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Romanticism

Does one true love exist

If you have ever wondered does one true love exist? I will lay all the cards on the table, the answer is yes. I have it and know others that also believe that true love exists.

The purpose of this post is to give you an argument about love.  However, not just about love but one true love. The number ‘one’ is an important word in this equation, err well I mean sentence.

This argument is for all you who are left brained and are skeptical if one true love does exist. This post is a little bit tongue and cheek, but nevertheless the logic is valid.

Consider my thesis in this post. However, in the end, perhaps love is a little like faith, for those who do not believe true love exists, no explanation is possible and for those who believe in love, no explanation is necessary.  Or perhaps it is is something you have experience for yourself, it is a gift.  So for all you doubting Thomases out there here goes.

Does true love exist? But what if you do not believe in love?

Love is about is about finding your destiny. Love is unconditional and without limits. Love is not about finding someone that will make your life comfortable, or money, or education or profession or nationality or race or corpulent or skinny. Love is about finding your other half. That is it. There is only one person for everyone.

However, what if you do not believe that there is one love in your life. What if you do not believe in your destiny. In fact, some of my friends do not believe there is one person for everyone. Oh ye of little faith. Indulge me and listen to my reply. OK even if you do not believe there is one person for everyone. Let us look at this from a mathematical perspective.

Setting up a quantifiable, measurable conceptual framework for true love

Lets say that the mutual benefit of love generates something called “love utils”. That is, when two people are together they generate units of love happiness for each other. Let us make the hypothesis that these units are measurable, quantifiable units of happiness.

Therefore, If you are with a girl named Jane then she personally might generate ten units of love happiness for you. However, if you are in a relationship with Sally, then the relationship would yield a robust 12 units of love happiness for you. This is clear.

Even if you do not believe in true love you can understand the idea that some relationships are more or less optimal, the only thing I have done here is added this quantifiable objective measure to it.

In this measure of ‘love utils’ there is calculated and factored the sum total of all things that makes you personally happy. There will be different weights attributed to different factors and components. Each person will have a different utility curve. For example, if one person values intellectual creativity while another person values long legs, your personal love equation factors these components into the ‘love utils’ measurement.

Mathematical optimization – one true love must exist

If you understand the idea of  linear algebra optimization, even if you do not believe in love as some abstract ideal destiny, then the reality is there is one person in the world who will maximizes your ‘love utils’. It is a mathematical fact.  It is an optimization point if you may.

Present value of your true love choice

Now here is the problem, in order for this person to be your destiny they must be the person that would maximizes your units of ‘love utils’ over your whole life.

For example, you could wait to meet a girl in outer Mongolia that will give you 100 units of happiness every year. However, if you do not meet her until you are 98 years old and your expected life expectancy is 100, than you will only get 200 units of love happiness or ‘love utils’ over your whole life. On the other hand, if you meet someone when you are say 25 years old and this person gives you only 5 units of love happiness or ‘love utils’ over your life then you would get 75 * 5 or 375 units of love happiness from this person. Therefore, she is a better choice than the person from outer Mongolia.

Next if you consider in this equation all possible matches, all probabilities of meeting (although determinist do not believe in chance, they are not the ones I am trying to sway as I would be preaching to the choir). You also need to consider of course things like if the girl does not like you, she will not stay as she is also a love maximizer. Everything needs to be factored. Once you understand this and are aware of this than you can not deny there is one person for you on their earth that will make your dreams come true.

Dating burnout or diminishing returns

Further, people will say, ahh but Mark, what about the idea of changing partners and riding the waves of love,  from one romantic high to the next. In the long run this strategy is ineffective for personal happiness as you begin to hit diminishing returns for each new partner.

You experience dating burnout. It is like eating one banana, the first couple are good, but after that, you experience this economic law of diminishing returns.  Further, once you eat too many you might become allergic to bananas like some of my friends who claim they are allergic to love.  Hmm, look them up when they are all alone in their 60s living with a room full of cats still cruising ladys and and see if in their heart they are really happy. This is on par with pitiful girls who claim they do not need love to make them happy.  Sorry about all that, lets get back to the analysis and examine some more naysayers.

I meet many guys who just want to meet a good looking girl who does not hassle them. They do not believe in the fairy-tale called love, ever. And I meet many girls who stopped believing in fairy-tales long ago. However, the truth is both patterns of negative thinking are a fallacy. If you find yourself in one of those camps, I only ask you to yield to the logic of this model.

See even if you are a person who does not believe in one true love, they can not argue with the notion that love is an optimization model. There is one optimal choice for you, when you consider all probabilities and factored weights and expectations in the statistical sense.

You need to consider all factors including such as, imperfect information, the ‘flight factor’ (that is the percentage of risk that she will dump you and run), how much effort it is to be with her, expectations etc. Love is reduced to nothing more than a deterministic equation, on par with an economic optimization model. That is where your marginal cost of being in is equal to your marginal benefit of being in a relationship. Once you find the intersection of those two points you can maximizes your the present value of that benefit over your lifetime, you catch that girl because that is the girl for you.

Conclusion about does one true love exists

You can not argue with math. Even if you are some corpulent drinking guy that watches sports all day and believes nothing about love, you can not argue with the mathematics of my love model. The only conclusion is there really is one person in the world for you. Call it what you want, the ancients called it destiny. Go out there and find your one true love, your other half. Here is my page on love quotes in several languages, I hope they help for your search for true love.

By Mark Biernat

I live in with family between two worlds, US and Europe where I create tools for language learning. If you found my site you probability share my passion to be a life long learner. Please explore my site and comment.

79 replies on “Does one true love exist”

Well, that’s all so nice.So deep and true in so many ways. But how often does this really occures? Is it really meant to happen to me? I had so many desappoitments that now it’s hard for me to let life be.I DON’T TRUST PEOPLE ANYMORE. I feel like I’m the demaged one. But am I? How much more frustration I have to go through to find out that I’m agging alone? Do I really need someone else?
I see my friends surching all week on. They meet guys and tend to accept more and more BS each time, just not to be alone.
I only know who I am in my work. Being a doctor I help people out everyday. I get enough sattisfaction out of this to keep on going. At least,most of the time. But the truth is that I hide myself on being good to everyone else. I’m done, you know. I live in a cinical city called Rio de Janeiro. Where people prettend to be nice, happy and joyfull all the time. The truth is that they are selfish and superfitial. All that matters is what people see and think about you. Is there a way out of this feeling?

Cris, this is a big problem many people face. But you know I find my guy friends say they have the same problem. It is not a girls problem it is a human problem.
I think the reason you have not found someone sincere is simple. You have not meet the right one. Me, I am a big believer in international marriages and relationships as I married someone from the other side of the world. Try to not to limit yourself to the guy next door as the world is full of possibilities. As an American I know lots of American guys that would dream of a girl like you.
I think for you is to meet a guy who is very idealist. Guys that are idealistic are more likely have the vision to see you for the princesses that you are. The others are not poet enough to see your beauty.

