I was lonely much of my life and I asked God why. I never got a clear answer until I was married.
Besides the real answer: “I had not meet my wife yet”, there was a more tangible explanation to, why it took so darn long?
Listen up, you may think I have an attitude in my writing but I am doing this to help you find love, not for political correctness. Who am I? I am your best friend in the world. I was lonely and now I am not. In this post I give you my personal story, but also a formula to transform you from your hermitage to love. Trust me. The reason you are companionless is you have bad style or you have extreme ideas. You do not even know you have extreme ideas and again, and again yes your style is wrong.
- My message is: do not believe nonsense in women’s magazine and books written by PhD clinical psychologists that tell you to get a pet or volunteer at a charity. Yes those are good things, but this will not get you a cordial mate. The reason you are alone is, you have bad style or you are mentally rigid or no feeling of regret. Got it?
3 reasons why are good people alone?
- Confusing being bad with bad style. – If you are reading this, 100% your style is just wrong. I mean look down at your clothes right now. Can you honestly tell me you look wow, like someone wants to rip your clothes off you in a disco? This is the most important point. I could write a book on style and looks. Perceived physical beauty is so important in mating, honed by one-million years of evolution. Feel abandoned, the good new is you only need to look as far as your closet for the reason.
- Not mentally flexible. Men are rigid in their ideas in terms of how girls should behave, and girls are rigid about their instance on materialistic libertine ethics. For example, guys expect girls to be some cross between a Barbie doll and a Saint. Girls expect guys to accept their floosy like past behavior and no regret; yet, want you to be their settle down with homemaker guy.
- No other reasons.
The purpose of this post is to explain and illustrate what I mean and give you practical steps to change, based on my personal experience with dating.
Being bad is not the way to go – the ideal way to be to get married
If you are a guy – The way for a guy to get girls is to go is retain your chivalrous ideals of jostling windmills, but dress like you are some gigolo DJ from Ibiza. You want to be a good boy, but when girls look at you the first thing they think is ‘red bed’ and velvet sheets. So lets go and read on, and I will tell you my Divine comedy of errors though the dating process and how I got the girl.
If you are a girl – Well, if you are a girl you want to be skinny, wear tight jeans, a t-shirt and bridal hair jewelry in your long flowing locks. It is that simple. You do not need a Swarovski crystal hair chain, but trust me, 99% of the girls walking down the street have no chic. Next live a moral life of penance, submission, loyalty and patience or like some alternative earth yoga girl who is peace giving to her man. No guy could resist you.
The normal dating experience vs my painfully solitude
I saw other people enjoying their lives, doing normal things like going to the mall wearing matching t-shirts and holding hands, OK maybe that is not normal, but you know what I mean. They were dating. They were in the game. In contrast, I was not, or at least not in the traditional sense.
I thought I was playing, but in relativity, I was just paying for girls dinners.
You have a social security number. You pay your taxes. And you, help your landlady carry out her garbage. – Matrix
My life was like a well tuned instrument of good habits. I went to church, worked hard and developed my mind and body, going to yoga, working out, traveling and even juicing greens. Yet I was alone. I had friends and family who loved me, a good life. However, at the end of the day, I was single and there was nothing that was going to change that. I did not consider myself a loser, I was making over $100,000 dollars a year, living in Boston’s Beacon Hill, the land of the Brahmins and in phenomenal shape, I was just alone.
Having a relationship with the soft glow of my computer
My computer was the closest thing I had to a girlfriend. I spent hours a day with the glow of my computer. I worked on my computer, played chess on my baby doll, watched movies, even did match.com or at least browse online dating site profiles and maybe even a few risque websites. Basically single people have relationships with my computer. When I turned off my laptop it was like saying good night to a girlfriend. I would roll over and sleep.
I guess times have changed and people now have a relationship with their mobile device now, checking their tablets and cell phones incessantly. But it is the same idea. It is a distraction from the pain of being alone. That is sad.
Pain of life is too hard without love
I longed to be released from it. I wanted to lose it all, my wealth, my estate, my sanity. Most of all, I longed for death. I know that now. I invited it. A release from the pain of living. My invitation was open to anyone. To the at my side. To the pimp that followed. But it was a vampire that accepted it. – Louis
Haven’t we all felt this way? Our soul was very much alive and craved experience, and feeling but we are prisoners in our mortal coils and the Universe is not giving us the one thing that can fulfill us, true love.
As you know, being lonely was more painful than any physical pain I could have imagined. However, now in retrospect I barely remember its intensity. It was like out of some distant dream.
Breakthrough of what I was doing wrong
Do not be too good that you are good for nothing – My Dad
How honest do you want me to be here?
I was a nice guy to shoot the breeze with but I was a loser. I did not risk enough. I was a perfect gentlemen. Girls universally said I was nice and even good looking, but they would be laying on their backs for some dirt bag lowlife loser and latter wonder why their lives were so messed up.
Here is the answer
They had forgotten the first lesson, that we are to be powerful, beautiful, and without regret. – Armand – Interview with a Vampire
You need to be good like a monk, but project a style that girls are a little bit afraid of you because you look like some DJ player inamorato.
What action I took
I realized there was a difference between being good and good looking and friendshiping it up. Even the word ‘good’ has a Platonic feel and little to do with attracting romantic love, which is connected to reproduction. And deeply imbedded in us we want to reproduction or at least practice with a chix.
- You get a lot of khaki pants wearing guys sporting cookie cutter hair cuts wondering why they do not have love.
My message is get freaky hair the kind that sticks up, straight up. When you are walking down the street women are looking at you like, ‘freak’, but then they are thinking about you.
