Author: Mark Biernat

What to do if your boyfriend or girlfriend is negative

A person who almost could walk on water once told me ‘the only thing that changes people is love’. This is a radical statement because of the word ‘only’. If love is the one and only thing that can change anyone, then you have a lot to do.

In this post I give you specific solutions to this dating dilemma. I give you ideas and solutions not found all over the web, but through book recommendations, which are heavy hitters and beyod pop psychology.

• If you are in a relationship with someone and they are negative, teach them otherwise through love and patience or blame yourself, not them. If you are not married you might leave this person for a more positive person. Life is too short to have an energy vampire drain your energy.

Consider online dating, like Christian dating or any dating site has enough filters for what you want.

If you are staying in the dating relationship or if you are married (no out in my view), there is a lot you can do if your partner is negative. A lot. I believe that every problem has a solution.

Why people are negative in relationships? The main reason people are negative is they do not trust the life process. What does this mean? It is a basic attitude in life, that is not about positive thinking, but rather that life at its core is safe and meaningful.

A fundamental trust in life is learned in the first two years of life and is the cornerstone of any healthy psychological profile (Eriksson). It is learned by the child’s relationship to its mother or surrogate. If a child does not have natural weaning, then as an adult they limp through life in a less than optimal way. I recommend a book ‘What I believe’ by Hans Kung. You can actually read most of it online. It deals with this issue. If you are a girl you might prefer Louise Hay ‘Heal your Body’.

What is a psychologically healthy person? Psychologically healthy people in relationships are not untouched by the battle scares of life (bad relationships, loss of innocence, breakups, divorce, ill-health, tragedy, financial ruin), but rather still retain a fundamental attitude of ‘yes’. This yes is almost synonymous with faith, hope and love. A belief in life as a whole has a purpose above everyday slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Some examples of triggers for negative thinking in a relationship

A negative episode in a relationship is triggered by something and they feel they are sinking in the ocean. Something in their life is not working and they a wave of self-doubt overwhelms them. They lash out and complain and you interrupt as they are bad. They are not, simply in pain.

Negativity becomes like candy, something hard to give up. Since you get more of what you reinforce the negative spiral continues until they can not close the door on this pattern. You find yourself in a bad relationship dynamic.

• For example, I have back pain and when it hurts I complain all the time. I do not know how my wife can stand me.
• Other times people complain or are negative because of emotional pain from their past. Usually the way they were raised. If there was a lot screaming and yelling in their house like the Costanzas on Seinfeld or their parents went through a divorce, then for about the next twenty years the child is in emotional pain as an adult. Usually about 40 years old people start to heal.
• Past relationships, this is the weakest reason to be cynical or negative. If a relationship in the past did not work, it was for the better.
• The partner is not religious. They can be modern, cynical and not see the world in a sweet way, only as an existential tragical.
• Economic problems put strains on relationships. But this is one of all the weakest reasons to be negative. I would beg on the street if I had to. It does affect you, but people over-estimate what they really need in life to be happy. I live in Eastern Europe and see how relative wealth is.

What is the solution if you are dating or married to a negative person?

• Time machine – I have often fantasized about going back into a time machine. To go back in time and change my past. Reading Eisenstein physics I realized you can not. I was disappointed. Until I found a way, literally, through forgiveness. The person who needs healing needs to understand this. Too much time wasted being angry and with regret. It does not matter about the past, live today. See the movie Time Machine (2002).
• Love – Whatever the problem love is the answer. Read books by Jerry Jampolsky, the eternal optimist, less advice book and more light feel good books. For intellectual weight read Hans Kung which will help dissolve existential anxiety.
• Let it bounce off you – If you are staying with the person, then be patient. Do not make things worst. Just be happy and ignore their negativity and give some encouragement here and there. Mentally say to yourself ‘cancel, cancel’ when you hear this negativity.
• Real solution – Have them seek a spiritual solution to the problems in their life. Why do so many bad things happen to good people? Look at the story of Job. Carl Jung wrote that ‘every problem in life after a certain age is a spiritual one’. Ask them questions about life and why they are here. Raise their awareness about the issues of life by asking questions and in a Socratic way, guide them toward self discovery.
• Book recommendation. – If they are open, have them read a book called ‘Unbound: A Practical Guide to Deliverance by Neal Lozano. It is one of the best books on releasing negativity. This book is mostly about asking out loud freedom from negativity. Asking out load has more of an impact as negative entities real or psychological (net – net it is the same) need to be released.

Is that is? Nothing more. If the person is an energy vampire and you can not deal with it, leave, but if you want to heal their life and breath back a little of trust in the movie of life, help them though love, forgiveness and finding a spiritual solution to their problem.

The purpose of this post is point out why single girls who want kids, but not marriage, should reconsider their lives. My friend Gary was raised in a single parent home as was my friend Janet. They both said it is one of the most selfish things a parent can do is raise a child without two parents.

Children are not pets

I hear many single girls say “I do not need to get married, I can just have kids”. This is the hallmark of a self-absorbed person. A child is not a pet. It is not to fill the void in your life. Children are not toys nor are they something that is to planned like a life passage, school, university, career and buying a condo.

Cat women do not need partners either

These girls see a child as an emotional substitute for putting in the work required to find a quality man. Well I put these girls right up there with spinster cat women, who waited too long past their prime to find a guy (a trend in post modern western countries by the way). These women grow old alone, until special police units have to come into their cat infested apartments to rescue these animals. When I lived in Boston I saw this on the news from time to time.

I do not need to get married

Singles that says ‘I do not need to get married’, need to reflect and see their life for what it is. If you do not want humble yourself to find a man and be his wife, it will be a hard road for you in life as a parent.

Real life single girl parent disaster

I know scores of single mothers, each is a tragedy in their own way and the girls are victims, real or more often self-proclaimed. My neighbour Ania is one. She has a hard sad life. I hope she is not reading this blog. I see her struggle day-to-day. I see her son suffer as his father is off with another girl having a child down the street. She is a professional makes good money but is lonely and overwhelmed.

Her son is feminine. He is being raised by only girls (sister, mother,nanny). Who is going to teach this boy to become a man? Is he going to repeat the mistake of his father? I mean this in the noblest sense of the word. That means a man of honor to take care of a wife and family.

For example, when I took the trash out in my building the other day and saw him in the stairwell, I was in a tank top and one week unshaven face, I asked him how he was doing,  if he was going to play soccer this year. He looked scared of me.  It is not that look macho at all, it is just that he does not have day-to-day interaction with a person of his own gender. The girls arround him coddle him like a pet. How will this boy grow up to compete in the world of men?

What it takes to fall in love

Love takes humility. It takes subservience. I am a man I must everyday humble myself to my wife, as she does to me. This is love, surrendering yourself to another. If your ego is too large that you can not do this you should not be a parent. Why? I am a parent and it is nothing more than doing God’s work on this earth. It is surrendering yourself for the best of the whole.

Next time you hear a man or a woman say, ‘I do not need to get married’, there is a good chance that ego and self-pride is blinding them. It is the voice of a self-absorbed child wrapped in fear that they might lose something of themself, not an adult.

This is a dangerous type of psychological profile. Someone who says I can take care of myself and have a child because I have a good job, but I do not need marriage. I have news, anyone in the modern world can take care of themselves. It is no great feat. It is pathetic in fact to serve your boss, but not have enough courage to find your other half.

Nature made it this way

Humans reproduce in pairs. Nature made dating and mating to work in twos. We as humans do not engage in afriendshipual reproduction. Everything, even on your body has two sides. You have two eyes two hands. Nature works this way. It is strange to hear a person say they do not need to get married.

I have no idea about the psychogenesis of this belief but I think it comes from fear It is a marriage of ego and fear that would make someone think this way.

Biology is not destiny

A need to fulfill a biological drive, but not having the psychological development to be in a committed life partnership is what these singles are saying.  New Flash, fulling a biological urge is nothing to be proud of for either gender. Doing something like being and staying married is. Dating for for your destiny, and not finding fulfilment in self replication alone.

