Good wife or girlfriend – the real guide
I think I can count on my left hand the number of times a girl apologized to me before I met my wife. I am not talking girlfriends but generally at work or anywhere. I do not know why. However, after I met my wife, and when we had a disagreement or even if it was a perceived wrong, with sincerity of heart she really apologized.
My first reaction was like ‘what just happened here?’. A girl with an open heart sincerely asking forgiveness? I am no chauvinist. In fact, I have this same attitude. It is what I learned from reading the Bible in my youth. I do not know if I am a good person or not, but I do know that really saying you are sorry without any ‘but you have to see it my way also’ in conjunction with the apology. No just I was wrong is the point. Just I am sorry, I really was wrong, period, is a very good thing. Give up your need to be right.
If you want to be a better girlfriend or wife sincerely apologizes with all your heart, with no if, ands or buts.
Humility is the sweetest virtue from which all others flow. Let me explain. When I met my wife she said, ‘I do not know if I am a good person’, or sometimes ‘I am a bad girlfriend’. I had never heard anyone say this before. It is total humility. Total surrender. I was use to girls telling me how great they were.
America is a very competitive society (from which I come and am partially programmed by). Countless women I know would talk about all the great things they achieved, even subtly dropping their titles at work or working into the conversation where they went to school. They just like to put it out there. Then they would unconsciously categorize or rank their date on his social economic status. Oh how stressful and base is this to have a girlfriend who cares about such petty things.
In stark contrast, with my wife I did not know she even graduated from high school until a year and a half of dating. It turned out she has a Masters degree from a top school and a few years of Medical school after that. She never mentioned it, nor would she, unless I made her confess. In fact she intentionally avoided any self praise or mentioning anything she accomplished in her life, because she does not believe life is about that. She simply tries her best one day at a time. She does not care about titles or degrees or anything else, but rather who you are as a person. To be a good human is a much better goal than being something great as judged my society.
To be a good girlfriend or wife, understand life is not about showing up or impressing but about genuine humility.
When a person sees their own faults or perceived faults it makes it opens the possibility of improvement.
Always support your partner – never put anyone before your family
If your partner tell you they want to go to the moon, tell them OK, I will help build the rocket. No matter how crazy they might seem or wrong, love them and support them. Always be loyal. Look some women have boyfriend that are in jail and they are 100% loyal in mind and actions. On the other hand, I have meet perfectly good men who have had wives and girlfriends talk about them to their girlfriends in a negative way.
Once you decide to be with someone, do not give up no matter what. If your parents are the problem or whatever, choose your spouse. If me or anyone of my happily married friends allowed our parents input than we would not be married today.
The greatest way you can honor your parents is grow away from them and live your own life. This idea goes hand in hand with support your partner no matter what. Do not let your friends ever have input in your relationship.
The only thing that changes people is love
A friend of mine, Fr. Gene once told me, the only thing that changes people is love. It is true you know. It is always easier to criticize and argue but to accept is the best. Acceptance and love is the only possibility to make the rough edges in someone will become smooth. It take lots of patience to accept someone. I call it ‘acceptance therapy’. My wife’s friend Marisa says these are the steps I have to take to get to heaven.
So if you see something that you do not like in your partner, maybe it is something that you do not like in yourself. People who try to change others, are people who have their own problems they are not addressing. So do not cast stones at your husband or boyfriend if you want to be a good wife or girlfriend.
Do not be a pain in the neck for your husband to be a good wife
Be happy to be a good wife -Do not blame – do the things that will make you happy. It is very unfair to blame someone or say ‘I gave so much for this relationship’. If you are doing something against yourself then change it. If you do not like the way you look, go open his wallet and go to the mall and buy a nice dress. The point is do not blame other that you are unhappy, make yourself happy and love this person even more. If you will be happy than the whole family will be miserable. Be a happy girl to be a good wife. I mean what if your husband was complaining all the time? It is very hard to imagine that someone would not like your behavior. We always think we are right. But see the other person’s view point.
The real secret to being a good wife or girlfriend
Choose the right man. No matter how hard you try, if the guy is not on the same spiritual path as you in life or any spiritual path, it will be a hard life. If I married a non spiritual person, life would be a hard road. Why? Faith in God takes great humility and trust. It says, I am not the center of the universe, but rather I am nothing in the measureless gulf of eternity of before and beyond. This humility, gives you great power. There is a power in being powerless. It means love can flow and fill your life. You will be a channel for divine love and forgiveness. And this will be manifest in your marriage or relationship.
To choose your one and only one true love is the real trick. How do you know it is him? My answer is he has to prove it. He has to win your heart and capture you not matter how many times your run away. Women are all about fears. He has to conquer your fears, storm your castle (despite the legions of orcs you send forth to dissuade him), rescue you and bring you to a green meadow so you forget about everything. He has to believe in you more than you believe in yourself or anything. He has to turn your world so upside down so that you have no choice to surrender in love.
Other small ways to be a good wife or good girlfriend
- Cook and do not make a big deal out of it.
- Doing little sweet things make you a good wife – My wife is always doing little things for me.
- Do not talk about or mention or think about any ex flames. Or only do so in regret if he brings it up in jealously. Or that you never had a boyfriend. If you really love your man, you are with him, not those other guys that did not work out. It amazes me the amount of girls that talk about their ex boyfriends. My statement is go to them now if he is he is still on your mind. Your relationship is sacred and you should be honored to be with your partner and they should be the only person in the world.
- Jealously is good – Hey showing little jealously is OK. I mean we are all narcissistic and want to know someone cares. It spices it up when your partner is jealous and wants only you. You trust each other but this is romantic love not one of your buddies.
- Give sincere praise – Find something in your man’s looks that you really love. Make him feel special in looks and brains.
- He is your husband and you are his wife. His your only one. It has to be ‘us’ and we must communicate – is the only way it can be.
- Be the guardian of the relationship – Teach your man that the relationship is sacred. Going out with the guys all the time or looking at other women is something that is best for love.
- Be an attractive girl – read my article on how to be attractive.
The bottom line, to me being good in marriage and love it all comes down to your spirituality and faith in God. This message teaches us what it means to be a good human better than any I know. It is like a guidebook, I do not know why people discount it. What other ideas great or small do you have to be a good girlfriend or how to be a good wife do you have? Do you agree or disagree with my conception of a good wife or girlfriend?