a scale from one to ten.

If you are alone and with no husband ask yourself are you making yourself friendshipy and attractive? I am not talking about ‘nice or cute’ in a girl’s sense. You know, where your girlfriends see you they tell you ‘oh that haircut looks good’. And you both are smiling at each other in an affirmative way like girls do who are relating to each other. If you look cute why do you not have a guy that looks like Brad Pitt, but with the morals and ideals of Captain Frederick Wentworth.  It is because your girlfriends are not seeing beauty like a dude does.

If you want to know what is attractive on a girl (read my post on the subject for more detail,  I am talking about friendshipy in a rustic animal instinctual sense, so that when guys see you, they undress you (rip your clothes off) in their minds.

Wild rustic Homo sapiens girl with a 21st century minimalist fashion or a cubby plucked, painted, dyed girl for your girlfriends to say ‘oh she looks cute’?

To look wild and rustic, let nature guide you in terms of attractiveness. Read my post on how to be attractive. Do not wear perfumes and dye your hair. Let it grow and get in shape and learn to develop some pheromones, and by all means be a size 8 ( at most) or 6 or 4 or less and fit (yes muscles and strength) like ‘primitive Homo sapien hunter girl’ from 20,000 years ago (think the Hunger games if you will). Look wild and dress with  style that is simple. Appeal to men’s instincts, rather than reading women’s magazines or other girls  to guide you in fashion. Remember the fashion industry is largely connected to money and disconnected to helping you find soul mate. I want you to win and I am trying to help.

Not easy-going

Women want to adjust everything. Fix aspects of their relationships, get the guy civilized. Lets face it, if it were not for women we might all be living in the caves. They want to make sure men prepare the nest. But why do women go excessive about this? I do not know. They want to nit pick and nag a man about details that are unimportant. Men will take care of women, just pick a man who was raised by a good mother.

Women want to raise their own children, not some adult male whose mother did not teach them to be responsible. So its easy, find a good man and you do not have to adjust him (too much).

A friend of mine had a girlfriend who use to leave lists of things for him to do on saturday morning. Yeah right. They dated for a while but that was the last straw.

Guys want a super cordial lady that does not hassle them – capiche?

That is it. That’s what I got when I married my wife. A good-looking girl who is easy-going.  Of course there is more to it, but basically that is what guys want. The good news is you can be super cordial if you follow my fashion advice. And easy-going, well it comes from spiritual work or being raised that way, try some yoga or read some books on inner peace. If you try to change someone else, often there is something in our lives that are amiss.

Girls minds are programmed to see details because they have to raise children, but girls have a choice. The options are: to hassle their man about details or have a husband. You will scare good men away.  Girls take it easy, if something annoys you about your guy, ask yourself if it was the reserve situation and your man was giving you a hard time. Do not focus on non important things, develop inner peace to find a husband.

On the other hand, do not be so easy and pick anyone. Get a real prince and make him work for you. I got my first real date with my girl after a year of chasing her. Play to win.

Does not inspire ideals

Any girls can get a boyfriend. Let me give you and example.

When is a four and eight? When she puts out. Got it? Girls can attract guys by misusing their physical virtue. Girls you want a guy? Not just to marry you, but make your dreams come true, an idealistic guy. The take my advice, be an idealist yourself. You do not have to be perfect or never have done wrong. But do not be a ‘hip and cool’ modern girl who is a serial monogamous, yet does not have the man of your dreams. You will find yourself like a lot of my friends living with cats and alone.

• Got it? So stop letting guys treat your body like an amusement park. If you have strong urges, I understand, try self-indulgence, but to get a guy let him work for you.

What can I say, I am not throwing any stones, but I am not a big believer in physical relations outside of the context of marriage. I know no ‘pure’ girls’ that do not have a zillion guys who would climb the highest mountains for them. On the other hand, I do know a lot of ‘modern women’ who cannot get a guy to commit.

Maybe this is not all that important, but guys like idealistic girls. To attract idealistic guys, do not be the town ‘you know what’. But remember purity comes not from the body, but from the mind. So no mater what you have done in your past or keep doing because you can not control your urges and needs, your heart and ideals will lift you to a higher level. You can be the ‘town you know what’, but if you hold goodness in your heart, some guy will see it. Really, many guys will  even marry ‘working girls’ if they are pure in heart.

Intellectual curiosity – Girls over-estimate attractiveness and underestimate their need for intellectual development

Girls unplug from your mobile phone and iPods. It is so annoying that American girls are plugged into their cell phones. On a first date with a guy they will even take calls. Unless you are an ER doctor, it is rude and a sign of low intelligence, a weak brain.

It is so unhigh to be a  girl with no brains. Brains is not defined as IQ scores or Ivy league degrees, it is about intellectual curiosity. A girl reading Jane Austen or wanting to travel the world and learn languages and study art and music and history and explore the meaning of life questions will get a guy who is interested in the same. For example, my wife and I read books on park benches (now at playgrounds with our daughter) together.

It is so unfun to be with some fake blond, tanned, with big doorknobs woman with nothing going on upstairs. Not even for a night. I would rather go back to playing chess on the Internet and let her whine about coming back to bed. It is something instinctive that people want to pass their genes to smart ( translation – curious) people. For example, Mozart has no trouble getting girls I hear.

