Genetics of Love

Find your destiny with your genes on

The purpose of this post is to look at how genetics influences our romantic interactions. Further, what you can do with the knowledge of your genetics and potential spouse’s genetics, to tip the odds of destiny. As a mating strategy we all want to optimize. Below I give you a specific road map. That being said, we need to understand what genes are and what they are do for us.

What do girls really look for in a guy

Where are genes taking us?

Genes are almost like light switches, they turn on or off chemical processes in your body. However, there is more to the story. Genes have a consciousness of their own. It is almost they live symbiotically in your body, in one sense. They sculpt your life, and drive you to reproduce in by helping you choose a partner that is optimal. Your genes want to survive through the generations, even if you do not.

Further,  Homo sapiens sapiens genes are taking the human race somewhere, the Omega point perhaps, who knows (Pierre Teilhard de Chardin ). What we do know is genes adapt and change, seeking improvement through mate selection. They want to ensure that the human race continues and thrives more than you personally. So the mating strategy for your genes is to seek out a genetically optimal partner that might be good for you, but definitely good for the human race’s survival. That is why even a cursory awareness of genes and mating might be important for your search. Just being aware of what is going on might lead you in the right direction.

Only the strong survive, is being replaced with only the harmonious survive.

For example, the Alpha male reptilians, the old model for survival and dating for humans, is being replaced by male and females that have genes of cooperation, compassion and intellect. Human genes as a whole, in this crowded aggressive world would not be able to survive much longer, unless the collective unconsciousness of human gene cooperate with other genes and decrease the number of aggressive reptilians who do not recycle for example.  The real question is, how do the genes know this? It is a mystery for another topic.

Life is a huge magic trick which no one person can figure out how it is done

To illustrate this point answer this question: who has more children, Alpha male players or Amish or Mormon communities,  Christians or Asian Indians? Whose genes get passed on, the hedonistic Western Europeans with important careers, but no kids, or homesteading families with gangs of semi-wild children running barefoot in the backyard covered with dirt and smiles on their faces?

God loves plain folk, that is why he made so many of them.

This is why I tell you guys do not believe the recycled information on the web about dating, such as alpha dating or genetic matching sites. Most of these sites do not follow a good model of science, rigorous academic research or even common sense observation.

A specific example is the anti-alpha model of dating . It is as follows: genes involving altruistic and pro-social behavior (D4.4) compared to a more aggressive, novelty-seeking type (D4.7) (genes of someone who has tendencies to be a player or an investment banker) have the advantage. (Reference: Polymorphisms in the dopamine D4 receptor gene (DRD4) contribute to individual differences in human friendshipual behavior: desire, arousal and friendshipual function. I Z Ben Zion1, R Tessler2, L Cohen3, E Lerer4, Y Raz5, R Bachner-Melman2, I Gritsenko6, L Nemanov6, A H Zohar7, R H Belmaker1, J Benjamin1 and R P Ebstein2,6)

It is beyond the scope of this article to elaborate on or defend such an theory, but I invite you to do the research yourself.

Want me? Forget about meeting your parents, I want to know you have the right HLA for me.

Limits of genetics and love

At this juncture, despite advances on the understanding of the genetic component controlling attraction, science is yet to reach the point in which a simple genotype analysis may clearly define the degree of compatibility of one individual to another. What is well known is that the science of love is a polygenic, very complex traits that also depends on several non-genetic and environmental factors. This means that is virtually impossible to determine one’s degree of compatibility by looking at one specific gene, such as D4.4 or D4.7 – there are several other known genes and probably many more yet to be revealed. It is the combined effect of all of them that results in the individual’s genetic profile of being able to live happily with a mate from a biological prospective.

For example, you may have the repelling allele to a potential mate indicated by a specific marker gene, but this can be largely compensated by the genetic make-up of a large number of additional genes – and even if you get genotyping information for all of them, you still would have to interpret the genetic data in the context of the non-genetic factors, starting, for example, with “degree of exposure”, that is, simply proximity to the person and time to socialize and rub elbows. The bottom line is, you cannot just match up some genes and conclude this must be love, there is simply not enough knowledge to do so based on genetics, and would you really want to do so anyway?

I am sorry if this disappoints everyone’s expectations on the power of genetics to determine compatibility – there still a long way to go before we have consolidated tests able to precisely define such parameter. Further, keep in mind that, in principle, there is no reason for exaggerated focus on such things as genetic compatibility for love or more primitively alpha male or beta male type classifications.

