Questions to ask on a date

I was a bit lucky in love.  I have travelled the world and had a woman in every port.  I was not a beggar in the dating game but a chooser. My message is everyone has to be a chooser. Do not compromise. Play the game like you could date anyone you want. A large part of that in the initial phases translates to being a dating detective. You have to uncover the facts. Not about their income or hobbies mind you, but about your partners view on life and suffering. Ask your date  a series of probative questions that will reveal their answer to the meaning of life question.

The determinant criteria for choosing a husband or wife has to be based on a barometer of two things, your date and mate must have:

  • Irresistible attractiveness
  • A deep moral sense of responsibility, ideals and guilt, remorse and even humility to the point of self debasement

Sound radical? Read on. The purpose of this post is to give you some ideas on questions to ask your date.

Humans have a dual nature. On one hand, we are animals or animals gone wild without instinct to restrain us. We are motivated by gluttony, greed, lust, pride, desire to rule and dominate, even me. On the other hand, we have a Divine nature that lifts our actions from base or lewd behavior to a higher ideal.

I think if there were no laws civilization would quickly revert back to tribal leaders and strong-arm thugs carrying out orders from their master. Even with laws we have, the world is a rough place. This is because although many people are moral, many people are not. The world is made of sheep and wolves.

  • I played the computer game civilization countless hours when it first came out, to the point I was pasty white with rickets from lack of sunlight. One thing it taught me how much civilization has changed, yet how little man himself has change.

People act moral for two reasons:

  • Law and fear of punishment is a disincentive for acting in an immoral way. Why steal if you will be punished?
  • Internal moral compass. This can be based on religion or humanistic ideals.

It is the rule of law that is based on ideals that keep many people in check on a social group level. However, it is only personal ethics that are in play on a personal relationship, dating and marriage level.

What the deuce? Why can not people understand this? Why do they not consider a persons moral fiber or character during the dating process? They date good-looking people with money who are dominated by their reptilian or limbic brain?

  • My message is date a cordial looking person with exceptional ideals that should shame you.  Marry a person who is irresistible physically with the ideal of Brother Cadfael or Mother Theresa.

The person does not have to be religious in the traditional sense. They could even be guided by a humanistic ethic of love and compassion or a free spirit. However, if you date someone and they are ‘nice’,  no good. It is a recipe for a relationship Titanic. Nice is not radical enough, understand their meaning of life their reason for being.  Ask them ‘what they would do if’ type questions.

Mark, why are you so serious? Because life is serious. We have a limited time to do our work and our flame will be extinguished here on earth. You hook up with someone who is ‘nice’ and you will wind up being a single mother or a father paying alimony for the next ten years, like both my neighborhoods.  Date a nice means translates to you will be burned. You will have your purgatory here and maybe latter also.

You do not want nice, you want deep, meaningful, idealistic a knight in shinning amour on a white horse and princess that needs to be rescues from trolls and scoundrels.

Questions to ask during the dating process

Ask the person their stance on divorce. If they believe in divorce in some cases, or say in a semi high-pitched voice,  ‘if someone who is not happy should leave a marriage why not’, then I highly advice you to drop them like a bad habit.

Does this mean do not consider divorced people? I am not saying that at all. If a person is divorced and yet says they do not believe in divorce and their marriage split because of youthful mistakes and a situation out of their control do not judge them and you can stay with them as long as they tell you, they believe marriage is forever.

Ask them if they believe if money or careers matters at all in a relationship? Then stay silent and see what they say. Money means nothing in love, zero. I live in the USA and you can live well here will little money, just with a job at WalMart.

Yes, I have done taxes for many WalMart employees and they have houses, cars and a nice life. So why is money important in a relationship?

Ask them the role of humility in life? If they keep going back to the pop modern psychological virtue of ‘self confidence’ over humility and repentance for self transformation, I would tread with caution. Self confidence is good in business and the meet game in a singles bar or a disco. However, humility is much more sweeter when you get to know someone and have to live with them on a day-to-day basis. They do not have to be like people from the Middle Ages who engaged in self-mortification or flagellation in their rituals, but someone who spiritually will suffer and sacrifice for the higher good.

