Cell phone or book – Check your girl’s bedside table

If you want to know what your girl is thinking inside,  check out what is on her nightstand or bed.  This will tell a lot of what is going on in her inner realm because what you are thinking before you go to bed feeds your subconscious.

Many guys write me and ask me if their potential lady friend is a scammer.  Or how you know if a girl is good or just saying she is good. Here is my advice:

  • Try to get into her bedroom.

I know, what you thinking, but I mean in an innocent way. You could ask her for a tour of her apartment or to see hots of her room. If you are on a wecam or snapchat or Skype you can get a good picture of what her nightstand looks like. What is on her nightstand will tell you a lot about a girl’s inner world.

You marry a girl’s inner world.

You want girls like these, whose beauty is only exceeded by their virtue. There are just as many cordial girls who follow a good path as cordial girls that will turn you life upside down. There is no correlation. So why do you not make a good choice a date a good one?


  • If a girl has no books by her bedside, ask yourself why?

Books are key indicators of intellectual and spiritual development. Sure literacy rates around the world are sky high, but there is a big difference between knowing how to read and reading.

In contrast this girl is totally wired and distracted. She is self-absorbed in her coffee, cell phone and computer on her bed. No deep thinking there, just a life of consumption. There is nothing attractive here.

Reading develops cognitive skills like mental diligence. Reading requires work and and patience, in contrast to the five word snap chat messages. If someone is not reading books, I mean real books not magazines and the web, I have a problem with that.

It shows they lack the intellectual curiosity to explore life at a deeper level. It shows they might not have the metal diligence to complete tasks that require thought and work. This potentially equates to being a less than optimal mother for your children.

My wife has read to my daughter every night as she falls asleep since she was a child. My daughter’s readings skills are better than mine.

Does this apply to men as well?

It is more important that a girl reads than a guy, because women are the carriers of culture and will be raising your children. You have to understand the importance of females being the guardians of culture and ethics and how they are responsible to transmit this to the next generation.

Do you not want a moral person to marry? Honestly, you guys tell me. I married a church goer and I am happy. My friend married a post modern female and he is unhappy. Please listen to wisdom.

If a woman has a mess in her inner world and attaches to ideas and energies that are less than idealistic and eternal, than she she will bring that chaos into your life eventually.

More about books as indicators

Reading, and I mean books, is so important to life and the internal thought processes. Why? It takes seconds to write  a chat message. It takes years to write a book and often months to read it. So much pain and wisdom goes into a book, so much life experience. Text messages are nothing but surface. Where does your girl live in her heart and mind?

Will she delete you?

  • Will your girl delete you like a text message during a mood swing? Or does she have the stamina to finish a novel like Persuasion by Jane Austen?

To date a girl who is not using her brain, and we all have, is so unhigh. You can take the most beautiful girl in the world but if she has nothing to talk about and discuss, the relationship will be superficial and boring.

Therefore, ask yourself what is your girl reading.  You had better discuss it with her.

My experiences as a college professor

When I teach, my class is based on discussion of the reading for the week. What I observe is there are people who read and discuss (or at least actively listening) and those who are bored. People who are bored are boring. To spend a lifetime with such a person is a hard life. They sit chaotically in their chairs and can not focus on simple ideas. In contrast there are students who really try in life.

Quick test for your girl

As a quick test of cultural depth and awareness is you could almost ask a girl if she has ever read The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky or least knows this book.  It is about free will and God and ethics and personal morality versus morality of your society.  If she has never even heard of this book,  wow.  If she is from a Non-European or American culture, choose an equivalent author from her culture and discuss.

Again this is not to sound elitist but what is your girl thinking about in her head? Do you want to spend your life with someone who has not thought to deep about life? Who is not aware of the complex moral issues and hopefully answered them with a morality that includes love and commitment. If she is not examining ideas and morality it will be a hard life for you.

You can not tell on face value if this girl is good or bad. You need to see what resides behind that pretty little face of hers. I recommend check her bedroom.

Religious icons or prayer beads

Many of my friends that are female have crosses of their beds, or images of religious figures from the Bible or other sacred text. I know this sounds like a fanatic rant, but it is not, here me out. These women do not desire money and power and do not fall pray to the temptations of the is world. Rather than live humble lives centered on their family. Is this not what you want? I live this way and we are happy. You want to be and marry someone what is immersed in the ideas of self improvement. Not the self improvement of pop psychology and self confidence but the self improvement that came thousands of years before this post modern culture. That is virtue.

If this sounds chauvinistic it is not. I do the same.  I focus my life on humility and virtue.  For example, I have always put my family before my career or anything else.

The reward is an amazing family life and happiness.

  • Therefore,  if a girl has the Bible by her bedside or a Holy book, and she reads it, this is a good indicator she would be a pleasant person to be around, rather than some crazy, self-rigorous, conniving, post modern materialistic career woman.

What about other indicators like her browsing history?

People surf all kind of junk as a form of decompressing from the day. Therefore, this is not a good indicator. Better than her browser history is what she reads at night. We are not looking for saints necessarily.

Indicators that a woman is trouble

Special box – If she has a little box for of ‘protection’ or anything like that in her bedside draw.

Plugged in – She has electronic devices at her bedside, cell phones etc. Electronics in the bedroom mean less room for other activities latter. Do you want to commit to a life of companionship? I am have never been looking for companionship. I want passion.

Random books – Books are fine but a lot of nonsense is written these days. If she has eclectic post modern liberal literature, this is no good. It just means she has the power of intellect but not wisdom.

Books connected to work – Career women equate to women readying her life for making money rather than spending their time with the family.

New age –  Similarly good but if she has  new age type things or materialistic literature, were a woman finds her freedom after a train wreck of relationships for example, this is an indicator that she could have subjective values based on cultural norms rather than full commitment.

Every ‘spiritual’ girl I know would have no problem leaving a guy in marriage if she was not happy in that moment.

Untidiness – If she can not clean for herself, who will she take care of a child and you?

Pets – Many girls smile at their pets, it would be a lifetime of competition in the bedroom, why do you need that. Let some other fool go for that.

What my wife has by her bedside now

  • Bible in the Polish language.
  • The Confessions of Saint Augustine in the English language.
  • A book about a Polish explorer who lived in the Amazon with the indigenous people in the Polish language.

You basically want to find a runway model who reads the Bible at night or sacred text from your belief system.  Is that too much to ask for?

What  to look for in a girl to marry?

I mean come on, is a girl who reads the Bible or Sacred books before sleep going to wreck your life or give you happiness?  Your mission is to find a super cordial lady who has a bedside nightstand with books that feed her intellectual and moral life.

Author: Mark Biernat

I live in with family between two worlds, US and Europe where I create tools for language learning. If you found my site you probability share my passion to be a life long learner. Please explore my site and comment.

2 thoughts on “Cell phone or book – Check your girl’s bedside table”

  1. I find it hard to believe that you would treat your partner as an equal if you impose so many rules and judge them on so many levels.

    1. What are you talking about? You are not making any sense. There are not rules here, rather, if I were to choose a mate for life and I do believe marriage is forever, I want to bond with someone who is a conscious moral thinker not just anyone. How long are have you been married?

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