If you are normal and healthy, I think nature wants you do reproduce in a family setting, in a nest with a husband and wife team and equal partnership. We are not just animals but creatures between heaven and earth, we have a dual nature, both animal and spiritual.

This is what all world religions teach. Not a path of self-absorption, because you miss the sweetest thing in life, that is letting go of your fear and ego for true love. What in life can bring you more happiness than love?

Many examples of happy families

Look at Amish families, look at the families of the days of old, look at families in traditional cultures, they are the happiest. Would you not want to grow up in a normal family with two parents? My family was happy and I can tell you it was great. The greatest think you can do as a parent is not to have a career or be a VIP but to raise a happy child with both parents at home who love each other. Look to the positive not the negative of family life. Watch the movie “Family man” with Nicholas Cage,  if you have to. Family life is great and there is nothing wrong with love and marriage.

I live in Poland and the world here is all about family and love. If someone is a single parent is because of an event outside of their control. But rarely do people see being a single girl or single guy with a child as an option. Why? Because people think of the whole and not themselves.

Single parents and children lesson

• Love and marriage and family is not something to be seen as old fashion but rather the dream.
• Kids want to have a normal family life with a mother and father. Humans need to be wrapped in love from all side.
• If you are single and pregnant have the child for sure. Feel the fear and do it anyway, have the child, I am not talking about you as a single mother in this post. You are on a different path and God will bless you in ways that you can not imagine.
• If you are single, find your mate, your other half and do not be one of these pathetic career people or people who like to tell the world how they do not need love and marriage to feel complete. I am have seen enough of the world to know that is not true. We all need someone. There is nothing greater in life than love.
• Play to win means date to get married, not just for dating and having a boyfriend. Date to find your husband. Use Internet dating or travel the world it does not matter. Your mission is to find your husband.

A common myth that irritates me and does not want to be dispelled is you need a good job or money to get girls, or at least desirable girls to date and marry. Women do not care about money. More important, the ones you want to marry do not care about your net worth or cash flow. If you put it out there, that one of your desirable traits is you are financially sound, you hurt your chances of finding true love.

Example why girls and money do not mix

Let me rephrase that, girls and money are a dangerous mix if you want a happy life. Let me explain. I recently connected with two old friends of mine and one additional friend where I live, here in Europe. One was a lawyer and the other was in the investment and stock market field, however, the third one was living an alternative lifestyle as a teacher.

All these guys were equal in school in terms of looks and brains. So it is a good example for ceteris paribus. I would even say the latter lagged behind the other two in terms of dates and quality of women when he was young, perhaps because he was shy. So for women he would be the less desirable of the three at the start.

The lawyer married a nice girl who he meet early on. She was nothing to write home about but I guess he was happy, for a while. He spend an inordinate amount of time chasing the next level at work until he was partner. However, he let is life partner, his wife, take a back seat. It took its toll on his life. At this point I think in terms of love, life and happiness he is just waiting for the sweet kiss of death to set him free. But he is a rich guy.

The investment guy was divorced and overworked. He was not in the best of shape either physically or emotionally. However, he had a lot of money and I mean a lot. He has a nice red BMW and a house by the ocean. However, women see him as a meal ticket not his soul and the women he attracted were gold-diggers who would compromise love for lifestyle.

The poor man and money – Enter the alternative guy. He is rather a geek and teaches English abroad. He has not amassed any great fortune teaching English abroad. His pittance he lives on is below the poverty level and even if he married a foreign lady friend he might have trouble getting her a US green card as the US has now requirements on economic income to bring a foreign wife in the country.

However, he dates only model looking women ten plus years his age, travels from time to time to Greece and Italy with them on a shoe string and they cook and clean his apartment. What is going on here? Easy, women do not take rich guys seriously unless their is a real twinkle in their souls. And this is hard to find as life is about trade offs.

While the over achievers are pursuing society defined goals of money and power the under achiever is living his life by the beat of a different drummer. This is what girls like. Guys who make their own rules.

Which professions get the most dates and girls?

Why do bank robbers rob banks? Because that is where the money is. If you want to get high quality women, go where the women are.

Do not go for the high paying professions where you you will sell your soul and live according to societies predefined set of rules. Go where the girls go. I think females might be the wiser of the two genders, they put their heart above money unless they themselves are lost souls.

Where are the professions with girls? Be an English teacher, surfer, tour guide, DJ, bartender, hotgrapher, yoga instructor, you tube video maker, work in a bookstore or a clothing shop. You get the point. Live your real interest.  Even one day a week. But do not believe the lie that money equals women.

I meet a professional player in the dating field

When I was in Buenos Aires renting a flat I had an acquaintance twenty years my senior who is one of the world experts on dating and women.  I can not go into more details but it is true.  He is not a self-proclaimed expert but really has had girls lining up at his door his whole life for reasons I can not disclose.  He has dated more women than one hundred movie star or Wall Street banker combined. He gave me one pearl of wisdom that stuck in my mind today as was confirmed by experience. He said,  I have found there is an inverse correlation between income and women.

From myth to science with money and girls – Such a bold statement first shocked me, as it was so contrary to conventional wisdom. But is was no more unbelievable than when I first learned that time slows down as we approach the speed of light. It is a universal law. Women, money, high paying careers do not mix.

Everything in my subsequent experiences confirms this. Women who like you because of your job, do not like you. I have seem many a women marry bankers and when the guys lost their job in a downturn, they women left also, for some petty reason. I know doctors who pull a half a million dollars a year, who married very difficult women and just want more and more in terms of cash. Their lives as men are nothing more than being a bank cash machine.

Think of the movie Titanic and who got the girl in the end? The rich great Gatsby guy did not.

So someone explain to me how rich men get women? They do not. I fly back to the States from time to time and revisit my old haunts when I was a professional on Wall Street or Boston and the guys there that are working hard and professional but are poor souls in terms of love and marriage.

Do you want to marry a rich woman?

Do you want to marry a dragon woman who excels in her field? I do not. These girls really put me off their self inflated feeling of importance. I think the best mates for either gender are people who are humble, sincere and have faith in God and ideals and moral. These women are the worst in most cases, peacocks with no juice. Not because of their income, but because of what they sacrificed to get there. Life or economics is a series of trade offs. We each had difference indifference curves.

• Find a girl whose indifference curve is connected with getting utility from reading, literature, art, religion, travel and languages and someone who would be honored to be a mother and a wife.
• Find a girl who believes in marriage and would not ever leave you, not matter what. Because in their words of St. Thomas Kempis ‘anyone who flees in times of trouble is not worthy to be called a lover’.
• Read more on love and money.

Read my lips, money will destroy love if you pursue it. If you seek love and only love you will be happy. Money is like air it comes and goes and circulates. Love lasts forever.

Dating advice for girls – 101 tips to get The relationship

I am not an expert on life, however, I am a guy and I can tell you from a man’s perspective how I see dating. The purpose of this post if to give non cliche dating tips for women from a guy who has lived a little.

What did I learn from living in Europe about dating? I learned that if girls want to be happily married it is easy. As an American living a reasonable part of my life in Europe I have observed ways European girls get guys to fall hopelessly in love with them. I have written these 101 dating tips for women for a serious purpose. If you ignore or disagree with even a few of these 101 dating advice points below, you putting yourself in jeopardy of swindling yourself out of your own life and getting the love you deserve.

I know few to none girls here, that have problem getting dates and getting married. On the other hand, I know scores of  American and UK liberated women counterparts are in the 30s still hoping for that last chance guy.  No guys wants to be any woman’s last chance guy.

Why is love in the West so hopeless and hard and broken homes are more common? Where is the disconnect? I do not mean any disrespect. I just want to guide for women on the dos and don’t s of dating so they have a better chance of having the love they deserve. You you do deserve love.

By the time you are in your 40s and your apartment is full of cats, you will wish you took my advice.  Doing the single girl career thing is good when you are 24 but when you are 39 it gets old fast.

I wrote dating tips for men for the same reason. So I am no chauvinist, on the contrary, it is a sin to be.

