How to write a dating site profile – That gets few replies

The purpose of this post is to tell you how to write a personal ad, that will not get a lot of responses but will get you the response you are looking for. Is not one Snow White princess enough for you?

Writing a profile has nothing to do with being honest about career or interests or hobbies or income. This is in the word ‘booor- ring’.

My eyes glaze over when I read a profile that has income requirements between $50,000 to $100,000, demographically 0-4 years apart, 0-25 miles distance from your zip code, and interests listed as: “I like drinking wine on the beach and sushi”. I think what a superficial yuppie.

These commoners approach finding love online. You will attract nothing greater than an American girl who has high expectations in terms of money, will bad mouth you to her friends and leave you after a few arguments and try to rule over you. You will have to tolerate her weekly girl’s night out where she is flirting with some waiter and walks half a step in front of you in public. Am I wrong?

Online you can meet a lot of girls and be serial monogamous, but you do not want that. What you want is your one and only.

Sure maybe they spruce it up to their amalgamation with adjectives like ‘compassionate and exciting’. But what the deuce? That does not win my heart, as every dating site profile out there is loaded with superlatives and a quint little list of hobbies.

Be warned, many dating sites upload millions of fake profiles via some PHP script have these exact type of adjective-rich words. Most people can not tell the real ones from computer-generated dating site profiles. You do not want your profile or the ones your dates to be barely distinguishable from a computer-generated algorithm from a dating site script generating profiles.

You want one cute girl not many, you do not want to be a player. This is a photo of my sister-in-law.

What are you to do?

Here is what you need to do:

  • You need to paint a picture with your words. Not just any picture mind you, but a romantic picture, a picture that touches the dreams and the unspoken prayers of a girl’s heart.

Instead of something like:

Confident professional enjoys, sports, meeting friends seeking attractive girl over 5’6” with some college, enjoys occasional drinks, Dr. House.

Shouldn’t it be a little more like this:

Errand knight seeks towered damsel. Enjoys storming, castles, rescuing princesses, enchanted forest walks.

Too many females to pick from. My advice is to go for one princess not a broad struck of the brush and just hope it works. Write your ad specific not general.


Keep it simple, that is all you might need. You could come up with an infinite number of variations depending on who you are.

Resources to help you write a dating site profile to get you a girlfriend

What if you have no talent for writing? Check out these resources at your library or online:

  • A Romance writers phrase book – Jean Slater Kent
  • Heroes &Heroines – Tami Cowden
  • Image Streaming by Win Wenger you can see his website – for stimulating creativity.
  • On Writing well – William Zinsser
  • Rory’s Story Cubes – If you are really stuck.

Between your own imagination and weaving some phrases in you can come up with something that will make a girl desperate for you, at least initially until she meets you. Then it is up to you.

The new alpha male is a creative male, not a brute.

How to make a girl desperate for you

A picture in words instead of pixels conveys a story about your life journey which corresponds to your analogous archetypical equivalent. With an economy of words and a profile written in this style, it will inspire a female to reply that is for you. Written in loftiness and sincerity, that if you shoot for the moon and fail, you will end up in these stars. Sound abstract? It works.

It will sing a language to your archetypical counterpart she will hear and respond to like sailors not able to resist the voice of Ancient Greek sirens. Instead this time you will have the edge and femme corpulently so to speak, will be you. They will not be able to resist and be desperate for you.

Think about it, as much as men are turned on by seeing a female shape, analogously, when women read lofty worded romance novels and talk about relationships, her pupils dilate with arousal.

The problem is you can not chat up a girl when she is browsing profiles. Therefore, you need to paint a picture with words in your profile.

My wife is the only one I want.

Dating advice to be leery of

Women’s dating advice tends to be lame

Completely ignore the cliché advice from girls on how to meet girls, that is ‘just be honest’ such nonsense is woman-speak. Women give guys (and each other) notoriously lame relationships advice. It is up to the man to be the ‘captain of the ship’ and turn their female theories upside down by sweeping them off their feet so when you have arrived they quiver and feel confused and in love. Take no prisoners. Write a dating site profile to win her heart, not some generic profile that could almost be machine-generated.

The real female brain

While men are turned on by direct visual stimulation such as a shapely female, women are won by words and visual imagination. It is just the way mating works. Women want to know that men have enough brains to think creatively. There has been a paradigm shift the new alpha males have brains, not brawn. Well-crafted words on a dating profile are like a girl who has a supermodel face and a catwalk body for a lady. You write a poor profile description, it is like a girl posting a photo that portrays BBW and materialism.

The commonality of interests is overrated

If the lady is cordial and does not hassle you do you really care about the minor things like what show you are going to watch on Wednesday night. You will learn to like each other’s interests if you look at life in the same way. You will teach each other about different hobbies you each pursue. Do not weigh common interests as an important factor in the mate section. Common moral values are important (the root of self individualization), cordialness is important (Deep-seated evolutionary biology), but sharing your interest in surfing and hers in cooking has much to do about nothing.

From visual to the power of myth in dating – How to bring your profile to the next level

Visual brain

Through one million years of evolution, our brains have become largely visual, arguably the most important sense.

Even if you were to go be submerged in a sensory deprivation tank you would start to see images. For me that is visual. Your brains can not shut down visual processes.

Language is an abstraction

When man first became aware he was alone in the universe and let out the first primordial scream from this existential loneliness, grunts and pointing became inadequate for expression. Sounds started to represent abstract ideas, feelings. When you say you like watching ‘The Big Bang Theory (I like this show too), it is still like pointing and grunting. There are few abstractions that speak to a deeper level. Learn to write using metaphors and analogies. They are like paintbrushes of the mind.

You want to reach deep into their collective unconsciousness of the culture you live in and reach for an archetypical. An image-rich in metaphors that reach down into someone’s brain so they enter a different realm in their imagination.

Painting allegorical imagines with words is the key to the origin a dating site profile because people are looking for transcendence.

Do not say you ‘enjoy reading’, instead say ‘you are sea-captain who has seen the vanity of the world and returning to Northanger Abbey to look for his Anne Elliot’

What is real

The power of myth, the unspoken longings of your heart, the prayers you do not dare to tell others, that is you are lonely and desperate for love. The strong pull of the unconscious that overrides career or self-absorbed ego feeding activated. That is the desire for real love. If you do not admit this, you have serious physiological problems. Even the most criminals doing time for bank jobs want this.

On a retreat, I have seen stone-faced harden Eastern European coal minors break down in tears when it comes to love.

So stop playing games with yourself and admit that you need love. We all want this. And to get love paint a picture with words.

Women are verbal men are visual marry these two worlds.

What is archetypal dating?

Forget all these Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessments and ideas recycled in physiology today, simply ask yourself what fantasy dreamy visionary archetype you connect to. What are your dreams?

To find a soulmate, you need to connect at a soul level. You are not going to do with listing adjectives or cutesy sassy descriptive verbiage. You need to be radical in your authenticity and metaphorical in your profile.

What will be the effect of a metaphorical dating site profile

The net effect is if you will have few to no replies. But this is actually a good thing. We are all different and creating an unusual profile will limit the replies to only qualified suitors.

No matter how desperate you are, you do not want to have just someone. You want to have one. Or else you will be swindling your other half out of the happiness of being with you for eternity. And you would not want to do that now, would you?

Author: Mark Biernat

I live in with family between two worlds, US and Europe where I create tools for language learning. If you found my site you probability share my passion to be a life long learner. Please explore my site and comment.

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