Dating advice from married men vs singles

The German nihilist philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote:

A married Philosopher is a joke.

Nietzsche went thoroughly insane, alone and lived a life of mental anguish. At the end of his life there was a moment of lucidity and he said ‘ I wrote good books once’, poor Nietzsche.  He could have contracted syphilis, from one of his quick interludes in the night that exacerbated his mental deterioration, however, it nets out to the same cause. The man was tortured by not having a wife to be loyal to, and family by his side.

That other German who who stated the Second World War also lacked the warmth of a family, is that a coincidence? The most extreme people I know are single people.  Eventually with the decrease in hormones they become harmless, but most of them in old age are in despair. My mission is to make sure that you do not end this way. Your experience in this measureless gulf of eternity we exist in, does not need to end on a inconsequential note; a tree that falls in the forest that no one hears.

My advice is this: be normal, and get a husband or wife have a family and a house with a white picket fence (we are making our white picket fence out of recycled wood pallets).  In the words of a reformed mobster, that life is for ers, but now that he is living it he loves it.

There are many armchair philosophers on the web and in real life who write about the quest for women and their conquests. Yet if they are single and giving advice, their words are empty.  I would invert Niestsche’s statement and say:

A single Philosopher is a joke

If you do not have the experience of a successful happy marriage and raising a family, you should not be giving advice to others about relationships. It is the blind leading the blind.

Similarly, women who are single and over thirty are usually social train wrecks. They give the worst advice to their single women friends going through relationship problems. They give cliché proverb-isms like ‘he is selfish’ or simply discredit men’s character in a circle of females called a ‘war party’ while sipping wine. Yet to do not look at their own faults and address the root cause of why they are not married. I will get to that root cause below.

So many choices in cordial girls, just make sure they have their heads play chess withed on right or they will take yours.

If a man or woman can not close the deal and get married, there is nothing wrong with them. However, they should not be giving too much advice.

Dating advice from a single is like, a person who has never flow a plane, giving advice on how to be a pilot.

There are too many subtle variables you have to experience for yourself.

Granted single people might have insights worth noting,  and even an entertainment factor in their wit and banter, but I prefer to look for wisdom from someone who is walking the walk.

Women civilize men. As much as men complain, we would be living in caves if it were not for women, they carry the torch of civilization.  Married men live statistically longer and are healthier and mentally more stable.  Men who must raise children grow mentally in a different way. Like a yoga class,  being a husband and parent requires one to be calm and flexible in a difficult moment, and committed. Being single can not teach you this.  Marriage and being a parent is supported by a million years of evolutionary programming that reinforces this responsibility and loyalty.  Nature rewards you in even greater proportion than your struggles. The satisfaction of raising a child and being a husband exceeds any joy a single person would ever understand.

This is not some philosophical whimsical rambling, it is based on evolution of the species.

Let me put it to you in another way, nature does not care about you personally. Nature only cares about the perpetuation of the human race. This is evolution. However, since we are aware conscious beings with an over developed cortical regions, nature knows we are different from even our hominidae relatives, therefore gives us long -term rewards for being loyal husbands and parents. Evolution will reward you for participating in family life. We are not rabbits, but have evolved away from primitive lifeforms to require a family.  However, I believe it is even more than that, read on.

Then why are people not married and how to get the a husband or wife?

It is simple.

Lack of faith, prayer and patience – I do not know any single Amish family (I am writing a language program on the Amish) that is not happy and fulfilled. Is this a coincidence?  The Amish I know are universally married and happy and stay that way with large families. If you are single, it may take years of prayers and waiting for the right person. But with perseverance it will happen.

What if you do not believe it?

If you are a rational thinker then keep your mind open and try to understand the epistemological line from Descartes to Hegel, Heidegger, Nietzsche, Feuerbach (God a projection of Man, anthropomorphic),  Marx, (opium of the masses, social economic) to Freud (God an infantile illusion, psychological need).  Understand how this erosion of Western certainly lead to a general lack of trust in an ultimate reality came about first in philosophical ideas then though our experience in the 19th and 20th century as humans.

Examine the real origins of your doubts.  Do your doubts even have doubts? Is it working for you?  If you dismiss faith as something for other people (usually naive or simple minded), ask yourself if your life is working for you?  How is your life, be honest with yourself?  Just be open minded that there might be a complex stratification of reality. That life is not one-dimensional and there is transcendence. I emphasis that because I believe that in this transcendence of spirit is what leads to love, true love.

The evidence is here

You can protest and say you do not believe or whatever.  However, the proof is in the pudding. My parents have been married 65 years and said prayer and faith was the most important part of their life.  They are happily married after 65 years and five children and endless struggles from being drafted to health issues.  Can you compare their advice to some single person’s current trend pop-psychosocial advice? Come on, 65 years of marriage, when you are married and happy after 65 years, than you can add to their simple and clear message on relationships.