Cris,

If you live in Brazil, and you are not happy, then you either are living in some desolate part or you just ….

Cause Brazil is full of cordial women and they are better then women in the U.S.

Well, ok. I just got out of a realationship. I think love doesnt exist, its merely a reaction to our driving instinct to not be lonely, to feel secure. Its an excuse we concoct inside ourselves to stay with one person, to have whats called a normal life, and as i say this im still crying. Love never existed, but she told me she loved me because “its what people need to tell each other”. I suffer from a mental illness called bi-polar, and that to makes it very hard to be with someone, or shall i say for someone to be with me. They go through alot, from suicide attempts to money spending sprees. Ive never been much of a thinker, but i work hard, and i gave her more of me than i had, but then when its true love you give everything, so what happens when your left with nothing?

Yes, true love does exist. It might not exist for you in this time and place. However, that does not mean it will not exist for you in the future. I have true love and I know many people who have been in love, true love for over 50 years.
Humans are animals and instinct is part of out psyche. However, that is not all we are. Humans have a soul. Of course true love exist. It is just that with this girl, things did not work out and time heals all wounds. I promise.
I would serious consider a non American girl.
Your illness has something to do with it, but not completely. One of my friends is married with a family and has this illness. The main thing is to be aware you have this. To be conscious of it and in your ups and downs be aware. Just be aware of it. However, that is not the scope of this conversation. I guess many people need meds to help them with this.
Anyway. True love is possible and does exist, you just need someone with a heart and compassionate not some b__ch that talks crazy none sense like that.

Did some sweet girl break your heart or maybe you do not believe in anything but yourself. Explain why your do not believe in love?

Very interesting post and feedback. I know that I had almost given up on true love. After a couple of divorces and being absolutely devastated emotionally and financially as a result, it would have been easy for me to give up. Yes, I was cynical for a while and had a hard time dating and opening myself up to women. But when the right woman came along it was easy. True love isn’t demanding or allow a person to leave when there are difficulties. In my eyes, it is stronger than anything on this planet and it sees past any difficulties, such as bipolar disorder or divorces, in my case. My wife saw something in me that even I didn’t see at times. I thought I was destined to be alone forever and I was cool with that. I didn’t need anyone and I was ok. Yes, I was lonely at times and I don’t think I really understood what life (or God?) had in store for me. I know that I appreciate my wife more thanks to everything that I went through in my life. Yes, my wife is Ukrainian and what may have started out as a shallow attempt to just not be alone led to a love and complete adoration of a woman that has to be the sweetest, funniest, kindest and most loving human being that I could have ever hoped to meet. It does sadden me that there are so many men that are not sincere in their desire to find true love with women from Russia or Ukraine but instead are just looking for a “cordial wife” or a piece of eye candy. I do wish everyone the same happiness that I have found though. I don’t care if they find it in Ukraine, Russia, America, Canada, Columbia, Thailand or in their own back yard. I firmly believe that we were not meant to be alone and unhappy. Why else would love feel so grand?! =)

Great comment on does true love exist. I think others should read it.
I also agree with your comment many guys are going to Russia, for example, with the wrong intentions. However, the reality is they are cheating themselves out of their own happiness. True love and a happy marriage is the highest level of happiness. Nothing else can even come close or compare with finding your one true love. However, to find that, like you and I have, it take patience and courage.

Man, Cory after reading your first reply really hit home with me because I have gone through the same thing only without getting married and divorced. I am 27 and it has always been a repeating cycle with every girl I have ever met and dated. Every single one so far has either cheated on me or broken my heart or just downright dropped me for someone else. I do not know any other feeling when it comes to relationships so I eventually started to expect this result every time and that really takes a toll on the self-esteem/confidence. I am a car guy, so I have always owned and am always working on nice/loud/fast cars and cordial rods, and I realized that this was the only reason women wanted to date me. Whenever my cordial rod was broke down or I was driving my beat up commuter car, I got no attention at all. I know it sounds trivial but it is a big deal when your life revolves around this field of work and you yearn for someone to be genuinely interested in you and not your set of wheels. I made a decision to stop pursuing women in 2008 because I just became fed up and would rather be happy by myself and enjoy focusing on enjoying the things I love instead of sacrifice everything again for yet another hopeless relationship that just damages my self-esteem. I had the same thought – I have given up on finding love and accepted that I am just going to be alone from now on, even though deep down I yearn for a “soul mate”. Reading your initial reply really caught my attention because of your success in finally finding love. I’ve started research on the possibility of an Eastern European wife and everything I have found so far is really encouraging. I am really considering a vacation overseas fairly soon.

It wasn’t easy, my friend! But nothing of value and worth having in live comes easily or without struggle. This is not to say that a wife is an object to have. I am referring to a loving marriage with a woman from any country. But a relationship with a woman from a different country and culture can be difficult for both parties at times. For instance, it’s very easy to doubt or become insecure given that I have been divorced and hurt in the past. It is easy to become scared that the same thing will happen again given my track record. I mean, I feel so fortunate to have found my wife but the international dating industry does have women that are just looking for a green card. Insincere women who are just looking for rich western men to win and dine them or to bring them to their country and after two years they dump them. But likewise, there are women that have lost their lives thousands of miles from home because they married a man that didn’t have the best of intentions. They marry a woman that they think is going to be subservient, almost like a slave. They might mistake shyness or culture shock for a subservient attitude and once she comes out of her shell and says “HET” a few times to their man then it’s “game on”.

But when you match a Western man who IS truly marriage minded and wants to love, care for and protect his wife and family and make his life a living sacrifice to those that he loves, with a Ukrainian or Russian woman who dreams of having a loving husband to live her life with and raise a family with…well, it’s pure magic!

Not in America.. The men go out of their way to spoil and pamper their women, and the women go out of their way to use, manipulate and degrade their men, before divorcing them and taking them to court for everything they are worth.

LOL! I find it difficult to argue with you there Yonatan! But you know what? Each and every one of my ex’s has come back to me at some point down the road and apologized and said that they regretted ever leaving me, divorcing me and hurting me. I have never taken any of them back because once that trust is broken it is very difficult to believe in them or the idea that they sincerely love me.

There is an old saying though that the best revenge is to live a good life. To move on with one’s life and find someone that does truly love you and care for you and whom you love totally and completely in return can definitely eliminate all the pain. You might even find yourself almost glad that you went through what you did to get where you’re at when you do find your true love.