Simply focus on the elements in your life you can change. This will give you great latitude and power beyond any supposed predetermined biological mould you have been formed from. Like I have said all along: Shop Hollister on a sale, get a good hair cut at Aveda and have an easy going positive surfer dude or girl attitude with faith in God’s grace, and you will be empowered to create your own destiny. It is that simple. To override any perceived genetic disadvantage, take action.  Genes might give you one hair color and texture, but with a simple strip to the Whole Foods personal care section you can change your hair color and look. You can similarly increase your attraction with just stylish clothes and the right colors. If you develop your intellect you will leverage your mating power. Intelligence acquired through cultural enrichment is even better than innate intelligence because you gain wisdom with your challenges.

Steps to take if you are interested in Genetic matchmaking

If you have interest in genetics, as I do, then below is what current research suggests regarding the genetics of love. Every psychological tendency in an organisms physiology has multi genes in play. It is not like having blue eyes or Mendeleev’s pea pods. Rather, there are a series of chain upon chain of interactions. However, lets look at a few.

  • 23andme how I tested my DNA –  for fun with my wife. It reveals interesting ancestors and unravels our DNA, Chromosomes, genes and alleles (they are either A, C, T or G). On – You get to browse your raw genetic data.
  • How to interpret your results with this add-on –  This is a Firefox add-on you can use to interpret the genetic data. It allows you to decode your 23andme data created by a company called 5AMSolutions. After the FDA cracked down on 23andme, they are limited by what they can interpret. However, the good news is you have a brain you can do it yourself.
  • Road map of your genetics laid out – This site lays out basic genetic information and using the add-on and your raw data your alleles can be interpreted. You can take a closer at physiological traits. You can hover over the trait and compare to your raw genetic data. If you want your genetic analysis more spelled out you can utilizes where you can import your data directly for five dollars and have a probability analysis done on your psychological as well as biological tendencies.

This is a sample of what some traits might look like if you follow the steps above.  More research is needed but it does give you clues to your behavior tendencies. However you need to temper this with the wisdom of, knowing you have the power to change.

If you look hard enough, you can almost see the outline of your soulmates silhouette in this DNA.

I think decoding your genetic profile is money better spent than any dating site that pairs people off based on DNA dating and olfactory hormone speculation. The reason is 23andme does this for more or less altruistic reasons and to fulfill intellectual curiosity, whereas dating sites often have a strong profit motive and make promises that are based on speculation and even misleading statements about the power of interpretation. And as stated above genetic matchmaking is not good science, at this juncture. Further you can use your raw data for multiple purposes on going into the future.

Life is an art not a science

Clues for genetics of attraction:

Desire and genes

  • Desire or the wanderlust gene – The idea is which gene controls drive for physical relations. Gene or known as C-521T ‘T’ allele showed higher desire for physical relations. The or C-616G C allele was associated with higher function and libidinal desire scores. DRD4 5-locus haplotype (19%) was significantly associated with Desire. Five polymorphisms were genotyped across the DRD4 gene: three promoter region SNPs (C-521T, C-616G, A-809G). There is a link between NS and dopaminergic activity via DRD4 on chromosome 11 and increased propensity to take risk, as well as exploratory novel stimulation.


  1. Dopamine D4 receptor and desire
  2. Differences in friendshipual desire
  3. Novelty seeking behavior 

Parenting and genes

  • More empathetic and sensitive parenting – There is a gene for emphatic parenting.  This might be a good gene to have in a partner. It is not mutually exclusive with the above arousal seeking gene. You can explore parenting sensitivity (5-HTT) – the gene of love? to research more on the subject.

Immunity and genes

  • Different immune genes – Why do plants not self pollinate and humans do not want to either? HLA-dissimilar alleles produce stronger immune systems than HLA-similar alleles because wider diversity of antigen, than HLA-homozygous children (inbreeding avoidance). This is under the ideas of histocompatibility MHCs. Pheromones are the external signals that we use coupled with the sense of smell to determine this when talking to people. This is why I recommend that you use natural scents or no scents at all. Your own perspiration or sweat will do the talking.
  • Red Queen’s race – HLA-dissortative mating produces adaptations that pathogens gain an adaptive advantage in friendshipual reproduction. Red Queen’s race is evolutionary adaptation.
  • Polymorphic HLA genes – are better because they reduce the chance of recessive mutations caused by genetic homozygosity in other words genetically distant relatives even if unaware. You would be surprised how many 3rd and 4th cousin you have with out being aware. This is revealed on


Zion, I. Molecular Psychiatry, online edition. News release, The Hebrew University of Jerusalem.


