The one – a simple test to determine if you met your soulmate

Simple test to determine who is your soulmate

Everyone wants to know if the person they are dating is their soulmate. Is this person the one? Online dating companies have detailed psychological and even genetic screens for matchmaking and compatibility. However, this does not definitively tell you, if this person is truly the right one.

Every user of, POF or Tinder knows how to craft a profile and filter selection criteria based on interests and compatibility. Yet, it often does not work. What is going on here?

The purpose of this post if to tell you a simple test of when you have met the right person you will spend the rest of your life with.

I believe in fairy-tales, not just finding a good partner and calling her the one. I believe in the only and only, but to get there you have to jettison the notion.

The test is this:

Hold up your hand and have the girl who you are dating hold up her hand. If she has a wedding ring on and so do you, that person is the one. If there is no ring on your fingers, you are just dating.

The key idea here is I want you to get the notion of “the one” out of your head and start living your life like there is no tomorrow.  I 100% believe in “the one and only”.  However, on the quest people get stuck thinking too rationally about it, and it slows them down.

You have to get the mess out of your head.   I am a romantic and believe in fairy-tales, but do not want this idealistic quest for “the one” from stopping you from finding the one and only true girl of your dreams.

You will have confirmed you are with “the one” when you are married. That is it. Until that time all bets are off.

When have you found your twin soul? When you can not can not help but asking some lucky girl, for her hand in marriage and you actually go through with it. Before that time, live your life and go do crazy things irrespective on your career and life plan until you get to that point. Take chances and be like Prince Harry in Shakespeare’s Henry the IV part 2. He was reckless in his living, until it was his time for responsibility.

The questions and answers around the one comes down to two ideas:

  1. cravings of your genes
  2. destiny/ the meaning of life

Lets look at both these ideas.

Too many choices leads to stress and the unconfirmed premise there is not one person

Conventional dating advice for finding “the one” is bunk – Look at her tight jeans to understand your genes

I believe in human evolution so strongly and the ability at a subconscious, sub atomic level, for your genes to choose a mate in ways human conciseness will never be able to analysis and steer. Scientific or sociological tests are monuments to man’s stupidity when it comes to the world of mate selection. We can not even predict the weather three days in advance, how can science predict who should be your mate. We can not do it because there are too many endogenous and exogenous variables.

Finding your lifetime optimal mate is somewhat in your genes and somewhat how she looks in jeans and do you have the stones to play to win.

Go for someone who you can not resist physically, this is what your genes are telling you to go for.

But it is not just about looks.  Life is more complex and even a genetic model of dating encompasses this. If you know natural selection often genetic drift comes into play. For example, when the availability of male or female DNA is not optimal in your immediate environment you might choose someone who is not your understanding of the Alpha. Since no human I have ever met has an optimal life circumstance, I think the idea of genetic drift is almost synonymous with the idea of destiny. This random element of life cancels a lot of the science of dating.

For example, ignore what you know about the Alpha mate selection. Alpha dating is ridiculous. If girls are looking for an traditional Alpha, that is money, muscles and aggression, then I would say those girls are Deltas and do not deserve you. What was relevant in the past is not true today. Put a gorilla in a cage with a man and who would win a fight, but, who would a girl want to spend time with. Intellect and most of all sensitivity is the Alpha traits for a human.

Traits like sensitivity and compassion are highly sought after, rather than money and power. Do you personally want to date a tiger or brute or a career person?

Further, because everyone is chasing their careers, genetic drift, rather than alpha dating is fully in play. This is  because of the restrictions of our careerist gilded cage world we live in. Both genders are back to simply trying to find a compassionate beautiful person that is right for them, within a geographically desirable and career area.

Which girl would you rather be with?  Just a friendly reminder do not go for beautiful, rather, go for cordial. This is what your genes want, and what will make you happy in marriage. Beauty is boring (the girl on the left). Hot (the girl on the right) gets your juices flowing.

What is my point? My point is do not get too hung up on all the nonsense written about dating on the web or in books.  Know that your genes are searching for, an attractive person (and everyone can be attractive physically) that they can cooperate with, trust this. However, the next step is to find  someone that is real, that is transcendent, that is humble.  Dating advice falls short because they stress psychology and compatibility over genes and meaning of life. Interests and compatibility which is the center of this modern analysis for finding a match is non-sense. Genes and meaning is where it is at.