Inquire about their level of acceptance – Ask them if you were corpulent and disfigured and feeble would they still love you just the same? If they say ‘yes’ or ‘more’ than keep them. If they would reject you for being corpulent or weak or mentally in-stable or love you less why bother with them?

What is marriage? Marriage is an equal partnership that is not 50% – 50% but always 100% and 0%. You should be willing to bear 100% of the load of the marriage for your whole life. You submit the “I’ to the “we”. The real question is can you find someone who is willing to do the same?

A giver and a taker will not work, as the giver will get exhausted. A taker and a taker will destroy each other. Only when two givers, who are moral, loving compassionate and moral can a relationship last and be happy. I had one girl tell me, ‘you are a giver and I am a taker and this is why we are symbiotically good for each other’. I replied, ‘have a nice life’.

What is your relationship? Do you think I am too extreme regarding screening people, not on their hair color or hobbies but rather loyalty to ones ideals? I mean I see so many genetic profiles filled with trivial things, rather than seriousness of their commitment to the life process of self transformation and love.  They list their passion, for example, ‘wine and cheese tasting parties on the weekends’ on their profiles, yet do not mention anything like how they are believe life is sometimes pain, suffering and lament so we might be transformed by this purgatory so we might be greater lights in the world to others. Find a super cordial lady ( or dude) who talks like this and win their heart. What do you think?

Author: Mark Biernat

I live in with family between two worlds, US and Europe where I create tools for language learning. If you found my site you probability share my passion to be a life long learner. Please explore my site and comment.

8 thoughts on “Questions to ask on a date”

  1. I totally agree. Awesome article about dating.

    I think that honesty is also very important. I figure that if you’re totally honest about yourself and what you want from life, your future, this person even, etc, that it will either chase the person away, or bring him/her closer.

    1. Yes Honesty is a liberating feeling. Yet it is a life long process. I am working on honesty not just in my personal relationships but with myself.

      I mean honesty with what I believe and living in that way.

      For example, I recently changed my political party because the party I was raised in is not in agreement to my beliefs. I was even considering changing my religion but decided I do believe the basic tenets of my faith.

      I did change the continent I live on because, when I am honest with myself I always had wanted to live on a tropical island (semi), and I am.

      I quite my lucrative career to do other things with my life even if I make a pittance.

      A lot of life is life like unpealing an onion, layers of layers and crying along the way. I wish I could have been more honest with myself all along what I really wanted in my life.

      The good news is with my wife I am honest. Even with choosing her as my wife. I could have married a girl who was nice and good but not it.Someone my parents and friends liked and I liked but was not my dream.

      Instead, I was honest with myself, I wanted a long-legged, cordial, thin girl with dark hair and that went to church like I do and has a passion for learning and reading, intellectual curiously, and does not give a hoot about money, and love family etc. I did not settle for someone somewhat cordial, but someone so cordial she is like from my boyhood fantasy, yet with ideals. Needless to say we are very happy together.

      So honesty in dating and life is important and dating.

      Some books I think might be worth considering are anything by Victor Frankel about life and the meaning of life. Also, creative visualization, Louise Hayes these are the most recommended, heal your life is an excellent book. ‘She’: Understanding Feminine Psychology by Robert A. Johnson or anything by the same author. Love Is the Answer Jampolsky is great and simple to read, but also anything like I mentioned by Jane Austen.

      I do not have all the answers. But I think honestly is a good place to start. I am also curious about some of the books you are reading and what you think is worth to read?

  2. Yes, that is true. I had mostly thought of it as only being honesty to other people about yourself, but I see now that really, you have to be honest to yourself, before you can be honest with others. One comes after the other. So thank you, for helping to open my eyes w/ that.

