• This website is about finding the love of your life.  If you follow my advice you will find love.

I have started to write a book that is more methodical, however, this website is a good place to start.

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My name is Mark Biernat.  I am very happily married to the girl of my dreams. I am not an expert on dating or love. I do not put myself out there as that. However, if you consider my ideas,  I am confident you will find yourself happily  married with a family. In real life I am an Economics Professor. In fact, my students do not even know I have this website. So if you know someone in my college economics class, you do not have to tell them.

Why I created this site?

I created this site to show other people around the world that the world is full of possibilities. Be open to the idea that just because you live in one place in the world does not mean that your princess does not waits for you  on the other side of the world.

  • Finding your other half is the most important thing you do in your life. If you have love, nothing else matters.

Money and job and arrogance of intelligence  – I think we know now is a joke this life plays on us to distract us from our true purpose. – Mark Biernat

If you find the girl or guy of your dreams it will make your life a fairy-tale.

The fairy-tale princess from your childhood dreams and the unspoken prayers of your heart does exist. You just have to find her.  Job, money, lifestyle, does not matter. Trust me. Only love makes the world go around.

When you are gone you can not take anything with you, except love.

So please listen to my words. Find the love of your life.

True love does exist

I have a particular view on finding love you will not find elsewhere. In fact some of my ideas might see hard to take up. I never say it is easy. I only say, you have to have confidence and courage that if your quest is pure you will live a fairy-tale.

Diverse website

I love all people of the world. This community is a discussion on helping people meet from all over the world. Please be positive and do not talk down any group or individuals, just because although we are all different in culture and thoughts, I believe we are truly one world.

Honor our differences and try to see the light of God in everyone, even if they do not see it in themselves.

A note on terminology
Of course when I use the term “girl” that is to mean women over the age of 21. Girl is a sweet term applied to women (lets not be so language PC that we cheat ourselves out of the language of love) .   My 97 year old Uncle Pete’s had a Swedish girlfriend, like in her 80s. So do not get confused with terminology here. I love calling my wife “my girl” or “girfriend” in the most innocent romantic sense.

If you want to connect with me, Mark Biernat you can here Mark Biernat on Love Or best is to leave a comment on the page about dating and relationships that you have a question about. I can help guide you to find your other half.

41 replies on “About”

  1. Hi Mark, I really agree with your opinions about courtship and marriage. I’m a traditional Roman Catholic in this Canadian wasteland. I’ve struggled with this issue for my entire adult life. Even now at 54, I still long for a traditional family life, the noise of a joyful home and the patter of little feet running to hug their papa. If you express these desires in this culture, you’re considered too needy and even the Catholic women flee like you had the plague. Who doesn’t need love? God created us for that, and the sacrificial marriage (the death of the ego) prepares us for our eternal union with God who is Love itself. The more I experience the poverty of the single life, the more I desire to lay down my life in providing and caring for my beloved and my family. I’m finally waking up to the possibility of meeting a woman from Eastern Europe. I am pretty cautious because I want to marry in the Church and share the fullness of the Catholic faith with my wife and family. I have been thinking of taking a trip this coming spring or early summer to western Ukraine, Belarus, or maybe Poland. I would appreciate any comments you would like to offer.

    PS Unfortunately I only speak English at this time, so I’m not sure how well I could get around.
    Is your language course available yet?
    Thank you,

    1. Ron, you are a good man. Only in the US and Canada is the world turned upside down. I love American but would not ever find a wife there. Do not think of a trip, just do it. Move to another country. Pull out all stops. Your time will run out. I know many girls in Europe who say the same thing. They are beautiful and want a family and are normal and treat men with respect. But at 54, your time will run out. Do not think about it just do it. I am catholic, I do not know if I am good or not, but my advice to you is. 1) Do not be so good you are good for nothing. 2) Do not get smart too late. Your a good man and you deserve love in your life.

  2. Hi Mark, thanks for your reply, and thanks for the encouragement. I have two more questions to ask you, if I may. Is it possible for an expat to own property under a freehold title in Ukraine? I’m thinking particularly about farmland. Also I would like to ask if you and your wife have considered operating an introductory service yourselves? The reason I ask is because I’ve noticed the Tour sites have a very high percentage of divorced women on them. If they are representative of the society, how could a man hope to encounter single women without a third party intervenor? This is certainly a problem here in Canada where the vast majority of available women are either divorced or living commonlaw.

    Mark, I have a nice quote for you, I think you’ll like it. Sorry I don’t know who the author is.

    “To be loved deeply gives a man confidence, and to love deeply gives him courage.”


