What to do if you do not have a wife and you can not even get a date or girlfriend
Warning this is not a feel good post on dating and love and how to find a wife. It is to shoot a warning shot across the bow. I want to be perfectly clear, evolution took 1 million years to create you as you are. If you do not have a date or wife there is something wrong with your attitude. You are the product of evolution. You are programmed for mating and attracting a mate and wife. This is the most important thing in life. If you have not done this, there is nothing wrong with your looks or your brains or your ability to attract someone, it is your attitude.
Are you running a racket in your dating life?
Go for what you want in life. Live your life so you have no regrets. If you are not dating the girl of your dreams, most likely you are running a racket.
Do you know what a racket is? It was started term popularized during prohibition when little old ladies would be smiling to their customers at their store front, but in the back creating some brew in their bathtub. Everything looks innocent on the outside but it is not. This is your life. You smile and are friendly and a nice guy to chat with but on the inside you have something else going on. Something is messed up in your head.
Something in society has distorted your instinct to reproduce. Examine what is holding you back. Is it your religion or lack of it? Is it your family? Do not give me the line I am focusing on your career or want to be all set with money. That is an excuse. Consider that only poor not the wealthy are the ones that have kids these days. Think back how hard life was when your forefathers came to this country. It you are not married, it is your problem. Why?
Arguments for marriage and against living alone
- God wants you to be married. Any sacred text talks about this. You leave your parents and cling to your spouse. The story of finding your other half goes as far back as Adam and Eve or ying and yang. Paring off is in the story of Noah. God gives you beauty and intelligence as a gift. See a lot of people do not understand this. Anything you have is on loan to you from the giver of all gifts. It is not to use for your own self pleasure. Our Father above will ask each of his children what they did with the gifts lent to them in this world. Some people pursue a life of career, some people are ascetics while others are hedonism, but in my mind it is all the same, it is self-absorbed ego. If you do not believe me read Hermann Hesse ‘Goldmund and Narcissus’. Monastics are as self-absorbed as lustful worldly people. ‘If I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing’ , think about where this quote came from. Life is about love.
- Life does not feel right until you find your other half . We all feel like we are ‘like gypsies living at the edge on an alien world, a world that is as deaf to our music as it is to our sorrows’ – Albert Camus. You do not feel good until you are married. That is a fact. Marriage feels great, being single boarders on neurotic. At least this is how I am all my friends were.
- 99% of people marry sometime in their life, it is normal and healthy. If you are the minority that does not ask yourself why you are not normal, and start looking at your life to correct it.
I know these sound like hard arguments but I want to wake you up. You can find your fairy-tale princess but as a man it is your role to be her championship and find her. She can not find you. She is like sleeping beauty and only you can awaken her. Like I said you are biologically programmed to attract your life partner. There is nothing wrong with you. There are two reason you have not:
- Gutless. You lack courage. There are billions of single women on this planet, if you can find one, you have not looked hard enough. You are denying some girl the happiness of being with you. And this is what life is about, giving and receiving love. ‘To love and be loved is like feeling the warm of the sun from both sides’ – Helen Keller. So do not be a coward and unturned every rock and look for your princess.
- Ego. Ego defense mechanisms are great, They protect us. Some of us rationalizes I am working on my career and I do not need anyone, they will bother me. Others will not lower themselves (like movie stars) to live a normal life and you see many confirmed bachelors who deny their birth right to have children. Others are rigid in their conception of what their other half should be. They are so strict in their rules and unwilling to bend. This is ego which is nurtured in fear. Read about C.S. Lewis and his love life. How his Ivory tower stained glass ideas about love and the world where shattered when he actually fell in love. In most cases you have not found your wife because you are not strong enough to overcome your ego and be flexible and easy-going. You are too rigid in your ideas .
To attract a mate (attract a wife) you need to humble yourself and be flexible. You need confidence and courage. If you can not you are not living according to natural law or God’s will. Period.
Advice on getting a girl
One last note, forget about the mission of finding a wife, think more in terms of love and romantically wooing a girl that you love or could love. Many guys want a wife, but that is putting the cart before the horse.
Get to the point that when she looks at you the first words that pops into her head are ‘red bed’. If you see yourself as testing the waters with online dating or considering girls here or there, you are missing my point. One million years of evolution has made you to be a knight in shinning armor where women can not resist you. Be it.