I recommend Christian dating for those who are serious about finding a girlfriend and wife. Christian dating is better than any other type of dating you will find on the web for those who are US and UK-based. This is backed up by data.
I can include in the my recommendation Catholic and Orthodox dating. The percentage of lasting relationships from religious based dating are statistically higher than a whatever, cast your net out there and hope for the best dating site. If I was not married and did not want to entertain foreign girls, I think dating Christians is the way to increase your probability marital happiness. In fact, it is no probability at all if you find someone who understands the sanctity of marriage.
- This is very important guys (and girls), use your powers of observation like Sherlock Holmes to see what others do not, see if they are sincere. If you have doubts there is usually a reason and your intuition is right. I can not stress how important morals are in mate selection. Every guy that gets shafted by a gold digger, have the Sheriff deliverer papers at the door and been cheated on or simply in a living purgatory of a nagging wife, knows what I am talking about. I can not emphasis this enough, your marriage is the most important decisions of your life, make sure you know who you are marrying. Do not feel no one else will marry you, or whatever. Go for your prince or princess, take no prisoner go for everything, looks, morality your dream.
- The choice is yours, a living hell with a lady who will break you or a happy life, ever after. Take my advice, go for a cordial lady who is religious.
- Faith is a message of liberation. If you think about the history of love, Christianity changed pagan decadent Rome where women were treated as objects to the idealistic chivalry of the high Middle Ages. Anyone who confuses women’s lib with the genuine liberation of women needs to empty the bins of their recycled political correctness and look at the true history of romantic love.
The purpose of this post is to outline aspects of Christian dating that are relevant to the American courtship experience. Who am I? Well look at my blog, I am not some pious self-righteous, I am a former male pig. I am not proud of this in any way. I am saying I have seen both sides and I know which side is greener pastures. I can only think of 1 Corinthians 13:11. This includes:
- Feelings of being conflicted about dating and the Bible
- Why spiritual dating is not important, it is the only way.
- Are non-Christian better looking?
- Does God exist? Struggles with faith.
- Who is a Christian? Are Catholics Christian? What about other believers?
- Christians in name only
- What about non-believers who want to date people of faith?
- What is a Christian to do when looking for love and marriage?
- Unusual and unexpected pitfalls of Christian romance
- Prayer, destiny and love.
- Concluding remarks.
I will follow the sequence of the above points in the following article.
Philander or gratification – hormones and dating
Do you remember when you were in High school and you were reading the Bible every night and moved by the words and stories, yet hormones were out of control and even being in proximity to a guy or girl stirred you? Look it is in our program to get turned on at a drop of a pin. Humans are hyper-friendshipual. There I said it, but it is true. It is the way we were created or the human race would not continue. If hormones did not override your superego we would
The deep mental anguish you felt from being conflicted? Not to mention feelings of low self-esteem and comparing and judging the world? There was a contradictory diccordialomy between your sensuality and religious teachings? Welcome to the club called humanity. My recommendation is this, stay true to your ideals and wait for your one and only. Use self pleasure, fantasy, meditation, sports, computer games or whatever you need to control this so you make rational choices in love and marriage, not based on desperate chemical messengers.
Self pleasure is perhaps the optimal because it will solve the problem. If you feel guilty about this do not. Consider how wrong it is to use ladys or mess with their emotions and the real harm it can cause. While gratification in another way is neutral. It does not hurt anyone. Everyone does it. If you can transmute this energy into prayer or meditation even better. Some people use the exercises of yoga also. But the main thing is realizes that in the 21st century it is not practical to get married at the time your hormones start to kick in like they did hundreds of years ago. So there is a new set of problems, that is an incongruence between adolescence (physical development to an adult functioning body) and marriage which was later.
Spiritually based dating vs. every other type of courtship
You might not use a Christian dating website, but if you have any shred of faith in you, even the size of a mustard seed, I recommend you screen ladys based on morality.