    1. I know in Poland you need to be a Polish citizen to own land. However, foreigners own buildings and the land is owned in another way. I think there is a way to do it in Ukraine also. I thought of having a dating website, and I know a lot of Ukrainian and Russian girls personally who are free and educated and want to get married. However, I do not know if I would make a good match maker. I am more of a programmer guy and write language software and write about girls for fun. But also because I think who you marry is the most important choice you will ever make in your life. So I give guys a hint not to look in the USA or Canada. I would not marry a girl from Canada unless she is of a very different nature. – Nice quote by the way. I understand you want someone not divorced, but life is not about being perfect. Even our religion teaches that, it is not as important where you have been but where you are going. Everyone deserves a second chance in life.

      1. If you want to win a woman, you need courage. If you really want to find your princess, travel the world do not sit at home and think about philosophy and life, go out and find her. Quit your job, its only money, live your life. I promise if you did this you would find your other half. If you want a princess you need to be a prince. One thing a knight has is courage and is fearless and a sense of adventure. No woman wants to be exported from her country to be a piece in a man’s lifestyle. You have to go out and find her and this means turn your life and her life upside down and start your own lives together. Do you understand this?

  3. There is a recession going one. Quitting ones job even in a non-recession period is the worst thing to do. You as might as well tell someone to skydive without a parachute.

    Besides if a guy is jobless no woman is going to like him whether in his country or abroad. This is a universal. Ok well maybe a fat woman in America will like him, but not a hot woman anywhere in the world.

    1. You have to ask yourself what is more important to you, your money or your life?

  4. Hello guys.
    The point is, without a job you won’t survive, let alone being able to find a good life partner!
    Unless you are rich enough to afford living costs long enough to find a new job in the new country or long enough to find your future wife and bring her back to your hometown…
    And frankly that’s not an easy decision to make, to quit your job you have earned experience and respect in for so many years.
    That’s the first things we should worry about.

    1. If that is the myth you want to live under, go ahead. If you make a connection between money and love then that is what you will be a prisoner of.
      Love is not about money. For example, under communism in Poland (where I live now) there was nothing in the shops, only vinegar. No paper, no food, nothing, just vinegar. Many times it was several families live in a small apartment. People slept on the floor even with no water and no heat. People fell in love then and life had a different meaning and love was independent of money.
      Now it is a sickness of the world today to think that you need money for love. But the irony is people today are more lonely than ever.
      I left my job in Boston making over six figures and lived in a 18 meter apartment in Eastern Europe (that is about 180 square feet). I was living there with no job when I met my wife.
      Later I was going to Ukraine to sell things in the market.
      I now write software and do fine. Crisis or not I could go back to the States and get a job in a second. I believe in myself. This is more important to any girl than money. A man who has confidence and courage and a sense of adventure as well as gentleness and faith.
      If you do not believe in your own God given abilities and are so scared of not having a job or what your boss might think, than I can not help you.
      I know that no matter where I live I can survive.
      I believe in myself and have courage.
      What is life without love. All the money in the world can not buy true love. And when it is your time to go from this earth it can not buy you health. Read the holy books, whatever your faith is. It says put God and love first, not job and money.

  5. “For example, under communism in Poland (where I live now) there was nothing in the shops, only vinegar. No paper, no food, nothing, just vinegar”

    That is FALSE Admin. You know it. That happened towards THE END of communism. People were fed and able to buy western clothes throughout communism, but they had no rights or freedom of movement. If they protested, it meant jail-time or “dissapearance”.

    “I know that no matter where I live I can survive.”

    Well aren’t you some Rambo there. I guess you should try Somalia or Congo. hah.

    Admin you had already lived your life making 6 figures as you claim, but other people even in their 30s are just starting to make their money. So they cannot just quit their jobs and move to another country.

    1. It is true under communism it was like that. It does not matter when, people did live like that, they did. Love is found in all places, times and conditions. Its funny how the Hollywood and the rich and famous are hopeless with love, while simple folk from the villages stay in love their whole life.
      Why not move to another country. You will learn languages and learn to survive doing non-traditional non cubical work. I know scores of people in Ukraine and Poland from the States doing this and all of them come back better for it. They learn languages and learn to think outside the box and live on less.
      If you are a cubical slave and in your 30s and alone, why not?
      This guy is one of the smartest business writers in out time. In 07 he predicted the crisis. Read it.
      I used to hire people, and nothing unimpressed me more was a person with degrees and experience. These people will make it to their 40s and 50s and find the job market a hard place as globalization will bump them, musical chairs the outsourcing version.
      But again. Its not about money. Finding your girl is about being her hero and other half. Not some guy with money. Confidence and courage wins hearts not money. Make your own choices in life, but trust me, women want a champion not a meal ticket.

