I am a guy and I will tell you in a no-nonsense way why you are not married. A guy’s point of view, why you are single and have no husband. So stop flipping though Self magazine and listening to your girlfriend’s lame relationship advice. Here are the real reasons you are single, and knowing these will enlighten you on how to get a husband.
The reason I am writing this post is, I can not tell you the number of women, educated and intelligent and together in their lives, and yet are single, unmarried and lonely (and believe me we all know it is painful to be single). The question is why is this?
Let me explain with this metaphor, if you know why you are single, the rest will take care of itself. It is like in Bikram yoga when we are told to exhale deeply, the inhale will take care of happen. Similarly, if you know why you are single, you will know how to get a husband without trying. So take a deep breath, have a cup of tea and read my post.
Sure maybe you have had some boyfriends or even have one now, but you do not have martial bliss. These single ladies with their fancy degrees and coach handbags are not getting being propelled to a higher level.
What is a higher level? That is to have a white picket fence, a dog and a
station wagon with wood on the side or SUV small car (post crisis) and a nice hubby who loves and supports you and helps you with all their fears. Someone who you miss, even when he is taking the trash out. A cordial husband that you can get silly with and tickle each other and have ketchup fights with. Someone who makes you feel, when he holds you tight, like you and him are the only two people in the world… and a crying baby who you love with all your heart is there to remind you are not. This is the highest level in life.
Here is why women are single or do not attract a proper husband:
- Not attractive
- Not easy-going
- Does not inspire ideals
- Weak brain (no intellectual curiosity)
- Has not met the right one
The purpose of this post is to look at each of these point and their explanatory value as to why girls are single. Sure there have been mainstream books on he subject such as ‘ Smart women foolish choices’, but most of these pop psychology books are not radical enough in their honestly and written by women. This is what I give you, only the truth.
Girls are not attractive enough to get a husband
Before all you haters start writing nasty comments that women should be accepted, and a size 12 or 16 is OK, and who am I to judge, hear me out. I did not make up the rules. One million years of evolutionary programming is not going to be negated by a couple of decades of militant materialistic ideology in liberal pockets of the USA or UK. I am sorry.
However, the good news and the hopeful message is all females are beautiful. I have never met a woman who was not, they all have their special attraction. Again, I think it is evolution. Love is not reserved for the beautiful and the strong. It is for everyone.
However, that being said, why would you not want to optimize your looks to attract the mate of your dreams? Sure it takes a little self-sacrifice and disciple, but beauty is something that is easily obtainable to all, not something written in the stars or our genetic code.
When I was a boy and reading classics in Greek literature and I remember the story of the man who could choose beauty, wealth or wisdom. I know the proper answer is wisdom, but I always wanted beauty. I wanted to be so cordial that I could get the girl of my dreams. Little did I know that beauty is not something given by the gods, but something woman-made. We can all be at least eights on a scale from one to ten.
If you are alone and with no husband ask yourself are you making yourself friendshipy and attractive? I am not talking about ‘nice or cute’ in a girl’s sense. You know, where your girlfriends see you they tell you ‘oh that haircut looks good’. And you both are smiling at each other in an affirmative way like girls do who are relating to each other. If you look cute why do you not have a guy that looks like Brad Pitt, but with the morals and ideals of Captain Frederick Wentworth. It is because your girlfriends are not seeing beauty like a dude does.
If you want to know what is attractive on a girl (read my post on the subject for more detail, I am talking about friendshipy in a rustic animal instinctual sense, so that when guys see you, they undress you (rip your clothes off) in their minds.
Wild rustic Homo sapiens girl with a 21st century minimalist fashion or a cubby plucked, painted, dyed girl for your girlfriends to say ‘oh she looks cute’?
To look wild and rustic, let nature guide you in terms of attractiveness. Read my post on how to be attractive. Do not wear perfumes and dye your hair. Let it grow and get in shape and learn to develop some pheromones, and by all means be a size 8 ( at most) or 6 or 4 or less and fit (yes muscles and strength) like ‘primitive Homo sapien hunter girl’ from 20,000 years ago (think the Hunger games if you will). Look wild and dress with style that is simple. Appeal to men’s instincts, rather than reading women’s magazines or other girls to guide you in fashion. Remember the fashion industry is largely connected to money and disconnected to helping you find soul mate. I want you to win and I am trying to help.
Women want to adjust everything. Fix aspects of their relationships, get the guy civilized. Lets face it, if it were not for women we might all be living in the caves. They want to make sure men prepare the nest. But why do women go excessive about this? I do not know. They want to nit pick and nag a man about details that are unimportant. Men will take care of women, just pick a man who was raised by a good mother.