Another example, look up the singer Lauren Daigle. Read about this lady, and watch her videos. – >

Are you telling me a girl like that will not get married? Of course she will. She has the light of God shining though her. Can you deny this?

You can say what you want about believers, that they are naive or you just do not feel it, but the ones I know walking the walk have this inner beauty that can not be denied. I believe if you ask, God will guide you to your mate.

If, and only if, you want to marry a humble cordial lady like her, be the better man. Be someone that lifts people up with faith and joy, specifically the word of God. Practice humility by admitting your intellectualism and edcuation means nothing. Learn to practice of purification and prayer. If you want to read more about the connection of faith and happiness, you can read here -> Faith and marriage. If you want to know how specifically, I recommend a monastic readings like Thomas Kempis or develop a routine of prayer, it could be a simple prayer in the morning and evening like a key that opens and closes a door to a greater reality. If pride and ego and intellectualism is problem (it usually is) do charity in a dirt poor humble setting, until your pride and ego give way to awareness. If you do not know where to start, simply read spiritual books (classics like the Bible or written by monks or priests or minsters rather than pop-spiritual writings), and maybe say the ‘Our Father’ every evening or morning. Think  of it like a key that opens the door. Not an hour of meditation, but a few minutes.

Wow did I get off track from the topic of relationship advice?

Sorry for all that but, it is the most important relationship advice I can give. Prayer, even if you do not believe will lead you to happiness.

My parents, (did I mention married for 65 years and happy) said the Rosary most of their lives together. Is that a coincidence? My parent’s advice was faith is the most important thing.  Take their advice or my advice. Remember, I am happily married, I am just saying I am not trying to keep the sparkle alive in my relationship with my wife. It is there everyday without trying.

My advice is get a nice girl from the countryside that is focused on religion. You want to marry Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, a cordial girl on a quest for transcendence.

Detox from the mixed messages of our pop culture, especially the ageing players, meet artists and disgruntled materialistics. The materialistics and meet artists do not realize it but they are all cut from the same cloth and single.

Look, I am not my brothers keeper, I do not care if you believe or not. I do not care what you do with your life, I really do not. I do not get points for proselytism, if anything I find it distasteful to write. Look at my site, I write provocative things and scantily clad hots (the reason is I believe that this is natures bait), I am not a saint.

I am a ‘rumpy-pumpy’ obsessed world traveller,  over educated intellectual, with a proverbial woman in every port, who found happiness though amazing grace.  Why put yourself through this pain of loneness and existential anxiety? Be an ally of your true self and stop the battle. Therefore, I would not dismiss the idea that we are mighty spiritual beings and this moral coil we hide out in is nothing compared to the power you have to move mountains with prayer and patience. If you want amazing love, invest in a prayer ritual, rather than pulling out your credit card for one more dating site.

Falling in love versus wanting a wife –  Many people are under the impression they want a husband or wife. They have educated themselves, made it in their professional careers and want to get married. Wrong. You can not get a wife, buy a wife or find a husband. You have to make yourself so irresistible that someone will fall in love with you.  You have to make a lady fall hopelessly in love with you or it will not happen. You have to lose yourself and have your world turned so upside down that nothing matters except love.  Not money and house and playing it safe with career. Think of Romeo and Juliet.

You are not radical and pull out all stops – I say it over and over. Be the fool and and give up everything for love.  Love and money, love and career or love and any else do not mix. You can not play it safe and get a wife, now days, maybe in the 1950s this worked.

  • I play chess with the US Chess Federation. One thing I learned in competition is this. If you are losing and hopeless, do not resign. Pull out all stops, sacrifice your queen make crazy attacks on the king. If you are going to lose anyway go on the offensive, be radical. Where did I learn this? I play with the Masters.

In the end, I would rather be driving across the country in a beat up old convertible, living in cheap motels with the girl I love, than some boring stable job, surfing ladys on the Internet and hoping I find the best one based on my own personal determinate criteria or convenience to my current life situation.

Many guys are approaching finding a wife like hunting for gold. They are trying to identify the exact locations that have the optimal probability to hit the jackpot. There is something to be said for this, but it is not the point. Better is finding a diamond in the rough.  The point is develop your spiritual authenticity and you will be bending proverbial forks with your mind (like Neo in the Matrix). Be radical in your approach to life.

I was not looking for love, directly, it just happened.  Develop your own authentic self in a radical way and pursue your dreams and if an angel ever floats past your, chase and and bring her down to earth.

So how is my advice on this site different than others?

Like Niezsche’s Zarathustra in his classic Ein Buch für Alle und Keinen, I want to turn conventional wisdom of the day on its head and lead you to a truth that goes against the current thinking.  If you want a happy life,  listen to some of the advice I give. It might feel unconformable and go against your grain, but I know what I am talking about.

Author: Mark Biernat

I live in with family between two worlds, US and Europe where I create tools for language learning. If you found my site you probability share my passion to be a life long learner. Please explore my site and comment.

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