I am was never looking for companionship, that is for really old people with low hormone levels.

Have the Stones to take chances

Therefore, prove to yourself you do not have low hormones, will betray your birthright to find a wife and have family by taking radical chances for your genes sake. If our world is dominated by ladys that live in a careerist gilded cage, than my advice is why not pull out all stops and go international to find your true happiness.  Have the T levels to break the rules and look outside your box will increase the odds. The women I know in careers usually have weight issues and have learned to prioritize their life rather than live it.  I do not want to one of many priorities. I would not personally want to date that girl.

Now the Destiny/Meaning of life part of find your lady friend – Do this exercise:

Turn off all your electronic devices. Go to a room and close the door. Turn off all lights and and open the blinds and curtains so the room has natural light. You know so you can see the dust float buy type light. Something out of a Rembrandt painting. If you do not know Rembrandt look up his paintings online.

See life as it is by simply looking around you, not in a ritualistic or self help way, simply look.

Now do not mediate or do anything, just try to look and really see the things around you. Try to see the surreal nature of the world we live in. Just look around the room and look at things. See reality as it is. See that life is complex has multiple layers. It is not simply about swiping a dating app and you will find a partner. Life has a flow of its own.  If dating apps were so effective, in themselves, why are there so many people unhappy about their dating life?

If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro’ narrow chinks of his cavern.  William Blake

See the canvas around you.

Life is not a Prophylaxis excises that can be solved with a system or approach. You just have to have a little trust that something else is at play here.

What does this excise have to do with finding a cordial lady? Everything. You need to see and believe that there is a complex stratification of reality and that destiny and the way of life is often not as it appears on the surface.

Marry a lady friend that understands what it means to transcend to climb above cell phones and snap chat.

If you do not have crazy drama in dating you are not trying

It is about finding your destiny not about filtering criteria and thinking too hard about all this.

You have to let the dating process play out. You have to accept the drama in dating and know the whole point in dating is to get to the alter and have offspring. No one will be able to tell you at a conscious level how to do this, you just have to accept the fact it will be a challenge.

How about all the guys and girls that ‘think’ this person is the one

The key idea here is you think it, it makes sense to you at the time, but it is not real. Love is about living it with all the chaos and uncertainly that is coupled with dating. Nothing about love makes sense. It just has to happen. You have to have the drama, the arguing the cordial and cold cycles, the pendulum that swings between pain and ecstasy. No one I personally know, rationally came to the conclusion that this is the person they should marry.

You need to find a smoking cordial girl who is on a path of humbling herself or she will eventually annoy you with her ego.

OK so how do you hone in on “the One”?

The longest distance on earth is between the head and the heart

You can not figure out who is the one, by critical thinking and analysis. You just have to feel it.

Being the one is just like being in love. No one can tell you your in love, you just know it. Through and through. Stones to bones. – Oracle The Matrix

Before I get into the specifics lets talk about the past. It seems so many people are hung up on the past.

If you want to dwell on the past read a history book, not your personal past.

What if you have been dating for five or more years?

Is this not the one? These years and intense feelings do they not count? My question is why have you not take action?Perhaps you have low hormones or something, or better explanation is the girl has not inspired you.

Something is holding you back. Mating by nature is reckless and impulsive. If you have been dating for five years plus where is the romance there?

People in your past?

They were stepping stones. They are not the one. If they were, you would have  put a ring on their figure.

Every person you went on a date with before you were married, does not count. When you are married, you will not go back in your mind and reminiscence or wonder if you should have married that person because you let them go. It is almost a criteria or test, that is if you can let people go then you can get married.

What if you were married in the past?

It takes two to make a commitment. If you were married and had no and I mean zero kids, it might not count depending on the circumstances. For example, even in the eyes of the Roman Catholic Church you both people would have to be open to the possibles of children, if not it is a fake, not real, just a date you brought to a wedding rather than you getting married.

Erase that relationship out of your brain like all your past relationships. It is so lame when a guy or girl thinks about their relationship that did not work out. Maybe they are lonely or trying to figure it out. But there is nothing to figure out, it was the incorrect answer for your genes and her genes to pair off.