Oxytocin – Genes influence the level of oxytocin which is associated with the desire to stay with a mate. For example GG alleles are associated with higher levels.

Using the above mentioned tools you can see I have a GG, or a high level of bonding. I know I will always be with my wife. I also do not have the novelty seeking gene, which I think is a good thing as I do not want to stray.
  • The above examples relating to: desire,  immunity and parenting, are four examples of how information about ones DNA might give indications about potential mates or yourself to defy or actualizes your genetic tendencies based on an assertion of free will.

Genetic matchmaking versus free will

If genes can not precisely determine your next mate, my advice is go for:

Someone who does it for you physically. Intellectually curious and has a commitment to faith – that is manifest in a spiritually lawful goodness and daily rituals of prayerfulness. Someone peaceful connected to nature and wants harmony in the world, wants a family, rather than someone you will be competing with or, married to their career.

Always remember genes are not destiny. Even now they are learning how to alter genes and correct, if you believe in even limited free will this means you can exert an influence over your tendencies.

Free will and culture can override genetic mate selection. Specifically, in societies like the US and Europe, where love marriages are the convention, people with similar genes tend to pair off, with the exception of some specific genes relating to immune system for example. Natures idea is that mixing of immunity genes, will produce stronger offspring with immunity but similarities can reduce cultural friction. However, in traditional societies where there are arranged marriages, we do not see the correlation between these specific genes. I personally believe, opposites do not match as well as similar with a few differences because of cultural understanding. I also believe awareness trumps genes as a survival strategies. For example, if you live an organic and fitness lifestyle you will be fair better then the person who has ‘better immunity genes’ and eats package food.  There are some that question if free will exists. This is my take on it below.
As an additional addendum from a philosophical basis, you can take two attitudes towards genetics, free will and dating.

God does not play dice with the universe – Albert Einstein.

If you think about it all human psychology and thinking is based on the biology of the brain and the body. All biology is based on chemistry. All chemistry is based on physics at a sub-molecular level. All physics is based on mathematics. Hence there is no free will and everything is pre-determined. Rather what exists is only the illusion of free will and the interaction of internal elements (your body’s genetics) and external elements (your environment). Therefore, your genetics, the 23,000 or so genes carried on your 23 chromosome, basically determined your life, from your intelligence to your propensity to risk taking and social interaction and love. The paradox being why even look up your genetics if everything is predetermined. Taken to its end Stalin and Mother Teresa are morally equal since there is no free will.
On the other side.

God not only plays dice with the universe, he throws them where we are not looking.

If you are honest, really honest there is an intangible mystery to life, a quality that can not be quantified but you feel it. In your heart you know this to be true unless you just block it out because you can not accept uncertainty and the unknown. Yes genetics plays a roles, as well as environment, but life is something radically different than anything that can be describe in something as simplistic as genetic formula or a philosophical axiom. Free will determines your destiny in love. Below is a quote about an intelligent robot named Tik-Tok by the same author of the Wizard of Oz.

He thinks, Speaks, acts and does everything but live –
The Marvellous land of OZ – by L. Frank Baum – 1904

Being alive is something radically different and mysterious. We are not predetermined organic machines.
Genetics is not destiny, just and an influencer.

Free will (which is almost synonymous with awareness) and spirit will always trump genetics when it comes to love. Love is the infinite energy that pulses though the universe and ts can be understood as much as we can understand the Absolute, who exists outside the time space continues and the constraints of our physical laws.

So if you want to find a mate, do it. Do it like you mean it with confidence and courage. Do it by risking everything and rather than using your genetic code as a rode map for anything in live, follow your heart. Life is simple and love simpler, follow your heart, not a prescription by anyone else, including me.  Because your heart has reasons which reason knows nothing of (Pascal).

Author: Mark Biernat

I live in with family between two worlds, US and Europe where I create tools for language learning. If you found my site you probability share my passion to be a life long learner. Please explore my site and comment.

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