  6. Admin,

    The bread lines and limited food supply in every communist country came in the finaly days.This triggered the overthrow of communist regimes and acted as the final straw. People hated communism because it limited their freedom of movement and dissent. This is what caused great hatred.

    I never said it’s all about money, but money is important. Telling a homeless bum in some American city to move to a European country would not get him girl anywhere.

    1. I am not talking about someone who is homeless of of course, nor Europe, it could be anywhere in the world. Or not move at all. Life is a empty canvas and you can put anything you want on it. You can design your life anyway you like. It does not have to be marry an American girl and be a cubical slave. Life is an open book. However, people should think about what is the most important thing in life to them? If they need motivation to actualizes their ideals, they might want to ‘contemplate the brevity of life and the measureless gulf of eternity that lies before and beyond’.

  7. Mark,
    I do like your site. I wish there is a way you could make it a dating site. Im sure you have exposure to lots of women and probably many of them are shy. It would be nice to correspond with some of them.

  8. Hello Mark,

    Thanks for your words. They’re exactly what I was looking for. My name’s Angelo and I’m from Brazil. My grandparents are from Romania, so, I look like an European citizen instead the typical Brazilian man. I’m 31 years old software engineer and I still looking for my princess. I’m sure that she’s a Ukrainian girl, since I’m fascinated by those girls and by the Europe. I’m going to Ukraine to get a Russian course in Kiev and search for my princess (in Kiev and around all Ukraine). I don’t have any specific questions yet. I’m here just to thank you for your informations!

    Thank you,

    1. If you take either a Russian or Ukrainian course (I prefer the latter) than this is a very good way to meet girls. But really all you have to do is walk around the street during the day. I think this approach is even better than meeting them in a club if you have courage.

  9. Thanks Mark. What do you mean with “if you have courage.”???

    1. To win a girl’s heart you do not need to be the biggest and the baddest guy in town. You need to have the courage of your convictions and do have the courage to storm your girl’s castle.
      Take no prisoners.
      Look I worked in investments in Boston. I intended to stay in Poland, I do not know maybe weeks. But then I meet my future wife. We walked and talked and had a wonderful conversation. But you know how women are, it too me 9 months before she even really would go on a real date. I had to move to Poland to win her heart. I basically had to leave my foofy Beacon Hill, Boston American life to try to get a date with my future wife.
      Now we are married and I have my princess. But If was not her, play to win, turn her world upside down and fight off all the dragons, I would not have won her heart.
      Everyone’s experiences in life will be different. And as the song goes ‘nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen’. Everyone thinks their hardships are harder than the next guys. But it does not matter, we all experience different things and are set up with out own problems and dragons. It does not matter your problems in life or mistakes or where you are. All that matters is what you will do with your life.
      The more important thing is you have the courage to take up arms against your sea of troubles and do battle. This is courage and this will win your girls heart.
      ‘Our greatest fears are guarding our hearts deepest treasures, waiting for us to be bold and beautiful’.
      In my opinion you have to play to win or not play at all.

  10. From German here.

    To me girls are princesses, but should always listen to your mom instead of them. Remember that.
    But really, they should be respected as a queen. I remembered I used to have this one girl, she’s really beautiful, an American girl. We were this so close and the other night she tried to kiss me but I advise her that we should get married. I kissed her forehead instead. But we broke up later after 7 months of relationship because she told me I was too good for her and she was bad. She cried when I met her. I ask her what’s wrong and she wouldn’t tell me. She wrote me a letter after few months later saying she is so in love with me and she broke up with me because she finds that I could have a better lady than her. I hardly could not believe my naked eyes why did she say something like that. Later I had a girl of similar problems. We broke up. The other girl argues with me so that I should be a bad instead of being good all the time. I never liked that!
    I don’t understand. Are some girls like that? Is having a good man who respects a woman is not good for them? They want a bad boy is it?
    Now, I have stayed single for almost 6 years. I’m sick of girls. I have a strong faith, so this doesn’t mean I’m going to be a gay whatsoever. That is wrong and an animal. Everytime I see a pretty good girl, I give them a smile and walk away.

    1. Even the Bible says you leave your parents and cling to your spouse. You do not want to ever put your mother before your spouse. This goes for both genders.

      Your problem is simple. You are dating American girls. Come to Eastern Europe and in 6 months most of my friends are on their way to being married to a beautiful loving girl. Or South America or Asia or anywhere feminism has not poisoned the well.