Do not let life get weary, cold, and gray.  No matter how good you feel about your career and life, you are nothing without your other half.  No matter how much of the most expensive skin cream you apply to your face, you are losing your juice and you will not like a cute 25 year old. The rest of your life will be hard and mostly lonely. I write this to scare you a little. A call to action so you can examine your life and find the reason you do not have the love your deserve.

When all the joys and all the zest of youthful years have fled,
and you have lived long years in vain and found life’s garlands rue
do not regret that you did not  leave the rest,
and found the love for you. (poem fragments inspired by Breaker Morant a 18th century romantic poet).

How to get the love you deserve

1. Go for what you want. Do not date some hopeless guy because you do not believe in yourself or have self-esteem problems. Who you marry is the most important choice of your life and unlike job or career can not be switched. Believe in yourself and your power as a woman to be able to attract your mate. It is destiny, Karma, universal, DNA whatever you want to say, but you are a special person. No one in the whole world is like you. God does not make mistakes. There is someone who is your other half. Believe that God will guide you to this person. This is the most important dating advice for girls.
2. Everything you the media tells you about relationships is wrong. Try to cancel out all those mixed signals and nonsense.
3. What is life about? Love, marriage, children, family and God. Do not believe anything different. Life is about love and who you love and choose as your mate. You have the right for your dreams to come true. You owe it to yourself and them.
4. If you do not have love in your life now ask God to guide you. Be prepared to make the sacrifices you need to have your pearl of great price. If you are 30 and do not have love, quit you job and move to another country. Listen to what the Bible teaches, do not be afraid to sell all your things to find love.  What are you clinging to, your pottery barn made in China apartment things? Get radical and take control over your life. Move to Italy and find some cordialtie. George Clooney did and so can you. Ask God to guide you in dating and love. I met a NYC lawyer who gave it all up so she could be with a Tango dancer in South America. I asked her why? She said ‘come on Mark you know how it is in the USA with dating’ . That is all she had to say to me, it made perfect sense. Do the same. Play to win.
5. As you drift to sleep try place your intention of a mate in a pink balloon and let it go and drift through the universe collecting energy.
6. As you drift to sleep in your mind whisper ‘true love‘. Do this to ask the universe for for what you believe. Read books like ‘The power of the Subconscious mind’  or anything by Louise Hayes or ‘Creative visualization’.
7. Look does matter. This is nature’s bait. Make yourself attractive. Here is my post on how to be attractive. Be so cordial that a guy can not resist you. Do this by being natural, not too much hair dye, or perfumes or makeup or expensive things. Look good from your body out. Eat natural food and workout and sweat. Wear tight jeans or a semi see though top. I can give you fashion advice if you like. Now I have mixed feelings, on one hand it is not good to be too provocative but on the other, it does get you noticed, if you have the right style.
8. Believe in yourself. Without a reasonable belief in yourself you block energy for change. However, pride comes before the fall. European women are humble. American girls tend not too be. This is their biggest down fall when dating. It is a huge turn off and no one will take you seriously.
9. Be domestic, cook. I like domestic girls. After all who will feed the kids?  Do you think your hubby going to nurse the baby? Dream on. Start developing the qualities, and learn how to be a good wife. Many girls in Europe, cordial girls who are like models are straight and say, ‘I am domestic and like to stay at home and cook’.
10. Who are your existential role models? Jane Austen characters, Anna Karenina, strive for old fashion role models more than Miley Cyrus. Be a damsel in distress. Guys love to rescue girls. It is better to be slightly neurotic and depressed and cordial than full of confidence and over weight and a career girl.
11. Believe in true love.
12. Do not change you man, change your man. What? Do not try to change your boyfriend, accept him 100% or get the guy you want. Relationships fail because girls do not accept their men. Just accept then or get a new one.
13. 30 is your limit. If you are not married, reinvent your life. Move to another country go on a month-long yoga retreat and do the whole Zen thing. If you are over 30 you have statistically more chances of getting struck by lightening twice than getting married.
14. Make yourself interesting. Learn a few languages, musical instruments, travel to exotic places. Guys want a classical girl, not a hipster. They want a girl who falls asleep at night with a pile of books by their bed.
15. Here is a dating tip for women, forget your career, finding a man is your business.
16. Let’s start with the premise that all girls are seeking the same guy. Well the same works for men. We all want a domestic girl who is slim and pleasant and classically educated and will be a great mother for our children. If you need a role model watch a few Cullen’s ABC videos. She is a super mom and a smart lady. This is a good start on how to be to attract a guy.
17. Be a b_tch and mix honey and vinegar. One hand be patient with your boyfriend, on the other hand, ask the question, when are we getting married. Watch the movie ‘My cousin Vinny’ and see how Marisa Tomei got her guy.
18. Ask your guy face to face, is there ever a reason you would cheat on me. Would you ever leave me under any reason?
19. If you are in a relationship now, imagine this person with you in seven minutes, seven months, seven years. How do you feel?
20. Is it OK to look? It is not OK to look.
21. Do not waste any energy being angry or unforgiving. When you do not forgive someone only you lose, they drain your energy. So much time wasted being angry.
22. If you are a shy girl my dating advice for you is that is good. Guys love introverted girls. The life of the party is fine for a one month girlfriend but for real respect, be reserved.
23. Learn how to be a flirt. Even if you are in a relationship for many years this is good advice.
24. If you are a computer geek you have a real advantage, guys love nerdy girls.
25. Look online and off line. Look on the Internet for love if you do not have confidence. Look around the world. Consider a country you would love to live in. I know many people, including myself that did not fall in love with the girl next door.
26. Be the change you want to see in the world, be the person you want to attract.
27. I think places like church or Yoga class are great ways to meet guys. Traveling is another good way. Even put something on the Internet that says you are looking for a travel partner to save money or something. If you both have a commonality of interests where you want to go, it is a start.
28. If you are with a guy for more than 3 years and you do not have a date for the wedding, more on.
29. It does not matter about the past, only the future counts and what you do with the rest of your life. Yesterday is a canceled check. I often felt I wasted a lot of my life, but my brother Joe said, it does not matter. It is what you do with the rest of your life. He is right.
30. Ask your guy if he believes in divorce, drinking, watching sports, etc.  I personally would not marry someone who does, but that is me. You need to raise a family and keep the family unit together.
31. I love eccentrics don’t you? Do not be afraid to be one. Be a strange girl if this is who you are.
32. Drop your girlfriends. You do not need them except for an occasional tea. Girl night out is treading on a dangerous territory as the courtship process should be all about bonding.
33. A relationship is like two clothes being sewn together. Everyday you are together it is like a stitch. Make your you two match. You do not want to sew pinstripes and plaid.
34. Along the same lines birds of a feather flock together. The best marriages are those of two people who have the same views. This is why Christian dating works so well.
35. Money has nothing to do with love. If you marry for money it is the hardest way to earn it. Love and money are two different ideas, like water and oil, they do not mix.
36. Do not listen to family and friends if you are in true love. They will project their fears on you and it is part of the test to see if your love is real. Even in nature birds kick the little birds out of the nest to fly. All parents and friends will tell you, your mate is not good enough. Stand by your man.
37. If a man’s mother did not do a good job of teaching the man independence and self sufficiency than move one. You want to be the mother of your own children not some one else’s boy. On the other hand never ever look down on your man. Many women say ‘oh he is such a child’ because he is not thinking like a woman. Know the difference.
38. Never talk bad about your man to your friends. Girls love to do this, do not, either you love him talk to him or have the courage to leave.
39. Guys like smart girls. If you like crosswords or Sudoku or computer games you are in.
40. Girls like France and Italy, laying on the beach or in a tropical place, and sweet things while chatting with their friends for tea and shopping, reading fiction, travel, languages (especially English, Spanish and French), spirituality. In contrast guys like work and computers. Women need to try not to make a man a woman. Basically all psychology and psychology books are about trying to get a man to think like a woman. Some men are pretty broad minded and humanistic, but if your guy is not do not, try to change him into you. Either accept him or find a guy that you want.
41. Remember a woman’s eyes dilate more seeing a baby than a man with no clothes. Women always love your man equal to your children but do not talk yourself out of having kids.
42. If your relationship is not working do not think children will fix it.
43. Do not smile at anyone unless you are married or on your way there. If you have, forgive yourself and move on. Your past does not matter, it is how you are. Do not grow up too fast, I do not know care what all your friends are doing. Have the courage of your convictions and you will get your prince. Kissing is one thing. You can kiss guys until you are blue in the face, but the other stuff is really for your husband. I know this is old fashion and again if you have already done this, do not worry. Just try to start focusing on your future and the man you will spend forever with.
44. Girls are often naive, be aware of that, guys will tell you anything to get you to boom-boom. Be on your guide against this. Guys will lie to trick you and they will do it with such passion. Do not be foolish.
45. Let the guy chase you. Run from him. Give him a challenge. Men are hunters. Let them catch you.
