If you are dating someone who is not a person of faith, and you are, this is a big problem. Not for them mind you, but for you. The purpose of this post is to give you some ideas about what to do with this relationship dilemma.
What your boyfriend or girlfriend thinks about the issue of faith in your dating relationship
I will be blunt. They do not care. What? It is true. It is not an issue for them, only you. Further they do not understand why it is important to you and why you even need to bring it up. It is only a relationship problem only for the person that has faith.
They might have some abstract intellectual understanding of the issue and respect you. But let’s be honest here, they really can not understand how important it is. Not because they do not love you, their love is real, but their awareness is limited. It is like trying to show a dog a rainbow (dogs are colorblind). It does just does not register in their brain.
Why is it important in your relationship? Faith is a radical reorientation of your life. It is fundamental trust in the life process. If you have it, you can say to the mountain ‘move’, and it will move. If you do not, you do not understand what the fuss is and you think those who believe are naive. Therefore, it creates a measureless chasm between two partners in a relationship and only one of the partners is painfully aware of this. It is a difficult gap to be bridged.
It is what life is about. To take care of your soul and find your soul mate. What good is it if a person gains the world and loses their soul in the process. It does not matter is your are smart or rich or poor and uneducated. We are here on this earth to help each other find meaning in life.
Husband and wives that do not share a faith centered relationship are statistically more likely:
- to divorce
- have financial problems and be more materialistic
- take on girlfriends outside the context of marriage
- suffer depression
- show less marital happiness
I believe in science and the above are the facts.
I am think there are many ethical none believers. However, statistics tell another story. This is why read my lips, try to be at open to the possibility of a spiritual partnership when searching for true love. If you do not have this now, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Solutions for dating a cynic
If someone can not see there is complex stratification of reality, I would drop them like a bad habit. That is just me, unless you are married of course.
If you are married, understand this, everyone has the light of God in them even if they do not see in themselves. Below I have some recommended reading they might consider. But you do not have to push the issue, but rather gently guide them.
If you are just dating, I personally would cut my loses. I would personally leave. Two people of different natures if they stay together will often become very good friends, but birds of a feature flock together. There is no substitute for two solitudes in life that come together with this same vision. If you both have trust in the universe you can share your spiritual journey together, in good times and in bad.
If you do not share this commonality I would recommend getting a new partner to date. I know this sounds radical but if it does not affect you now it will in the future. Romantic love brings people together that never were meant to be together. Every day together is like stitching together patterns which do not match, and it will be subsequently harder to tear apart.
Try online dating and screen for belief, or go to countries like Italy, Romania, Poland, Greece, Western Ukraine, India, Turkey any Middle Eastern or Latin American county as well as Africa. Basically the whole world except Western Europe and pockets of the USA. Further, I personally would not have a problem with Muslim dating or Jewish dating, if I was single, as these are only differences in expression of the same ultimate reality. Peace and love to all.
I think it is easier dating someone who does not speak your language than someone who speaks your language and is from the same culture but has a different world view. This is based on my personal experience. So do not be afraid to travel the world to look for your soul mate.
How to help your partner
‘They have eyes but do not see’
If you believe but your life partner does not, it will be a hard road for you eventually. It will weaken your faith. What you can do is this. Help the person from a logical standpoint or help them from an experience standpoint.
- Logical arguments are very difficult to convey to people and are better handled through books. I can recommend a few books that if non believers are open they might try to understand how their dating partner sees the world.
- The second level is experiencing God. The solution here is you can suffer for a half hour a day or everyday for the rest of your life. This means if you have to develop a spiritual practice to experience more in life. Ask the one up there to help you and you will get help. Just ask with an open heart. Alternatively, you can get them into yoga as it will start to open their heart.
My personal recommendations for you relationship if your marriage or life partner is a skeptic
- Does God Exist – An answer for today by Hans Kung – Are you a skeptic or need a little help? I challenge you to this gauntlet from a clear thinker. A more more personal and lighter version of this is: What I believe by the same author. Also the Beginning of all things for the more scientific oriented .
- The Night is large by Martin Gardner, This man has spent his life disproving supernatural phenomena, a corrosive skeptic, yet surprisingly with faith as a mysterion.
- How to think about God – Mortimer J. Adler expresses complex ideas in a simple way with classics as the base. Not as radical as Kung but good reading for platonic ideas.
- Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. This is more for fun, not directly related to faith but more spiritual, it also has practical applications for love, relationship and finding love (more for girls).
- Heal your body by Louise Hay. Classic book on seeing the world in a different way. More a personal story and of course love is the center (more for girls).
- Brother Cadfael stories by Ellis Peters. Wisdom from a Monk and sleuth. Anything by Ellis Peter the TV series or the book. These are fun murder mysteries nothing heavy but worth reading as they are about a monk and based on a historical abbey.
- Relaxation revolution By Herbert Benson. If you need to relax – by a Harvard doctor shows you how, but with a subtle message of watch out what might happen.
If you want true love find someone who see the world the way you do, it makes all the difference in the world. Do not settle for anything less, than your soul mate.