Should I get married

The answer to the question “should I get married?” is the most important answer of your life. There is an answer to this question.  The answer is actually very simple.

‘The future enters into us, in order to transform us, long before it happens.’

If you or your partners are thinking you will ‘give it a try’, I would say no.  Do not get married.

If you and your partner say, we will stay together not matter what.  No conditions, no escape hatch, no 1% chance, no cheating, no ‘well she cheated on me’, no ‘he is mentally ill’ or ‘verbally abusive’,’ needs to change’ etc.  No girls night out, guys night out, but really 100% together day and night no conditions and no limits then get married. Love is unconditional and complete in itself.  Marriage is not out of date.

Society can go to h_ll and everyone can be making reasons like he cheated or she was verbally abusive, but you know what, marriage is about staying together no matter what.

Otherwise, just be boyfriend and girlfriend and do not lie to each other at the alter and in front of people. It is all fake.

Otherwise, just be a player.  Accept your corpulente as an aging old maid or a corporate dragon lady. If your a guy be a player going to the disco chasing girls who could be your daughter.

Children and marriage

Every person I know from a single parent home is messed up (studies will back me up on this).  The parents make rationalization like it would be worst if we stayed together.  These are very selfish people.  Very self centered egotistical people.  Children need stable homes and two parent. If you think you should get married to fill the empty void in your life because you can hear your biological clock ticking loud as big ben or you have been chasing the corporate cheese,  you lose.

Others around you who live humble poor lives are happy and married.

Should I get married – will I ever get married?

The other side of the question “should I get married” is “will I ever get married”? If you are true to your ideals you will find your ideal lady friend or groom.

I have been married for a while now and with my wife longer.  Since I mostly work at home with her, we are together 24 hours a day.  I further know other couples like this, small business owners, Mom and Pop shop owners and they are together 25 and 50 years now and together 24 hours a day and happy.  Its not a big deal.  If you love someone you want to spend your life with them.

I am 100% man.  However, I have no desire to have a drink with my buddies, or do anything but spend it with my wife.

I go shopping with my wife and she cooks dinner for me and cleans the house etc.  Its very easy.  I always say I am sorry 100% and am sincere and so does she.  No stress at all.

You can have your ideal but the person has to be the right person.

Should I get married? Warning signs

  • If you or your partner’s career is important – do not get married.  You spouse has to be number 1.  I would work at McDonalds if I had to.
  • If you hang out with your friends and will miss them during marriage – do not get married.  Just have a girl friend.
  • If your partner criticized you or talks about you negatively to others, no question do not get married.  You should be her hero.
  • If money is an issue, such as prenuptial agreement – or want to keep things with money separate do not get married.
  • She does not have wisdom.  What is widsom?  Humility, forgiveness, understanding, loyalty, God in her life, not some new age Americanized spirtuality but really has the love of God in her heart.  This is wisdom.  Does she have wisdom?  If not you know the answer to the question to “should I get married?”.
  • She is not cordial.  If you are not attracted to her on a primitive level find someone else.   Sure looks fade but there is a lot to be said for finding someone for you.

False warning signs – Should I get married

  • She runs away from you or hates you during the dating phases.  This is actually very normal.  Girls test guys subconsciously.  Usually the cordialter the girl is the more they test.  What they are looking for is a prince to rescue them from their fears.

“Our greatest fears are like dragons guarding our hearts deepest treasures, waiting for us to be bold and beautiful’

  • She is emotional and a mess.  No problem, most women are pretty emotional, the question is are you captain of the ship and sail the ship through ever storm and bring it to the warm pacific islands.

Should I marry and American women?

If you have to, I guess you can. However, women from Asia, Europe (Eastern Europe), Africa, the Middle East, South America are a zillion times nicer, more beautiful, cultured, less materialistic, cordialter and most important wiser than American women.  Sure, American women are easier, but we are talking about love and marrage and the American girls is basically a very poor choice for marriage as her head si pumped with so much modern liberal ideas that even if she says one thing, there is a better than 50% chance you will be wrong.

