Fantasizing about other women, is it OK? I say to each his own, but I personally do not. It is so unhigh to be in a relationship and wanting or dreaming about someone else. However, I am not on some self-righteous high horse. I understand the imagination is something that is wild and untamed and flies and soars in all directions the wind blows. I am not judging any boyfriend or husband that can not stop fanatizing about other women. When I was single I had sex on my brain. But when I am married I only want my wife. How can this be? Is it true? Yes, it is not a problem for me. My first advice is choose a wife you are physically attracted to, I personally recommend a younger girl. Second advice is read my post for more ideas.
Looking vs a fantasy, single vs married
In this post I am not talking about looking at other girls, I am talking about fantasizing about other girls. Letting your imagination go and taking delight in the idea of being with other women than your wife. I am also not talking about single guys. You guys are free to let your imagination take you to the date you want to be with. In this post I am talking about married and thinking about other people.
Work with your imagination not against it
I am just suggesting that maybe if you are married and you secretly delight in other women in your mind’s eye you might consider another path. If you can alter your fantasies in some way, like not fantasizes about a specific girl (your neighbor, the girl at the gym or someone at work), but a general girl hypothetical, this would not be as bad. Then transform this mythological girl into your wife eventually. If you can do this your life might have a new sense of power. Work with your imagination instead of fighting it. Let some fantasy girl transform into your wife in your imagination, or imagine your wife in an outfit when she looks hot like at the beach or in tight jeans.
I’ve looked on many women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me. – Jimmy Carter
Why stop fantasizing about other women
If you know the why in life – the how easy – Nietzsche
Maybe if you are someone who can not help it or control your dreams and imagination. I understand this and not judging you and not saying your relationship is wrong or anything. Do not go that far, just relax. However, I would suggest that maybe you want to try to wean yourself off that use of your imagination. Why?
- You will find your wife is the most beautiful woman in the world.
- You will be at greater peace and can focus on really cool things, like me, surfing (waves not the Internet) and playing chess right now.
- God wants you to love your wife and channel your energies this way. It’s wrong because God says it is not optimal for your life.
- Women are great and I love them, but you have to beable to appreciate them as children of God and not just something you satifiy your needs with.
- Stick with your home team, fantasizing about other people is like rooting for your rival sports team.
- Those other girls out there is nothing special, really take it from a guy who has been around the block. They are not with someone because someone else dumped them. If they are with someone you do not want to snake another man’s wife.
For example, when I was single I use my imagination in all kind of ways connected to dating women. It is normal. I was dating one girls and sometimes thought of another. However, when I am married I do not even like the idea of thinking of another girl besides my wife. I find it distasteful and not appealing. How could I have changed?
I also recommend my post about Is it OK to look at other women? I touch on some of the same issues from a different angle.
Why stopping thinking about other girls – you will have peace
I believe that imagination is where the divine resides and the misuse of it can lead to cosmic changes in your life. Assert your free will and do not let your mind to have this wanderlust. Like with anything else your mind can be trained and conditioned. Find a reason why not to fanatizing about other women. It might be your religion or your love for your wife or knowing your will be obsessed and tortured if you can not get this under control.
Mental techniques to stop obsessing about other women
- Try to see the object of your lust as someone’s sister or mother or wife.
- If that does not work, take it up a notch, imagine those girls doing something gross like vomiting or worse, they do you know.
- Ask God to set you free of any negative obsessions that might have attached themself to you.
- Just tell yourself you will not do it or allow it, eventually it will be normal not to think of women.
- Know an addiction is nothing but a door. You unlocked this door and now every time you want by it, it is calling you to open it. Do not, seal it and with time it will become rusty and unopened.
- Reward yourself with other pleasure. Me I like to play chess.
- If you surf really bad things on the web like P_0_r_M, maybe surf more mild things like movie stars in bathing suits. Turn your abnormal passions into less harmful normal thoughts. Search something like Anne Hathaway or some other actress who is bathing in their ten minutes of fame and beauty in a swim suit. Then maybe someday give this up and you will find surfing the web for women boring.
- Fantasizing about your wife in different ways like in ancient Greece giving you a massage on some grey slate table with only a loose toga. Or you are in the wild west and on a hot day and there she is when you walk into a salon. Use your overly active imagination in a way that is healthy for your life.
- Know that cheating is not the way, because in the moment of truth all girls are the same.
Single people do not have a lot of physical relations or fun in bed
The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence and in your single neighbors bedroom. Let me explain.
I met this girl at the library today who I know (nice girl in many ways). She is a free spirit flower child with children from several men. She is a pretty girl but was rambling again about she wants to run with wolves and date and live like she is 18. She sees herself as some sensual goddess and flirts with people.
- Newsflash: I guaran-f’-en-tee you she does not get a fraction of the ‘physical relations’ a married person has.
I have never seen her with a guy. Hey, me, I am married, physical relations are my duty and pleasure and one of the things required in married. Single people do not have a lot of fun in between the sheets. It is all stress and performance and trying to impress and it happens only after dates and courtship patterns. Married people have relations whenever they want with their partner who they love. It is way better to be married. To think you want to date or be with other women might be a temptation for some married men but do not let it play out in my imagination.
Brad Pitt or George Clooney model for your future?
You do not want to be some old fat grey haired loser without someone to grow old with. Like Robert de Niro in The Score – In the end he gets the girls, someone to grow old with. Just like the real life Brad Pitt. You want this, you do not want to be like some hopeless loser like George Clooney how is never going to get married, just changing girls. So stop fantasizing about other women or you will be fated to live a sad life.