Well I live in Brazil too, and as a woman, I face the same problem Cris faces.. As an educated woman with a good job, only 2 kinds of men come to me: the ones who want only to get physical.. or the ones that want to take advantage of me (cause i can provide comfort) oh well.. it seriously made me give up on love.. I dont want another ex husband threatening me that he’ll ask for alimony…

Look for a guy from the USA or example. I know many guys that would love to meet a normal girl with brains. I wish I could get them together. But look, American guys are not looking for a meal ticket as they have their own money. To stop the physical advances tell me you do not believe in intamacy outside of marriage. Really. If they are serious about you they will only be more interested in you. I am a guy. If a guy things he can get action and does he will lose interest unless he is in love with you. If he is in love with you nothing can stop him even if you deny him everything. Love is stronger than instinct.
Try not looking for the guy next door.
However, when I hear girls say they can not find a decent guy it is ussually because they are playing their cards wrong. Any guy on the planet with a pulse will prefer a beautiful girl to a video game or a night in the pub with his buddies. Any guy will try to make you fall in love with him, if and only if you are cordial. The problem is girls often think guys will be attracted to them if they have a career and a good CV. Wrong. Guys are attracted to cordial women who have morals and values.
If a guy has a dream girl then he will not let her go. Ask yourself what messages you are putting out to guys?

There are billions of single guys on this planet and there is one for you. I promise. True love does exist. I know it for a fact.

I’m french and I met my ex girlfriend( she is Korean) in NYC. She came to France I went to Korea last summer. We spent a year and a half together but only 7 months face to face. We used to say that it was our destiny to meet each other we were such in love and already talked about getting married. Last fall I left Korea and went back to France and she started to work she promised me to wait for me. But I guess out of sight out of mind she started to realize that her life with me would be so hard since we don’t speak the same language and I’m not Korean (she said her father would have never agreed but I met him already and I was the first guy to enter into her house) and I don’t have a job yet and I’m not even in Korea. There was a guy around her so she thought that it would be easier to date this guy. She broke up with me (she cried a lot was so worried to make the wrong decision, still loved me…) and started to date this guy she said she still had feelings for me and told me that if it’s our faith to be together then we will. I still believe in it but I get tired so ‘I’m going to go to Korea for a year just to see if it was our destiny to be together. I know she is the one she said we are just the best match ever. But do I have to face the truth and let it go or just give a last scordial?

You know girls are going to do and say all kind of things. It is a kind of testing even to see if their man will really stick it out. However, I believe you have to be really good about understanding if your girl believes in love that is forever and will be with you no matter what if you were married. This is important as you do not want to marry some psycho girl who flakes out on you after you are married. So understand where she is coming from in terms of ideals. Romantic love brings people together who should never be brought together.
When I was trying to get to know my wife she did everything she could do break up with me and get rid of me. She would hang up the phone, throw my stuff out the window, close the door on my face etc. But if I were to ask her did she believe in one true, one and only love with no limits, she would say yes, she believed it with all her heart.
I think what girls say and do is something different then what they believe and feel in their heart. What you have to do is discern what she has in her heart, at her core. Culture does not matter this is universal stuff. I married someone from across the seas and it is a positive not a negative. If she is not for you there are many billions of other girls that are single, the world is full of opportunity, however, if she if your other half and she believes this also you might want to give it a try. It is really what ideals she has in her heart. If she believes love can over come all problems, from money to culture to time. This is true love.

last year she spent 8 months without me even though she had a lot of men around her she chose me saying that her future was with me when i arrived in Seoul she looked at me with her bedroom eyes and in 10 minutes she kissed me and told me i love you so much. And now i’m certain that she still loves me but she is trying to convice herself that it’s impossible between us. I went to korea a months ago for an interview i saw her and she said it’s over i asked her do you still love me she said i don’t know. And a week later she said when you left i cried a lot and when i asked her you don’t love me anymore she said i don’t want to answer then i told her i’m not giving up on you she didn’t say anything. I don’t know i’m just gonna try to push the corpulente a bit even though i know i’ll probably never get her back. i guess Korean girls will always listen to their mind over their heart. Cause my ex never had the courage to face her father. maybe she wasn’t the right one but i still love her and i’ll keep trying until i’m too tired

Love?
Does not exist in my life that is the face I acknowledge some are main to be a lone for life, I’m not saying tthat true love doesn’t exist for everyone.

Just a fact that true,
watching good happy anime films full of emotion love keep mi moving on 🙂

My faith is seal to be alone and I accepted it, maybe next life.

I’m very happy for those whom have found true love wish all the luck from me.

Gomanasai

I do not even know what you are talking about. Love exists for everyone, it makes the world go around.

After 45 years and 17 years of marriage I now believe in true love. I, being married, wasn’t looking but now my life is upside down.
My question and my worry is – can she be my true love without her being mine?
She avoids the question, supposedly because i am married. But how do I know. I could make a very expensive decision and be left poor and alone.

Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to. – J.R.R Tolkien

I dont believe it really exist. If it is existing.. why many people are sad? why we need to feel the pain of being alone?

Pain of being alone brings awareness to life. Being lonely is very painful and there is no person who does not feel this. But if you have faith in God you are never truly alone.
Once you find your other half, this pain is not an issue. You life changes.
Sometimes the pain of aloneness helps people be better people, more spiritual prepare themselves for their other half. Other times the pain of being alone drives people to unhealthy behavior. I do not think its healthy to be alone too long.
In the end, I think most people find their one true love.

What if, you connect with an acquaintance and through a series of conversations you both realize that you are the same soul in two different bodies, you fall in love, but he is married? His wife finds out, he decides to pursue therapy to make sure there’s no way to ‘save’ the marriage or see if he can ‘find what was once there’? That is what happened to me. I buried the thought of true love for so many years and only secretly began to wonder when I bumped into an old friend. He told me the beautiful story of Pygmalion, he bought me a star, wrote the beautiful verses of Plate and Aristotle. Not just a line, not words, it was a connection neither of us had ever experienced and had always known should be…and then, it all blew up. I look at the first evening star every night and wonder if he is/was my one true love. I feel so strongly that his is; and yet, I have no contact with him and wonder if he is looking at that star, too. I will not give up believing in my one true love. For, even though it may not turn out to be specifically him…the true ‘him’ that was meant for me cannot be far behind. Perhaps our meeting was to validate our private belief about true love. I will not give up believing, ever.

Remember that in life sometimes we are deceived by false light. If he is married I would respect that, and for sure there is someone else for you. If you were married would you want some girl tempting your husband away. I am not saying this to be mean at all. I just believe that marriage is sacred. I believe that you feel very strongly towards him, but if he is married then there must be someone else for you.