Have not met the right one

It the only point that matters. If you are single and lonely it is because God has not brought you and your other half together. Maybe you need more time to develop spiritually or to learn patience, a ‘desert crossing’ if you will. But like the song says ‘everybody loves somebody sometime’.  The same applies to men who want to get a wife. It will happen to you and when it does, you will forget all the pains and loneliness of being single and even most of your single friends. At that point you will be welcomed into a secret club, that you can not explain to anyone who is not in the club. It is called being a parent, and a wife. And let me tell you, it is a great club to be in.

If you are single and do not have your spouse, write me, leave a comment below and I can help diagnosis the issue, and I will help.

I have done extensive research on anti-aging over the years, for selfish reasons. If you want to be young and beautiful here are specific steps that can help in summary form.

• Caloric restriction – Scientific fact, if you reduce your calorie intake you will slow down the aging process. From fruit flies to primates science confirms this. See the research by Dr. Roy Walford. There are some real advantages of being a skinny girl or even a few pounds underweight. centurions are universally underweight. Your DNA will get cross linked if you eat too much. You will age. I question how much DNA can repair itself once damaged. Your cells do not have a calendar, rather they mark the passing of every hour by the rate of calories consumed. As long as you are not deficient in macro or micro nutrients and live a semi-active lifestyle this seems to be the key to longevity. If you want to stay young, slim and beautiful for your peers to admire and be jealous of, consume not in excess.
• Anti-oxidants – My favorite anti-aging supplements are nothing exotic (because of the cost effectiveness), rather, grape (reversital, proanthodyn grape seed extract) and blueberry extracts ( not only flavonoids, polyphenols but increases glucose tolerance), but all antioxidants are good.
• Quality multivitamins including trace elements like chromium (again excess blood glucose is almost synonymous with accelerated aging, diabetics for example experience faster degeneration).
• Exercise helps – But do not get crazy and damage your joints like I did. Do things like yoga and swimming and walking. Excess of anything is an imbalance.
• Get married and stay married –  Divorce or a least being single shortens life expectancy. Also have physical relations often (within the context of marriage), it seems to be natures way of keeping the juices flowing. I know it is hard, but try to do it a few times a week or day. It is a hard task, but I know you are up to it. Really, science confirms this.
• External influences – Avoid smoking and pollution. I lived in Krakow the most polluted city in Europe and it aged me. I moved there with a baby face and now look a little older than my age. Staying in traffic even does that. Move to a clean place. Use water filters and air filters if you can afford it if you do not. Sun exposure only ages the skin, not your whole organism. But if you want to look good, avoid the sun.
• Get pregnant stay relaxed hormones – Stay relaxed and easy as stress and negative emotions bring on profound hormonal changes like the release of cortisone that can create imbalances and accelerated aging. On the other hand, with all the stress on the body, pregnancy somehow seems protect females. Women if you desire to live long and stay beautiful,  get pregnant, a lot. It is better than any Hollywood plastic surgeon. My mother smoked heavy for 65 years, but after five kids she is in her 80s and still fine, God bless her.
• Be as natural as possible – Use natural conditioners and facial creams and not too many chemicals around the house or perfume and deodorants that have things you do not know. Read my lips, read the ingredients. What is wrong with trying some  things or shopping at a health food store? I make my own creams for a fraction of the price. You can mix coconut oil which mixes with most substances. Remember all the there is an anti-aging is an industry. Do not get ed up into the expensive fancy marketing of it. Be cheap and simple and eat less, but quality natural foods.
• Future of anti-aging – Telomerase reactivation and adult stem cell repair. Harvard University seems to lead the charge with this type of anti-aging research but it will be the future.
• Living forever – Not a chance, we all have to shed our moral coil. Even the Universe is expanding in  entropy towards a cold energy less state. Then time will stop. One second will be the same as billion years. Vampire fantasies are popular, as these are sensual creatures who are immortal. Epic of Gilgamesh is the oldest written story on the planet. About a king who would use all his power to stay young, where is he now? Think about all the Ancient Romans ad Greeks who lived in natural air and with a natural diet. They are all gone.  Ponce de Leon when I spoke to him last five centuries ago, did not found an effective way to slow down aging and live longer (he died at the hands of Native Americans). My point is use my tips to improve the quality of your life not to get neurotic about.
• Solution for biological entropy – I do not want to preach or freak you out here but. Take a look around you and be aware, does not the world seem surreal if you start to penetrate the depths of reality? Ask yourself what is the meaning of life. Are we not all connected? There is a reason we are here on this earth. Our temporary existence here is only an airport where we have to change planes on our journey to a greater reality. Do you want to stay forever in a crowded chaotic airport forever?

What to eat (less)?

I advise you to do you own research. I think generally, food that is high in water content and bulky like vegetables, fish or beans are good for a high quality/low-calorie regime. You do not need to go hungry, just eat a lot of vegetables and calorie restriction will kick in naturally.  Basically if you can train your metabolism to survive on about 1/3 less than conventional wisdom tells you to eat you can increase your lifespan (feel better longer) by 50%. CR to reduce atherosclerosis risk factors, improves memory, immune system and basically resets your genetic clock.