46. Nature is the deepest program in terms of mating. Choose who you really want but also act and behave how you feel naturally. Try to listen tO your instincts, but tempter this with morals and values which is the wisdom transmitted though the ages.
47. Know the most important job in the world is being a mother and wife, so the next generation can survive. There is nothing more important than giving a child a happy childhood. Forget your career and all that nonsense. I am a dude. I would do the same, in fact I kind of have. I found a way to be with my family 24 hours a day. But children need mothers. They need love and protection.
48. I live in Eastern Europe where people have no water or bathrooms and it is -40 degrees and life is hard. Never, ever try to tell me life is hard in the USA or UK. Know it. Life is easy. So do not ever complain if you married a poor man. If he is good and honest that is all that matters.
49. Lay down the law, that cheating, divorce and even looking is not accepted in your relationship. You are a women, use your power in positive ways.
50. Take the moral high ground in every disagreement.
51. Just because you stand for something does not mean you have to be a prude. Look at Femen.
52. Guys will be attractive to girls no matter what. It is in our DNA. We can not help it. So do not panic or get too scared at these dating tips for girls.
53. Do not burp, pass gas, spit, swear, have tattoos, drink to excess, smoke, anything that would give a guy a clue that you are not a lady.
54. Do not talk about your past boyfriends. Love is either all or nothing. They did not exist or they are all a big mistake and ask forgiveness. Beg them. Do not worry if he is jealous, it means he loves you. Be jealous about him, it makes him feel better.
55. I can count on my left hand the number of times a girl ever said she was sorry, until I met my wife. I with all sincerity apologizes to my wife and she does to me, almost everyday.
56. Think about who you want to grow old with. You need to find someone who fits you like an old shoe.
57. If you are an older woman, do not belittle yourself. There is always a guy for you. Age and love are two different ideas.
58. Read the Velveteen rabbit on How toys become real.
59. If you are not happy with someone, leave and do not waste their time.
60. Be thin, being corpulent and sassy is not as attractive as a skinny girl.
61. Being B_itch is OK in the right measure as long as it gets you to marriage. Remember your whole reason for dating is to catch a husband. It is your reason for living almost. Know it.
62. Know most guys are sweethearts and really want love. All my friends have a good heart and treat women with respect. Guys are not the enemy. If you treat them bad, it will be bad Karma in your life. Treat guys nice and your prince will find you. Be a lady.
63. Men will bend over backward for a sweet girl that wants to cook with pleasure. What is the big deal with this?
64. A strong women is a women who is humble,  patient, compassionate and understanding contrary to the women who call themselves strong which are usually just opinionated and self absorbed.
65. If a man lacks humanistic qualities it is usually the woman’s fault. Let me explain, men that do not get boom-boom transmute their sensual drives into self development. In all cases men who lack romantic ideals and higher level functions got action too early in life so there was not need to strive to be something more. What is too early? Before 25 or marriage let say. If the milks for free why buy the cow or strive for a romantic ideal.
66. Men are not impressed by a career woman. That is not to say they are not valuable for society in a productive sense, good for Gross National Product and competing with the Chinese and all, but is slightly a negative thing for romance.
67. Men are impressed with a girl with brains. It is so unhigh to be with a non intellectual or intelligent girl. The easiest way to pump neurons is be an avid reader.
68. Do not be difficult with things like the man should pay or not pay. Do not have such high expectations on trivial things like money or socially accepted patterns of behavior. Choose a man who has the light of God in themselves, not if he conforms to your notion of how a man should act.
69. A man is not your one man entertainment show. If he is not spinning your world around it might be for two reasons, either you are giving him boom-boom before marriage or you have too high expectations on what a man should be. You could argue he is just boring, but I know few really boring people.  Every man will naturally be your prince and make your heart skip a beat everyday of your life, unless you give him your honor before marriage or too soon before.
70. Wedding days and how it looks like means nothing. Marry in a civil court, or with a priest in a church, God see all things and what your intentions are in your heart. Spend a fortune on the wedding or get married in front of a statue of Elvis in Vegas. Royal weddings break up years latter and often back yard barbecue weddings with a proverbial cigar ban wedding ban last a lifetime.
71. Do not expect gifts during the dating phase. Expect sincerity and a willingness from your guy to be interested in your and ride out your emotional storms.
72. Your parents love you like you will never know, but your relationship with them is toxic. Forget you parents and cling to your spouse. It is you and him against the world.
73. No matter how ordinary your relationship becomes, have dates.
74. Sit on a bench and read stories to each other.
75. Try everything and regret nothing, DNA dating, speed dating, singles trips, smiling at a cute guy on the train, purposely drop a book in front of a cordial guy in line. Be a little bit desperate, if you do not have the love of your life.
76. Spend money on vitamins more than beauty salons.
77. Do not get fake anything on or in your body. The best looking girls are natural. I know many guys that love girls with big eyebrows or less than big chests. There is someone for everyone. Maybe the one exception is to remove a mole in the wrong place or something like that.
78. Do not listen to too many experts on relationships. I think people like Dr. Joy Brown or other self proclaimed love experts have horrible advice at times. I would rather hear the words of someone who is in a happy relationship. I am not an expert but my relationship has been on cloud nine and seven heaven for seven years now.
79. Whatever the trend is in fashion today, dare to be different.
80. As a girl let the guy bend over backwards to get to go out with you. Make him wait for a date and only sometimes return his calls, until he says he loves you and means it. All is fair in love and war.
81. Love does not alter which it finds.
82. Stop being so judgmental, judge not and you will not be judged. To understand all is to forgive all.
83. If you have cats remember many guys are highly allergic to cats. I have known a few guys who could not be around girls for this reason. So before you invest 15 years in a car try online dating or other things.
84. If you still can not find someone, I have plenty of nice friends.
85. Plato wrote there are three types of men, copper, silver and gold. Copper is a man who follows his appetites, silver honor and greatness, and gold who follows wisdom. Who are you? Which is your man? This is an important question and do not blow it off. Meditate on it.
86. If you are in love and getting married do you pray together? If no, why not? This is the greatest power in the universe, greater than nuclear power or the 2007 Boston Red Sox. To deny your relationship this power is to live life in a hard way. It is natural to pray together like it is to talk. People will do boom-boom in all kind of strange positions and have not problem with this, but to pray together they feel funny.  What is the deal? Pray is like air, share it.
87. Watch the movie “First 50 dates” – the man should win your heart everyday because it is about love.
88. What a man does for work means nothing. I have known many women marry rich lawyers who are now bankrupt, in debt, penniless. In contrast I have have known women marry hippies type guys working at coffee shops who had a million being entrepreneurs.
89. Do not be a nag. Light and breezy is good, or slightly depressed and neurotic, but a nag scores no points.
90. Wear good shoes and look at a man’s shoes. You can tell a lot by a man’s shoes, they tell you were he is going. I wear only athletic shoes as I am always on the move. If your guy has one pair of old shoes, question yourself why. These little things are tell tale signs, but not everything. Help him out with this, this is one thing you can change and are allowed to change in your man.
91. Get your guy to a good hair dresser. I pay  3 dollars for my haircut or my wife cuts it. It does not have to be expensive but give your guy some style. It is much easier  finding a geek with a style problem but a good heart and doing a Pygmalion, than flashy guy with no soul.
92. Romantic love brings people together that never should be brought together. Choose your path wisely. Many movie stars break because they are attract to flash like a fish to a shiny fishing lure. Yes you have to find your mate attractive, but finding a cordial guy and trying to make the rest work is often a girls strategy for dating. My advice is find a cordial guy who has a heart and soul, there are many.
93. Communication is the center of a relationship. If something is wrong, talk to your mate and do not dwell in self doubt.
94. If you can not find a guy take a job where there are a lot of guys hitting on your like a waitress on the weekends. There are certain professions that make you a guy magnet and others that do nothing for your chances for happily ever after.
95. Your whole goal as a women is to have a family. It is the same goal as men have. Watch the movie “Family man”. Watch it with your guy and see his reaction.
96. Trust in the life process.
97. Give up your high premium on being right. If you try to make yourself right you fall from love.
98. Humility is the greatest virtue both genders admire. Read Thomas Kempis on Love.
99. Read up on fairy-tales and live one – Every guy I know is looking not for a girl, not someone hip and cool, but a princess. If you want a prince you need to be a princess. This means create the dream for the guy. If you want to catch a guy, read up on some fairy-tales. Talk in the language of fairy-tales. Refer to him as your prince. This is what Eastern European women do. Make many sweet names as you can with his name. Be melodramatic. Be a princess.
100. One of the biggest mistake girls make in dating is assuming that guys see the world the way guys do. Let me explain. Have you ever seen a woman who girls say is good-looking and for guys she not really anything special. This happens in every aspect in dating. Guys and girls want the same thing, mating. But they go about it in a different way. Understand that some of my advice for women is a bitter pill, but it is something that needs to be written.
101. If a relationship fails or is not working it is always the man’s fault. He either has to turn a woman’s world upside down and win her heart everyday and be captain of the ship or step aside gracefully and not waste her time.

