Marriage is a trap only if you ignore the two rules for marriage
If you get married or fall in love with the wrong person heaven help you. It is a purgatory that requires a high emotional price to escape from. Some argue there is no exit, only in their spirit of Camus or Sartre, existential defiance. In fact Sartre wrote a book called No Exit and Camus the Myth of Sisyphus (both recommend quick reads).
However, you you can find an example in American TV fantasy culture regarding marrying or dating the wrong person. Just watch the TV show Once upon a time and the relationship between Prince Charming and Mary-Margret. Misdirected love spins a sticky web.
- The purpose of this post if to give you two rules of thumb for choosing the right life partner as your husband or wife.
Why the right mate is so important
Who you marry and mate with is the most important choice in your life. Actually it is the only choice that really matters in life. What you do in terms of marriage will echo through eternity. The seeds that sprout from mating will influence the world, hopefully to the end of the world.
That is your wife will determine your children and hopefully your children’s children and generations far into the future, long after we are all gone. So choose your wife right.
Did I scare you? I did not mean to. I am just saying that romantic love brings people together that never should be brought together. The following metaphor will clarify things a bit.
Useful relationship metaphor
Each person is a cloth or pattern, make sure you match with the cloth you are dating or weaving with so to speak or the tearing apart will be hard.
Imagine weaving one cloth which is black and white pin strips to another cloth that is a colorful plaid. They just do not match. And each moment you spend with a girl it is like you are a new stitch when you are weaving two clothes or patterns together. If you spend a lot of time with the wrong person, when you need to rip apart and start again it is costly.
So choose the right mate.
The only two things that are important in mate selection
My answer is easy. Each person will find a different solution to their life. However, the first rule of thumb is I recommend is find a super cordial lady. Someone physically you can not resist.
They have to be attractive for you, not anyone else, that is the magic of love.
Base the physical aspect on something you are obsessed with. Something on a primal primordial level you can not control. Me, I like long legs on a girl a girl and a classic Roman nose, not the little English turned up nose. I have a wife with long legs, this makes me happy. Does this sound superficial? It is one million years of evolution. My genetic code is attracted to her genetic code. DNA dating the natural way.
Other guys like girls that large cupcakes, the bigger the better and females under a certain size they feel sorry for (I personally never understood this). Some guys like round girls others watchtower. Basically you have to find what does it for you.
For example, I am blond, but my wife although she is Polish is so dark she looks Arab or Indian in the summer. Since I live on the beach where we have an endless summer, I basically married an Indian girl. Genes like to mix up for evolutionary reasons we do not understand, and out subconscious and libidinal mind gives suggestions to frontal lobe.
Find what does it for you, because you do not want to cheat or look at other girls once you are married. So find the one that blows you away and gets you thinking the most dirty things.
Second – Morals the girls
It amazes me that people choose mates based on anything but looks and morals. Looks and morals are the only things that matter.
Find someone that believes with all their heart in fairy-tales and goodness.
If you want to understand someone ask yourself what is their nature – Marcus Aurelius
How is this not clear?
My day job is, I run a large resort hotel and meet scores of people everyday. Often the guest in my hotel have heartaches and are lonely. I ask them why they did not consider the morals of their partner before getting involved with them. They cite reasons like ‘he was a rich guy or she seemed nice’. These are poor answers. Do not be like one of the guests coming through my hotel broken-hearted, staying in luxury but alone. Consider morals as half of the love equation.
If I were to choose one virtue it would be humility.
Only marry someone with humility. Ideally a humble girl, lawfully ideal based and non materialism.
Humility – Find a girl who does not care about money or power or titles or positions or anything. In fact find a girl who might even not feel good about herself. She only cares about doing good in the world.
Find a girl who is lawfully idealistic. This girl will always be on your side and by your side.
Some girls are fickle and will leave their husbands over pride or even trivial things after an argument. Yet, other girls will stick by their man even if in prison.
What I mean by that is find a girl who does not believe in divorce. I do not nor does my wife, it is that simple we are stuck with each other. Someone who believes in good and bad. Not someone who is generally spiritual and bends the rules where it is convenient.
I know a lot of girls who are ‘spiritual’ and have new age candles by their bed but also a package of ‘protection’ by their nightstand in case they meet that random guy online or the club.
I know girls that love their cats but will have little problem terminating an unborn if it is inconvenient.
Or girls that say I am spiritual, but if a marriage is stressful, they have a war party with their friends where they are all affirming each others and nodding their heads like on an afternoon talk show and they determine it is better to just leave. What a lame form of spirituality.
Instead why not find a girl who will be with you for better or worse? Girls will often say ‘he is sick, he has real psychological problems. But are not the vows also ‘in sickness and in health’?
Find someone who understands right and wrong in a concrete sense.
Find a girl who does not care about money. I am an unrepentant capitalist, yet I understand that money is the root of all evil if factored in any way in a relationship. At the first sign of a girl that wants love and money or love and career run and hide.
What about interests and hobbies and school?
Never confuse school with your education – Mark Twain.
One of the biggest turn offs are people who are self impressed. They feel in someway their career or academic performance means something. It does not. It only is something that might trip their ego up and pride might creep in.
Better is find someone who is sophisticated to your level, but does not care about formal societal measures and laurels.
It does not really matter their education and interests. Once you spend time together you develop mutual interests. You teach each other and grow together. Ironically match.com dating and many other dating sites are based on hobbies and mutual interests and ‘tell me about yourself’. This does not matter. All that matters in marriage partner selection is looks and morals.
What about all the divorces and broken marriages?
Listen to my advice – today is the start of a new way to see the world. Maybe you yourself have gone through the breakup of a marriage, but that was before you heard my advice. Your spouse is your destiny, but you have a choice.
The girl to marry
Here it is: Only consider a super cordial lady who is humble, not materialistic, younger than you, will not have a hyphenated name or keep their old name, does not care about career (preferable poor), will cook and clean without question, wants to have children, does not go out with friend or not that often, believes in the Bible. Basically you want to marry a girl who is like a leggy Russian model from Moscow, yet has the ideals of an Amish girl from Pennsylvania Dutch country.
Sound oppressive for the female? On the contrary, most women want to jettison the artificial constructs weaved in their brain by modern materialistic society. They want to have a family and give their children the magical childhood experience they had growing up, with Mom at home and Dad loving Mom.
Vision of a happy family
- The white picket fence and the family trips to the Zoo, silly Ketchup fights in the in kitchen and picnics in the back yard where the paper plates and napkins blow away.
- Girl with a vintage 1940s hairstyle, a black and white polka dot dress and a light pastel tennis sweater.
I would not trade this for anything in the world, trust me.
What if there was a messed up childhood. The greatest way you can honor your parents is not replicate their mistakes.
My message is just because society is telling you up is down and down is up, you do not have to live it. Live a fairy-tale romance, I do and anything else in this world pales in comparison.
- Follow the two rules for finding the right lady friend or fiancé.