      Girls by their nature want a loving good man, not a bad guy. A bad guy is short for ‘weak’. Anytime you hear girls like bad guys, it is not true. A girl would rather fall in love with a man who can turn their world upside down and make the moon appear in the sky and the stars shine at night by just being humble and charming. Trust me. Bad guys are looked on as losers in Eastern Europe and the rest of the world.
      I can not tell you how many beautiful nice Polish, Russian and Ukrainian girls I know that would love to have a man and believe in fairy-tales. Why? It is normal and healthy to want someone good.

  11. Hello,

    Thanks for writing this blog – very informative from an ‘insider’ point of view. I am stuck in America right now but am planning a trip for at least 1 month to the Black sea region (sometime in Aug-Oct). The furthest east I’ve been into Europe is the Czech Republic. In Feb ’09 I went to Ireland, in November of ’09 I spent a month in Argentina…So I absolutely will be doing this trip- preferably it will be 3 months instead of 1.

    How possible is it to drive from country to country? I was thinking of doing a sweep from Slovenia to Croatia to Hungary to the Black sea, up through the Ukraine, then maybe up to Latvia/Estonia area. I fancy going to Siberia also but realistically it seems too much for one trip. Any thoughts? Maybe I would be better served by focusing in just one area.

    I am very enchanted by European culture, but the prospect of encountering lovely women is the reason for my quest – maybe even finding a wife. My biggest concern is the language barrier however – its so frustrating when you cannot communicate.


    One more thing – is there a dating website(s) you can recommend?

    1. Hi Drew thanks for the comments. Yes it is easy to drive across Europe. I prefer train it is less stress, but driving most of my friends do.
      For dating sites just ask me the country you are thinking. Russia/Ukraine vkontakte.ru or mail.ru in then go to the image of the heart. For Poland sympatia.pl or nightlife.pl for example. Many options. Ask any questions. Look I have to be honest, in the USA chances are you will not have your best luck finding a mate that will see you as your hero just as you see her as your princess.

  12. Thanks so much my friend! I will go through the rest of your site and we’ll talk again I’m sure.

  13. Hello Mark, how’ve you been?

    I have no question at this time, only a little story. I met an Ukrainian girl on a dating website (her name’s Alyona)
    and we’ve been chatting 1 month or more. She’s from Kremenchug. She’s a very nice, well educated, intelligent and beautiful girl. She has only basic English language skills, however, we’re chatting without many problems. I’ve called her and I could listen to her sweet voice… although she didn’t understand me completely, I could see that she was very happy and excited. I’ve decided to visit her on next month. I told her that I’ll arrive in Kiev and then I’ll get a train to her city… but she told me that she’ll get a car (with driver) and meet me at the airport! Also, since she doesn’t speak English, she’ll contract a translator for the first days… well, it seems too good to be true, anyway, I’ll enjoy it 🙂 Mark, given your know-how with Eastern european girls, any comments are very welcome!


  14. Dear Angleo, you should be more careful! It looks like a classic Ukrainian scam.

    Do not do as she says! Make your own way! Meet her in her hometown, Do not spend money on her. You can do that when you are married!

    If you need a car or interpreter, get them your self, be her hero. She can help you with language, but you decide, where and what to spend money on!


    1. I have always said spend money on the woman you marry. The woman you share your life is how is important. However, set the tone right up front with the girls you date that it is not about money.
      In Boston I had girls tell me that whenever they wanted to go to a new fancy restaurant, they would get a date to take them. Girls can be materialistic is you let them and it give you no advantage in dating. Many guys thing they are getting somewhere with women, they are not, they are just spending money.

  15. Hey Mark, Well, Love exists for sure..though I am still in the search…

  16. Hello mark,

    I came across your site by accident and i must say that i find it very informative and agree with all that you say. I love it. Thanks you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. You can only get the best advice from someone who “who has already climbed the mountain”

    I admire you for never giving up on true love and this is why today you and your lovely wife are happy.

    I personally do believe in fairy tales but it’s all about how far you are willing to go to achieve your dreams and who you choose to be your life long spouse. Yes, it might even take you to the end of the world to find your princess!!

    I too believe that women must be treated as princess’s and equal but I do find that a lot of western girls take advantage of this whether they realise it or not.

    I have been thinking now for many years myself in meeting a sweet, traditional Russian (maybe ukranian too) Christian girl as I can’t help but also believe that it is getting increasingly harder to find a good girl in Western countries who has not been corrupted by feminism.

    Don’t get me wrong feministic movements have done a lot of good for women but i laso believe they have done alot of damage!!