Women want to raise their own children, not some adult male whose mother did not teach them to be responsible. So its easy, find a good man and you do not have to adjust him (too much).
A friend of mine had a girlfriend who use to leave lists of things for him to do on saturday morning. Yeah right. They dated for a while but that was the last straw.
Guys want a super cordial lady that does not hassle them – capiche?
That is it. That’s what I got when I married my wife. A good-looking girl who is easy-going. Of course there is more to it, but basically that is what guys want. The good news is you can be super cordial if you follow my fashion advice. And easy-going, well it comes from spiritual work or being raised that way, try some yoga or read some books on inner peace. If you try to change someone else, often there is something in our lives that are amiss.
Girls minds are programmed to see details because they have to raise children, but girls have a choice. The options are: to hassle their man about details or have a husband. You will scare good men away. Girls take it easy, if something annoys you about your guy, ask yourself if it was the reserve situation and your man was giving you a hard time. Do not focus on non important things, develop inner peace to find a husband.
On the other hand, do not be so easy and pick anyone. Get a real prince and make him work for you. I got my first real date with my girl after a year of chasing her. Play to win.
Does not inspire ideals
Any girls can get a boyfriend. Let me give you and example.
When is a four and eight? When she puts out. Got it? Girls can attract guys by misusing their physical virtue. Girls you want a guy? Not just to marry you, but make your dreams come true, an idealistic guy. The take my advice, be an idealist yourself. You do not have to be perfect or never have done wrong. But do not be a ‘hip and cool’ modern girl who is a serial monogamous, yet does not have the man of your dreams. You will find yourself like a lot of my friends living with cats and alone.
- Got it? So stop letting guys treat your body like an amusement park. If you have strong urges, I understand, try self-indulgence, but to get a guy let him work for you.
What can I say, I am not throwing any stones, but I am not a big believer in physical relations outside of the context of marriage. I know no ‘pure’ girls’ that do not have a zillion guys who would climb the highest mountains for them. On the other hand, I do know a lot of ‘modern women’ who cannot get a guy to commit.
Maybe this is not all that important, but guys like idealistic girls. To attract idealistic guys, do not be the town ‘you know what’. But remember purity comes not from the body, but from the mind. So no mater what you have done in your past or keep doing because you can not control your urges and needs, your heart and ideals will lift you to a higher level. You can be the ‘town you know what’, but if you hold goodness in your heart, some guy will see it. Really, many guys will even marry ‘working girls’ if they are pure in heart.
Intellectual curiosity – Girls over-estimate attractiveness and underestimate their need for intellectual development
Girls unplug from your mobile phone and iPods. It is so annoying that American girls are plugged into their cell phones. On a first date with a guy they will even take calls. Unless you are an ER doctor, it is rude and a sign of low intelligence, a weak brain.
It is so unhigh to be a girl with no brains. Brains is not defined as IQ scores or Ivy league degrees, it is about intellectual curiosity. A girl reading Jane Austen or wanting to travel the world and learn languages and study art and music and history and explore the meaning of life questions will get a guy who is interested in the same. For example, my wife and I read books on park benches (now at playgrounds with our daughter) together.
It is so unfun to be with some fake blond, tanned, with big doorknobs woman with nothing going on upstairs. Not even for a night. I would rather go back to playing chess on the Internet and let her whine about coming back to bed. It is something instinctive that people want to pass their genes to smart ( translation – curious) people. For example, Mozart has no trouble getting girls I hear.
Have not met the right one
It the only point that matters. If you are single and lonely it is because God has not brought you and your other half together. Maybe you need more time to develop spiritually or to learn patience, a ‘desert crossing’ if you will. But like the song says ‘everybody loves somebody sometime’. The same applies to men who want to get a wife. It will happen to you and when it does, you will forget all the pains and loneliness of being single and even most of your single friends. At that point you will be welcomed into a secret club, that you can not explain to anyone who is not in the club. It is called being a parent, and a wife. And let me tell you, it is a great club to be in.
If you are single and do not have your spouse, write me, leave a comment below and I can help diagnosis the issue, and I will help.
12 thoughts on “How to get a husband”
I think you made the point many times, what if you are trying to attract A, but person A does not like you because they like person B. Yet you destiny and true spouse who you are ment to be with in love and marriage is person C, who is sitting on the other side of the world lonely and waiting for you. Meanwhile you are futility chasing person B.
I think your point about ‘meeting your husband’ when the time is right, is one if the most important points. The other commentaries about beauty and attitude are nice, but that destiny aspect of dating and relationships are central.
