A lot of guys tell me they can not go to one country or the other because they do not speak the language of that country. Incorrect logic.
When I meet my wife I had been in Poland for about a month and did not speak Polish, except what I learned in a little here and there, and she did not speak English except what she heard on songs and movies growing up. We could not speak the same language. I do not know how but we communicated. Something about attraction transcends languages. Snapchat, meaningful texting was out, spending time with her and learning to communicate was in play.
The good thing, ironically was she did not want to go out with me. It gave me time to learn a little Polish and her to learn a little English why I tried. At first we spoke Polish then I got lazy or her English took off and and then I got lazy. I tend to think for evolutionary reasons women can meet a language easier (because women were required to transcend culture for marriage purposes and raising the children).
Therefore, the last thing you have to worry about is language.
More important than language
Worry if she believes in God and is walking the walk. Worry if she has intellectual curiosity. Worry if she is super cordial and will stay cordial (determining if a girl will stay cordial is another story).
But language, not an issue. Language is a cipher. It is not something real, but a man made tool. And with all tools you can improvise.
Think of it like a recipe, if you do not have sugar, you can improvise. The other day I made homemade frozen yogurt and we were low in sugar, so, I used other sweeteners like honey and stevia (I need to grow this plant). You similarly can sweeten the pot with other things besides fluent communication in a language. What about just walking and holding hands. What about teaching each other words, that is one of the best non-scary ways to get to know someone.
Origin of language in a philosophical sense
Existentialist philosopher say the genesis of language is the primordial scream of man when he first discovered he was alone in this universe in the wild. He became aware and needed to start to communicate beyond survival. I believe language is overrated, and that is coming from someone who creates language learning programs. What is behind the language is what counts. It is the awareness of life that matters not how one expresses it.
Religion is like a language. We are all expressing our belief in the Ultimate reality and are longing to be whole in our own ways of expression. What matters in religion is the authenticity of the person behind the rituals. Similarly what matters behind the language, is the feelings and person.
Many people speak the language but do not understand and many people speak different languages and communicate perfectly. Stretching it a little is that not what Jesus was saying? He was communicating with not only the Jews but the Samaritans and people not in his culture.
They have eyes but they do not see, they have ears but do not hear – Mark 8:18
Hearing and having words is different from understanding.
What language does God speak? All and none. It does not matter. So the same applies to earthy love
What does it matters that language in dating is not a barrier mate selection?
It matters. If you are a man or women, you are basically saying there are no limits. And this is the way it should be. We are going for the love of your life, not someone who makes sense. Love never makes sense. Love is always upside down and all wrong to start. It is one of the rites of passages to be able to overcome this. If you are not willing to suffer for love, than you are not worthy to be called a lover. Where is your piss and vinegar? Where is your zeal for the surreal experience of this life?
If you love someone what does it matter the language they speak or the culture they come from. In fact it is beautiful to hear someone speak another language that you do not understand, it is like music.
What matters is you both are committed to each other, that you will be gentle not competitive. You will be patient. Love does not know ambition. Love is not about money, career or standard of living, but about love of each others as you are on your journey to the source of all love, God.
The math of dating a uni-linguistic person
More mathematically, lets say there are 375 million native English speakers. Lets say 1/4 of them are single females. That is 93.75 million women. I know my numbers are way off, but this estimate is to make a point. If there are 7.6 billion people in the world then 1/4 of that is 1.9 billion single women in total. That means if you do not worry about language you will get a 501% increase in the number of single girls to date if you ignore this one aspect. That is a lot. I personally think the best ones are outside the realm of native English speakers and there is less competition for one reason or anther. That means you personally could marry a 10. Yes you, if you jettison your hang ups.
Are you telling me you are that defeated by life that you can not find the girl for you out of a pool of 2 billion girls? Do you know how much a billion is? If every girls was on Tinder, and you observed theirphotofor a second, it would take
How many seconds in 2 Billion? 63 years, 138 days 5 minutes and 49.5686 seconds. And here is the kicker, there are new girls coming on the market everyday, so even that statistic is understated. Also you have to sleep and do other things. It would take more than a lifetime.
Zeno’s Paradox of the Tortoise and Achilles and dating
My point is if you accept my premise that language does not matter, in one second you increase your chances of meeting your other half. If you know calculus as the limit approaches a number, it becomes that number. This explains Zeno’s Paradox of the Tortoise and Achilles. The take away is the more you remove the mental restrictions from your brain, the math says with great certainty (and patience) you will 100% meet your mate. If you understand the paradox and I suggest you read up on it.