I am divorced and TRUST ME it is not in my values to ever be with a married men (although many have approached me). As you’ve said previously, we do, sometimes, marry the wrong person. He and his wife are a mismatch and always have been; I am not holding out any hope that he leaves her, it is not something I would wish on anyone, man or woman. I was just coming out of the same thinking that many of your writers have had — I thought for a very long time that true love didn’t exist. Then, just when I began thinking it good be true WHAM! this ‘affair’ smacks me between the eyes. Trying to figure out why God/the universe/corpulente woke my soul up in this way to the fact that true love exists. Yes, there is someone else for me. And he will find me, I know he shall….you believe that, too?

Do people who are meant to be always end up together?

That is a good question. We do not know. I think yes, but maybe if something is messed up they do not. I would like to be an optimist.

I have learned recently that true love is found inside yourself. Once you have truly achieved being comfortable in your own skin, you are happy. That natural happiness acts like a magnet to other positive people, drawing that true love even closer.

Hi, I read all your comments. Mine is a complicated one. I have been with this girl for 3 years till June 8th, 2010. We broke up yesterday(but not exactly). Am from India. I went to Singapore for my higher studies in January 2009 and we were doing great I should say. My love initially was due to pressure from my friends and loving a girl was exciting. As time went by, I started loving her more and we had a wonderful rapport. But from mid 2009, she has been having a crush on a classmate of her(who proposed to her when we got committed and she said NO). But from Mid 2009, she has been saying she has a crush on this guy(her classmate) and i was fully supportive and told her to get out of it by herself though I was tensed. And now after a recent class trip(3 days back), she said she .loves me no more and the 3 days she was with her(though she never spoke much to him), she has stopped loving me now and she says she doesn’t love him either but she is confused. What should I do now? Am all but crying. Have I not shown my true love for her? Have I been immature? Inspite of all these episodes, I still love her. We have always been frank and open in our relationship! What should I do? Am now meeting her in 2 hours time. I have never got a crush on anybody but I can’t imagine losing her. Before this trip, she had another trip some 10 days back and she told she has come over him and she loves me and after this recent trip, she again changes her mind. What should I do? All I can do is cry and hope she comes back to me. Am 23 and she is 21.

I am very sorry you are going through all this. I know you do not feel it, but you are both young and emotions at 23 are very intense and not tempered with the wisdom of time and experience. Therefore, it seems all wrong. Everything is really hard.
From her perspective she is 21 and even younger and girls are all emotions at 21.
I have no easy answers as I do not know you, her or your core beliefs. I know what I would do. I would be very straight and say either him or me. If she choose him I would move on and find someone better.
But I am very sorry again about this – remember what Shakespeare said “The course of true love never did run smooth”.

Do you think she will get back to me? And now I spoke to her on the phone and we have decided our relationship has broken down(we broke it up v.smooth). We both are single now. Am giving her the time and space. She always says I care a lot for her but she has not got the “true love” from me. So we are going to be friends again and I want her to be happy for the rest of her life. Am going to move on if she doesn’t select me. Am going to face whatever the result is going to be. I will be happy if she chooses me and I ll have my biggest achievement accomplished If I marry her.I still love her but we will be neutral to judge what we exactly want. Am more relieved now and am going to stay happy for the rest of my life. Thanks for your words and shall I contact you personally? Will help me big deal. Thanks again.

We have become friends again but we both still love each other which I can judge by our looks. But I want to be friends with her right now to realize the true love I have for her or to test myself, was it just incorpulentuation.

Or is it the case of her testing or trying to bring out the real love I have for her? I can just love her and her only. No one else is coming into my mind. When I was with her the whole day, I enjoyed her company but now sitting at home hurts me a lot.

The biggest positive is that I have stopped crying and am coming out of the comfort zone( as we were always dependent on each other during our bad and good times) I want to be strong(not loving her) till I start loving her again. But I question myself is it just desperation I have to win her back gain or am trying to love her the way she wants me to? I have lot of questions like this coming in.

My initial months of love were due to peer pressure, excitement and then I started loving her. That is what led to our break up. I want everything to happen the opposite way(love her first, excitement in that order) if at all I love her again. But am sure that I ll never hate her.

From her perspective, She is also strong. We have broken up, she needs time to recover and she wants to love the person who loves her. Will I ever get back to her life? To be frank, I can’t think of marrying or loving another girl when she is around single.

What do you think will happen?

We finally broke up. Everything happens for the good of our own futures. God make her happy always and give her the strength to forget me when she is with her future love.

Finally “Love you kutima”. I always loved you and will still love you! Take care as I usually say before you go to bed.

Namaste/ Vanakkum Vignesh
Aap Kaise Hein? / Eppati irukkinga?

Vignesh, there was a great rabbi once who had what I consider the most infinite words of wisdom. He said, “Where your heart is, so your treasure also.” Women come and go in this life, but remember that God is always with you. Remember, there is always a treasure within your heart and no woman, man or angel can even take it from you.

I pray that you can overcome the hardship you face. God will find the woman your heart desires, but remember we must search for treasure on this earth. Nothing comes easy. However, never feel empty , as the greatest treasure is within you and no woman can take it from you or give it to you.

A majority of relationships involving attractive people in the western world, are based on outside appearences. It seems I don’t meet many attractive people in western world who can maintain a relationship for a long period of time. It is people who seek out a partner for their heart are the ones who retain their relationships forever. Outward beauty will soon fade away as our flesh becomes wrinkled, old and frail. The inner beauty of our hearts shall last forever and cancer and worms will not be able to penetrate a pure and beautiful heart.

Namastae/Vankkam Yonatan,

Am doing good(nalla irukane or mei teek hoon)by God’s grace. I have decided to wait for her hoping she wpuld realise my true love and come back to me. If she doesn’t come, I have to move on. And am still 23 and there are so many years ahead before I marry another girl before she comes back.

Am going to stay positive. I would say my first success is I have not spoken to her for 5 days now and am going to do that and love her the way I was earlier but by cutting the communication off. Hope she comes back to and I guess the bond becomes stronger after that. After reading what the situation I am in, what would have you done or do you think she ll come back?

I’ve been through the same, i know it’s hard however if you love her that much just let her go if she comes back then it’s meant to be otherwise, you’ll find someone better. I promise you.
I didn’t talk to my ex for 4 months and she emailed me about 3 weeks ago. She still has a boyfriend and i don’t know what does she expect from me. I keep in touch with her almost everyday. I don’t know if i’m gonna get her back but as soon as i get to korea i’m gonna tell her it’s me or him. And if it’s him then don’t contact me again and leave me alone with my own life. If she can’t stand losing me for good i hope she’ll choose me.
Otherwise i’ll move on. She told me that maybe she needed to be away from me to realize how perfect i was to her. I’m willing to forgive her already did actually. But it doesn’t mean she is gonna take me back i’ll just see in 2 months.
Courage Vignesh the pain moves away sooner or later but it does it’s a fact no matter how down you are right now, you’ll be better soon.

People speak of true love yet they don’t fight for it. People fall in and out of love over and over again and they think thats love.