If you marry a foreign girl in America the chance is less than 15% you will get divorce compared to 60% with an American girl. Do not be a fool.  American girls have enjoined the top of the food chain status and do not deserve it because they lack the courage to stay in their marriage without making excuses.

Men too cheat and hang out with the guys yes I know, but in the States, it is rare I find loyal, stay at home, happy to cook and please their husband women.

It is sick, that marriage has come down to a partnership of balancing career.

Marriage and career the balance

No balance between marriage and career.  Love is all or nothing.

I live in Poland.  Not long ago there was only vinegar on the shelves and nothing else.  No food, no paper, no coal,  to warm people’s home, people lived in 300 square feet flats with 3 families. People stayed married.  I went to the village where my grandparents are from in Ukraine they have no water, 80 year old women have to carry it from a well.  People there are married and happy. American are so spoiled. Any American that talks about career should not get married.

What if you husband is an unemployed bum?  So what?  I never married my wife because of her earnings to bring money in.  Love is not about that.  I just do not see people get divorced in Poland.  They stay together and make it work.  No running to a shrink when times get rough.

Girls do not have war parties cutting down their men. People do not take happiness pills.  People here humbly work out their lives.

Should I get married?

If you believe like I do, that love and marriage is forever and no exception, and that you humbly and with patience grow together, run to the alter and  get married. It will be best choice of your life.  Marriage is pure happiness and fun.  It actually is like the movie “family man” but better.

If you are not this idealistic or more then the answer to the question should I get married is no.

I would be very interested in hearing from your experiences with marriage or love and this question, should I get married.

Author: Mark Biernat

I live in with family between two worlds, US and Europe where I create tools for language learning. If you found my site you probability share my passion to be a life long learner. Please explore my site and comment.

9 thoughts on “Should I get married”

  1. My husband and I have been together for 9 years in a few months. We live a rather cloistered out of necessity for the cultivation of joy and togetherness in our married life. I am an American born woman and my husband is originally from asia but has lived here for his adult life.

    It was love the very first day we met and we have been together ever since. I knew what I wanted and so did he but achieving it took a lot of work and sacrifice to say the least.

    It has not been easy being pressured, bullied and criticized by peers for being a stay-at-home wife. I love the happiness of our peaceful family life too much to listen to others giving their two cents. I prefer to work for my husband whose noble ideals I hold dear rather than be under another man’s mind in the outside competitive workforce. What has been the root of our relationship is the spiritual path. No one in the world do I feel closer to spiritually than my husband for we share the same cherished ideals and nurture our values together each and every day.

    Before I met my husband I knew I would not meet him in local areas thus I took to traveling around the country and found my prince. I thought I would have to leave the U.S. to find him but I got lucky. The poor fellow had been living in this country for years, having dated the ‘cream of the crop’ and ended up disappointed.

    He was surprised when he met me, saying I was the first sweet girl he had dated since coming to this country so many years ago. That was what he fell in love with, sweetness. I was not his type outwardly but inwardly I was what he was looking for. Now, these years later I am his type. Though I am older(not old, I am still young) I am better looking to him than nearly 10 years ago. As he put it, this is because we have grown together. After meeting me my husband said he felt balanced and I felt the same. I am so thankful I did not fall into the trap nearly every woman I know has…of feeling like she had to be a masculine woman. I did have a couple good role models growing up who were intelligent, industrious and lovingly gentle stay-at-home wives who adored their husbands. These women I looked up to are still the same: Still married. Still happy 30-40 years later.

    I always knew I needed a man I could feel proud to follow and who would enjoy my serving him. Of course, he serves me too. We both love and give to each other. I am not a materialistic and gladly so. He can lead and be the man and I will be the woman.

    My husband’s family says they are happy he picked me. They were worried because U.S. women do not have a good reputation. They have said I am a nice girl and I am glad they are pleased.

    A couple basic rules of thumb from my experience are: the spiritual path is our glue. It is what binds us and builds our marriage into a beautiful experience. Have compassion for one another because we are not perfect and need loving understanding to grow. Support one another in the quest for attaining spiritual ideals/goals.
    And…Do not let outside folks boss or criticize your spouse or marriage. If this happens gradually distance yourself from the outside influence so you two can grow together. Make your spouse #1.