Too many girls are putting their hopes in person A when they are not destined to be with person A but person C and they are messing up the Karma of the universe by trying to bend it toward a relationship that is excluding their one and only, that is person C.
Poor lonely person C. Poor desperate misguided person girl.
I mean sometimes people met their conception of their other half and sometimes the person might shatter all preconceived notions about what their husband should look like or when they met them or from where.
I agree that being fit and strong is good, as well as toned, but my arms are tricky for me. Lifting weights, 500 pushups, chatarunga pose in yoga, all these things and my arms are still a little chunky. Before i got pregnant, i was a thin girl but my arms have always been my problem area. Any suggestions? I refuse to get them surgically corrected, but i am hoping there is something to do that i havent tried yet.
You know there are actually exercises you can do with your baby when they are older, there is a book on it, it looked interesting but I do not know anything about it. You will be lifting your babies a hundred times a day for various reasons to change them and carry them. Do no worry so much, OK.
Anyway, you understand the difference between fast twitch and slow twitch muscles I am sure. You want to focus on slow twitch, I also think when you are healthy and have a family running makes arms skinny. I have not seem too many distance runners with big arms. Shake a weight looks tempting but I think running is better.
First, arms are not a problem with attractiveness. I mean all the top tennis players have large arms as well as many Russian olympic field and track stars. Health and beauty is mostly about hip to waist ratio. I kind of like women with healthy robust arms.
If a girl has a pudgy chin or larger arms I do not think it is a factor, at least not a strong one for either health or physical attractiveness.
I think external indicators of health is connected to the hip to waist ratio. And if you follow my thesis that mate selection or attractiveness is connected with physical health (to some degree) that hip to waist is where you look.
No wonder all those belly dancers attract guys.
Girls that are big or a little fleshy do not have to worry as long as they do not have a gut (I have a gut and need to work on this, had some physical problems where I was not the most active for a couple of years, spend a lot of time on the sofa working with the laptop on me). So I am not judging to casting stones, but obesity is a killer man.
Good health = physical attractiveness (generally). The converse is not true. That is unhealthy people are not universally unattractive. Many pale drawn sickly girls can be seen as attractive by some men just as women with health problems like thinning of hair or thyroid problems, does not mean they are not beautiful.
I am just talking generally about people optimizing their looks to attract a mate. And one of the easiest ways to do this is get fit. Fit or corpulent like the book says. A fit person, no matter what their do with their face, turns heads.
I highly recommend girls or guys do not do surgery for body modification. God made everyone the way they are. Looks is about optimization not about altering. I see so many girls with fake doorknobs and it looks silly. I do not know why they do that.
I also think with visualization you might be able to achieve some effect in body sculpturing, but arm, do not worry about. If you have kids wait a few years. I am sure there will be creams or other things in the future that will tone this down. I know there have been increases in chest size with hypnosis so maybe anything is possible.
I do think the number of corpulent cells in an area shrink but do not decrease much unless there is cell via starvation (at that point it can cause brain cell cannibalization too). So being in shape is more about shaping up your shape and look. Being active. We are not all meso-ectomporphic greek gods.
Also a lot of this is written for girls trying to find a husband. If you are married, there are bigger priorities. I mean being a parent means chasing your child around and not going to the gym for many years often. On the other hand, you are part of an elite club, parenthood and all the petty worries that plagued me when I was single are not even remembered.
Hey, I am from Russia and it is no secret Russian girls are desired by men, but it has less to do with their looks and more that we really, genuinely want have a husband and when we do we will respect them by serving them, meals, love, kindness, we are gentle with our guys not competitive with them, we dream of being domestic good little wives.
If you want to catch a husband make him feel good about himself. I mean this with real, authentic feelings of your man is a hero.
We can debate until we are blue in the face if prayer works.
In my experience it does. I know it for a fact. It is something you have to experience for yourself.
I look back on my life and how when I prayed, God has guided me. If you want to meet your your other half I recommand prayer.
Being good and prayer needs to be the center. I know a girl Basia who use to pray for a husband. She was a sincerly good person. She met the man of her dreams and has a beautiful family and she always know she would.
I hope I’m the kind that hasn’t met the right one. But again, it could be all of the points you have listed. You never really know how other people see you unless you can read minds.