People who fall in and out of love finally found someone “special” and they call that true love.

From my point of view, that’s not true love. True love isn’t that cheap. To walk the path of true love, you have to be strong enough to be alone and never betray that ideal of love. Knowing full well you may never find that one person yet still persist onto your values without giving in to many emotions and lust. How many people is capable of that? As they get older they feel more pressure, especially if the person is a highly attractive person. Is that person going to never get into any relationship until that same person appears? I mean the moment you’ve been someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend or had intimacy with them, you’ve already betrayed your “true love” because true love is a love thats first and last with no one else ever in between them. I’m 25 and I have yet to found that love, while my friends are out there having messed up relationship and fallen to lust, I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever find that same person who share this ideal. It’s also difficult when you happen to be someone who is attractive yet alone. I don’t believe in people who talks about soulmates or the one when they’ve had ex boyfriend or girlfriend in the past. It just doesn’t feel legitimate.

Whoever you are you are a very wise person. You have exactly the right attitude. Every time you fall in and out of lust you are a step further from your one and only. I really have my other half and I can tell you that there is nothing or no one else. Let me ask you a question, how did you get so wise?

That’s very lucky of you, I’m happy for you. Something that I will probably never acquired.

I thank you for acknowledging my perspective.
I’ve always been a very different person and I do mean in a way thats quite unusual to most people. I see things a lot of people can’t see or don’t care to see. I’ve become so sensitive to whats right and wrong that it can be difficult at times. I’ve also seen a lot in my lifetime ever since childhood. I’ve seen the suffering and pain and destruction due to infidel and know too well the effects of it. Overtime I’ve grew tired of people that are fake or they would get into relationship for the wrong reasons and marry then without willing to work things out, they would want to divorce. In the end the little ones are the ones who suffer for the mistakes of others in which they had no part in. Too many people are living life for themselves only.
I’ve always had a very keen sense no matter what it is. I guess that leads me to where I am today. But if you ask me what’s the single biggest factor which led me to my current understandings; it would be my heart. It’s not hard at all if people use their heart to feel and use their heart to see. I just never wish to betray anyone nor do I wish to be betrayed.

You will find true love with the ideal you have. I know there are many people (I do not know if you are a guy or a gal) of both genders that feel and see the world as you do. I know them personally.
I always recommend people who feel as you do, not just to look at the guy or girl next door, but consider that the world is a large place the one that is waiting for you, might be in the place you expect the least. It could be the person next door, but more likely on the other side of the world. Most of the fairy-tales I read growing up who have this ideal of prince and princess always involved some sort of quest or struggle or test or worthiness to find true love.

I’m 25 and i found true love 2 years ago she left me 8 months ago but i fought for her for this love I’ve travelled 10 000 km and started to learn her language she told me the whole summer so many things that i was the best lover ever for her her best friend and we were just perfect together but now she met somebody else 3 weeks ago (again cause she broke up with her ex a month ago) telling me that she might love him of course not as much as me but anyway i still believe that we are meant to be together but i must be wrong…
I never rushed in relationship i’m not the guy who need a girl to live i can take care of myself and every girls i met in my life as soon as i realized that i didn’t love them i just left them… I wanted to see the world and try to figure myself out but i’ve known as soon as i met her that she was the one she wasn’t the prettiest nor the cordialtest nor the smartest i dated with but she was the one to me… It’s now hard to believe that i’ll ever love somebody as much as i loved her but i’ll keep hoping because i wanna keep believe in true love if i wasn’t the one for her she wasn’t the one for me…
I believe that there is someone for everybody in this world right? someone that we can love more than ourself right?

“I believe that there is someone for everybody in this world right? someone that we can love more than ourself right?”

Maybe and maybe not, who’s to know? Dude, I’m going to give you some simple advice from a clear third-person perspective here. You say that she basically met someone else? I say don’t allow yourself to be just another name on her list of suitors. They say love can be blind so that is why I am telling you this. There has to be a point that she has to make a decision. Indecision is a sign of irresponsibility. If she takes too long in giving you an answer or tries some nonsense saying something like “I am confused and don’t know who I love,” I would take that as a no she doesn’t want to be with you. It’s the safest thing you can do. Cut her off completely and move on with your life. Do not allow yourself to be strung along by her. You have been warned.

Ninja, I tend to agree. Either the person will give you clear signs they want you and only you, even if they resist, or they do not. ‘I do not know who I love’ is not the sign of a princess.

I’ll be allright she is 27 years old but still a kid when she’ll get to know about life she’ll be 40, it’s sad for her. I’ve tried to move on many times but she keeps showing up in my life. She kept contacting me and like a fool i answered but i’m done now or when i’m just so fine i gotta run into her bestfriend in a 25 million people city. there are so many “signs” which make me considering the fact that we should be together if there are really signs in life anyway. i’m still young i’m gonna do my best to forget about her but i also don’t wanna get into a relationship for the wrong reasons and hurt someone.
Anyway thank you for ur advices. I’ll smile to life and hoping that she smiles to me in return

I believe that true love does exist, indeed I have experienced it first-hand and it is (was) marvelous. I also believe that true love isn’t always indefinite and alas if you are not careful enough it can slip through your fingers and cause you eternal misery. I have been thus affected. I am a good looking and intelligent girl and have always had my fair share of attention from members of the opposite friendship, my natural good nature and strong family values have always guided me to look for that one special person and not to rush things so that’s what i did. Even though boys asked me on dates from the age of around 15 onwards and whilst everyone else around me was so desperately trying to loose their virgenity etc.. I patiently and politely refused all potential love interests because I simply didn’t feel any love or desire for these young suitors. When I was 18 I briefly dated a guy that I had a major crush on but I let it go no further when I realized he was actually a bit of a cad and it was just lust for his ‘bad boy’ image not love. I began to wonder if I would ever find love and at age 19 began to get quite depressed. Then one day it happened. I studied history and as part of my degree I needed to do a work placement, I approached my chosen place of work on the day of interview and ‘Peter’ opened the door to me, there he was 6ft of absolute desire, deep brown eyes and a cheeky smile. I instantly recognized him and tried hard to think of how I might know him? but I didn’t you see? anyway the interview was more like a conversation about our shared interest in history, similar upbringing and in the same part of town as well. He was just like a male, taller, darker,stronger version of myself. I got the job. It was however many months before me and Peter actually got together, he would drive by and offer me lifts home after work, I wondered if he was just being nice? but we finally did get together on a work night out after 6 months and we were together for two years, after one month he told me he loved me however remember I had only just turned 21 and this was all a little scary for me. The year I turned 23 was the year it all went wrong. I was just finishing my degree and Peter’s dad became very sick, he left work to look after him, we started to argue, he was upset for his dad and I was upset that out lives had changed, I was still young in the head and so I decided to let go of the relationship, two wonderful holidays and the chance for us to buy our first place together…..Five years down the line, I am 28 now living in my own place alone, I have had two long term relationships since Peter but nothing ever came close, I’ve tried to talk to him, he doesn’t want to talk. I miss him so much and I know that was it, I may find other lovers but no one will ever be so dear to me as he was. I meet people from time to time but I just end up making excuses not to take things any further because ‘that feeling’ is just not there, in fact it never has been since him and I miss it? You can’t just make yourself love someone if you don’t? and it’s not fair on those other people either? believe me I have given it a fair try. But after years of trying I have now given up and plan to concentrate on my work and be happy on my own, take heed folks! You have been warned, when you find it, hold on to it, (but not obsessively) respect it, cherish it for you never know when it might be gone for good!