    All I’m asking for is a good, traditional, God fearing girl who knows how to be a lady and a good wife and will never think about divorcing for the most ridiculous thing like most couples do nowadays!! I girl who would be proud to be a wife/mother and homemaker.

    I am planning to do a major in Russian language next year at university. I also know fluent Greek and i think it would be easier for me to learn russian as the Kyrillic alphabet is based on the Greek.

    Can I ask you why you prefer ukranian over Russian language as you mentioned above in one of your posts?

    Is it because it’s easier than russian? Are the ukranian girls better than russian girls?

    Your thoughts and any advice will be much appreciated.

    All the best and keep up the good work

    I’m never,ever giving up on true love until i sleigh all the dragons. I will conquer.


    1. Thanks for your kind comments. I highly recommend as stated you consider an Eastern European girl if you are not looking for a feminist. Not all Western women are but why take the chance with the most important decision in your life.
      I am partial towards Ukrainian only because my family spoke Ukrainian. Ukrainians are Western European, while Russians are Eastern. Ukrainians are catholic while Russians are Orthodox. It does not matter with way, it is according to what you like. Russian is a classical world language which is very useful. Ukrainian is like Polish it is more a regional language, however, if you speak it, it will go very far winning the girl of your dreams. Westerns Ukrainians do not speak Russian if they can help it. I live in Poland and partial twoards the West but I am also a Russophile and love the culture. So I guess it is up to you. I personally love Lviv to Ternopil area as I think the girls there are the best if you are looking for a fairy-tale princess.
      If you have any questions let me know.

  17. Hello Mark,
    I have been a member of Anastasia date for about 6 months and get overwhelmed with EOI’s from women from the Ukraine. This is nice but one cannot reply to all as the expense would send you broke. Is the Anastasia Date site credibile and safe?
    I have been corresponding with a few ladies there and i find that the feeling of love maybe false. I have been scammed and am ashamed so now i am very cautious. Maybe the romantic tour maybe an option?
    I just want to fall in love that is all.
    Appreciate any feedback.

    1. Why not try free alernatives? What about going to Ukraine or Russia on your own and not via a bride tour group. Why not connect on Russian dating sites that are free? Why not try Facebook and social groups that are connected to singles. I think traveling to Eastern Europe is the best way to meet your other half.

  18. Hi Mark,

    I’ve enjoyed reading your posts. More than anything I’m surprised to find in myself many of the values you have mentioned. I’ve been living in NYC for 15 years, and I rarely run across anyone who talks about these values especially in the context of dating and choosing a mate. I guess it’s nice to have this new awareness and also to feel like it’s ok.

    I’ve been so intrigued that I logged into us.Sympatia.net. I’ve tried to “join the club” so that I can send email, but I’m unable to navigate “dotpay” to make the transaction. Any suggestions?

    Thanks again. I am glad to be more clear on my values and to feel like I’m not alone.

    1. Thanks for the kind words. It is beyond me why people do not put values at the center is the dating process. I mean would you be a business partner with someone you do not trust? Think how much more important a life partner is. If you can not find someone who is not 100% with things like loyalty and devotion why both marrying them. You could just date them when the relationship gets old move on. Of course I am writing this to convey a point. That is play to win in dating and do not go for anyone who does not have humility and compassion and filled with devotion and loyalty and love.

      As you know dotpay is just a Polish type of paypal. You can write Sympatia and they will reply. us.sympatia.net/contact.html is the contact page. You can write them in English. It is worth it, in my opinion. I have known a few people who are together because of the website. Not every girl on there is for you, but I think Poles tend to be more serious about their religion than many because of their history. So give it a try. NYC is one of the hardest places to find a nice person by the way. So many people it makes your head spin, but to find the one for you, it is another story. Also consider so trips to other countries and if you want to let me know how it all works out for you.

      Just remember the story of the ‘pearl of great price’. This is what you should seek in your life. The girl who you would give up everything for, including your NYC and career etc and I believe God will reward you.

  19. Hi Mark,

    I was just surfing the internet and stumbled upon your website. But first would like to congratulate you on your finding, your princess as I myself found mine too from Belarus. Truly, if you find the right women then your life changes & with it your goals & aspirations too.

    I do want to applaud you on your website & the Q&A’ available are so informative, helpful to the reader. I on the other hand have a good job & lifestyle going for me but would like to live & work in Belarus, Minsk in particular as that’s where my sweetheart wants me to be. I have never been to Belarus & that’s the irony as my girl came to marry me.

    Now we want to register our marriage back in Belarus, find an apartment & settle down after I get my residency there.

    Care to shed some light about Minsk & the type of job opportunities available there as I have decided to make my trip & resign from my current job to be with my princess.