Do the whole Zen thing and change your life view. Your hair you can slick it down or better yet quite your job. I mean don’t you like some girl who looks a little like a freak in contrast to a cookie cutter female who proclaims: ‘I have to lose 10 lbs’ girl with overly permed hair and stripmall factory outlet clothes.
What I learned about looks from the TV show Survivor
Don’t the people look much better on Survivor living rustic, unshaven and skinny in the wild, then on the last episode they are dressed in normal clothes with tons of make up including Jeff Probst?
Attitude determines altitude with dating
You have to change your look and attitude. I am not telling you to be some low life amoral scum. These guys get women, but do you want the women they get? If you are going to play the game, play to win. Take the high ground and play it better than any tattooed up hipster player.
Attractive is better than being good looking and the ideas are interdependent but not necessarily inter related.
My story on changing my look – Wear a costume from the past if you have to but do not be cookie cutter
So one dark winter Friday after work, sometime around the solstice when all hope is lost a light went off in my brain. I got in my car and drove from Boston to Montreal, Canada. My lifelong friend George, came up for the ride. He stayed inside reading a western novel and I went shopping like a teenage girl who just sneaked money out of her daddy’s petty cash box. I bought trendy freaky clothes, and for little money.
You do not have to dress like a goth, just radically different from the average guy, a cavalier. I wear a vest for example, you can go the elegant road, but wear clothes that are not the cookie cutter cargo shorts, t-shirt and khakis. Be elegant or skin-tight paths. Wear a costume from 19th century London with the black top hat and all, it does not matter. Just stand out. Yes be a freak in the way that is connected to your lothario archetype.
I got a cool haircut at a French stylish salon, on St–Laurent boulevard in the French quarter. Basically I made myself attractive and stand out. I believe everyone can be an eight if they want to, everyone. So can you.
The next step is I pulled out all stops with girls and dropped American girls like a bad habit
Match.com gets old and the girls next door get recycled too many times. I was a totally out there. I did not even waste my time on American girls as they were too easy, boring or flake out queens. They would always leave you feeling empty not matter how many you (fill in the blank).
So you think your a Super lover but what about the other 23 hours and 55 minutes of the day?
See even if you are some kind of super hero lover you can spend what maybe 7 to 14 hours a week doing the bad thing. The rest of the time you are going to have to put up with their typical materialistic head-games and power struggles. So I thought out of the box and traveled the world not seeking action but romance. It is a different idea.
I skipped North America and all the neurotic girls in therapy and counseling and went to more normal places like in South America or Europe. After having a woman in every port and when the taste of a life of excess became tasteless. I realized I was bad.
I’ve come to answer your prayers. Life has no meaning anymore, does it? The wine has no taste, food sickens you and there seems no reason for any of it. – Lestat the Vampire
Learn from Mr. Spock about making the wrong choices
To use a metaphor to illustrate. Do you remember Spock in the Episode #60 called Operation – Annihilate, of the Original Star trek? He had the right idea that light would destroy the alien creatures and he went blind trying. But latter they realized he did not have to through the full spectrum of light at them. Analogously, you do not have to be totally bad and lose part of your soul and ideals to achieve your objective. Instead you can just be bad in style and attitude. That is more effective them being bad.
If you are of either gender, or trying to attract either gender for a serious relationship, you want to look on the edge, but be ultimately good. You can not let your new-found prowlness to be used for having physical relations or it will dissipate your juice.
My problem with having good style but bad actions
The problem with being bad was I could not turn it off. It was like a door I opened without being able to close it. It just kept blowing open.
I now had the power by going to the dark side yet, I had no reason to look for salvation. I felt I could have any woman and the ones I could not were not even a speck on my radar.
When I had this much power amassed, I was further than ever from meeting my wife as the universe was karmically preventing this from happening.
What happened next. I tried to change my way with a sincere heart but kept my cool style, attitude and appetite for European girls.
My point if you can look bad but be good. I wish I learned this earlier as I regret everything I ever did to hurt any girlfriend. I wish I had a time machine and could just keep the style without the bad action, and this is what I recommend you do because many of my friends ended up knocking up the wrong girl.
I may have rescued her in the most romantic idealistic vision, but she did something greater, she saved me from myself – Mark Biernat (admin).
It was like out of the Divine comedy. I had to go thought a purgatory.
The most important point – good men push girls away because they are mentally rigid
Girls can perceive it when guys are judgmental or rule driven and rigid. It is a big turn off this rigidity. Yes girls want to be submissive to their man, but they do not want to be controlled by some external moral judgment or guilt.
This means you are pushing girls away because you think too highly of yourself. Like the Bible says, ‘let the person who has not sin cast the first stone.’
This is not idealism is is pride.
Go for a super cordial chix that has ideals, not a saint who has lived in a convent. I mean you can try but your self-righteousness will lead you to lonesomeness, and your seed will be forever wiped from this earth because you did not give yourself the chance to be fruitful and multiply. Go and save some Cinderella and stop pleasuring yourself in front of your computer.
- How do you not know that some girl working the hotel lobbies of Dubai or Moscow is not on some parallel plane a princess waiting for her prince. Watch the TV show Once upon a Time. Similarly, there are many good apples that once married go down the Revolutionary Road.
- My message is look at what is a girl’s heart not her current right now situation.
Being alone is not what God wants of you. Your singlehood is more immoral than anything you could do with some ‘working girl’. That is the true. God gives you a life and wants you to connect with others, fall in love and have a family. Better to marry a ‘working girl’ who has ideals than be alone with your drinking buddies or a serial relationship player or some weird philosopher hermit eating garlic and other herbal cures to try to extend your life.
Girls it is better you emulate a 1960s housewife in a polka dot dress in a crown braid, who meets her husband at the door with a kiss than be a professional woman alone or on her path to single motherhood.
That is the way I see it. Being married and staying married is a state of bliss.