Thank you for conveying that story. There is a lot to learn from it. I know it is you and it is hard to make sense of this now. But I believe what J. R. R Tolkien wrote, something to the effect: ‘the one you marry and have a family with is your other half’. Maybe that was puppy love, but I believe if it was the one and true love of your life you would be with him now.
If you get married the best way you can honor your husband would be to not play that relationship with Peter in your mind. I know it sounds hard but to move on and the Anne Hathaway and Oscar Wilde philosophy is not bad, that is ‘The less said about life’s sores the better’.

what if the one you marry cheats on you though? It does happen? I know because after Peter I sought solace in the arms of a married man, what did I have to loose after all that??? life isn’t just black or white? and it wasn’t ‘puppy love’

I just read your story Rach and it s that all happened to you. But at the age of 19 I have to agree with admin and call it a case of puppy love. That is a pretty big what if. The real question is, what can you do in a marriage to prevent the specter of cheating? I would start by identifying what the needs are of your other half and then moving to meet them. There is a book called ‘His Needs, Her Needs.’ You may want to check it out.

“what did I have to loose after all that???” Well for one, you were stepping into territory where you did not belong. You should never mess around with a married person. Just remember that thing about karma.

yeah I guess I have had to learn the hard way, I think I have just become a little dis-enchanted and I hope that will change one day. I still believe in true love just find it very complicated in these modern times

I liked your article, but to be honest with you, love does not exist in friendships or relationships. Love is a psychological effect that people believe is there, but it really isn’t. Love is not even an emotion. I mean animals do not stay with each other. They mess around with one another. I know that animals and humans are two different species, but the two are very similiar in a lot of aspects. I think this so called love is one of those aspects. I believe in people having crushes for one another. Love is unconditional. I have never seen two people fall in love with each other, and it lasted until death do them apart. This includes celebrites or what I have seen in life. Divorces are up to 50% in the United States. This is just my opinion. I believe in crushes not love. I think people have affection for another for a temporary amount of time, and not forever, in which is actually love. In all, I believe love does not exist in friendships or relationships. I understand your equation, but you cannot quantitate love, since it does not exist. You are trying to prove something that is not even there.

How would you explain people married over 50 years and in love, is this a crush?
Love is something that you have to experience for yourself. You have not been in love, so you think you know but you do not know.

Yes I believe that on true love always exists, meaning, God allows us to meet, others and show our love, not only for our needs but for us to develop our self by knowing through each other.

I cried just because I feel the love in him, I accept everything about him.

For sure true love does exist. I just have not found it yet. I know it in my heart.
I also know that I am young and that people at my age believe something is true and real but it is not because they do not have wisdom to tell the difference between what is real and not.
Love is for a lifetime and maybe more.

There is nothing worse when a man makes a fool of himself, by coming to a girl with an open heart, telling her thanks for giving a feeling that he has not felt for a very a long time.

Love doesn’t exist. Why? Because I have personal proof and belief that women do not look for the guy who would make them happy or would die for her. They look for the guy who would treat them like , and that’s the truth. I’ve been in love three times in my life, always did not work out. These are the reasons why? Recently, I liked this girl very much, despite her reputation as a . When we talked I saw something different in her. I saw her personality, and her beautiful smile. She was not what people thought; at least that’s what I believed. We talked not much, but still you can create a connection to someone by asking the right questions. However, I told that I liked her, and before I said it I dedicated a song to her. She liked the song, but she did not like me. Well, let’s cut to the chase. Later after several tries, she betrayed my trust and feelings by telling everyone that we both knew that I’m gay and many other things even though I had feelings for her. I’m not gay, if I was I will admitted and live with that. But, this is what leads me to believe that love and all that crap does not exist. I’m a guy who dreams to die for the women he loves, literally scarifies everything that I posses. Is it gay? Furthermore, I would give her flowers every chance that I will have without even think it or planned. I’ve done it, and what I got in return is a “we should see other people”. Well, ladies stop with the bull. You don’t want this kind of guy in your life. You want someone who is rich, someone who will betray you every chance he gets or someone who treats you like . That’s the truth. I’m not an ordinary guy, or a pig, but I’m becoming one thanks to you ladies, and it feels great. Now I use these romantic ideas just to get girls into bed, and its working great. That’s the truth, who would tell me otherwise is just an idealist and should give up as I did, because the society and the “modern” days that we live, the word love does not exist. People are becoming more superficial every day. The ignorance has taken over on the young people, who think being popular, and having a nice car, and having a nice cell phone would make them god. The ideas for fun today is going to a bar getting drunk and having friendship. What happened to the old days, when a guy and a girl before they had friendship, would go to an outdoor picnic, or to concert, or to a dancing class together and many other things. No, today is other way around, have friendship and then get to know the guy or girl.

Well ladies and gentleman this the reality where we live, for most people it works out great, and for those who believe in the ideas of love or friendship, and romanticism need to wake up, and stop living in the illusions that existed a long time ago.

This letter goes out to everyone (men/women) in my case is just for the women

I believe in one true love. I Loved her at a very young age. She was my friend. But I couldn’t wait to go to school to see her. But then she disappeared. Years later I decided to try and find her because I was still in love with her. I found her but was told she was married. So I left. Years later I found her on the internet. We emailed each other and she fell in love with me. Without seeing me in person. When we finally met up we agreed to only be friends, because she was committed to another. But that didn’t last. We became intimate. And she was the best I ever had. The attraction is incredibly strong. Like Lanclot and the queen. After a few years of talking and meeting up 2 or 3 times a year. It ended disastrously. Just like in the King Arthur tail. I haven’t seen her since. These days Iv been with different girls. But I loose interest and easily let them go after a short time. I read books about how to attract women using mind games. And it works. But its all friendshipual. Haven’t found anything that I could stay with. I do care about the girls Iv been with, and I wish them well. But true Love is something different. Its eternal. Im old now and not much can bring a tear to my eye. But some times when I think of her, tears do fall and then I realize that I still have a heart. I believe there is two kinds of love. Love of convenience, which includes long lasting good relationships and short relationships. Then there is True Love, which is Love no matter what. This kind of Love is eternal, and is there no matter what. Weather You or her is committed to another. Even after death of your self or her. The only thing that makes me cry these days is the thought of me being a 80 year old man, and bringing her flowers on Valentines day every year at her grave. Just like I did when we were young. But who knows what the future holds maybe we will be reunited in this life time. Or maybe I will have to wait till the next. But ether way I believe in my heart that she is my true one and only Love. My second half. Maybe I will marry another. But no one could replace her. A Love no matter what. An endless Love. A True Love.