Please add to my dating tips for women – by leaving a comment and adding more. I need to develop this as a better resource for others.

When cares, remorse, regrets are rife –
Too late to live anew –
In the sad twilight of my life
you need someone for you.

Dating advice for guys

This post is about dating tips for guys. The focus of this is catch a girl from Eastern Europe (Candy Land). However, the ideas can be applied to any garden variety Cinderella you want to transform into your princess. It is no secret that women in Eastern European countries like Ukraine, Russia and Poland have that, je ne sais quoi, and make great wives.

How do I know? I live in Eastern Europe as an expat and married my princess. I found my one and only princess, captured her and despite her numerous attempts to flee, I pursued her until she had no choice but to surrender and be my lady friend.

Therefore, the purpose of this post is to give guys specific ideas to win a girl from Eastern Europe or generally the girl of their dreams. It will be a no nonsense dating tips for guys. It will not be any recycled ideas on dating tips you see elsewhere on the web as these are based on my personal experiences.

Finding the girl is easy

The finding part was easy. To find my wife, my eyes did the work, or maybe it was destiny. In fact, when I first saw her I walked away. I said this girl would never talk to me. Then something made me turn around and go back.

To find your wife, you need to have this same irresistible attraction. If you do not what is the point, and after seven years you will get bored. For example, if you like long legs, find a girl with disproportionately long legs. They could be freakishly long in fact. Find what would give your real joy to admire for many years to come.

Getting her to date you – Once you find her the challenge is to get her to date you. For me the winning her heart was even easier. OK that is a lie. About nine months after I meet her, I really had my first real date. Between that time she hung up the phone 37 times, slammed the door on my face 2 times and just did not show up for a planned confirmed date 1 time. I was left standing with flowers in my hand, checking my cell phone incessantly.

Besides that was smooth sailing. Oh except when we were in Vienna on my birthday and she just took off. Or the time we were even on national TV together on a program about life in Poland, holding hands and smiling, only later that day she broke up with me, and in her words it was for good this time. Or the time she had a cast iron skillet in her hand and throw it at me. You get the point.

After that first date and perhaps two years later she was still running away. I many times was literally chasing her down the street. One time she was wearing my boots as I through her shoes off the balcony so she would not escape. But alas love conquers all.

You might think this all is crazy, but it is not. It is true love. Shakespeare wrote:

The course of true love never did run smooth.

You need to have the wisdom to discern what is going on. With girls it is all about fear. Usually they are testing you at a subconscious level to see if you are a guy that will really stick around. They do not even know they are doing it.

Are you a freak for chasing your date? In the USA it seems strange. In Eastern Europe women like flirt and to challenge the guy. This is all part of the testing process as they are playing for keeps. In the USA, if you try twice with a girl to get her attention, you are a freak., or they will use the word stalk liberally in a war party with their friends when they talk about guys.

In Europe if you are not a hopeless romantic, you are the freak. I would never be married it I did not make a total fool of myself and literally chase my now wife until I caught her. She told me this is what ever girl dreams of.

I finely got her to marry me and we are living happily ever after. Since then I work at home we spend 24/7 together and on the occasional odd hour we are apart, it does not feel good for either of us. She thanks me so much that I was persistent and did not give up on her. This is what a woman wants. A man that believes in the relationship when everything seems wrong.

If you are persistent, courageous, patient, calm and captain of the ship, you will capture your lady friend, steal her from her village, sling her over your shoulder and bring her back home. In a short time she will be barefoot and pregnant cooking soup for you.

But how did I get there?

I played to win. After I met her I basically moved to Eastern Europe. I had a great career in Boston making over 100k and I gave it up so I could be with her. Or at least chase her down street.

Mark’s dating tips to get your princess to I do

Red bed – When a girl looks at you the first thing she should think of is red bed. They have to take one look at you and their heart needs to flutter and even be a little bit wary. When they look at you, and in no uncertain terms they should feel attracted to you. In no uncertain terms they should understand what you are about. They have to see you as someone who owns a red bed. If they are shaking a bit or they are thinking boom-boom even better. You need to invoke this in the most decent innocent damsels. Why? They are pro

Now you could have the morals of St. Augustine or play your life by all these silly boy scoot rules, but when you are talking about the birds and bees, mating, reproduction, self replication etc, try to jazz it up a bit. Set a honey pot trap with your look. Here is how:

• Know that most anyone can be 8+ on a scale from 1 to 10. There is a big difference in being beautiful and being attractive. Beautiful is Marry Poppins, attractive is Angelina Jolie (let’s say).
• Buy five black tight mountain climbing shirts. These are the ones that can be worn in 3 seasons, have a neck and look very cool. Solid black is the best color for attraction. Think of a girl in a black dress. They should be skin tight to show the contours of your body. They are the male version of women in black fishnet stockings. If you step off the plane with clothes from Banana republic at the outlet mall, do not bother doing anything but hanging out at the sports bar with the other expats.
• Do not cut your crowing glory too short, unless you are going bald. Grow your hair a little long, cut it shorter on the sides and spike it up like a rock star. At least a little. You want to almost look like a freak, someone that stands out. You can put some highlights in it if you want. The American crew cut is nice if you are meeting the boys with a blue sports coat for drinks after golf, but does not get girls, unless you are going for the afriendshipual country club socialites in New England named Penny. Don’t you love a girl with wild hair? It is a secondary friendship characteristic. Be aware that attraction is a two way street.
• Keep following the same line of thinking with other small types of style transformation above until girls start smiling at you as you walk down the street.
• If you do not have a great body, do not worry. If you want to improve it do something. It could be abs or hiking or 100 push-ups, 100 sit ups and 100 squats in your underwear in the morning. I used to do that when I was a consultant and lived in a hotel 4 nights a week.
• Do not wear cologne or very little. Sorry. My personal philosophy about pheromones are more powerful than petrochemicals. However, clean is important. I use a natural soap, with no scent. For girls attraction is almost synonymous with not dirty.
• Eat really well, raw carrot juice, raw pineapples, raw garlic and vinegar baths (just joking on this one), anti-oxidants etc. It will be reflected in your glow. Eat yogurt everyday or else you will stink. There is good body scent and bad. Bad is when you do not eat yogurt everyday, make the connection.
• Listen to, or at least tell them you like cool music like house music and music which girls like to dance to. Know the music girls like. Music is really important to girls. They will judge you based on music.