    I liked this post because marriage is under-rated in western countries(and increasingly elsewhere) these days when the nurturing of it is essential to personal fulfillment and society as a whole.

    1. Fantastic comment. I believe in true love and marriage. I have it myself and I believe that love is based on a spiritual connection. I love what you write about work also, this is what I believe. I do not know how you became like you did, but your a great women and sincerely wish you the best.

  2. The 2 of you sound like extremely dependent, clingy, and insecure types. Not everyone needs to be up their partners arse 24 hours a day. Admin, I’m a foreign man who has spent the last few years of my life living in the USA. My guess is that you’re a conservative guy who has nothing really going for him besides the fact that he is an American living in eastern Europe and has more purchasing power than most of the men around him.

    Just because your wh0re of a wife has filled your head up with sweetness and stuffing does not mean the rest of us are obliged to believe your fantasies. You clearly know nothing about women. Your idea of love and romance and marriage, and what women really want is the stuff of little children’s masturbatory fantasies. I wish I could be there with a camera to grab a quick snapscordial of your face the day you walk into your house to catch your girlfriend working over a couple of construction workers.

    No one beats the system, buddy. You’re entitled to believe what you will…hell you were born entitled, a white man in America, and you’ve had to move to a place where you can retain your sense of entitlement without having anything.

    One more thing: I’ve known a lot of polish people and they’ve all universally agreed that polish women and eastern european women have terrible, y personalities. I haven’t personally found that to be true but I’m a dark and handsome man, so I don’t have those kinds of issues. My point is, most men of little significance think such things about the women in their home countries.

    If you don’t believe me get a DNA test to figure out who really is the father of your second kid. And try listening to women for a change…sounds like you have a lot of learning to do!

  3. I think you wrote a great article and it is true for the most part, but your bashing of American women as a whole is completely absurd. I often give speeches to youth and young adults and ask the question, “How many of you have parents who are divorced?” When I ask this question in the midwest or in the south, there will only be 5-6 out of 100 people who raise their hands. When I ask this question on the west coast, nearly everyone raises their hand. It is immature and irresponsible to stereotype all American women based on a few bad experiences you may have had.

    1. In the south (I got my undergraduate degree at Wake Forest) you do have a different culture. In parts of the USA you might have different cultural experience than the North East or the West coast.
      There is no way you can generalize about a people or a country. You are 100% right and I do not mean to come off this way. In the USA there are great women, many countless.
      However, if you look at the culture as a whole and what is promoted in Hollywood culture and on TV, and statistically the chances of a women in America staying married, then it tells another story.
      If you marry an American women there is a greater than 50% chance (I think more like 60%) you will get divorced (Do not confuse this with the divorce rate per 1000 people). If you marry a foreign woman about 15%. You can check those stats yourself. But they are just statistics and do not talk about individuals.
      If you find love no matter where it is then what does it matter where the person is from.

    2. Phillip, I would ask how much do you travel to Eastern Europe and South America for example? To be fair to compare social interactions you have to be exposed to many places not just three or four countries.

  4. I have been married twice. 1st time I knew it was for the wrong reasons. 2nd I thought he was my soul mate and somewhere it went sour got way out of control from cheating, not once, not twice lets just say too often and hidding debts.

    Now I have found my prince charming, we both live for each other and my kids. We truly enjoy each others company. He has also been married before.

    If it wasn’t for us being married before we would already be at the alter. We have been together over 2 yrs. I still believe in true love, until death, sickness and in health and I am in it no matter what, no exception as you would say. I wonder should we just leave it as is, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Yet I have this strong desire to marry him, we are each others other half I don’t want a big wedding. Just him and my kids. It’s not to prove it to everyone else, I just want to be his wife and him my husband. I said I would never trust again, yet I trust him with my life.