It is interesting how you say you have never met a woman who was not beautiful. I have met plenty. I know this is not the right thing to say but it’s true. I don’t find an obese woman with severe acne and wearing spandex shorts beautiful. Of course this is only about appearance, I don’t know her and she could be a good person which could make her beautiful in a way. Most of us subconsciously divide people into two categories: average and outstanding. Beautiful means outstanding, something that will turn heads. And of course it is different for everyone. The sad part is, some women think they look “plain” and do all those funky things that make them look strange, like botox, heavy makeup or a lot of fake tan combined with bleached hair, thinking it will make them prettier. It is worse than not caring about the way you look at all.
I find your site very informative and make me feel want to be in love again.
I am a Malaysian woman in the early thirties. Born as a Muslim so I believe in 1 God same with Jew and Christian, believe in God of Abraham.
I dated with local men but I feel most of them are hypocrite and too conservative. They want a good woman as wife but they didn’t act as a good person. They use religion as their strong point but all they want is physical thing. I was raped by one of my ex-boyfriend and lost my virginity. Since then I feel really hard to find someone who really sincere and love me for real. I dated Canadian man and few non local men but they are same as well after I being honest about myself. I was almost get engaged but it didn’t happen due to conservative thinking by his family on woman should be younger than a man in marriage and also because of the virginity issue.
Since then, I tried to avoid love but I feel so empty and feel lost in my life.
My father passed away recently and my mother wants to get married again soon. Good for her anyway. However I feel so lonely, lost and empty. I need love in my life.
I think my prince somewhere out there in different country and waiting for me to find him.
I am thinking to move to another country soon but not sure which country yet.
I plan for Europe trip next year for a start.
Which countries you recommend to find an ideal husband?
I highly recommend you marry outside your country because of what you have described. Inside an Islamic country is a girl has had a boyfriend or a professional and not married she will not get her first choice in love. You want your first choice.
Countries on the top of my list for good husbands
Given that no land has a monopoly on good people for marriage, there are some places where people are more idealistic.
I recommend the USA or Canada generally as people are so diverse and everyone is from somewhere else. The American way is assimilation. Further within the America you will find many idealists and open people even if 50% of the culture is not.
However, if you are moving to Europe, obviously France and Italy are nice countries because of the lifestyle and the people are more easy going and nice family oriented.
Poland is great as guys just love Asian women and very idealistic, but the weather is cold and not all the guys are expressive, but they are loyal.
England is easy because of the language. But not a lot of idealist unless you are talking Muslims in the UK.
However, Swedish guys like Norwegian guys are very good. They complain that they can not find a woman who is loyal or who would stay with them. Since you have an exotic look, something different than the European look you will attract many guys. It is a matter if you can stand the cold climate. I would think if I was a girl I would go for countries that the men have values but are a little flexible.
Issue with Muslim dating – in Islamic countries
I mean in Muslim countries sometimes the traditions are so strong that if a girl is over 30 and ever dated anyone before her chances of finding someone is slim. Yet in a Western country this is not true. In fact it is the opposite, the women are so easy and liberal that guys are depressed that they can not find one decent girl to marry. You are a decent girl and you deserve love.
You have faith in God, you have ideals and dreams and are beautiful. There is no reason you can not get married have a family and live happily ever after with the man of your dreams. Ask God to help you. Visualize it and see it.
If you plan to move to Europe because you have a visa, it is all good, just find a guy that is idealistic. If you could ever find an American or Canadian it is so much fun in the America and you would never be seen as a foreigner. My wife moved to the USA last year and everyone sees her as American.
The main thing is visualize and stay positive and ask God. When you meet guys do not think that you have to defend your past or anything. They will either be open minded or not. I would be honest if they ask but they will either accept you or not.
Feel you are worthy
Let me give you and example. I once time made a huge spelling error on my Resume/CV and sent it to a company I was trying to get into. I was freaking out. Then a friend told me it is an issue only if it is an issue in your head. So get it out of your head that you have anything wrong with you. Your human, flesh and blood and in love and relationships we are not experts.
See fairy-tales are not about having a fair-tale but making one. Watch the TV show Once upon a Time and you will see what I mean.
Fairy-tales are made. If they do magically happen when you are young, remember, all magic comes with a price. Better is to work in partnership with the Divine to find the husband of your choice.
Great post. I’m an old fashioned, romantic women who believes in courtship and traditional marriage.
I’ve been looking for the right person all my life. Never found. I’m in my early 30s and I feel frustrated. I need someone to love. I never was a party girl, even in my 20s I was looking for a husband. I pray a lot but I’m tired of all this search. I hate playing games and manipulation. I always say what’s on my mind and don’t hide my intention.