Be strange or eccentric

Girls do not like guys that are too cool. Be the eccentric that you are. Think Jim Carrey. Guys that are too cool are perceived as players or not marriage material. If you have some strange interest, intellectual or spiritual do not be afraid to let yourself be who you are.

Along the same lines if you have base interests like football and brew, do not mention them or drop them. For the greater good, try to prune these away or tone them down. For example, one of my friends transformed his interest in malt and wheat based drinks into being a connoisseur of European brew. That spin on it made girls think he was interesting. He knew everyone and would drive to different European cities with them to show them.

In the end I think women civilize men. If it was not for women we would all be living in caves.

High ideals – the most importing dating tip

The Middle Ages was a time of ideals. If you are not a knight you will not get a princess. If you do not have the courage of your convictions than there is not a chance you will get a woman who is your equivalent. See women need to be protected from corruption. If you do not understand this I can not explain it to you.

Why guys get dumped by girls who appear to flake out

The ideal prince is someone who combines high ideals with red bed. Think of any harlequin romance cover. It is some dashing prince with a red bed.

These two contradictory elements are the key. I cannot tell you the number of Polish girls for example, that out of the blue dump their British boyfriends. Just out of the blue and the guys are saying wow, these Polish girls are really difficult.

I have the insiders view. The girls are not difficult. They do not flake out for no reason. They perceive something that would not mean a normal life. This is the heart of dating tips. Girls want a normal family life. They get some vibe from the guy that this man is not a man of high ideals.

From what lady’s convey to me it is things like: lack of faith in God in their boyfriends, not wanting to have a traditional family or some other feeling that they will not be a guy with a feeling of something higher.. Since I teach English and I have talked to countless Polish and Ukrainian and Russian girls. What was conveyed was basically the guy lacked ideals. The thrill of dating a foreigner got old fast if there was nothing more. Maybe the girl was not even aware of it herself, but this was the deal.

Where to meet girls and the best women to date for marriage

Meet them anywhere. On the street is a great place. Internet cafes or normal cafes, waitresses, clubs, online dating it does not matter. On trains, buses in shopping malls. It is the one thing about being a guy, you get to choose. If you have heed what I wrote about the style and red bed, your approach should be about 50%. If you wing it with average clothes and hair, you will be about 10%. Which is just OK.

Develop the ability to chat with potential dates – If you are a coward. Set a goal of 100 girls a week you will ask their numbers. This will get old fast, but it will break down your barriers and you will perfect your game. Then when your real Juliet walks in front of you, you will have the words of Romeo.

Genetic love match – When you go out meeting girls make sure she is super cordial for you. Not someone who does not do it for you 100%, or years later you will be bored. She does not have to be flashy or wear makeup, but cordial for you on an instinctive level. It has to do with exchanging DNA. There are even dating sites based on DNA dating. I think it is easier to use your own eyes and heart.

Domestic woman are the best – I am not talking about domestic like the country but woman that will not make an issue out of cooking and cleaning. People might balk at this comment. But hey, I spend 100% of my time with my family. I put my family before my work or life or friends. I would do anything for my family. Why would want to marry a girl who makes a big deal out of cooking.

The good news is most girls I know in Eastern Europe take pride in the fact that they like to stay at home.

A note on dating career women – Girls want to reproduce just like you do. If you meet a career woman, I personally would walk away. Meet some woman who has a job or is in school, but not someone who is not married to their work. I know women will protest, but hey, this is dating tips for guys. If a woman puts her boss before her family, it is not something that really excites me. She might be good for making money, but this site is about love. I put love before money so should you if you are serious about finding your one true love.

If you cannot meet women, try online first to get your confidence up. I recommend many specific sites on my site that are not traditional online dating sites per se.

What if she already has a boyfriend? If you think this is your girl, play to win. Ignore her comment or say, we can just be friends and work it from there, or to practice English. Or to play hardball, ask her when is the last time your boyfriend gave you flowers. No matter what the answer is, look disappointed.

See many girls have a guy for now. But many are not truly thrilled. For me, you want to find the one you will both be thrilled with.

How to chat up a girl you take seriously

Let’s say you are sure this one is the one for you and you have gotten to know her. To chat her up to the next level use key terms and words that go directly into their brain. Words like ‘destiny’, or ‘forever’ worked into the conversation goes a long way with the right girl. They will equally repulse girls of the wrong nature. If you start to talk this way, any normal girl that has a heart and soul will start to respond in a positive way if you are sincere.

This is critical. If you are a foreigner at this point you are not longer as much of a novelty item than the heady days of the 90s. You need to be a man who believes in the dream of marriage and love. Do not talk about it directly but rather tell stories of other people you know and admire, personal or famous that have had successful marriages.

How do you know if someone is your destiny

A lot of people say they thought someone was their true love but it was a false light. The person who is your one and only is the one you walk down the aisle with. Not some past boyfriend or girlfriend. If you have been married before, then maybe you made a mistake, but your one and only is the one you spend your life with on your way to eternity together.

Being single is the worst. It is neurotic and not natural. If you are single remember your real life does not being until you meet your other half. The problem is it is so hard and painful to find your other half.

If you have any question, ask, be specific or general. Browse my website for other ideas as this site is packed with dating advice you will not find anywhere else. Subscribe to my feed and there will be more pictures to come.

Last dating tip

If you are not courageous and strong it will be a painful life for you. My advice is this. You can suffer for a few years while looking for your one and only or the rest of your life, because you let her pass you by. Being shy (which I am or was) is really a form of selfishness. Not willing to risk stepping out of your imaginary world and meeting your princess.

Good wife or girlfriend – the real guide

I think I can count on my left hand the number of times a girl apologized to me before I met my wife. I am not talking girlfriends but generally at work or anywhere. I do not know why. However, after I met my wife, and when we had a disagreement or even if it was a perceived wrong, with sincerity of heart she really apologized.

My first reaction was like ‘what just happened here?’. A girl with an open heart sincerely asking forgiveness? I am no chauvinist. In fact, I have this same attitude. It is what I learned from reading the Bible in my youth. I do not know if I am a good person or not, but I do know that really saying you are sorry without any ‘but you have to see it my way also’ in conjunction with the apology. No just I was wrong is the point. Just I am sorry, I really was wrong, period, is a very good thing. Give up your need to be right.

If you want to be a better girlfriend or wife sincerely apologizes with all your heart, with no if, ands or buts.

Humility is the sweetest virtue from which all others flow. Let me explain. When I met my wife she said, ‘I do not know if I am a good person’, or sometimes ‘I am a bad girlfriend’. I had never heard anyone say this before. It is total humility. Total surrender. I was use to girls telling me how great they were.

America is a very competitive society (from which I come and am partially programmed by). Countless women I know would talk about all the great things they achieved, even subtly dropping their titles at work or working into the conversation where they went to school. They just like to put it out there. Then they would unconsciously categorize or rank their date on his social economic status. Oh how stressful and base is this to have a girlfriend who cares about such petty things.

In stark contrast, with my wife I did not know she even graduated from high school until a year and a half of dating. It turned out she has a Masters degree from a top school and a few years of Medical school after that. She never mentioned it, nor would she, unless I made her confess. In fact she intentionally avoided any self praise or mentioning anything she accomplished in her life, because she does not believe life is about that. She simply tries her best one day at a time. She does not care about titles or degrees or anything else, but rather who you are as a person. To be a good human is a much better goal than being something great as judged my society.

To be a good girlfriend or wife, understand life is not about showing up or impressing but about genuine humility.

When a person sees their own faults or perceived faults it makes it opens the possibility of improvement.

Always support your partner – never put anyone before your family

If your partner tell you they want to go to the moon, tell them OK, I will help build the rocket. No matter how crazy they might seem or wrong, love them and support them. Always be loyal. Look some women have boyfriend that are in jail and they are 100% loyal in mind and actions. On the other hand, I have meet perfectly good men who have had wives and girlfriends talk about them to their girlfriends in a negative way.

Once you decide to be with someone, do not give up no matter what. If your parents are the problem or whatever, choose your spouse. If me or anyone of my happily married friends allowed our parents input than we would not be married today.