Try a ‘salmon and salad diet’, take a good multivitamin and antioxidants (I drink blueberry smoothies) and enjoy your life and do not think in terms of caloric restriction (basically anything a polar bear would eat). This will extend life based on the glycation theory and reduction of free radicals (blueberries and resveratrol activates Sir2/SIRT1 ).

In summary calorie restriction (knows as CR) is the key to being slim and beautiful and feeling healthy longer. Follow caloric restriction and your temporal length of existence will be protracted. If you want data to back it up research, the CRON-diet or the Okinawa diet, some more work by  and Clive McCay and Mary Crowell  from Cornell University. Also as mentioned anything by  Dr. Roy Walford and Weindruch for example, their book, The Retardation of Aging and Disease by Dietary Restriction or The book 120 Diet. Or any research paper on caloric restriction by a rejected university, the conclusions will all be the same. If you like historical more read about two Renaissance Florentine Italian scientist that tried the cron diet on themselves and lived to be over 100 years old, and that was back in the 16th century.

One admonition, if you have a tendency towards eating disorders do not try this until you are over it or working with a nutritionist, I am not promoting anorexia here nor malnutrition, which is something that can shorten maximum lifespan. It is not an expostulation, for I like it when girls are thin, just use your common sense.

If you would like to know more about staying young and beautiful forever and caloric restriction, just ask, I am kind of an expert on these things and my wife worked in a lab for a decade and went to a medical school in Europe.  I an encyclopedia knowledge on the subject of youth and attraction. I will give you clear, crisp no-nonsense answers because I am offering you only he truth.

Hard-working girls are some of my favorite girls to spend time with. Not the street walking call girls mind you, but women who toil long hours without much complaint. If you are a guy looking for a lady friend, look for a hard-working girl. Let me explain with this example.

When I met my wife she use to work 30 hour shift (really) at a laboratory, she worked day and night. Since she grew up on a farm hard work was ingrained in her character. She learned early on to work hard like an Amish girl, expect little and felt that this hard work is a virtue, maybe even a spiritual practice.  Women that have too much time on their hands get into trouble and their minds wander to temptation.

You work that you may keep pace with the earth and the soul of the earth.
For to be idle is to become a stranger unto the seasons,
and to step out of life’s procession, that marches in majesty and proud submission towards the infinite.  – Kahlil Gibran

Now that we are married what do you think she is like? Do you think she whines and complains for material things? Or do you think she works hard at keeping our child well taken care of, while being frugal with the family expenses?

Now, I am an enlightened husband. I love to cook, spend great amount of time being Mr. Mom, do yoga (I do not go as far as some Swedish guys who are trying to breastfeed). But do you think for a second that I would worry that my daughter and I would not have a cordial home cook dinner every day? With diligence and quiet persistence she keeps the house in order and makes me feel like a king? My wife has transformed our home into a place of peace and comfort.  If you marry a hard-working girl, she will treat you right without much thought of reward or being greedy for more.

During the courtship process:

• Probe your girl with questions about money, career, and attitude towards work and family.
• Observe if she cares more about having things or work.
• Does she work out with disciple or purse intellectual pursuits like languages or music, activities that require self-denial? If so this is a good indicator that she has some mastery and control over her appetites.

Difference between a career women and a working girl

Women, I know what you are thinking, you have a passion or love to work and do not see it as disloyal to have a family and purse a career or job. I agree, no one wants to be a prisoner, a slave and not have free self-expression. I am not advocating wives to be nothing more than friendshipy slave girls.  I am just saying work for your family not for your ego. Know what comes first and last. I am a man and I do. No way do I put some stupid office space job over my child and wife. Your boss does not care about you or that you compromise your values.

Remember the movie Kate and Leopold when Kate the career woman meets a man of integrity?

Leopold (to Kate): You know it’s revolting, yet you have no qualms enlisting me to endorse it?
Kate: What’s the problem?
Leopold: The problem is that, for no reason beyond my affection for you, I find myself peddling pond scum to an unsuspecting public.
Kate: Sometimes you have to do things you don’t like…. It’s a part of life.
Leopold: You have every convenience, every comfort, yet no time for integrity.
Kate: I’ve been paying dues all of my life. And I’m tired, and I need a rest, and if I have to peddling a little pond scum to get one, then so be it.

Career females are all about ego, yet deep down they want to be rescued from themselves. My message is even if they do want to be rescued it is better to avoid career women and avoid materialistics at all cost, because there is too much societal programming to work against, it would take too much time to deprogram her. Better to find a nice humble girl from the village somewhere, who works hard but is not a workaholic and does not care about impressing others and is not impresses by anything but virtue and good looks.

Career women see their relationship with you as a part of their life. Their boyfriend is just a component of their life, like, their beauty obsession, girl’s night out, career, the whole ‘me’ centered ambition thing. I want a girl who surrenders her whole life to me, as I would do for her.  Yes I know this is something out of a Jane Austen novel (maybe I am a little bit Lost in Austen), but this is the way I see the world and I am happily married.

Career women spend countless hours at the office servicing their bosses demands and not taking care of their husbands and families at home.