There are beautiful women in the world whose lips are as sweet as honey. I know, some almost hooked me and I thank God I did not lose my sense of judgment. Years later I had looked these girls up as a sociological experiment, and their lives were train wrecks. Yes these cordial girls that were barely paying for their worldly ways, for lack of a better term karmically. My point is run from women who are not idealistic to the Nth degree.
In contrast the ones that are Christians have pretty happy lives a family and look beautiful. What can I say it is true. If you do not believe me, follow the time line of any Hollywood star who was libertine in contrast with Patricia Heaton, Kristin Chenoweth, Martha Williamson or better yet, any female Christian singer like Natalie Grant, Amy Grant or Rebecca St. James. Look at their personal lives and compare them to the lives of train wrecks like Lindsay Lohan. Be aware that many women are like Lindsay waiting to mess up and destroy your life. You have to learn to smoke them out by maybe not giving them an Inquisition but at least an examination of consciousness during some starry-eyed night in the park.
So what to do is have a tete-a- tete?
Inevitable you want to engage them into philosophical conversations. I can not image that you do not epistemology, rather, mores scruples and their relation to family and marriage. I am not big on conditional ethics and relativism when it comes to holy matrimony. Find a girl who has your ideals. It is that simple. I would put this has perhaps the most important determinate criteria for mate selection. Find a super cordial girl who has integrity and standards, a sense of character, that is God centered, because God is the Source for which we all return.
Test ladys, try to smoke them out and make sure that they are not just talking and trying to put themselves out as good little girls and then treat you like a meal ticket. I have had agnostic ladys remind me of virtue when they had live like any girl from NYC on a Saturday night. They use morality as a means of control. You do not want to get tricked by one of those women. You need to really be tricky and try to see through women.
- I recommend to read up on ways to see though women get them to confess the truth about their worldview. Basically your life depends on it. If there is one take away, it is this. See the true nature of the women you are dating. As you look at them try to visualize their beauty as a function of their goodness and devious crafty ways actually distorting their attractiveness.
You are on a date make sure at some point you talk to your date about this, maybe not the first or second encounter, but eventually. I personally allude to it in the first five minutes of conversation and see their reaction as I was a player and had no time to waste on gals that did not fit my vision.
Are the pool of girls out there with morality less attractive?
Actually in my experience ethical girls are universally more attractive. Beauty and virtue like the Ancient Greeks believed are one in this case. I would say the correlation has a high level of confidence. It makes sense that women that are aware about spiritual things.
Think about it, if someone develops their spiritual ideal, the highest level on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs chances are they have addressed other things like health and moderation. Consistency of behavior dictates that good people are more attractive. They take care of themselves.
Also I do not know why, just an observation, Christian girls in middle age seem to age slower. I see less wrinkles on their face. Maybe they are more at peace with themselves.
Further, the basic equipment on any female body is the same. There is no way you can convince me that bad girls have better bodies. Maybe an argument could be made that bad girls have more testosterone, but looks, no. Usually it is a matter of style of dress or the way they carry themselves.
Hence, I conclude that believers are just as attractive if not more than their more worldly counterparts.
What about a Christian coquette
I meet lots of flirtatious believers, but they do it in the right measure. It mildly irritates me when ladys try to use their charm to try to get men to do what they want. In my experience this is not the case with girls that take their faith seriously, rather they just flirt invoke intrigue, but do not abuse the power give.
Then enter the dynamics of A likes B but B does not like A because B likes C. Further, you had an additional problem that not everyone out there were Christians. The coolest and cordialtest were often from this new world ethic. Gradually you started to compromise your ideals and water down your beliefs to fit a bit and start dating.
My message is no need to. I am a big advocate of not being extreme, for Jesus was the middle way. Yet he was radical in his authentic in act, word and deed.
I write a lot of crazy things on this website, however, my underlying premise is a house build on sand is washed away, while a house built with a strong foundation endures.
I am married and happy. I can tell you marriage is infinity times better than being single.