    Thanks in advance Mark,

    1. You are doing the right thing. Career and money back home mean nothing. Money pales in comparison to living with your princess. Even though it might be rustic at first and disorienting, eventually you will find an equilibrium.

      You will grow richer in experience than any compensation back home would afford you. So hats off to you.

      In Minsk to make a living I would do the following:

      Teach English as a second language. You do not need qualifications as you are a native speaker and you will use the language better than anyone ever could just studying the language. If you have some business experience back home you can charge more as you can teach business English. Even if you were a super star consultant getting paid $100 dollars an hour like I was, do not try to quote money in Minsk to back home. They are two different realties. Learn to spend like a local and live like a local, fast or your money will evaporate.

      I kept converting currency to dollars and saying, gee this item is cheap I will buy it. Start thinking in the local currency.

      If you want a job, connect with the expats via a linkedin expat group there. They will give you real entrepreneurial opportunities better than you trying to access the local market yourself. If you do want to try to enter the local market try Gumtree or their equivalent of Monster.com. Also the best thing to do is write companies and people directly by figuring out HR or managers e-mails, and convey how you can add value to them with your skills.

      I do not know your skill set but whatever it is I am sure you have some and would be of value in Minsk. I mean you sold your girlfriend, now wife, and I am sure she thinks the world of you. So similarly someone in the job market will also. It might take time and you need not to give up.

      I even was a seller of food in the local vegetable market. I have a Masters in Economics from Trinity and I would do anything for work. It is all about the experience. Nothing is below me. The one thing I did learn was economics is about supply and demand, both in the goods market and the labor market. You need to identify your skill sets that would be of value in Easter Europe. Some guys are English tour guides, while some of my friends world in English language call centers that have been outsourced from the west.

      A note about taxes. If you are American remember you have to report all world-wide income to the IRS. It will most likely be excluded as it will not be over $90,000 dollars but just report it. The local economy is mostly cash at some level as many people avoid local taxes, but the IRS, I would personally not take chances with, and again you will most likley not have to pay anything.

      Let me know more about your skills and or situation and I could give you and idea of what might best fit your income and lifestyle in Minsk. Either way, I am happy you found your Slavic princess or your peal of great price.

  20. I am a German woman in the early thirties. I think I do not have a very beautiful face but I do very much for my body. I eat healthy, do exercise a lot and I am naturally lean. Many people estimate me younger than I am. Also, I have a law degree from university and BSc. from another school. But I am not a career woman. I don’t have much money or a good job but I still can buy all the things I require.

    From my experience many German men have high expectations when they are in search for a woman. I can date a man easily when I meet him through the internet. I think they are impressed about the way I talk resp. write with them. I am not dumb. But in the end, it always seemed they only wanted to have relations with me.

    The fact that I cannot get children most likely also contributes that I am still single.

    I dream of a man who would love me for the rest of my life. It is difficult for me to fall in love with somebody because I never had a relationship with a man who loved me. A few years ago I fell in love with a man whom I just met a few times. He was so nice to me, did not ask for physical relations but pet me gently on my arms, shoulders and neck. He did this for hours. I could not resists. Later I found out that he only did this because of my physical appearance. There were no feelings in him for me as a person. I was heartbroken for many months but finally got over it.

    I do not want to be alone anymore. I want to love a man for the rest of my life. I hope my dream can come true one day.

    1. I believe for one to find love you have to match ideals on a higher level. You have to find someone who sees the world the same way. Know their ideals and you will know if there is a match. I am an enlightenment scientific rationalist, but when it comes to love I believe soul connections are made on a higher level. In fact I know it.

      I am sure a girl like you will find true love. I know it. I am a man and did not meet my one and only until I was 40. I spend so much time with reading and internal development then my career that life almost past me by. Then one day I meet my wife and we have been together happily ever after since.

      False light in relationship – starting and stopping again and again
      The problem is now that people have such high expectations, everyone does. It is finding someone with ideals. It is finding the right person who is hot looking but has ideals like a knight.

      The issue is many people find false light.

      A false light is someone who they think or hope is the one but is not. After many disappointments they feel a little of their soul is taken and begin to despair. But do not. Because all the people you meet before will not even be a memory once you find your one and only. They will fade or better yet evaporate from your memory.

      I also would not rule out children. Many a woman I know have said this and they do get pregnant. They thought they would never have children because of physical limitations but you never ever know and science is changing so fast, I would not make that an issue. On the other hand some guy might like that.

      I have to say a lot of men are really all about physical relations. It is the time we live in that allows men to be like this.