The greatest way you can honor your parents is grow away from them and live your own life. This idea goes hand in hand with support your partner no matter what. Do not let your friends ever have input in your relationship.

The only thing that changes people is love

A friend of mine, Fr. Gene once told me, the only thing that changes people is love. It is true you know. It is always easier to criticize and argue but to accept is the best. Acceptance and love is the only possibility to make the rough edges in someone will become smooth. It take lots of patience to accept someone. I call it ‘acceptance therapy’. My wife’s friend Marisa says these are the steps I have to take to get to heaven.

So if you see something that you do not like in your partner, maybe it is something that you do not like in yourself. People who try to change others, are people who have their own problems they are not addressing. So do not cast stones at your husband or boyfriend if you want to be a good wife or girlfriend.

Do not be a pain in the neck for your husband to be a good wife

Be happy to be a good wife -Do not blame – do the things that will make you happy. It is very unfair to blame someone or say ‘I gave so much for this relationship’. If you are doing something against yourself then change it. If you do not like the way you look, go open his wallet and go to the mall and buy a nice dress. The point is do not blame other that you are unhappy, make yourself happy and love this person even more. If you will be happy than the whole family will be miserable. Be a happy girl to be a good wife. I mean what if your husband was complaining all the time? It is very hard to imagine that someone would not like your behavior. We always think we are right. But see the other person’s view point.

The real secret to being a good wife or girlfriend

Choose the right man. No matter how hard you try, if the guy is not on the same spiritual path as you in life or any spiritual path, it will be a hard life. If I married a non spiritual person, life would be a hard road. Why? Faith in God takes great humility and trust. It says, I am not the center of the universe, but rather I am nothing in the measureless gulf of eternity of before and beyond. This humility, gives you great power. There is a power in being powerless. It means love can flow and fill your life. You will be a channel for divine love and forgiveness. And this will be manifest in your marriage or relationship.

To choose your one and only one true love is the real trick. How do you know it is him? My answer is he has to prove it. He has to win your heart and capture you not matter how many times your run away. Women are all about fears. He has to conquer your fears, storm your castle (despite the legions of orcs you send forth to dissuade him), rescue you and bring you to a green meadow so you forget about everything. He has to believe in you more than you believe in yourself or anything. He has to turn your world so upside down so that you have no choice to surrender in love.

Other small ways to be a good wife or good girlfriend

• Cook and do not make a big deal out of it.
• Doing little sweet things make you a good wife – My wife is always doing little things for me.
• Do not talk about or mention or think about any ex flames. Or only do so in regret if he brings it up in jealously. Or that you never had a boyfriend. If you really love your man, you are with him, not those other guys that did not work out. It amazes me the amount of girls that talk about their ex boyfriends. My statement is go to them now if he is he is still on your mind. Your relationship is sacred and you should be honored to be with your partner and they should be the only person in the world.
• Jealously is good – Hey showing little jealously is OK. I mean we are all narcissistic and want to know someone cares. It spices it up when your partner is jealous and wants only you. You trust each other but this is romantic love not one of your buddies.
• Give sincere praise – Find something in your man’s looks that you really love. Make him feel special in looks and brains.
• He is your husband and you are his wife. His your only one. It has to be ‘us’ and we must communicate – is the only way it can be.
• Be the guardian of the relationship – Teach your man that the relationship is sacred. Going out with the guys all the time or looking at other women is something that is best for love.
• Be an attractive girl – read my article on how to be attractive.

The bottom line, to me being good in marriage and love it all comes down to your spirituality and faith in God. This message teaches us what it means to be a good human better than any I know. It is like a guidebook, I do not know why people discount it.  What other ideas great or small do you have to be a good girlfriend or how to be a good wife do you have?  Do you agree or disagree with my conception of a good wife or girlfriend?

Why do good girls like bad boys?

This is total horse hockey. Good girls do not like bad boys. I do not care what you think, it is wrong. I am a good boy and I never had any trouble getting girls interested in me. Girls do not like bad boys and the ones that go for them are disgusting and lost souls.

Let me explain why this ridiculous myth exists. Further, why people in the men’s and women’s magazines like to perpetuate it. In one simple sentence:

People look to the example and not the rule.

I know scores of relationships between normal girls and good guys. But if one freak is dating a pretty little dolly, then everyone looks at them and says ‘see’.  People remember exceptions and ignore the norm.

The truth is neither found in the beginning or the end but always the whole – Hegal

That is, people look at a flash in time and extrapolate this to be the grand reality. Remember the opera is never over until the corpulent lady sings.

• Marriages between two good people are the only ones that work and are worth it.

If you think girls like bad guys, go to another country that does not have such disproportional number of hyper materialistic egocentric women. You will get educated real fast about women. You will have very nice decent ladies, real ladies flocking to you. I think in the USA there is a higher percentage of women that go for bad guys (and sometimes girls) than in normal dating havens like Poland or Argentina for example. I have written here about how to find a good wife.

If you are a girl reading this post and you go for the bad guy, leave a comment and tell me what your experience with this is. But I doubt any women would, because good girls do not go for bad guys, except in articles by pop pseudo psychology of the popular press.

Why do girls not like me?

Two basic reasons why girls do not go for you, either you are not easy-going and charming or you are not romantic or both.

Easy going light and breezy gets girls – This is one of the most important characteristic for a guy that wants to date. If a guy is easy and light and no stress, he is cool. If he is charming even better. Charm is getting what you want without having to ask. Charm and easygoing will melt hearts.

A guy may or may not need to be good-looking. I am a good guy who is easy-going. I am also a choir boy by some comparisons. But when it comes to real life and interacting with people, I am like a Hawaiian suffer dude on the beach.

If you want to get girls be easy and flexible and non-judgmental. Like the Beatles’s song says:

if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you are not going to make it with anyone anyhow

This means do not go trying to make yourself right by engaging women in a discussion about some abstract ideology (girls rarely thing this way) when you could be tell her how her beauty is from a midnight summers dream.

Dreamy and romantic – Forget women that go for money and primitive manifestations of power (numbers of digits in your bank account, car price tag or senior manager or directors and up). Live your ideal and you will have a cornucopia of girls to chose from for mating and marriage. When I was poor I got just as many women to date me as when I was rich.

If you have no charm or imagination read some romantic poets to her like Heinrich Heine:

I love your pale and slender body,
Your limbs answer love’s caresses,
Passionate eyes, and forehead covered
With heavy waves of thick, black tresses.

You are the one. You are the one. I have always searched for
In foreign lands, in every weather.
You are my sort; you understand me;
As equals we can talk together.

Be romantic and read it with all the sincerity as you look into her eyes and in a foreign language even better.  Whisper sweet nothings in her ears and make the moon appear in the sky and the stars shine at night for her. Or at least a sincere complement about her shoes, you know women put a lot of thought into their shoes.

To get girls tell them about your romantic fantasies and stories of your adventures in life and youth. Your words should be borderline erotica, but never cross the line. They love this stuff. It gets their blood going. If you do not have a countless stories to tell girls, start living a bit more.

What women do not like:

• Meaty guys – These guys are actually harmless but ridiculous, the male equivalent of insecure clubbing girls. If a guy is really secure and confident about himself he does not need to put energy into a tough persona. When I was pumping iron, I realized I was like a neurotic teenager who got his self worthy defined by his image. Once I lived my life on my own terms, I could easily have stolen girlfriends from macho guys, but had no desire to.
• Rich guys – Girls that factor money and success into the equation of love are (insert bad word in the plural). I love it when girls say I want love and money. I immediately think  (insert bad word in the singular). When I was rich I got the strangest girls (reptilian) in Boston’s Beacon Hill to date me. For many gals to take me seriously in Boston, I had to be at a reasonable level in my career, then they would consider me. They would prefer Doctors, Harvard grads or Vps. They expect things from men and have standards way above their own level of beauty. What nut jobs these girls were. They would go on and on about the most meaningless things. I wonder if they are married today and if they are good luck. f you are relaying on your money to attract women you will run in trouble somewhere, lets home it is not after you get married and are waiting for the sweet kiss of death to set you free.
• Bad guys – Basically guys who either are slaves to their appetitive limbic desires or untrustworthy. Either definition in my books spells weakness. Yeah every lady dreams of a guy that will cheat on them. Bad guys are really just mamma’s boys. Their mothers took care of them and now some poor girlfriend must be their mommy.

