Money and worth are not connected
When world economists are using their Nobel powered brains to solve the economic woes, I will use my economic background to give you some analysis on the current state of the economics of relationships in general and dating an American.
The business of America is businessCalvin Coolidge
Do you want to date an American girl? Well, you better have perceived economic value to back it up. OK, this is a cultural generalization (and it is not true for all, as we are all individuals), but this overemphasis on the material world is once aspect of my culture I am not pleased with.
Perhaps it started with the end of the Gold Standard when value of money was disconnected from a commodity. Sound money was replaced with Fiat money. This is a metaphor for my culture.
In this post, I want to make you aware of the problem of money and dating in America and give an alternative to dating a materialistic American woman.
Wait a minute before the mail starts rolling in, well, of course, all people are individuals so this is not universally true. There are many sincere non-materialistic American girls.
However, I do not think I am going out on a limb here, when I say American guys would agree that, American girls place an inordinate emphasis on economics when considering a mate or even a date. Think about your own dating experience and tell me if this is true? The reason is because American society has changed from something that was initially pure, but is now about keeping up with the Jones. And this has made many people lonely. The consequence is love and dating all messed up. Let me explain.
Puritans influence on modern American girls and dating
To understand what is going on with the American dating culture, let’s start from the beginning. I mean the real beginning, like the 1640s in New England when the Puritans were trying to build a new world based on the ideals of God and community. This I think was great, the idea of making the city of God on earth by living in a community with pure intentions is something to be admired.
What went wrong and how does this relate to hyper consumptive American women spinning their wheels in their cars driving from mall to mall to find the best sales at Ann Taylor or the Gap?
- Work as a virtue led t0 prosperity
- America’s accumulation of excess wealth plus post modern thinking severed the connection between virtue and daily life.
- Dating in the USA is now about fulfilling a list of criteria, many social economically based, rather than, deep true one and only desperate love where nothing else in the world matters other than being together.
Well the Puritans placed a great empathize on work. Work was even something that was seen as a virtue. I disagree, by the way. In my mind work is nice, but Jesus never said blessed are the hard working. Many Americans have this ‘God helps those who help themselves’ attitude. Work and even capitalism (I am an unrepentant capitalist) is was a virtue. However, I personally think there are much more important ideals. What about compassion, charity, forgiveness, loyalty, understanding and love? A good work ethic, if it is a virtue, is a secondary one or a worldly one, not up there with love, compassion and forgiveness.
Let’s see how the Puritan work ethic turned into something else.
Money as Fruit of One’s Labor
Anyway, the seeds were planted. If work was seen as a good thing and the fruits of labor (money – a store of value) was a sign that you are a productive person. This meant to work hard and to be industrious became a core American value. The predestination believing Puritans were always looking for signs, you know. But for these guys work and virtue not money was what mattered.
Fast forward to the 21st century and somehow the work ethic became less important than the fruit. This is what got twisted in American culture. In dating the relationship between work and money became more remote. A girl does not want a guy who is working and striving in a noble but low paying field or jostling windmills, but rather a guy that is driving a SUV.
What does matter to American girls in the dating scene?
Therefore, primitive external manifestations of power are more important than a man who has the courage of this convictions. In fact, in American dating culture ideals is not seen any more as jostling windmills even. High morals like simply waiting for intimacy for marriage is something that even needs psyccordialherapy to cure, all that repression and all.
While looking for that great love for post modern western women often money and titles talk and BS walks. Symbolism over substance is the rule for the American dating scene. Maybe guys are equally guilty, but from my male perspective, I think American dating has degenerated to the bottom largely because American women, who should be the guardians of culture have jettison traditional values for some form of strange mixture of feminism, hyper consumptive yardstick for measuring up a man’s worth.
Money and titles matter more than ideals and character. This is American girl dating. I am and American expat and this is the way I see it, from afar. The American dating scene became something like this. American girls look for guys with money. If you are over 30 and not rich or a movie star good luck.
In fact, there are American psychologist (who are mostly libs) will even write articles about females are looking for good hunters. What a crock of horse hockey.
Why is this all wrong and money and love do not mix?
Love , women and money do not mix. However, Western society will tell you the contrary. This good hunter theory is over played. It mixes truth with fuzzy logic. Yes, women instinctively care about a provider, but we are not only animals. We are spiritual beings, strands of energy between heaven and earth and once you have fulfilled a little of Maslow’s base in this pyramid of hierarchy of needs, as humans we can move on and aspire for greater things.
Also consider that poor and rich are relative. I have even herd that poor people in America have running water or even cars. When I went to visit my family in Ukraine they did have either. This is Europe, mind you. They were simple humble faithful people. So do not give me any nonsense that money is something to consider in a relationship. Americans girls are spoiled and focus on your wealth creation ability. If you want real honest of goodness love, something that ill transform your life and life your soul, money, career should be given 0% value in the love equation.
However, somehow some (not all) Americans got stuck in chasing the bottom part of Maslow’s triangle, that is money etc. a little more than the rest of the world does.
If you doubt me, travel though Europe and you will see the difference, France in August is empty, everyone is laying on the beach. Try to get hold of a European on the weekends of after working hours, good luck. Americans are obsessive about career and work and have put an over emphasis on monetary value and especially when it comes to dating and relationships. American women who are dragons (often working in the marketing departments for large companies as VPs) subconsciously use the same measure for sizing up clients and co-workers as they do for dating, relationships and love. They take career and money too far and wind up in the 30s hoping for that last chance guy. I do not want to be the solution to some American girls choice of career over being domestic.
Listen up girls, the opportunity cost of waiting for a mate while you are juggling your career is too high. You will swindle yourself out of your own life. Find your man and deprogram yourself. Live as an Expat in a poor country for a few years and do charity there and live like a native. Then come back to the USA and find a man that moves your soul rather is successful by society’s standards.
Dating an American woman, be prepared for the interview
If you date an Eastern European, Latin America or Asia your topics of conversation will mostly be about literature, culture, movies maybe and even philosophy and religious believes as dating continues. She will not care about your muscles or the kind of car you drive.
In contrast, in Latin America and Eastern Europe I have seen geeky, good morals, normal American guys dating run way model looking girls who dream of being a stay at home mother. Most Eastern European girls tell me with pride that they are domestic and want to take care of their man. See my interview with a girl here: what do women want? The world is not American culture.
American women without a CFA can calculate your present value.
In stark contrast, lets say you meet an American woman from OKCupid or Match.com, which are not bad online dating services. Just be prepared for ‘what do you do for work’ and basically a background check into your level of education, where you live etc. For example, I live in Beacon Hill in Boston so that was seen as +2 points as opposed to when I lived in Brooklyn, NY when that was seen as -1. Basically American girls will size you up and calculate a present value based on the time value discounted value of a series future income or cash flow. Somehow even American girls who could not pass level 1 of the CFA have an incredible ability to size you up when it comes to net present value. Further, these same girls will fail when it comes to home economics.
In fact with the high break up rate in American marriages, why not just find someone you dislike and give them your house and half your money and spare yourself of the emotional anguish of a break up that will affect your children.
So where does that leave the American guy when it comes to love and romance in America?
Read my lips, the world is full of opportunities. Why do you feel you need to marry the girl next door? Why not expand your horizons and consider a girl from the other side of the world to be by your side and live happily ever after?