      Physical contact
      And the worst thing is all of us need physical contact. I am not talking about sleeping with someone I mean to be touched. I love it when my wife puts my arm around me. She does this everyday. When I was single I was so painfully alone and just to be touched ment a lot. I used to get back messages as I believe we all need to be touch.

      But when you are married you get it everyday. You get so much. I have no reason why anyone would want to be single.

      Guys want to get married – find an idealist
      Further I am a guy. 99% of my friends want to get married. Men want to get married but our dating strategy is just different. My recommendation is try to define your ideals. What you believe in, in the ideal sense of life and morality and the meaning of life.

      For me I am basically a romantic idealist and Roman Catholic philosopher guy from the Middle Ages. I believe in true love. I was lucky to find a girl who believed the same.

      Now your ideals might be different. So try to find a guy who see the world the same way. He might be from another country. My wife is from Poland and I am from America. I am a dual EU US citizen. Many, many guys dream of meeting a German girl. It would be exotic and interesting for them. Germans I think a pretty loyal in relationships and you have a rich culture. My favorite theologian Hans Kung writes in German and I love Mozart and the Austrian school of Economics with Hayek and Mises or poets like Rilke or Hiene, for example. I think many guys would find love and marriage with a German girl like thrilling. So look beyond German. Look in the USA, the UK, South America or what cultures you are into. I did. I was crazy about Slavic culture and history and my wife is Polish.

      This is just an idea. I believe in looking for your mate all over the world. If you are set on marrying a German guy than find on that has your ideals. I think you are a sensitive person and there are many geeky guys that are painfully sensitive and good-looking too.

      Let me know what you think.

    2. I have met with many women whilst looking for my queen and honestly I believe there are many out there that are not as serious as we would like.
      Like you I have spoken to a particular woman who i was quite serious about having a future together. Everything was moving on fine until she asked where would we live.

      Well I live in the heart of the French countryside and she was not impressed at all.

      But the problem is that I have spent a lot of time and money making my home suitable for a family or a wife: but that was the mistake, I should of found my love before and done it together.

  21. Hi Mark,
    I really appreciate your blog and I wanted to thank you about all the advice your give (for free) to your readers.
    My name is Mehdi, 30, single and I originated from Tunisia, North Africa.
    I am a Mediterranean guy with an open mind.
    I am agnostic but I have strong moral values and I believe in traditions and I have strong spiritual values. I am an old of fashioned guy and I share a lot of things with your way seeing things about marriage and mating for life.

    I moved to the Netherlands (since one year) for work and I appreciate the country and its people. They build a wonderful egalitarian society and they should be proud about it.
    Just like the Scandinavian societies, feminism is the norm here. I make always a joke about Dutch girls: “Dutch girls are Dutch men with long hair”.

    I need your opinion/advice because I have troubles with being with a girl and I am almost desperate and I am thinking about looking for a foreign, which is something I have avoided since I consider that dating a local girl is the best way to integrate a society and feel assimilated to the locals.

    Dutch girls are among the most beautiful women in the world but I really don’t understand how ‘they work’.

    I don’t understand how Dutch guys flirt since I have never seen one doing it. I don’t even understand how they are making children.
    I’ve noticed also that many Dutch guys seem very happy with foreign girls for Asia (Indonesia, Malaisia,etc) and maybe it’s related to the fact that they have troubles too getting a Dutch girl.

    Flirting in the Dutch way is a mystery and I don’t know if that exists. I have tried many approaches but is just doesn’t work.
    Someone told me that here, it’s the girls that choose you and they do the first step, but There is something wrong in it since I consider that it’s the man who should do the first step.

    Sometimes I am thinking maybe it’s because I am a foreigner (Physically I look like a southern European) but I don’t think it’s the case, Dutch are very tolerant and doesn’t care about origins.

    Any advice or remark is welcomed. I read many of your post and you seem to know very well this kind of issue.

    1. Just as beautiful as Dutch women look for you, you will look for some of them. This is because though one million years of evolution nature wants us to mix up some of our genes so we can reproduce in a way that has healthier children, at least this is my understanding. I think a little mixing of genes makes for a stronger immune system. Phermones visual cues will give you an advantage for many women.

      Either way, I believe spiritual simitars attract but physical opposite tend to attract. My wife is very dark hair and dark in skin and I am blond and fair. We like it, but one we spirtually see the world the same way.

      So most people do not consider both aspects. They marry someone they are attracted to but do not consider the spiritual aspect, even if you are agnostic. You have to see the would the same from an idealistic level. Your ideals need to be the same and then there will be no cultural divide.

      I think many Dutch girls will not consider you for one reason or another.