What would be your strategy in a languageless world?
Look for girls that you think are cordial, in cultures you think are cordial. For example, for me personally I had always like brunettes with a snow white look. Maybe I read too many fairy-tales, maybe because I come from a family of blonds. When I met my wife she had really dark hair, yet blue eyes and almost pale, like the Snow White look. I did not think I would meet her when I was traveling through Poland. I was not trying to meet a girl, rather, my family came from Poland and I had an interest in history. Eastern Europe has a lot of variation in looks because it is Slavic mixed with Jewish and Tartar, even me.
Go for what you like. If you like blonds, or redheads focus your travels on countries that a high percentage of this look. If you like the curves of Latin America, go for that. If you like South America but like blonds go for Argentina. There is something for everyone, as long as you do not restrict yourself by the language you speak.
9 thoughts on “Dating a girl who does not speak English”
I don’t have any problem with the language, I can learn and communicate the biggest problem is to bring the woman to the US, this is the real problem, get a visa or a fiance visa that takes one year to get it, language and culture we can adapt and survive.
Honestly the visa is not an issue. The visa is only paperwork. My recommendation is this. Focus on the girl, and I personally would live aboard even if it rent my house or sell it and quit my job. Your life happiness will increase. I lived aboard about ten years. It was fun. I came back benefited economically because you know how the world changes. If you can not live aboard and be with her, the alternative is to be patient. I personally would miss my wife too much. I just have to be with her. I took a low paying college professor job so I can be with her, instead of consulting.
Hi, I understand, but I already did what you do, I lived before in Chile and was not a good idea, no money no honey, you know that, now I met a sweet girl in Ukraine and I want her here with me, but the visa is really hard to get it, I can’t move with her I don’t know the language and I am not rich, this means here I have a good job and a home, now what?
I really appreciated chatting with you, Rudy.
If you love her and want to marry her, then once you are married she can come to the US on an I-130 visa. She can come even as a fiancée if you are a little unsure. However, you have to be married eventually. Once she is does the I-130 petition then she will get a visa. There should be no reason she is denied as long as they determine that your relationship is real, which it is. You can go here:https://www.uscis.gov/i-130 . The visa is not hard to get. You have to apply and put all your paperwork together and a case to make them know it is a real relationship. If you are in love, really in love I would not rule out living there and teaching English for a year or two. What do you do for work that you can not come back to? Once this is obtained it is only time and paperwork before your life becomes more settled. I did this and everyone has to do this. The language she can meet English easier than you Ukrainian because of the complexity of the language. However, learning a few words will not hurt. You can learn it with mnemonics. Mnemonics with no grammar is the easiest way to learn one hundred words.
WOW, thanks, you really open my mind and focus, I really appreciated and I’ll let you know all about my life with her step by step, thank you very much and please keep in touch, Rudy Mueller.
You are very welcome. I went through the process and at the time it was stressful, but in retrospect I do not even remember it, or my memory just sees it as, OK I did some paperwork. I did feel it was an accomplishment. We moved here, we got a visa a year latter a car, a couple years latter a house and so with patience and persistence everything comes.
Amazing, I really appreciate your help, but another question, how long do you think will take to go to all process? and what do I need to get her here in the US she is in Ukraine and she have a little daughter, thanks, Rudy.
By the way Merry Christmas from a Jew boy to you and your family.
The good news is it all can be done. It might take six months to a year but it can be done. The question is how do you want to approach it. I recommend getting an informational interview with the department of Immigration (Homeland Security) in your local area. They will tell you exactly the steps based on their experience. Because she has a daughter this complicates it but not entirely, the idea is still the same. You will be a family and it will just means paperwork. Because it is more complicated, I have not got through that experience, so I would take an afternoon and go to the local department of immigration, they are very nice. For example, I live in Saint Augustine and we have an office in Jacksonville.
Merry Christmas, thanks for the information, I will check it out and see how can I do it, anyway, you live in my favorite city, I live in Fort Lauderdale the homeland security is close to me.
Well will be way more complicated then just that because she is young too 27 and makes all way more difficult, we will see.
Thanks for all your help and have a great time in Saint Augustine, Happy New Year, Rudy.