Many people have a misconception that people who are churchy are good. This is crazy. Church is a hospital for sinners not a gathering place for saints. It is a ridiculous paper tiger to criticism of Bible believers based on their conduct. I mean their blood runs red like yours does with all the problems and temptations you have. Rather believers get inspiration and hope from the message. Is there any reason not to connect with other like-minded people?
I should be a more positive instrument in the world more aligned with my ideals. This should be the way you are thinking. Jettison the Hanky-panky and get real about the meaning of life question.
What about God?
For people who believe in God faith is a gift but also a challenge. For those who do not believe I would recommend a book like Does God Exist by Hans Kung. Look I believe in evolution and science and I am a skeptical inquirer but the scientific explanation for the physical universe does not answer the meaning of life question. That is something that keeps resonating in all of us. Why we are something and not nothing, why there is anything at all? Usually people who think the faithful are naïve are prideful, they think they are just a little bit more clever. That is why I invite you to think about the other side and read serious modern theology like above.
What about Christians who are Catholic and Orthodox and other denomination?
I am Catholics, some of my family was Eastern Orthodox and I went to Protestant schools from High School to graduate school. Are we not all one in Christ? I think it does not matter. You want to date a Russian Orthodox girl and you are a Baptist do it. Jesus opens the gate, not closes it.
Christian girls in name only
The key idea here is do you take your religious authentically and find someone who is not in name only, but walking the walk.
Evidence for this might be do they do to Church, read the Bible talk about morality and moral issues. I do, as so much of life is this. Do they manifest their system in a concrete way. Name only people are often worst them ethical humanist. So watch out.
What about dating people of who are non-believers or other faiths
Other faiths are easy. I would marry a Muslim if I was in love, yet I am thankful my wife and I are of the same system, it makes it easier. The same goes for Buddhist and other faiths. Non-believers I guess you could take the attitude that we all have the light of God in us, even if some do not see it in themselves but, for me it would be hard to do.
I would date a girl who is a yoga girl. Just make sure they would stay with you and not one of these experimental new age women that deem all ideas equally credulous and relativist to the point she would leave you.
Amish Romances are one of the most popular selling genre of fiction for a reason. People, ladies want to deep down be domestic. So do not feel you have to compromise for some liberal that does not cook and nurture. You want a kinship of ideas.
Now I have convinced you where to look for your lady friend?
Look within the community, then expand your search thematically and geographically.
- Church or Mass is obvious.
- Go to clubs, beach anywhere and then screen prospects if you are attracted to them.
- No different from any other approach except you apply a screen or filter for the immoral.
- I might try major reputable Christian dating websites like catholicmatch.com
- Travel to countries like Poland and Romania where people take their believes seriously (more).
- Woo them like any girlfriend, be as passionate as you like, just do not lie or cheat.
Unusual and unexpected pitfalls of Christian romance
The only pitiful is you find someone you love romantically and attracted to and they are not your intellectually compatible. Not a big problem, but make sure that they function at a reasonably high cognitive level if you do. I basically think the girl just has to be cordial and faithful as we all add up to 100%. Do not look for redemption directly in the dating process or your mate, rather first find it in answering the meaning of life question, then God will lead you to the person who transforms your life. I feel that in a fairy-tale sense my wife rescued me as I rescued her. We saved each other. However, first we had to be true to our faith in God.
Prayer and density
Read any of my posts on visualization here and prayer. I do not need to repeat what I wrote for techniques. But I think the general idea is use prayer and you imagination to start the wheels in motion to have your fairy-tale. My article on visualization is here, imagination, love and the Divine. For a take on more traditional go here, Christian prayer and romantic dating. Below are a series of articles I wrote on the same subject and I invite you to explore them.
If you want to live a fairy-tale with passion, love and loyalty, find a super attractive girl whose convictions match or exceed her physical appearance and marry her. My favorite book on love is by Thomas Kempis if anyone is interest, he lived a few years back. What is yours or your view, I am really curious what the pulse is on my above writing.