      When I was young like 90% of the girls did not like my think tall blond look. But then 10% loved the way I looked. So you have to find a girl who is into your look, then make sure she is your spiritual similar before you date her, or it will be problems.

      To find this girl, you need to be rejected a lot, but keep trying. That is my core piece of advice. Do not worry about the ones who are not open to you.

      The Dutch are on one hand very liberal and open people. But with that openness a lot of the romantic mystery is gone. If everything is too easy and open and equal there is no tension between the genders to inspire romantic poetry.

      Think about Arab culture and how the women are more covered and the forbidden fruit, it makes men want them even more.

      So the Dutch are people like everyone else with hopes and dreams but this culture of openness from being 500 year trading center for the world has allowed the romantic ideals of say a Catholic or Muslim culture my have.

      Catholic countries tend to be romantic in ideals while Portestant tend to be more practical. This is a huge generalization, but I am talking in a philosophical sense not an individual sense. Think Italy or France for romantic holidays, but Dutch or German to build a car or do business.

      You want what you can not have.

      So I think you should perfect the art of flirting just like aways but know your response rate will be much lower and you will take a lot of rejection. Just do not take it personally.

      Picking up girls is like a sales job, you just have to keep trying and not worry about the rejection, because when you find your one and only that is all that will matter and you will cast those other frogs back into the potuallnd.

    2. Here’s a little bit about Dutch girls.

      Meeting someone in Nightlife:

      You are absolutely right that there is little flirting in he Netherlands, and it’s especially hard to meet someone in a bar, pub or club. People usually are with one or more friends when going out, and they’re focused on their own group, and not on meeting a potential partner. It is fine to try and approach a girl, but keep in mind that she might not be there to meet someone. Also make sure you’re not the really drunk drooly type when you approach a girl (those are annoying and generally seen as pathetic) be sober, and interested. Just introduce yourself (Hi, I’m Mehdi, what’s your name), and talk with her about both your interests, and see if there’s a connection. Offer to buy her a drink, and also accept it if she offers to buy you one; remember that for you it might feel wrong to accept a drink for a girl, but some girls can be offended if you don’t accept. It also makes them feel more at ease, because they won’t feel they have some kind of ‘depth’ to pay you back.

      Be careful with compliments. Dutch guys rarely give compliments, it’s a thing I really dislike about Dutch guys, so if you give a girl compliments she will really appreciate it, But it can also intimidate her, because we’re just not used to it! I’m always amazed by how many compliments foreign guys give me, but the first thing that pops into my mind when they give me a lot of compliments is: “What do you want from me?” So do give compliments, make her feel special and beautiful, but be careful not to overdo it, cause that might freak her out, and turn you from the nice chivalrous guy into the creepy guy that has a secret agenda.

      Meet girls through friends:
      Most people here meet their partners after being introduced by mutual friends. That is also why there’s less flirting going on with strangers. Dutch girls (I’m generalizing, I know) generally pick their partners for their character, so they want to feel a connection, know if someone is suitable for them. So it’s important to just talk to her and get to know her the first time you meet. Meeting someone through friends (at a birthday party or something, or going out with a group of mixed friends) instantly gives her some assurance that you at least have he same taste in friends. It’s also a much more casual, and less stressful way of meeting someone. Don’t focus too much on getting dates, but focus on meeting nice people, men and women, that you connect with, and one might become more than that. After talking for a while you can ask her on a date, if you’re not sure if the attraction is mutual, just ask her to have coffee with you.

      A real date:
      You probably know how Dutch people always split the bill, and you might feel like you should, but here’s my personal opinion. As a Dutch woman I always anticipate that I have to pay for myself, but I thoroughly appreciate it if a man offers to pay for me, I think it’s chivalrous, and it makes me feel special. So I would recommend you to offer to pay. If I would be he girl you’re dating I would react by saying that to me it’s OK to pay for myself, but if he insists I gracefully accept. I do this, because it makes me feel bad when it seems like I just expect him to pay, I think a lot of Dutch women feel his way, but are really flattered if you insist to pay. However if she really insists to pay for her share; let her. I would personally insist to pay on a 3rd date, because otherwise I would feel like the ‘depth’ I mentioned earlier is getting too large. Some women however don’t want any ‘depth’ at all because it will make them feel very uncomfortable. To Dutch women their independence is very important to their self-respect and self-image. So be chivalrous, but be careful not to violate their wishes by trying to be too chivalrous. This is something that is rooted very deep in our culture, and is very important to us.

      I hope this was helpful. I’m sure it won’t work with all women, but it’s just my personal experience with myself and what I know of my friends.

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