The question of “Why am I not married?” echos in the thoughts of every single who is honest. It begs another questions, where and who is the girl or guy I am suppose to be with? I have the answer to both. If you want to get married, take this advice from a hopeless romantic who is married.
The prince is never going to come. Everyone knows that; and maybe sleeping beauty’s dead.Lestat the Vampire
People who want to find true love, get married and have a normal family life, in my mind, are ethically superior and happier than people who are perpetual players. This is based on my feeling that life has a purpose beyond people using people for their own ego gratification. There is one exception, if you are single and are dedicating your life to the poor suffering souls of this world, than that is a different story. However, generally, those who aspire to the ideal of marriage and want to find a wife or husband, I respect you and say that is a more worthy goal than pursuing a career and money or other ego gratifying gods of this world.
Fate has a strange sense of irony
The paradox is, if you are fishing for a wife, it does not work as well as if you are hoping for a dreamy romantic girl who lives in your imaginative world.
Like you, I wanted to be set free from the pain of loneliness and always encroaching darkness and despair.
What is a fairy-tale marriage made of?
The answer to this pain of aloneness combined with existential anxiety, is not to find a wife or husband. The answer is to seriously consider if you believe in the idea of romantic love. Romantic adolescence primitive urges couple with a belief in true love and suffering, and the Source of all love, are the stuff great marriages are made of.
Love is difficult. For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation. That is why young people, who are beginners in everything, are not yet capable of love: it is something they must learn. With their whole being, with all their forces, gathered around their solitary, anxious, upward-beating heart, they must learn to love. But learning-time is always a long, secluded time, and therefore loving, for a long time ahead and far on into life, is: solitude, a heightened and deepened kind of aloneness for the person who loves.Rilke – Letters to a Young Poet
You need to seek romantic love, rather than a wife. To seek romantic love is the greatest of all tasks.
To seek romantic love, you have to believe in romantic love. You have to take this task seriously. I personally believe all love comes from God. If you are a not believer, you can have a happy marriage, however, I do not have any personal experience with anyone who still has magic in their love without God after so many years. It is like you are cut off from the Source of all love, whether, you know it or not. Maybe I am wrong and admittedly I have limited experience in this world, so I could be wrong. I have been with my wife for many years and it is better than the day I met her. That is all I can say. I can say that with a good conscious.
What is the question?
Therefore, you have to seriously ask yourself, do you believe in romantic love? You know the adolescent type feeling of nativity and magic as well as the mature romantic love of Chopin Nocturnes or Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake. Do you believe not in marriage but the magic of love?
Seduction of the dopamine rush of the modern world that destroys love
Or is your brain burnt out with the dopamine rush of the modern world? Online ‘corn’ addiction or too many swipes on Tinder or meaningless chats on snapchat?
People swindle themselves our of their own lives.
I do not care, I am not my brothers keeper, I am just asking the question. Be honest with yourself. Do you believe in romantic love? I do not care what your answer is.Mark Biernat
If you do not believe, that is your choice. If you do, no matter how lonely you are, and impossible it seems and how used and recycled your feel, you will find your one and only true love.
What is the reward? Somehow, somewhere, when you least expect it your one true love will walk into your life, out of nowhere. It will be so shocking when you realize this and even surreal because you might be living that relationship now. You might not even know it at first, but at some point in time, you will be living it.
Contrary to cynics marriage is great
People who want to get married will live a happier richer life than their counterparts that do not want to pass their genes. Those who want to get married will have more ‘physical relations’, laugh more and feel more fulfilled than those whose seed will be wiped from the face of the earth. They will also statistically earn more – but that does not matter.
If what you are doing now does not work – do the opposite
Jerry Seinfeld: If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right. George Costanza: Yes, I will do the opposite.
If you are looking for a wife you might be reducing your chances. Maybe uninstalling dating apps from your phone are worth a try. Maybe trying something crazy like trying to meet in person and only in person for a while if worth a try. Instead of searching for a husband or wife, ask yourself do you believe specifically in something called “romantic love”.
Wife or Princess
What I mean is I know a lot of guys and girls that put marriage over love. Practical people. Love is not about practical, it is about being bold and beautiful and living like you are nothing else matters but finding not a wife but a princess.
Guys are looking for a wife. Women are looking for a husband. Nothing wrong with this. I wanted this also. I am there with you. However, at the core, my fantasies were not about a wife. It was not about a lifestyle. It was not about having a family. I was looking for this dreamy hypnotic girl who would love me like I loved her.
This is a huge difference to wanting to find a wife or husband. I wanted romantic love. It did not even matter if it ended in marriage or not. I did not care and was not consciously thinking like that, at least not fully. Women are not objects that fit into my conceptual life framework. They are not an aspect of my life.
I wanted to find a woman who was my life and felt the pain of the long sobs of the violins of autumn that wound my heart with a monotonous languor.