Does this mean if you are a woman you can not work? Nonsense. You can work, just like a man can, but understand the difference between working to live and living to work. Never, ever put your job before your family. Every second of overtime is a second you steal from your child.  I mean is 50,000 dollars a year or even 100,000 dollars a year worth prostituting yourself for corporate American while your family misses you? I think that money is a pittance that will not buy love or happiness.

• Life work balance is a myth. It is all or nothing about the family.

My daughter is not dropped off to-day care and my wife might even home school her.

Find a girl who will work, not at a career but at love. Which in my books means small daily acts of humble toil for her family.

 Psychology of values and how this related to dating and marriage

I believe in a consistency of values. That means if someone has some psychological traits chances are they will be consistent with others. For example, we use to joke that is a girl smoked she did other things. In contrast, if someone says the Rosary every night, chances are they are not taking illegal substances and selling their bodies. Every behavior, value, virtue like a fragment on a piece of mosaic art. It tells a story of the whole. Of course there are aberrations, but generally in humans you see a consistency of values. Hard working girls, most likely are responsible women that would take care of children and their husband and make you happy.

Countries with good lady friends with strong work ethic – find a nice girls from the village

• Indian girls
• European girls, for example Polish girls or Italian girls especially from the south.
• Chinese girls – this is almost a stereotype
• American women

A note about the American female work ethic

The ‘Max Weber Protestant work ethic’ is all but gone with American women (and men). It use to be that work itself has a purpose in that in develops moral character, not because it brings money.

To toil, and not to seek for rest,
to labor, and not to ask for any reward,
save that of knowing that we do thy will.
St. Ignatius of Loyola 1491-1556

What happened to this in our culture? American girls work for ego and money not for the virtue or self purification or doing God’s will (generally). I think of the American work place changed a lot and will continue to change, and be more material oriented, rather than seeing productive effort as a goal in itself. Therefore, you can pretty much cross American women off the list of lady friends that are marriage material. Many American girls want a life of leisure from someone else’s sweat. They want to accumulate material things, but lack the struggle that would bring them the wisdom to know how to prudently use this windfall.

They want a husband who has lots of money, but does not spend time at the office. I am sorry, I do not want to be their sponsor.

For example, I remember one girl one the first date asked me my net worth. Another girl, I meet on an online dating site said she only dated doctors. What losers, and I feel sorry for the guys that marry them and yes they will hook some guy.

So unless you meet an American girl who is someone whose family comes first, is willing to work long hours for the family with unswaying loyalty and see life as a struggle of self-improvement; I would suggest getting on a foreign dating site or taking a trip to Eastern Europe for a spouse. If you have questions just ask about how you can find your lady friend, I can help.

This post is about yoga dating. In class every new comers eye’s pop out, at least initially. Even me when I first started (when I was single), I could not believe what skimpy clothes, steamy temperatures and let’s be honest, open yoga poses will do for the libido and interest in the opposite gender. However, I learned not to look and gawk as you can not focus on excercise. You do not want to give someone else your power. But you can still meet them after class on the way out the door.

You have a good chance to find your date and wife in yoga. Why?  The number of girls to guys who do yoga are at least 2 to 1. You will have your pick.  However, more important is the girls are different from mainstream American women. The reason,  I recommend dating girls who do yoga is, the girls are pre-qualified. To find random girls in a club or on an online dating site who are pre-qualified is a little more tricky (but not impossible).

What is a pre-qualfied girl?

If it sounds kind of strange to pre-qualify a date, consider this, ladys to it all the time just based on appearance or job or fraternity. Such trivial things. What about considering the following factors? For me a pre-qualified girls are already:

• Yoga girls are attractive – Fit or at least gravitating towards their women who stretch and elongate instead of compete.  These women not just aerobics at the gym fit, but lithe and graceful and most likely into a natural diet. Yoga people are beautiful as it cleans you from the inside out, without making you obsessed with looks It is more about the experience.
• Yoga girls are peaceful – A large part of yoga is focused on awareness and harmony. Yoga girls try to balance out their emotions and be at peace. Sure I have met some flakey girls in yoga but the vast majority are pretty easy-going and spiritual. For me this is almost synonymous with compassionate. There are a lot of nice loving marriages that come from yoga dating. I know them personally. Basically everyone I know who takes their practice seriously has met their mate in yoga class. For example, Rolf Gates, one of the most amazing yoga instructors in the country did. The people who run Boston Yoga did and the person who runs my yoga studio in St. Augustine did. I can mention more, but those are people I personally know. They did not go to yoga to date and be in a relationship. However, they came out finding their other half maybe because the universe brings like-minded people together, people’s whose hearts are open. It just happened.  Yoga accelerates the process of removing rigidities from one’s life.
• Yoga girls have brains – I have yet to meet a girls who goes to yoga class who is not interested in the world around them. Intellectual curiosity is important.

Cons about dating a yoga girl

Often times dating girls in yoga class will result in a non traditional relationship. These gals sometimes are not traditional and will not cook and have crazy liberal ideas about love and relationships. However, most of the women are pretty cool and maternal and would take care of a family and support their husbands because it is the compassionate thing to do.

On the other hand, I did not meet my wife there and she rarely goes to class. She has more a natural beauty. Further, she is more churhy and I like this. She does not need to go out and find a new ‘way’.