From my opinion, I think the key word is to find the other half at the right time. Logically speaking, using the Maslow Hierarchy of needs. Each individual seeks and have a needs for those to feel better.

The trick is having the close proximity of one another’s needs. On top of that, constant Communication is a very important tool cause’ now two entities are being one. That is the commitment I think we all have been striving for. When one entity decides to leave even after communicating with the other thinking that is okay to make his/her departure temporary. Things might happen. “knowing is not understanding” and understanding comes in different levels.

Active Listening is another skill one needs to have for enhancing the Communication between the two entities.

Each individual seeks for a level of Appreciation and to spend quality time for the other. If those needs are not met. There’s also a chance of the bond between the two entities to separate.

All these qualities are needed for basic trust and understanding.

The above are my thoughts about connecting the two entities in union. However, living together is a totally separate issues.

The life style one chooses. Does it match or is it a close match to that of the other connecting entity?

I believe in crushes and after the crush comes love. My opinion is that the lasting love is not love at first sight but it could be. As my beliefs are that love at first sight is just meeting someone who fits nicely on the appearance level. For example: you like a certain shade of the color blue. So no matter what the thing is, that object would be an eye catcher to you. The bigger space it takes up, the more of an eye catcher to you. Whether you need it or not, it just catches your eye.

I believe that the trick of a crush is like the delusional period of “Love”. It is also the best time to find out more about that person. When it ends, make sure that the person is willing to commit a union with you. Having common topics to share together.

Then again the commitment for both entities would once again be put to a test of endurance. With the basic trust and communication which was once build upon.

key point: A relationship doesn’t really ends, it needs to be constantly build and to work on.

I am sure that love exists, somebody told me that true love is like winning the lottery, just a few people are winners the rest are *forced*to settle in a way or another ,it does not mean they can not be happy is only that a love like that was not meant for them, that all

I refuse to settle. I think your ability to find true love is correlated with how high your ideals are. If you and your partner do not believe in love, like the one and only, you will not fly as high.
If you both believe in the one and only and express it to each other than you will have it. I think everyone can find their other half but it is largely connected to a spiritual thing.

I’m sorry, but I have to disagree with you about your mathematical logic & your idea that human to human [romantic] love is real.

I’m 3 days away from turning 21, so I’m not what you could call “well-traveled”, & I have not “been around the block” as many older men/women have. So, I’m expecting the classic, “oh, you’re young & you’ll find out when you get older”, or, “you’ve got your whole life ahead of you” routine. that’s fine; I’m not sure what my future will bring, but I am sure that I refuse to ever get married under any/all circumstances. I have a huge interest in possibly being a father someday [maybe adopting a child], but I also have absolutely no interest of any kind to be a husband; no interest at all.

To me, there are many compatible partners for every person. sure, they vary in terms of how compatible, but there is not one “super-special” someone like there is in fairy tales. I grew out of the whole “Santa Claus” phase when I realized he wasn’t real, & I have grown out of the classic, “there is someone perfect for you” phase too. Love is a lot like a fairy tale; it looks/sounds great, but it is just a pipe dream told to younger kids to give them hope [& a positive spin on things] as the grow up. Every parent says, “when you grow up & get married” like it’s some non-negotiable certainty, but it wasn’t always like that. marriage today contains no more love than a prison. Divorce rates are insane, & the marriages that don’t end in divorce are mostly filled with cheating, lovelessness, anger, boredom, resentment, & an overall dead romance. of the very few marriages to stay together, almost all of them are unhappy; the real rate of truly happy marriages is closer to less than 5% [& im boosting that number to be fair to the people who say they have faith in marriage/love].
Basically, love & marriage are a bad decision no matter how you look at it. For example, if you went skydiving, & the man/woman running the course told you that only ~50% of the parachutes given out that day would open, would you still jump out of the plane? I’m not sure about you, but I would turn around, & say “F&%$ that, I’m not going!”. It’s the same with any decision in life; you weigh the consequences before jumping into something. Why would love/marriage be any different? You must look at the odds the same as if you were jumping out of the plane, or risk making a silly decision based on an unreliable emotion. basing a life-changing choice on a person who is going to change over the next 10, 20, 50 years is just foolhardy no matter how you phrase it.

Romantic [human to human] love is most likely not real because love is not tangible/testable. it is invisible & sly; love is unreliable & is not universal. how can you honestly tell if someone is in love? Can you really tell? Movie actors/actresses fake it on screen so easily. They portray/interpret what we think love is, but how do we really know if people love each other? the only love I have ever seen is between a father/mother & kids, family member to family member, & friend to friend in a close [almost family-like] friendship. I have never trusted a single couple to have really been in love; ever.

Another reason I do not believe in love is because of lust. lust changes people a lot; it takes them out of their normal frame of mind & makes them crave s__x. Sometimes a man/woman will become obsessed with it & lose him/herself in the pursuit of s_x. lust is too often confused as love. If lust can change a person that much, just think of how unreliable love is; there is no way to know love from obsession, from lust, from attachment, from incorpulentuation.

A final reason for me not believing in the validity of human to human love is animals & reproduction. animals have s_x & couple for a small interval of time, but then split-off & leave each other eventually. such is the way of friendshipual reproduction. no animal on Earth, save man, has ever been associated with romantic love – only friendship love, or family love. so, it is safe to assume that we are no different; we couple for boom-boom, & then part ways like our animal counterparts. such seems to be the way of nature. also, what about afriendshipual organisms, like plants? If you believe in human to human romantic love, why not plant to plant love? or fungi to fungi romantic love? We tend to leave those classifications out of the discussion because they do not have friendship, but then what does that say about love? Love can only exist with s_x? It seems lust plays a huge part in love after all.

The point is, that if no animals of any kind [& no plants/fungi/bacteria, etc. of any kind], engage in romantic love, why would humans be the exception? Do we have any real evidence to show dogs/cats/monkeys/reptiles cannot think or love? Of course not; but, we also have not a single thread of evidence to support that they love romantically either. as far as we can tell, the only reason organisms engage in any sort of romantic behavior is to engage in & reproduce. So, why would humans be any different? love could just be confused for lust or a parasitic relationship to survive [a weaker organism latching onto a stronger organism to help each other mutually].

