The subtleties of interpersonal relationships are felt by the sensitive. This is manifest in one particular aspect of my life, I am married to a foreign lady friend. The post will look as strange vibes I get because I have an international marriage and live in the United States. However, if anything, it confirms my view that I made the right choice not to marry the girl next door, but across the big pond
My recommendation is marry someone beyond the boarders
My strong personal recommendation is married someone from another country, if your country is not congruent with your social values. It does not matter what place in the world you choose, South America, Europe, Africa, Asia you want to marry a girl from another world. Find a world which fits your vision of love, where romantics our number career people.
I even go a step further and recommend a girl from the village. The girl could be living in the city because she is going to school and working. However, you want her to have roots in the agrarian-based small town.
Cataclysmic mistake of marrying someone who lives near you
In my subjective opinion, it is a cataclysmic mistake to marry a girl from the city or any suburb of America who does not evince extreme ideals, unless they are from some overriding subculture. I do not know like they are Amish or something. I am not a strict cultural determinist. However, cultures and micro-cultures shape our personalities in our formative years. These ideals are a bond for the relationship.
Why try to teach a girl about values and culture. Better is to marry one who is already there, and you grow together. The US immigration visa issues can be worked out.
Note I am not categorically putting down American women at all. I know a lot of people get ed into the negativity of this. Rather, you need to understand that culture plays a huge role in determining personality and relationships. I think American is an a non-romantic epoch currently. It might swing back someday, but today we live in a goal orientated society. I am not, I am a romantic. If you are too find a dreamy idealistic – materialistic romantic also.
After all, the chief business of the American people is businessCalvin Coolidge
My experience in America marrying a girl from abroad
When I am at the playground and in my social circles here in America, and I am with my wife Kasia from Poland, I sometimes get some weird vibes from American women. They assume that I found her online, or that she is a simple girl who is uneducated. They surmise that about me too because I could not for some reason get a girl here. Yes, I found my wife aboard but there is more to the story.
Therefore, I went online to order a lady friend. The American women I encountered, try to find ways to ‘one-up’ me in the social pecking order I guess. Their husbands even snicker a little, like ‘oh this guy married a foreigner.’ They do this to feel better about themselves, or to compensate. However, I suspect there is some jealousy as my wife is beautiful and their wives are more often than not are, let us be honest, portly from consuming and store-bought ready-made inorganic diet.
Aware, intelligent people have the opposite effect, they are inquisitive and polite and they are not competing with ego.
With tangential acquaintances, it mostly does not affect either way.
We have been socially ostracized in a subtle passive-aggressive way in many relationships. I would have no problem with if I married the girl next door in America with conforming values to their social norms.
Some things we do different than Amerian wives
- We grow much of our food. This is what people in the village do back home. I have a small orchard of fruit trees, about twenty-five, from apples to Avocados to pomegranates to olives. We have a mini-vineyard of muscadines. I have several fields where I grow greens and vegetables. These greens are most of the production. We have ladyens for eggs. We go to Wholefoods to supplement with milk, butter, oils and treats for our daughter as well as some meat now and then.
- We cook 100% of our meals. We do not buy packaged food.
- We do not use a microwave.
- We do everything ourselves. From haircuts to makeing fences to making wallpaper glue.
- We go to the Doctor only when needed, and would use a drug only if required, which is let us be honest never. Most cases herbs do the trick.
- My wife sews clothes and makes cool looking styles rather than just buying the newest item from Target.
- My daughter does not engage in the typical soccer mom after-school programs. She plays chess, or we prefer her to have unstructured time so she can be in her imagination and be a child. Running barefoot and playing with other children in the stream is better than Karate classes for example.
- We always have a book in our hands, philosophy, literature, and prefer not to engage in excessive ideal small talk. We are not arrogant; it is just our style.
- We have never put career above family. I am making little to no money, but my wife and my daughter shave me all the time, and these are crucial years. We will never get them back. In villages, people spend more time at home than in their careers. In America, economic, social order determines how people relate to you. In the village, not as much.
- We speak different languages at home.
- We are church-going Catholics. You would be surprised how this is two strikes against us in this politically correct America.
- My wife is skinny. I am skinny. If this does not stir up tension, I do not know what does.
- We do not eat in restaurants. The food is never as good.
- We do not like sports.
- Politically, I would rather not touch this as it is too divisive, but we do not fit in with the ethos of the Moms and Dads at the playground from either political party. But you can ask me if you are curious.
- Our daughter does to a parochial school. No way would I send our daughter to an American public school. I will homeschool her if we run out of money.
- The list goes on.
What is really important to my wife
However, the above list is just surface behavior really. What it comes down to is this, my wife is very humble. She does not care about surface things like careers, girls night out, mani-pedi or taking cruises or impressing people. She cares about God. She cares about taking care of her family. That is it. God and family, not money. the end that is all that matters.
So when I show up at the park with my wife, who is skinny, with hair people judge. My latest theory is they are jealous that they are not thin, stylish and articulate.
People judge us, make assumptions and it is actually quite funny.
The truth verses reality
- What is perceived: They think we are uneducated. I have comments thinking we went only to high school.
- Reality: I am getting a Ph.D. and my wife has a Masters with several years of school post graduate.
- What is perceived: We can not get a job or do not want to because we can not afford to participate at the school bake sales and symbolism over substance rah-rah events, and we do not keep up with the Jones.
- Reality: At my peak, I was making close to 200k. I choose to be a college economics professor now as I am studying for my Ph.D. My wife is working on software at home as an entrepreneurial venture. We both compete in USCF chess tournaments.
- What is perceived: Online catalog wife.
- Reality: I was traveling, I met my wife in person, she did not want to go out with me, so I stayed in the country and won her heart. I have roots in Poland and Ukraine, my parent’s second language was English. I have an interest in the country and learned the language as an adult. I was not browsing online, found my wife and click. click, I ordered her. It would be no different than you dating someone from another state.
In a word, my wife is from abroad and I am thrilled.Mark Biernat
OK this is not anything against American women. Many are wonderful, it is just that since I came from a European culture growing up, traditional values, faith in God, it made sense to be married to someone that see the world the way I do.
Boarders are not national.
I recommend you do the same. Do not worry what others will say or think if you want to find a foreign wife. You can do it online, yes, I did not and recommend travel over online lady friends, but get your feet wet and try something different and out of the box. If you are single, think outside the box and outside the boarders that are only self imposed.
If you want to know how to find a foreign lady friend, comment or contact me or read articles on my site and follow me on YouTube.