Obviously it is not the end all solution for everyone. Even be I am off and on about it. It cost money and is a little trendy. Sometimes I go and sometimes I prefer to be at the beach.

I am obviously getting you interested in the idea of vinyasa and downward facing dog (nice position) can help you, but it is not for everyone.

Pros about dating girls from yoga class

I think there are few form of exercises that make someone attractive like yoga. Yoga girls are basically it in terms of looks, even if they do not have a perfect shape. Yoga is praticed by people from Indian girls to Eastern Europeans. It crosses culture.

Guys that are not into traditional religion can find women here.

There are dating sites about yoga dating but I think it is better to just use a dating site and screen for it or better yet go to class.

Relationship retreats

• Try Kripalu or Baron Baptiste, chances are you will meet someone.
• I remember my studio in Boston has a valentines class. It was not planned but they just ask you to talk to a person next to you (a girl) and see what happens. The person I talked to was sincerely nice, but I just escaped as I was too shy at that time.

Let me know what you think about the idea of yoga dating?

Thinking about other women, is it OK? I say to each his own, but I personally do not. If you are married what is the point.

It is so unhigh to be in a relationship and wanting or dreaming about someone else. However, I am not on some self-righteous high horse. I understand the imagination is something that is wild and untamed and flies and soars in all directions the wind blows. I am not judging any boyfriend or husband that can not stop thinking about other women. When I was single I had friendship on my brain. But when I am married I only want my wife. How can this be? Is it true? Yes, it is not a problem for me. My first advice is choose a wife you are physically attracted to, I personally recommend a younger girl. Second advice is read my post for more ideas.

Looking vs a thining, single vs married

In this post I am not talking about looking at other girls, I am talking about fantasizing about other girls. Letting your imagination go and taking delight in the idea of being with other women than your wife. I am also not talking about single guys. You guys are free to let your imagination take you to the date you want to be with. In this post I am talking about married and thinking about other people.

Work with your imagination not against it

I am just suggesting that maybe if you are married and you secretly delight in other women in your mind’s eye you might consider another path. If you can alter your fantasies in some way, like not fantasizes about a specific girl (your neighbor, the girl at the gym or someone at work), but a general girl hypothetical, this would not be as bad. Then transform this mythological girl into your wife eventually. If you can do this your life might have a new sense of power. Work with your imagination instead of fighting it. Let some fantasy girl transform into your wife in your imagination, or imagine your wife in an outfit when she looks cordial like at the beach or in tight jeans.

I’ve looked on many women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me. – Jimmy Carter

Why stop thinking about other women

If you know the why in life – the how easy – Nietzsche

Maybe if you are someone who can not help it or control your dreams and imagination. I understand this and not judging you and not saying your relationship is wrong or anything. Do not go that far, just relax. However, I would suggest that maybe you want to try to wean yourself off that use of your imagination. Why?

• You will find your wife is the most beautiful woman in the world.
• You will be at greater peace and can focus on really cool things, like me, surfing (waves not the Internet) and playing chess right now.
• God wants you to love your wife and channel your energies this way. It’s wrong because God says it is not optimal for your life.
• Women are great and I love them, but you have to beable to appreciate them as children of God and not just something you satifiy your needs with.
• Stick with your home team, fantasizing about other people is like rooting for your rival sports team.
• Those other girls out there is nothing special, really take it from a guy who has been around the block. They are not with someone because someone else dumped them.  If they are with someone you do not want to snake another man’s wife.

For example, when I was single I use my imagination in all kind of ways connected to dating women. It is normal. I was dating one girls and sometimes thought of another. However, when I am married I do not even like the idea of thinking of another girl besides my wife. I find it distasteful and not appealing. How could I have changed?

I also recommend my post about Is it OK to look at other women? I touch on some of the same issues from a different angle.

Why stopping thinking about other girls – you will have peace

I believe that imagination is where the divine resides and the misuse of it can lead to cosmic changes in your life. Assert your free will and do not let your mind to have this wanderlust. Like with anything else your mind can be trained and conditioned. Find a reason why not to fanatizing about other women. It might be your religion or your love for your wife or knowing your will be obsessed and tortured if you can not get this under control.

Mental techniques to stop obsessing about other women

• Try to see the object of your lust as someone’s sister or mother or wife.
• If that does not work, take it up a notch, imagine those girls doing something gross like vomiting or worse, they do you know.
• Ask God to set you free of any negative obsessions that might have attached themself to you.
• Just tell yourself you will not do it or allow it, eventually it will be normal not to think of women.
• Know an addiction is nothing but a door. You unlocked this door and now every time you want by it, it is calling you to open it. Do not, seal it and with time it will become rusty and unopened.
• Reward yourself with other pleasure. Me I like to play chess.
• If you surf really bad things on the web like P_0_r_M, maybe surf more mild things like movie stars in bathing suits. Turn your abnormal passions into less harmful normal thoughts.  Search something like Anne Hathaway or some other actress who is bathing in their ten minutes of fame and beauty in a swim suit. Then maybe someday give this up and you will find surfing the web for women boring.
• Fantasizing about your wife in different ways like in ancient Greece giving you a massage on some grey slate table with only a loose toga. Or you are in the wild west and on a cordial day and there she is when you walk into a salon. Use your overly active imagination in a way that is healthy for your life.
• Know that cheating is not the way, because in the moment of truth all girls are the same.