No matter how you look at it, love is only real in the sense of family members, very close friends, & certain things in life that you enjoy. For example; if someone gets a sensation from riding a motorcycle, & they crave motorcycles all the time [they work on them, the ride them everywhere, they fix them, they sell them, etc], then it’s safe to say that person “loves” motorcycles. this is more “true love” to me than if that person “loved” a man/woman. Why? Because motorcycles are unchanging in their feeling – you can ride a motorcycle ten years from now & still get the same sensation from it as you did riding today. the same is not true with people; people change, feelings change, & a person is not the same ten years later as they were today. The bottom line is; find the things in life that you truly love & keep them close [friends, an activity, a hobby, etc]. That is real love; human to human [romantic] love can only be one of two things mathematically [based on statistics/surveys];

1. Real, but extremely rare [less than 5% of all marriages/couples].
or
2. Fake; a trick played on us by the human mind & nothing more [electrical signals in the brain/body].

-For the optimist, love will always be real; such is the way of their thinking.
-For the pessimist, love can exist or not exist.

Omnia vincit amor – Virgil – I just wish I was there to see it when you fall.

True love can never exist for long. It exist only for some time. By the time one knows the other faults love falls from a steep slope,a rational, logical, healthy person could not love some one the same way for long, as for true love it should be the the same now before and after.

If that is true how come I personally know people who have been together for over 50 years and very happy and in love? I know scores of people like this? I also have known my wife for 7 years and we are more in love now than ever.
Love is like a little like faith. It is a gift.
It is also something that you have to experience for yourself.
For those who have it no explaination is necessary and for those who do not, not explaination is possible.

Of course love exists Just because you were never in love does not mean it doesn’t exist.

I’ve never been in a Lamborghini but they exist.

Actually the most recent divorce rates compiled in the last few years say the divorce rate in America is hovering in the lower 40% range….I think the article cited perhaps it was because of the economic meltdown.

Hey now there may be something to that. Money or an abundance of it is corrupting.

I love your metaphor about the Lamborghini. I have never been in one but I can tell you for sure true love does exist. I have had it with my wife for seven years. I am with her 24 hours a day 7 days a week as I work from home. I am very happy. I also think true love is not that rare, but everywhere. I know many people in love deeply.

Thanks for your article. I do believe that true love exists. I’ve always believed in true love, but only now (I’m 27) I have fallen in love. Yes, I’ve dated and liked people before, but it never lasted because none of them were for me. I’ve been in love with this man for almost four months now, but we don’t see each other yet and I don’t believe he knows about my feelings for him. My love for him is so strong and unconditional. I am hoping we will move forward soon. He is very much like me, very outgoing, but shy, when it comes to talking to each other.. I don’t know how we will come about to make this going.

When you meet the person who is your destiny, you realize what Rilke meant when he wrote ‘all life before is but preparation for love’. I hope it works out. Put it in God’s hands as it takes the stress off waiting for it to move forward.
I basically do not even remember my life before I was married. I wonder how I even survived being single. I mean I knew my other half was out there but it seemed like such and abstract fantasy more than anything. It seemed like a dream. Now I live my dream and I am very thankful. I still have dreams, but they are just with my love. Thank you for conveying this and write back sometime.

I fell in love two years ago and I never want to let go of her. I meet her when she came to my church. Right when I saw her I knew somthing was going to happen I just didnt know what. I see her 52 times per year and every time I see her I fall even more in love with her. Madison if your reading this I love you.

I certainly hope you have talked to her and tried to get to know her on a cordial basis. Why do you just walk up to her and say hello, and talk about the weather. Nothing deep or heavy, just a conversation about nothing, but with a very subtle flirtation smile at the end of the conversation.

Did you see the movie “Remains of the day”? You will grow of seperately. She might go for someone else if you do not make a move.

This is personally what I would do. There will be more subconscious communication going on than words could ever convey.

Also dress cool. Wear a black, rock climbing shirt, spike your hair up, no cologne. Clean shaven if you look macho, a little facial hair (two-day growth) if you are geeky looking. But a nice smile goes far.

Guys have more time. Girls have a shorter youth. She does not have time to wait. Unless you try, nothing will change.

Let me know more the object of your affection and conception on how to woe her heart.

I’m feeling heartbroken now. last year I met a guy on a dating site. We are not in same country. Then he sent me an email first. And since then we exchanged news on email every day. He’s a businessman. then he was on a business trip to my town, we meet face to face. He forced me to have friendship. and it has happened.
Then we were split up again for a year, during one year, we were always in touch on email and sms and phone. I began to love him, I saw him as an intelligent, hardworking man, I admired him.
Then this year, we met again in my town, he was also a business trip. I told him that I wanted to continue my studies in his city . He was very happy to hear that. and the fact that I have contacted several universities in his city. then he told me, that in the middle of this year he will come to my city again, but not for a business trip, but special to me.
But a few weeks ago, I found out he still has an account on a dating site. when we have promised to each other to close the account on the site. I closed mine. but he lied to me.
I was very sick at all, because he’s lied to me, he also lied to me about his age. I was very sick, because I have been trying to do anything to be with him. looking for some college to continue my studies and I was always there for him.
I actually already knew that he lied about his age, but when we met in this year, I did not want to ask, I did not want to make him angry or embarrassed. I still came to him. and gave him a pen with his ​​name engraved on the pen.but he gave me the pill, which to this day I still keep the box.then after I found out he has an account on a dating site and began to rebuke him about his lies about his age. he never gave me the news again.he was silent. The ignored me.
I was very angry with me, because I feel he is using me as a travel partner, but I loved him sincerely. He always said he loved me. He wanted me to be his mine always. Which I would ask is, is there love in his heart to me?
Do I have to forgive him if he came back to me?Sshould I see him again to meet in the middle of this year?
Am I an idiot lover?

I personally do not trust businessmen. I am or was a businessmen and travelled and was on dating sites. I know a lot of other guys that did too. I would not trust businessmen. I think a lot of their charm is connected to girls thinking they are successful or have money or smart. Believe me they are not smart or wise. Do you know what smart and wise is? If he gave it all up to sweep you off his feet.
I did. I met my wife, left my career and make a pittance of income so I can be with her everyday of my life working from home. That is wise.
I do not trust businessmen.

I think this world has literally about 2 billion guys that are single. A large percentage of those two billion are good honest sincere guys that their dream is to me you. I am sure of it. I think your feelings are real as time and emotions and physical relations are complex. But is it true soul mate love? I think it has to be both ways. I think the guy has to blow you away by rescuing you and chasing you and making you marry him and him being 100% honest and loyal and honest.

I know true love exists as I have it. If you want it, go for it. I am so happy I did not marry some businesswoman with a heart not as pure as mine. But it is your life.

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