    Actually, I’ve never been a big reader. I was a late bloomer in learning to read (homeschooled) and then I didn’t (and usually still don’t) find books I liked much. I read books here and there, but it’s usually only when I’ve heard that they are really good. I like the Louisa May Alcott’s books that I’ve read, “They came to Baghdad” by Agatha Christie is also really good in my opinion. I’ve only read “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen, but have grown up watching the different movies. I like to write though. I make story plots for young adult books all the time. I don’t know if they are any good though. I don’t read much nonfiction, besides a friends blog(very insightful.) and how-to books.

  3. Oh, I’ve read “Northanger Abbey” by Jane Austen too.

    1. Great novel, for some reason she seemed to have such great insights into men and women, yet she died never marrying. What happen is one man did ask her she accepted but he was not physically attractive or polished and did not inspire her. She shortly retracted her engagement. Perhaps a man like John Thorpe. Her bothers supported her in her writing and she died early of sickness. She was not physically strong.
      So the shoemaker often has the worst shoes in town, even though makes the best.
      She was a pretty girl who was refined and high-minded and to find a mate was so hard back then as it was often based on people within a limited locality or class. Today I am certain she would have met her Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy.

  4. I can’t help but wonder about Jane Austen never getting married. What you say may be true, but getting married must not have been a very high priority for her. I’d think that if she really, truly wanted it, that she could (and would) have found her soulmate. Maybe she only felt pressured by society and went into the engagement, then, realizing that she wasn’t being true to herself, decided to end it. I don’t know. Just done ideas. 🙂

  5. Jane Austen did want to get married. She was a romantic and dreamed of marriage like every woman and man does. However, there were some issues. First she lived in a time (late 18th century) and society when marriage was not always about love. I think you see a lot of this in her writing. Women competing for a man who seemed like a good catch because who he was in society.

    In her youth she was called a ‘silly, pretty little husband huntress.’

    She had a series of crushes including love. A rapport or relationship with Mr. Tom Lefroy from Ireland. They flirted and I believe were in love. But society at the time and all, Lefroy was forced to marry someone back home who was connected to his estate.

    Jane Austen was commenting on this society because she dreamed of something better, that is marriage based on love.

    The problem with marriage based on love, something like I have personally is it takes time and faith and luck to find your other half. I mean look at me.

    There is no way I would have been happy marrying anyone but my wife Kasia. I can not imagine it nor do I want to.

    But for me to find Kasia, it took a lot of courage and patience. I meet her when I was 40 not 20. I met her while I was on a trip on the other side of the world and she did not even want to date me. I left my career and life back home to pursue her.

    We are together everyday of our lives now 24/7 as I work at home and are never apart.

    So to find true love in the latter part of the 18th century was more difficult, as marriage ment a lot more than marriage but rather a financial union between two families with everyone watching.

    People did things like disobeyed their family and ran away to America. But this was more extreme. Even today I see people marrying people they ‘should’ marry in more subtle ways.

    They date someone for a while and everyone likes their partner but they do not really feel deeply in love like this is it, but it is the thing to do.

    So I do not blame Jane Austen, there were fewer real chances back then and things were so rigid.

    We in contrast in our modern mobile enlightened society have little excuse not finding our other half except lack of courage. Let me know what you think about this theory of mate selection?

  6. Maybe what you say is true. I feel like its deeper than just society though. I can’t help but think, if Jane REALLY wanted to be married (like so many even in today’s age), WHY was she not granted that?? WHY was it even on her heart if she was never going to receive it??

    I guess really its a fear issue for me. I’m afraid that despite our modern ways I could still end up like Jane. But believeing that I won’t, is all that I have. I have to believe that this desire is from God and that He will lead me to it eventually. I also have to trust that He will take care of me even if I never do. Thats where the fear comes in though. I don’t want to think that I never will, I don’t want to think about that. To imagine the rest of my life never having children, never having that special someone, seems like a slow form of torture. I could be happy. There’s beauty everywhere. I’d keep busy, I’d be “successful”. But I don’t think I’d ever be TRULY happy. I’d never be full.

    So, like I said. I guess it’s a fear issue for me…

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