Single people do not have a lot of physical relations or fun in bed

The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence and in your single neighbors bedroom. Let me explain.

I met this girl at the library today who I know (nice girl in many ways). She is a free spirit flower child with children from several men. She is a pretty girl but was rambling again about she wants to run with wolves and date and live like she is 18.  She sees herself as some sensual goddess and flirts with people.

• Newsflash:  I guaran-f’-en-tee you she does not get a fraction of the ‘physical relations’ a married person has.

I have never seen her with a guy. Hey, me, I am married, physical relations are my duty and pleasure and one of the things required in married. Single people do not have a lot of fun in between the sheets. It is all stress and performance and trying to impress and it happens only after dates and courtship patterns. Married people have relations whenever they want with their partner who they love. It is way better to be married. To think you want to date or be with other women might be a temptation for some married men but do not let it play out in my imagination.

Brad Pitt or George Clooney model for your future?

You do not want to be some old corpulent grey haired loser without someone to grow old with. Like Robert de Niro in The Score – In the end he gets the girls, someone to grow old with. Just like the real life Brad Pitt. You want this, you do not want to be like some hopeless loser like George Clooney how is never going to get married, just changing girls. So stop fantasizing about other women or you will be corpulented to live a sad life.

How to find the woman to marry? In a nutshell, you want a beautiful woman with low self-esteem. I know this sounds like radical advice in a world about putting yourself out there. My advice is to find someone who is aware and even self-accusatory. Self-accusation combined with awareness is the first step to changing the ego and pride into something more beautiful. I would say the same advice applies to women who want to find a husband. You do not want to find some egotistical power guy, do you? Both men and women need to be humble and self-abasing to have a better chance at forming a union with another person, or else it becomes a contest of egos.

The purpose of marriage is to help your partner get to heaven. Always be thinking in these terms.

Rating women 1-10 (even if guys do not do it formally but make an evaluation on looks) is where most guys fail, and it destroys their lives. Let me explain, when rating a girl out of 10 for a potential partner, use my adjusted rating scale for evaluating a woman’s attractiveness. It is not what a person looks like that counts, rather, it is her attractiveness divided by her self perceived attractiveness. This ratio is how you rate a girl from 1 to 10. It is an analytical ratio of one factor relative to another, not a raw number. Ratios tell the real story of female desirability.

• For example, if you meet a woman (or man) who is a perfect 10 on a scale from 1 to 10, yet she believes is a 10, then her rating is 1.0 rather than 10.0.  That is because the amount of head games she will put you though just to be with her pretty face or let you hold her pneumatic milk glands at some level will drive you away.

She has most likely been corrupted by a  society of gawking men (and women mind you) and complimenting her and holding doors open all her life. Her ego is so large that it clouds her beauty. Alas, this beauty/ego ratio will resolve itself all in good time.

Summer’s lease is all too short – William Shakespeare

What happens when her looks fade what will you be left with but a 5 with a huge ego and expectations no human could satisfy? Yes, there will be a deflation of her ego but do you really want to be the guy to teach her about wisdom?

Girls with low self-esteem that are the most attractive

Find a cordial girl. Then ask her to rate herself. If she says anything from a 1 to 5 you keep her. For example, a girl who is a perfect 10 in your eyes, and rates her self a 4 her real rating is 10/4 or 2.5 on an adjusted scale. This girl is rated a ten in my book. Remember since we are using a scientific ratio here, rather than a simple ordinal ranking, the numbers will be lower. A 2.5 is like one in a billion find or more (think of the bell curve).  More likely an American girl would be a 4, but rate herself a 7 which means she is a .57. You can see the scale is different and the numbers and analysis does not correlate with a naive girl rating out of 10.

Nothing robs a female (or men) of her beauty more than ‘a person who knows it all’, talks loud, and has been there done that with other guys, is so cool and thinks herself beautiful and has an inflated ego. Ironically these people are the ones with no style, fleshy, tattoos, and swear like a sailor.

People might refute me and say girls with low self-esteem are dangerous because once they develop self-confidence, then the flight factor increases exponentially. I do not find that the case. I think a lot of our core personalities are determined as teens. Even me, I would say to some extent I am still a skinny, shy 18-year-old guy. I know this is not the reality but it has taken a lifetime for me to overcome by insecurities. So if you find a girl who is cordial with low self-esteem she is a keeper.

Still you might hem and haw, but contrast that with an American girl who has an inflated ego and is a size 10 or 12 and her chin in the air and an uppity bounce to her step.

Better is to find a slim leggy girls with wide hips and long hair with slightly rounded shoulders because she does not believe in herself fully. Then rescue her and make her world complete. I mean this is what girls do for us guys, make us complete.

What is you are a girl with low self-esteem? Paradoxically you probably are a real-life Cinderella or sleeping beauty, you just do not believe it.

Where to find beautiful girls with low self-esteem?

Maybe in Western culture but maybe not in the USA or the UK as our cultures are all about exulting the powerful and ‘ self-confident’ egotist, is this not right? American culture pumps women up to make them think they are goddesses. Let me give you an example.