So if you wonder why girls like bad men, think again.They don’t. Girls go for easy-going charming romantic guys, it just so happens some bad guys have these qualities. But good guys also have these qualities.

Power, including allure and attraction is independent of your moral alignment in the universe, darkness or light. But in the end good always wins over evil. Good knights (even if their mettle is tested in the purgatory of loneliness) get their princess and live happily ever after. Bad guys lose in life’s unseen battle between good and evil.

Money and worth are not connected

When world economists are using their Nobel powered brains to solve the economic woes, I will use my economic background to give you some analysis on the current state of the economics of relationships in general and dating an American.

The business of America is business

Calvin Coolidge

Do you want to date an American girl? Well, you better have perceived economic value to back it up. OK, this is a cultural generalization (and it is not true for all, as we are all individuals), but this overemphasis on the material world is once aspect of my culture I am not pleased with.

Perhaps it started with the end of the Gold Standard when value of money was disconnected from a commodity. Sound money was replaced with Fiat money. This is a metaphor for my culture.

In this post, I want to make you aware of the problem of money and dating in America and give an alternative to dating a materialistic American woman.

Wait a minute before the mail starts rolling in, well, of course, all people are individuals so this is not universally true. There are many sincere non-materialistic American girls.

However, I do not think I am going out on a limb here, when I say American guys would agree that, American girls place an inordinate emphasis on economics when considering a mate or even a date. Think about your own dating experience and tell me if this is true?  The reason is because American society has changed from something that was initially pure, but is now about keeping up with the Jones. And this has made many people lonely. The consequence is love and dating all messed up.  Let me explain.

Puritans influence on modern American girls and dating

To understand what is going on with the American dating culture, let’s start from the beginning. I mean the real beginning, like the 1640s in New England when the Puritans were trying to build a new world based on the ideals of God and community. This I think was great, the idea of making the city of God on earth by living in a community with pure intentions is something to be admired.

What went wrong and how does this relate to hyper consumptive American women spinning their wheels in their cars driving from mall to mall to find the best sales at Ann Taylor or the Gap?

1. Work as a virtue led t0 prosperity
2. America’s accumulation of excess wealth plus post modern thinking severed the connection between virtue and daily life.
3. Dating in the USA is now about fulfilling a list of criteria, many social economically based,  rather than, deep true one and only desperate love where nothing else in the world matters other than being together.

Well the Puritans placed a great empathize on work. Work was even something that was seen as a virtue. I disagree, by the way. In my mind work is nice, but Jesus never said blessed are the hard working. Many Americans have this ‘God helps those who help themselves’ attitude. Work and even capitalism (I am an unrepentant capitalist) is was a virtue. However, I personally think there are much more important ideals. What about compassion, charity, forgiveness, loyalty, understanding and love? A good work ethic, if it is a virtue, is a secondary one or a worldly one, not up there with love, compassion and forgiveness.

Let’s see how the Puritan work ethic turned into something else.

Money as Fruit of One’s Labor

Anyway, the seeds were planted.  If work was seen as a good thing and the fruits of labor (money – a store of value) was a sign that you are a productive person. This meant to work hard and to be industrious became a core American value. The predestination believing Puritans were always looking for signs, you know. But for these guys work and virtue not money was what mattered.

Fast forward to the 21st century and somehow the work ethic became less important than the fruit. This is what got twisted in American culture. In dating the relationship between work and money became more remote. A girl does not want a guy who is working and striving in a noble but low paying field or jostling windmills, but rather a guy that is driving a SUV.

What does matter to American girls in the dating scene?

Therefore, primitive external manifestations of power are more important than a man who has the courage of this convictions.  In fact, in American dating culture ideals is not seen any more as jostling windmills even.  High morals like simply waiting for intimacy for marriage is something that even needs psyccordialherapy to cure, all that repression and all.

While looking for that great love for post modern western women often money and titles talk and BS walks.  Symbolism over substance is the rule for the American dating scene. Maybe guys are equally guilty, but from my male perspective, I think American dating has degenerated to the bottom largely because American women, who should be the guardians of culture have jettison traditional values for some form of strange mixture of feminism, hyper consumptive yardstick for measuring up a man’s worth.

Money and titles matter more than ideals and character. This is American girl dating. I am and American expat and this is the way I see it, from afar. The American dating scene became something like this. American girls look for guys with money. If you are over 30 and not rich or a movie star good luck.

In fact, there are American psychologist (who are mostly libs) will even write articles about females are looking for good hunters. What a crock of horse hockey.

Why is this all wrong and money and love do not mix?

Love , women and money do not mix. However, Western society will tell you the contrary. This good hunter theory is over played. It mixes truth with fuzzy logic. Yes, women instinctively care about a provider, but we are not only animals. We are spiritual beings, strands of energy between heaven and earth and once you have fulfilled a little of Maslow’s base in this pyramid of hierarchy of needs, as humans we can move on and aspire for greater things.

Also consider that poor and rich are relative. I have even herd that poor people in America have running water or even cars.  When I went to visit my family in Ukraine they did have either. This is Europe, mind you. They were simple humble faithful people. So do not give me any nonsense that money is something to consider in a relationship. Americans girls are spoiled and focus on your wealth creation ability.  If you want real honest of goodness love, something that ill transform your life and life your soul, money, career should be given 0% value in the love equation.

However, somehow some (not all) Americans got stuck in chasing the bottom part of Maslow’s triangle, that is money etc. a little more than the rest of the world does.

If you doubt me, travel though Europe and you will see the difference, France in August is empty, everyone is laying on the beach. Try to get hold of a European on the weekends of after working hours, good luck. Americans are obsessive about career and work and have put an over emphasis on monetary value and especially when it comes to dating and relationships. American women who are dragons (often working in the marketing departments for large companies as VPs) subconsciously use the same measure for sizing up clients and co-workers as they do for dating, relationships and love. They take  career and money too far and wind up in the 30s hoping for that last chance guy.  I do not want to be the solution to some American girls choice of career over being domestic.

Listen up girls, the opportunity cost of waiting for a mate while you are juggling your career is too high. You will swindle yourself out of your own life. Find your man and deprogram yourself. Live as an Expat in a poor country for a few years and do charity there and live like a native. Then come back to the USA and find a man that moves your soul rather is successful by society’s standards.

Dating an American woman, be prepared for the interview

If you date an Eastern European, Latin America or Asia your topics of conversation will mostly be about literature, culture, movies maybe and even philosophy and religious believes as dating continues. She will not care about your muscles or the kind of car you drive.

In contrast, in Latin America and Eastern Europe I have seen geeky, good morals, normal American guys dating run way model looking girls who dream of being a stay at home mother.  Most Eastern European girls tell me with pride that they are domestic and want to take care of their man. See my interview with a girl here: what do women want? The world is not American culture.

American women without a CFA can calculate your present value.

In stark contrast, lets say you meet an American woman from OKCupid or Match.com, which are not bad online dating services. Just be prepared for ‘what do you do for work’ and basically a background check into your level of education, where you live etc. For example, I live in Beacon Hill in Boston so that was seen as +2 points as opposed to when I lived in Brooklyn, NY when that was seen as -1. Basically American girls will size you up and calculate a present value based on the time value discounted value of a series future income or cash flow. Somehow even American girls who could not pass level 1 of the CFA have an incredible ability to size you up when it comes to net present value. Further, these same girls will fail when it comes to home economics.

In fact with the high break up rate in American marriages, why not just find someone you dislike and give them your house and half your money and spare yourself of the emotional anguish of a break up that will affect your children.

So where does that leave the American guy when it comes to love and romance in America?

Read my lips, the world is full of opportunities. Why do you feel you need to marry the girl next door?  Why not expand your horizons and consider a girl from the other side of the world to be by your side and live happily ever after?