I grew up in an East European houshold, religious family with strong values. Now I live in France and it is so hard to find someone serious here. It’s a hookup culture and lots of metarialism. They might be too laid back looking for fun, never growing up, no intention whatsoever in settling down. I guess you can call it peter pan syndrom. Even Muslims men living here adopted this way of thinking and run away when they hear the word marriage.
I attended lots of meetups, single events, retreats, hobby classes, even asked priests for help. The only men that I’ve met were committment phobes looking for young, wild, experienced girls. The moment I said that I’m looking for something serious leading to marriage he lost interest and vanished.
Lots of people told me that I don’t need to get married and it’s ok to be in a committed relationship but not marry. They asked me what’s the difference?
Now I’m thinking about moving for few weeks to another country but could not decide where. I considered Mexic, Brazil, Argentina, Cuba as they are more old fashioned than U.K. or France. I really don’t know. Maybe better to go Middle Eeast Qatar, UAE or Oman or Morrocco. The Baltic countries are more traditional too. India or Pakistan crossed my mind as well.
As you can see I’m very confused.
Please Mark I need your assistance. Can you guide me? What do you think about my situation? Which country should I give the first go?
Maya, thank you for your honestly. Now here is some honesty for you. There is no way on earth you can not find a husband if you want to. You can find a husband. A good one who will love you and stay with you all the days of your life. I promise. You do not have to do anything radical like move to the Middle East. Better would be to join the Amish or Pennsylvania Dutch. I am serious, but you do not have to do that, there are better ways.
The issue issue you is you life in the nexus of decadence, that is Western Europe. But you already know that. The Baltic countries or Poland are more reasonable countries. There are many good Catholic men or Christians. However, since you are in your early thirties many of these guys pair off earlier when they attend university. However, Eastern Europe is still good.
Therefore, my recommendation is the United States of America. It is like Western Europe in reverse. That is, there are score of good men that tell me where are the marriage minded women. Not everyone, but many.
For example: I am American with Eastern European roots. I love my family. There is 0.00% change I would ever be disloyal or cheat. I want to spend all the time I can with my family. I even left my investment banking job at Deutsche Bank, so I could spend more time with them. I live in Saint Augustine, Florida and we have ten organic garden boxes, a miniature dalmatian, and want to get some backyard ladyens if the county will lower the fee. We live in martial bliss. Nothing everything is perfect buy our relationship is. The reason it is because we both believe in God and take love seriously. We are committed to ‘walking the walk’.
I am not the only one. I work as a Realtor at the beach, and my broker who runs the company is another example. We are all basically Christian there in the firm and many other examples of good authentic people. He has three children and adopted one. He is walking the walk, donating most of what he has to charity and his family. He studied theology by the way.
Another one of my acquaintance has eleven kids (He is a surgeon) and another nine, works for the phone company, and see him at Mass weekly. These are Christians who try to ‘walk the walk’. They have wonderful fairy-tale lives. Why are the different? They believe in these ideals and in concrete action, act, word and deed live their belief.
Ask guys if they go to church every week, or they want kids, do not be afraid to scare them off a little with talk about your family. You have to qualify these guys. Ask them how they feel about the rosary. Ask them that. Me, I am investment banker American surfer guy, who dresses top, but you ask me about the rosary I will tell you, it is a powerful form of prayer and our Blessed Mother gives us many gifts if we ask. Just because I could be a player, does not mean I am. I ask God to guide me in my life. Find a guy like me, someone who just wants to live their ideals, even if I am imperfect.
And the ones I know who are idealistic are stylish and attractive. The two almost go hand in hand, that is, ideals and attractiveness, because they take care of their souls and try to live a clean life.
I do not know how you find this person. I think you could try Catholic dating or Christian Dating sites online. You could try playing chess. I play chess in the US Chess Federation and it is mostly guys, and smart geeky guys that seem to transmute their libidinal energies into the obsession of chess. Join chess.com for example and put an avatar there. But unless you are good you might play people younger than you.
I think Catholic dating is one idea or Christian dating. You meet a guy in the US, you could get an immigration visa no problem.
There are many online ways to date, and it is easy to screen the plays from the non-players.
What about going to a club. Many people I know still meet this way. I mean that is the whole reason people go out to a dance club. What about yoga classes? In the cities some of these have over a hundred people per class. I think the USA would be perfect for you as there is a whole series of subcultures that are committed to ideals, from environmental, hiking people, to yoga people to Catholics in their thirties. You have to put yourself out there and look your best.
Can I ask more about you? What do you like to do? What do you read? What do you do for work? Do you dress stylish and stay fit? You could have a style issue that is holding you back and that is easy to fix. If you give me some more details perhaps I can help.