I noticed a while back match.com had a slogan “it’s OK to look”. The question is if you are married is it OK to look at girls on the Internet or women on the street? Or wives to look at cute guys. Even just for fun and it does not mean anything? My answer is clear. But let me convey some real life examples. These example will better answer this question.
Is it OK to look example 1
When I was in Boston and single there was a cute yoga instructor. I never seriously considered dating her but we were on a cordial basis. One day I saw her in the trolley and instead of her normal smile and greeting she turned away. I was like, ‘what was that all about?’ I latter learned she got engaged. It dawned on me, she saw me as a male not just as a student. I was very impressed.
I mean often in American culture we have this attitude that it’s OK to look at a woman or a guy as long as it does not mean anything. But here was someone who did not even show me a glance or smile because of the dynamics of the situation. My respect for her increase significantly as she was someone who lived by a moral code.
Women often have hen parties where they go out drinking and doing crude things to strange men and hopelessly look to their lady friendsmaid for the nod of approval to see if it is OK while one the dance floor grinding some guy. Guaranteed this American girl did not. I respect her.
It’s OK to look example 2
I live in Krakow, Poland and I noticed that there were a lot of Jewish guys walking around this beautiful old town with their heads looking at the ground. I was again, ‘what is this all about?’ – Latter I was reading the book A day of pleasure by Isaac Bashevis Singer and read about a married man who would not look at a strange woman directly even if it was about business as he was married and it would be wrong to do so.
I was very impressed. Then I made the connection, this is why the men in Kazimierz, the Old Jewish district of Krakow were not looking arround, so their eyes would not accidently catch a glimpse of another woman and feel lust.
It’s not OK to look makes sense if you are married and promise your life to someone before God. You should think about them not someone else, or why get married? Do not get married unless you really mean it and you are hopelessly in love.
It’s OK to look example 3
I am married and before I was married I dated other women. I often wondered what would happen when I got married to my desire to fantasizes and check out girls on the street etc. It worried me as I was someone who had ideals but in practice was less then perfect. Well then I meet my wife. When I first saw her I thought this girl was so attractive she would not ever speak to me. This is how you should feel about your spouse.
Love is both primitive and spiritual.
I found someone who was my fantasy and dream come true. She was from my dreams and the unspoken prayers of my heart. We have been together for years and I think about her this way and more than the day I meet her. I can not even conjure up other women in my mind even if I wanted to. Why would I want to, she is the one for me. It is not out of moral highness I do not do this, but because I love her.
However, if I would surf for bad hots or look at other women it would be wrong.
I did not have a bachelors party, what would be the point. We all went out with our friends together.
Women and it’s OK to look
I have ask women about this and they say as long as their guy does not do anything it’s OK to look. I think this is a lame relationship. And what does he think about in bed with you? They do not like it but accept it. Maybe they have to hear the truth. It is not OK to look. I am sorry I think it is hopeless if you are with your partner and scoping ladys. On the other hand she should not be flirting/ smiling with guys and talking to her friends about some cute UPS man (I use to work for UPS and yes women flirt and smile).
Disloyalty comes from the heart, then the mind in the imagination. Imagination is where the divine resides. Be careful what you imagine as this is your connection to the divine.
If you are in the habit of doing this, it is OK, maybe because you never heard this point of view. Going forward consider what I said and maybe if you start breaking the habit of your devious ways you might start experiencing a richer life.
The next time you hear someone say Oh, It’s OK too look at other women or smile flirtatious at other men, ask them why?
I like this post. Why would I marry a man that is looking around once we are married. I know I am a worthy person and deserve love. I do not know if I am attractive or not, but I know and I deserve real love, not man who is disloyal in his mind. It’s not OK to look.
The universe will give you only as much as you are willing to give yourself.
Thank you. I thought I (as a woman) was going crazy and feeling crazy jealous for nothing. But thank you. Your post really made me feel better.
Rebecca, your normal. If you are with someone, you should dream of that person, not other people at work or school or at the gym. I feel very lucky and honored I found my wife and do not want someone else. I think some people think like this and other people do not, but I believe it has to do with ideals. I do not think it is OK to look at other women.
Thank you so much for your story. I’m at a point in my relationship where I’m struggling with my emotions about seeing my husband look at, and even smile at, other women. I wish he could change but don’t think he can.
He can change if he wants to change. I am a man. I used to check out women left and right and flirt with them before I was married. Now I have this ideal it is wrong on many levels now that I am married. Therefore, I do not. It is a choice. I believe in free will and we all have a choice. However, that choice has to come from the person. I am into the Bible and I think this is clear what it teaches.
On the other hand, if your husband does not believe in this it would be hard to change his behavior. If he is good in other ways and is good to you, maybe just learn to roll with it and accept it and someday as time passes he might understand.
The main thing is be we are all imperfect. It does not mean it is right, but besides letting him know it hurts you personally and it is against what the Bible says, I do not have any answers.
No its not OK to look at other women. If partners are faithful to each other their love strengthens.
Pure love is about 100% faithful to each other.
Well, I have to look at other people around, I have no problem looking at other girls, looks doesnt means trying to talk to her, or pick her or anything similar.
I guess the difference is look at and desiring that person. If you are looking at people like looking at trees, rather just because they are intresting but not out of desire than I understand that. But the best is like some communities have rules not to cast your eyes on strange women as this could invoke desire.
But people in general are fun to look at. That is something different and I think this is more a male problem not a female.