Can you go back to an old relationship? I would not recommend it because it ended for a reason. If you go back in your mind to an old relationship it is your ego trying to figure out why you were rejected or why you did something wrong. Which is normal, but better is to say simply it was not meant to be and understand the universe has your real path ahead.

If you get fixated on a past relationship that did not work it will not help you move forward to your real one and only.

Ask God to help release you from the chains of your past.

Who is the one? The one is the person who you marry and have a family with.

How do you know? How do you choose?

I believe:

Birds of a feather flock together

You want your worldview Doppelgänger. Someone who is just like you from the opposite gender from a moral point of view.

From a looks standpoint they just have to be super cordial. Common interests are not a big factor – if you find someone who see the world from the same way, then interests will develop.

For me ethics is connected to religion, Plato, Meaning of life, idealism and Romanticism. You might forge your own ethic, but the person you mate with you need to have this commonality of ethics.

If interests are the same and all the check boxes are there, but ethical ideas are off you will find yourself in a Nash prisoner’s dilemma scenario eventually and the outcome will be tragic.

So how do you find your soul mate?

Pray, meditate and put yourself out there. Do dating apps or travel the world (recommended) but put yourself in the game. Let nature play out. Get rejected and your heart broken and have a lot of drama. But if you do that, combine the transcendence with action, you will find your mate. Doing only dating apps or travel and not the transcendent aspects is the sound one one hand clapping. Also just visualizing and not circulating yourself is the sound of one hand clapping. You have to do both, the whole thing, pray and action. You have to accumulate some battle scars of life in the dating world.

How much should I risk in finding love?

I’ve seen an Agent punch through a concrete wall. Men have emptied entire clips at them and hit nothing but air. Yet their strength and their speed are still based in a world that is built on rules. Because of that, they will never be as strong or as fast as you can be. – The Matrix – Morpheus conversation to Neo.

Dating sites and psychology and advice from friends or from the web are all based on limited ideas, lists, quizzes and rules. When it comes to finding the one, you have to pull out all stops, and not break the rules, but ignore them and live like there are no rules.

I have always felt the rules do not apply to me – Mark Biernat

If the girl you are suppose to be with blows you off, show up at her window at 2 am in the morning with a guitar playing it in the rain.  If she calls you a stalker, thank her for the complement, because that is her really saying ‘wow no guy ever did this and my limited brain and universe can not processes his greatness’. At least you play to win, you are a man.

Travel the world do what you have to. If you are swiping too many dating apps, throw your phone into the crusher. The crusher is a good play for many electronic devices if inordinate time using them is dissipating your zest for the real world.

If you want the moon and the stars you have to live like there is no tomorrow

 Life is too short to spend online

Live your life.

All these wounds will heal instantly once you find the one

So again you want a conclusion, a simple formula. I have given you one. Pray, meditate or visualize and have the stones to travel and search and be prepared to have drama and get burned many times.  If women are not milking you for cash, cheating on your and calling you a stalker you have never really dated. However, somehow, somewhere when you least expect it you will be standing at the alter. All is drama will dissipate  in your memory and you will simply wondering how did I marry such a cordial lady.

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke

Author: Mark Biernat

I live in with family between two worlds, US and Europe where I create tools for language learning. If you found my site you probability share my passion to be a life long learner. Please explore my site and comment.

One thought on “The one – a simple test to determine if you met your soulmate”

  1. “‘Tis impossible to be sure of any thing but Death and Taxes,”

    – The Cobbler of Preston by Christopher Bullock (1716)

    “Our new Constitution is now established. Everything seems to promise it will be durable; but, in this world, nothing is certain except death and taxes.”

    —  Benjamin Franklin, in a letter to Jean-Baptiste Leroy, 1789

    It’s funny how these 2 historical quotes resonate strongly with me concerning life. I think it also pertains to love and finding “the one” to marry. I absolutely do not agree with some of the things said in this article. Praying, meditating, and/or visualizing, then going out with the stones to travel and “getting burned” is not a guaranteed formula to finding “the one.” The keyword to insert here is you MIGHT find the one, not WILL. There is a titanic difference between the two.

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