If you are single you want to get a person to fall in love with you and you want to fall in love. You need this hypnotic magic that makes the moon appear in the sky and the stars shine at night, rather than ‘shopping for a wife’.
No girl wants to be shopped.Mark Biernat
Conversely, no guy wants to be a girl’s solution for her singlehood. No guy wants to be the babymaker after she had her fun or tried to spin her psychological web and lock down so many other guys, right? How unhigh is that to be someone’s last chance hope. I would rather live a quite life of desperation.
You want to be special. You want this eternal partner to mean something besides a good choice. Again there is no blame here. Most of us want to get married. However, we are human not AI. We are not optimizing our chances at a particular time. We want love, which is something an AI computer can not feel. No dating app, or bridal website will get you to love, no matter how well they are designed. What will get you to love is one thing. The ideal that true love exists. The ideal that love is more important than money or looks or cultural divide.
What is the solution and how to find a wife?
I can only tell you based on my experience. I am happily married for many years. Many players and meet artist out there still scratching their heads and philosophizing, many online marriage sites trying to sell. Me – I am telling you like it is. You have to be a romantic. You have to be the meet artist who only wants one girl.
Evil is always possible. And goodness is eternally difficult.Interview with a Vampire
You have to be the romantic.
- Be honest with yourself. Do you believe in romantic love? If you do not I have got nothing for you.
- I fantasized about romantic love not a wife. I imaged her in my fantasies before I went to bed. Not as a technique like laws of attraction, but this was my fantasy. Listen to classical music or something besides pop music. Listen to sounds that deepen your feelings. Read books that are from the romantic genre of literature. Do what you have to, unplug and discover what romanticism is about.
- I prayed for love. Hands down this will work. However, it takes time, it is not like putting an Amazon order in. If you can not wait, I have nothing for you.
- Be a good “duck” – insert an ‘f ‘where I wrote ‘d’. I made myself attractive. Being OK looking and thinking you made money, so you are OK, is so unhigh. You have to look like a good ‘duck’. I would buy stylish (cheap) clothes and make sure I was in top shape with a good haircut, being 5 underweight is not bad, so you are ripped a little. I would learn to chat up girls in person. You have to be a heart throb. I do not mean a pretty boy, I never was one of those, but you have to learn to be charming. You have to learn to be a pick-up artist, but use it for the pursuit of romantic love, not ‘action’. Be irresistible. Look like a good “f” when someone of the opposite gender sees you, but in reality be a hopeless romantic. Be a good ‘duck’ but really someone who believes in eternal love.
- Weekly church goer – Me, personally, I would not consider someone who was not a weekly church goer, but that is me. Why would I bond with someone who believes all roads end at the grave, when in my heart I know the biggest lie of our society is that there is that one is like Herbert Marcuse wrote, you are a One-Dimensional Man
- You might say I am old school but I am not, I am new school. Old school is using dating apps. New school is the real world. Talk and meet girls in person. This is our relationship program from 1 million years of evolution. Do you think you are so smart you can override your hard-wiring with some little dating app? Be brave and courageous.
Let me know if you have questions. Contact me, subscribe, comment. I want you to find love.
3 thoughts on “Why am I not married?”
I find your advice very friendly to me. I am divorced, no children, it was arranged marriage. My name is HILLOL DAS, I am Bengali, from the city Kolkata, West Bengal, India, 37 years old. My date of birth 11th July 1980. Now, I have been suffering serious lonely life, I can not trust any people around me. I am very very sensitive, had no relationship, no girlfriend before my marriage, because I have been reserve and introvert and shy too. In my professional world I have been suffering lack of trust upon my co-workers too. Repeatedly my efforts and accomplishments are turned down! ignored! And, I do not tolerate people who are not honest. So, in this state of world I have been living now, and searching for my last hope. If I do not find that, I will live rest of my life alone. I have been experiencing that the girls around me do not know what they really want! almost all of them I find very greedy and attracted to very fast and gym going party going fashionable males with bikes, cars, and are from highly paid professional world. I like simple but fantasy minded girl, who will have friendly simplicity with me.
In terms of age, 37 is nothing. You can do it. Being shy and introverted can be to your advantage also. The question is are you making yourself attractive? How are you making yourself attractive? I know it is hard to believe but looks matter. Maybe not genetic looks as we all add up to 100% but the style. You can be an introvert but are you making yourself physically attractive?
You do not need need money or career for girls, you need style. Many rich career guys do not look attractive and women do not take them seriously. I have seen many corporate fliers and lawyer types married to unattractive bossy women.
So what you need to do is not worry about career. Rather, make yourself attractive, physically. Watch youtube on style or fashion, or getting in shape. Think of it this way, how many girls are you attracted too just based on their look? Make yourself attractive. Then you need to learn to chat women up in real life. You will have to face a lot of rejection but eventually it will work. You need to be able to talk to women. However, without knowing anything about you, I would say first make yourself more stylish.
Sounds to me your a good teacher at life.