I met this single mom at the playground the other day. She is middle-aged and more than a little corpulent and grey. She was saying she would like to move to a big city, because when she live in NYC she used to meet all kinds of cute guys just reading a book at a cafe. What planet is this girl from? Maybe when she was 23 and single, but why did she divorce her husband anyway (she left him because ‘he needed to change, in many small ways’)? Does she really think the world of men will still waiting to fall all over her? Yeah, we are waiting for you honey.

Here is another example to contrast that with.

I remember like 15 years ago on my first trip to Russia,  this bagged out American female travel agent who I was buying the flight tickets from, was making fun of this guy who met a nice humble girl in Russia and married her. What is wrong with that, I though? Better than being stuck with a closed-minded hag like you. I am sure to this day they are still happily married.

Go West young man (Mark Twain) and South and East but make sure you go far enough to cross an ocean (Admin).

Go to Russia, Ukraine, Eastern Europe, India, Asia, South America, Africa, everywhere this Western materialistic culture has not poisoned the well. There you will find girls who are rustic and naturally beautiful but do not have overly inflated egos (are not pains in the butts).  Women who study languages, and music and have a classical education with an interest in literature and interest in travel.

An apology to American women

Not all American women are egotistical or lack humility. Generalizations about culture are wrong and bad. Many are beautiful and sweet girls who do develop their mind and spirits and travel etc. It is just that seems to be the exception rather than the rule and the girls who are like this have a lot of alpha males trying to play them.  They often become bitter as a result. It is not their fault it is the times we live in.

I would equally recommend American women to consider to unplugging from this cycle of dating that leads nowhere and consider other cultures that are more congruent with your world view.

Find a girl who is attractive not by society’s standard but by your valuation of beauty

Better is to find a perfect ten—someone who is out of this world in terms of attractiveness. Not who the world thinks is 10, mind you, but who you do. Someone who is your ten. Many girls who are rated beautiful by society are not. They are a false light. I have made this point in my post about what is attractive on girls.

Metaphor to drive the point home about what is attractive on a girl

Would you rather have artificial flourescent lights in your home, or in contrast, your house or workspace be illuminated by natural light shining though an arched window or skylight or even stained glass? And so it is with women’s beauty. Natural and subtle are the best. Appearance and looks that do not stand out or are artificially altered by the beauty industry, and it is a business.

Society turns their head for the flashiest girls and rates them the highest. Ignore those ridiculous and chauvinistic sites that rate girls or rank the most beautiful women. Or people who has some cookie-cutter conception of how a girl should look, and girls painfully strive to fit this model.

What the beauty industry conveys is false about relative attractiveness and female ratings

For example, the beauty industry might convey a girl with a little turned-up English nose is beautiful and a roundish face a ‘all American body’.  However, my wife has more of a classical Roman nose with high cheekbones which is more striking for me. She also has dark features with disproportionately long legs which I like. The geekiest non-conventionally looking girls are the highest rated. There is a strange beauty in disproportionately.  You have to find the mate for you, that really wins you had turns your world upside down.

Another one of my friend (George) is obsessed with big jugs. His weighting scale on this factor is skewed in my view. If he does not tread carefully he could make a mistake in choosing is mate on this raking factor.

My point is you have to find what is your ten, your beauty.  Then make sure she is part of a real fairy-tale fantasy script, that is she needs to be rescued. Not some modern-day revisionist materialistic fairy-tale where the girls does not need to be rescued and once she is married she will turn to her friends on girls night out, ‘oh my husband, he is such an idiot’ (it happens). Find your low-self image girl who will knock your socks off in terms of looks.  This will be your girl rated a perfect 10. Rating girls 1-10 is fun as long as you know what you are doing. Let me know what you think of my recommendation on how to rate girls (physical rating/girl’s self perceived attractiveness rating).

Why can I just not meet a nice girl to marry in Church?  In theory you can. I kind of did, or at least got confirmation when we ran into each other there.  Further, in my experience the gals that go to church, at least where I go are sincere, authentic people. However, there are a few issues with this, that you need to consider. As always there is a solution.

The pros and cons of meeting a girl in Church

The main issue is, church is a place you should focus on the service, not scanning the congregation. This hour is a great opportunity for you to bathe in the universal love which we are all part of. You do not want to dissipate your energy by looking at other people, even though everyone does.

It is similar to when I first started doing yoga. I could not resist looking at girls in skimpy yoga pants becoming pretzels in front of my eyes. However, as I took the practice more serious I realized that if I wanted the full experience I should give my eyes a rest and not gawk at yoga girls, too much.

Now, you could meet them after or at an event. However,  American girls are wise to this idea, that is any social setting is a potential for guys to talk to them, and have huge defense mechanisms in place. In Europe it would be no problem as it is a different dynamic between men and women.

On the other hand, I have known people who have met in church and are happily married to this day. Therefore, I do not want to dissuade anyone.  So it is possible, because a huge part of the screening processes, that is the morality aspect and commonality of world view is taken care of.

Chemistry of love

Still just because you have two believers does not mean they are compatible in other ways particularly with the chemistry side.

• In particular, the aspect of raw physical rip your clothes off and swing from the swing from the chandeliers aspect of love. It is somehow hard to bridge this divine pure love Agápe with Éros. Let alone at in Philia to the mix.

