I was a bit lucky in love. I have travelled the world and had a woman in every port. I was not a beggar in the dating game but a chooser. My message is everyone has to be a chooser. Do not compromise. Play the game like you could date anyone you want. A large part of that in the initial phases translates to being a dating detective. You have to uncover the facts. Not about their income or hobbies mind you, but about your partners view on life and suffering. Ask your date a series of probative questions that will reveal their answer to the meaning of life question.
The determinant criteria for choosing a husband or wife has to be based on a barometer of two things, your date and mate must have:
- Irresistible attractiveness
- A deep moral sense of responsibility, ideals and guilt, remorse and even humility to the point of self debasement
Sound radical? Read on. The purpose of this post is to give you some ideas on questions to ask your date.
Humans have a dual nature. On one hand, we are animals or animals gone wild without instinct to restrain us. We are motivated by gluttony, greed, lust, pride, desire to rule and dominate, even me. On the other hand, we have a Divine nature that lifts our actions from base or lewd behavior to a higher ideal.
I think if there were no laws civilization would quickly revert back to tribal leaders and strong-arm thugs carrying out orders from their master. Even with laws we have, the world is a rough place. This is because although many people are moral, many people are not. The world is made of sheep and wolves.
- I played the computer game civilization countless hours when it first came out, to the point I was pasty white with rickets from lack of sunlight. One thing it taught me how much civilization has changed, yet how little man himself has change.
People act moral for two reasons:
- Law and fear of punishment is a disincentive for acting in an immoral way. Why steal if you will be punished?
- Internal moral compass. This can be based on religion or humanistic ideals.
It is the rule of law that is based on ideals that keep many people in check on a social group level. However, it is only personal ethics that are in play on a personal relationship, dating and marriage level.
What the deuce? Why can not people understand this? Why do they not consider a persons moral fiber or character during the dating process? They date good-looking people with money who are dominated by their reptilian or limbic brain?
- My message is date a cordial looking person with exceptional ideals that should shame you. Marry a person who is irresistible physically with the ideal of Brother Cadfael or Mother Theresa.
The person does not have to be religious in the traditional sense. They could even be guided by a humanistic ethic of love and compassion or a free spirit. However, if you date someone and they are ‘nice’, no good. It is a recipe for a relationship Titanic. Nice is not radical enough, understand their meaning of life their reason for being. Ask them ‘what they would do if’ type questions.
Mark, why are you so serious? Because life is serious. We have a limited time to do our work and our flame will be extinguished here on earth. You hook up with someone who is ‘nice’ and you will wind up being a single mother or a father paying alimony for the next ten years, like both my neighborhoods. Date a nice means translates to you will be burned. You will have your purgatory here and maybe latter also.
You do not want nice, you want deep, meaningful, idealistic a knight in shinning amour on a white horse and princess that needs to be rescues from trolls and scoundrels.
Questions to ask during the dating process
Ask the person their stance on divorce. If they believe in divorce in some cases, or say in a semi high-pitched voice, ‘if someone who is not happy should leave a marriage why not’, then I highly advice you to drop them like a bad habit.
Does this mean do not consider divorced people? I am not saying that at all. If a person is divorced and yet says they do not believe in divorce and their marriage split because of youthful mistakes and a situation out of their control do not judge them and you can stay with them as long as they tell you, they believe marriage is forever.
Ask them if they believe if money or careers matters at all in a relationship? Then stay silent and see what they say. Money means nothing in love, zero. I live in the USA and you can live well here will little money, just with a job at WalMart.
Yes, I have done taxes for many WalMart employees and they have houses, cars and a nice life. So why is money important in a relationship?
Ask them the role of humility in life? If they keep going back to the pop modern psychological virtue of ‘self confidence’ over humility and repentance for self transformation, I would tread with caution. Self confidence is good in business and the meet game in a singles bar or a disco. However, humility is much more sweeter when you get to know someone and have to live with them on a day-to-day basis. They do not have to be like people from the Middle Ages who engaged in self-mortification or flagellation in their rituals, but someone who spiritually will suffer and sacrifice for the higher good.
Inquire about their level of acceptance – Ask them if you were corpulent and disfigured and feeble would they still love you just the same? If they say ‘yes’ or ‘more’ than keep them. If they would reject you for being corpulent or weak or mentally in-stable or love you less why bother with them?
What is marriage? Marriage is an equal partnership that is not 50% – 50% but always 100% and 0%. You should be willing to bear 100% of the load of the marriage for your whole life. You submit the “I’ to the “we”. The real question is can you find someone who is willing to do the same?
A giver and a taker will not work, as the giver will get exhausted. A taker and a taker will destroy each other. Only when two givers, who are moral, loving compassionate and moral can a relationship last and be happy. I had one girl tell me, ‘you are a giver and I am a taker and this is why we are symbiotically good for each other’. I replied, ‘have a nice life’.
What is your relationship? Do you think I am too extreme regarding screening people, not on their hair color or hobbies but rather loyalty to ones ideals? I mean I see so many genetic Match.com profiles filled with trivial things, rather than seriousness of their commitment to the life process of self transformation and love. They list their passion, for example, ‘wine and cheese tasting parties on the weekends’ on their match.com profiles, yet do not mention anything like how they are believe life is sometimes pain, suffering and lament so we might be transformed by this purgatory so we might be greater lights in the world to others. Find a super cordial lady ( or dude) who talks like this and win their heart. What do you think?