    I have mix emotions on this one

    1. I do not have enough information and I do not know what he is thinking. Does he think and feel the same as you and have the ideals you have? Does he basically have high ideals?
      I am married and I would not cheat or leave my wife not matter what. Not only because I love her (that is the real reason), but because I feel it is wrong. I would rather be unhappy for the rest of my days than betray my marriage vows to her. So the question is twofold, does he love you? Does he have high ideals and the courage of his convictions?

      I think that everyone makes mistakes in life and that you had some bad experiences have little to do with your current situation. I know people will disagree, but sometime life corpulentes you with some challenges you did not expect or could not see.

      Sometimes you can make all the wrong choices and life turns out OK and sometimes you make all the right choices with the given information you have and life does not turn out OK. So to learn from past experiences is a good thing but I try not to learn that much as often time our experiences happen to US, and it is not our goal in life to learn from them as much as work our way out of them.

      See we are all set up with something in our lives. And people say, Oh nobody has seen the trouble I have seen. But we all have our troubles that often were put on us by life, not even our choices, although they sure seem like our choices. But rather, rather, the real thing in life is to work your way out of the problems life has given you. This is your role as a spiritual person.

      In other words, it does not matter what happened in the past to you. All that matters is how you live your life today and where you are going. Many of my friends say I wish I could go back and do things all over again. It does not matter. What you do today counts and what you do with the rest of your life.

      Therefore, if you love him and he loves you and he feels the same about high ideals and he would never leave you even if he was unhappy for the rest of his days, why not. I think I would. But that is just me. But I do not have wisdom.

  5. White men started going to Asia, South America and Eastern Europe because the writing was on the wall as far back as the mid 80’s. The jig is up for American women but they haven’t gotten that memo yet. Sure there are nice women in more conservative parts of America, but honestly do you REALLY think these are good hunting grounds? Given the obesity problems in America and the rampant amount of Single Parenting going on that happens mostly in the Red Mid-West and Southern states, I’d say HELL NO!

    When the average or slightly below average looking women have entitlement problems, you know you have hit rock bottom and that’s why for the first time in US history there are more couples than married people. Yes its for all the wrong reasons, just read Laurie Gottlieb’s book about landing your children in funny farm with career first antics.

    Justifying obesity in America has be the most disturbing social trend since it defies all common sense, scientific and medical data. All these overweight women finding quacks to say they are perfectly healthy to have children, nonsense!

    Women over 40 go looking for quacks as well to tell them its okay to have children for the first time since it took them so long to find Mr Right = Bull Granted medical science makes it possible to have children beyond age 35, but how you going to consider child birth so late in life? That makes no sense but we allow them to get away with it. They don’t even need you anymore, they can get IVF and a few from a Sperm Bank. This should be unacceptable behavior but again its not and IVF is wildly popular in the UK where the general excuse for the women is they couldn’t find anybody suitable, again = Bull

    What scholars have said is that the requirements have changed for women but they largely haven’t for men. Women in Western cultures are looking for a partner, companion, not a provider or hero. They are looking for somebody to compliment them, like a pair of shoes or bag to go with their work outfit.

    If you defy this you’re considered a throw-back, knuckle-dragger.

    I find this less of a problem in Western Europe but far from perfect. I am 42, want to get married and have not made any issue of my money. The Financial Crisis is bound to take a few more victims and there will be another banking crisis, the question is win but its before 2015 for sure.

    I can earn money whenever, however I want, this should not be her #1, #2 or #3 concern. I am far from untalented or lack resourcefulness.

    But because of my age (42) and the desire to have children, I have forced to look outside of Western culture. I don’t believe the agency myth I base this on personal experience, I can safely say I can find a woman in her mid to late 20’s in Eastern Europe that wants to be my wife and the mother of my children, full stop, number #1 priority. Friends have been lucking enough to find such women with an average age gap of a decade. I’ve also been to Eastern Europe already and I know being African-American is largely a non-issue as well.

    Like your site, this is my 3rd comment post, I’m enjoying what I am reading though I find the religious overtones to be a bit nagging, but that’s your faith that’s perfectly okay.

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