If you mix these different elements of love, then strange things can happen if you are not a grounded person. For example, you will have yoga guru’s seducing their students. Or less dramatically, guys who talk the talk but in the end are players. Dante put ‘lust’ as the least offensive of the sins as it was misdirected or inordinate love. So the idea of mixing Agápe with Éros is fine in the right measure, like in the context marriage for example. In which it is the wife’s duty to have relations with her husband. Just joking but in the big picture it is kind of true.

I am sensitive to Russell taking the Lord’s name in vain and to Lady Gaga putting a rosary in her mouth. I think when you put friendship and spirituality in the same bottle and shake it up, bad things happen. – Katy Perry

However, if people understand that Agápe and Éros are two different ideas or forms of love that can be crossed in the right measure then religious dating one of the highest forms. To back this up, research (OK sponsored by online dating sites) statistically show religious online dating sites have the highest percentages of marriages. Does that surprise you? Not me, why would there not be a consistency of behavior and values?

My recommendation about dating

Therefore, my recommendation is for those who care about spirituality, and I think it is everyone’s business, consider dating sites that focus on this aspect of dating. I mean in Indian dating (a country that has virtually no divorce) this is a central aspect of any Indian dating site or marriage process, so why do Americans so readily jettison this?

I would say this is eons better than hook up sites like POF and Craigslist. To some extent match.com has become the young educated professional version of a singles bar from the 1980s, a lot of people from both genders they’re playing the field and after a few weeks of dating moving on to greener pastures.

• If you want to get to girl to the altar, and subsequently stay with you (flight factor is high these days), consider a churchy female.

Does God intervene in the dating process?

We are all part of God’s creation. Although a few people I know have met in church and are married to this day, the probabilities that would happen are not that high as the pool of potential mates in your parish are limited. Then why does the Absolute not play matchmaker and tilt destiny a bit?

Singles often do not find their matches in church because the rules of dating are often more about animal attraction.  These rules have been created from the start.  However, once the rules are in place, he plays by the rules. This includes physics and free will. So you might say, Einstein was right.

God does not play dice with the Universe

However, not to the end. Einstein was wrong. God created all that is seen and unseen. God not only plays dice, but he throws them in places we are not looking. Therefore, I ultimately think there is intervention in this process. It might simply not be as ostentatious as bringing tow people together in church.

Further, not every beautiful girl you see on holy ground is your one and only princess (or prince). You need to understand there is one person for you. For the universe to coordinate all this it like a symphonic event. You have to be patient. It may happen on holy ground but more than likely it will happen in other places as you spend more time in ordinary life, not on mountain top experiences.

Ask for help in finding your date

If you ask for help, with finding your mate, you will receive it. I believe this. The issue is people ask and do not get immediate results. The Universe does not work this way.

Why you have not yet found your soul mate?

I know what you are saying. You are a good person, smart and play by the rules, but nothing is happening for you. Examine if you are not friendshipy enough. Or  the problem is you are too judgemental and ridged (girls do not like that).  But again do not despair it is more like you did not meet your one and only. Read more about how being lonely and single is the rule not the exception.

Consider a lot of ‘dirt bags’ even in prison have girlfriends, wives and a family. You do not want to be so good you are good for nothing. You do not need to turn bad, on the contrary. Rather you just need to friendship it up a bit and learn to flirt and play.

If you do not have the confidence start by dating single mothers with kids and older ladies. I know this sounds cruel but nothing serious or sensual. Just go out on cordial dates. when you have your confidence up start to gravitate towards the ultimate in girls, single females in their twenties.

Fairy-tale  romance ending

I knew this shy, skinny geeky guy who would tremble when he met women. After years of frustration he turn to the dark side.  After becoming a player and bad boy, even going to call girls. In the end, he sincerely wanted to turn his back on his mischievous ways and find his princess. It reminds be of the Shaksperian tale of Henry V. You do not want to be a Falstaff, a pleasure seeker. But rather someone who rises to greatness and turns his back on less than virtuous ways. He eventually after sincere repentance found his princess. I question if he did not have those life experiences could he have the power to win her heart?

Important note about the atheists and agnostics in dating?

Many people I know are happy in a relationship without faith. However, they live by some higher ideal. Ethical atheists or anonymous believers, they both have the light of God in them, even if they do not see it in themselves. I know religious people married to non-believers and the marriage is fine as love itself is mystical. However, most of the non-religious or water downed faithful, just have temporary marriage. What can I say, this is what I observe. I do taxes and basically everyone is single head of household, who is not active in their parish. Maybe it is the area I live.

What is the solution for finding a mate?

The optimal situation is finding your one and only who sees love as an alchemist mixture of Agápe and Éros.

The moral of this post is to find your girl who goes to church, but you do not have to met there. You want to become so relaxed and skilled in meeting girls you can pick them up on the street. If you are this well verses, like Lestat if you will, then there is not reason you need to go fishing during mass. The key is when your heart is stung by cupids arrow, retain your sense enough to make sure she is a good one, in other words, humble and loyal and churchy. Then drag her to the altar like Katy Perry dragged her man in her ‘Hot n Cold’ video.  Read more about and how to find the love of your life.