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What a cabbie from Pakistan taught me about girls, love and marriage

Pakistan, USA, what does it matter when it comes to the truth about life and love?

Do not be mislead, the day goes out the door,  life will be short – Bertolt Brecht

When I was a single guy and an IT consultant, I was in Boston on a consulting gig. One day I hopped into a cab. I asked him here was from, I knew the Middle East somewhere and he said Pakistan. The cab driver and I started chatting about life for no other reason but to pass the time. The our conversation somehow evolved into a tete-a-tete about love and marriage. He said look, the problem is this.

American girls have too much time to think. If you give a girl, whether from Pakistan or the USA, a chance to think and analysis you are in trouble my friend. – Pakistani cab driver

Before you all through up defenses walls and roll your eyes hear out my story and his advice.

He was happily married and his advice was as follows about love and marriage:

  • The dating process is too long – People are in relationships for years and if you give a girl a chance to analysis it she will. You will find yourself living with her for years and nothing moves forward and the relationship will be hopeless. Here is how it is done, look you meet a girl you like, and in a short time ask her to marry you. She will. Do not date her, rather marry her. Think of all the arranged marriages work. It is true. My wife confirmed this and said, its true, girls want action, give them time to think they will pick apart a relationship.
  • Once married she will be happy for a while – Being a lady friend is only for a day, and the honeymoon ends when you fly home. Therefore, before she can start talking to American women and friends and analysing things.The solution, get her pregnant. She will be happy and have more things to worry about, besides analysing her relationship with you.
  • Do it again with her – Then once the first child gets settled, get her pregnant again. With the second baby she will not have time to have a war party with her disco going materialistic American friends who are having girls night out.
  • Marriage is forever – By the time she caught her breath she will not have the energy to rebel. By the third time you get her pregnant it is all over. She will be a little older and the flight factor will be less because she is older and needs you to help her with the kids.

What every girl wants

Look every girl dreams of getting married and having a family. No matter how cordial they are or how they love clubbing until 4 a.m. and have materialistic nonsense pumped into their brains, they still are girls and one million years of evolution they can not resist. They want marriage like you want ‘physical relations’, it is an instinctive drive that can not be over ridden. They have to get married or they will fade away very unhappy.

If you give a girl time to think:

  1. She will find someone else.
  2. Analysis the situation and be shackled by the bonds of excess thought and become unhappy.

Do not be mislead, life is very short, so drink it is fast gulps – Bertolt Brecht

Why marriage works well for a man – her body?

Marriage for a man this works out very well. The human natural state is marriage. There is nothing better than being in love. Yes all I do is write about true love and this is the reason you get married. But also consider men need physical relations. We can not do without it. The only real and decent way to get an endless supply of physical relationships is to get married. Once you are married, you have complete free access and do not have to worry about the next time you might hook up  with a girl or get a girl’s mobile phone number or play the game of texting back and forth.

A relationship is like a flower and should not be picked apart or it will lose its beauty.

With marriage you feel better about yourself morally as relations outside of marriage are not too cool as they hurt people’s feelings and can cause an array of problems. But in marriage you basically have a girl who has full permission to submit her body to your needs and she likes it.

So the only real solution is find a super cordial lady with good morals and lock her down. Do do not over analysis all this, find a nice cordial younger woman and after a short dating phase ask her to marry you. Do this before she has time to over analysis all this.

Is Pakistan a close minded country which represses women?
Every Pakistani girl I have met has been happily married. Many American women I met are analysing their relationships ad nauseam. America has a 50% divorce rate, Pakistan 1%, you do the math. I am not asking you to take the advice of some Pakistani cab driver about love and marriage, but you know what he is honest. He does not beat arround the bush or sugar coat things. He told me straight; women want to get married, find one and make her happy by giving her a family and you will find this is what you wanted all along too, but the messages in your brain somehow got crossed with society and all.

You know I have to agree, this poor Pakistani guy is more of a man with his wife and family living in a small apartment than professional single American player guys who think so highly of themselves for scoring with girls every other weekend. Do not take it as a criticism, just shatter your illusions that being single, having a career and having high numbers in terms of bedding girls will give you the happiness that marriage does and always has through history.

By Mark Biernat

I live in with family between two worlds, US and Europe where I create tools for language learning. If you found my site you probability share my passion to be a life long learner. Please explore my site and comment.

4 replies on “What a cabbie from Pakistan taught me about girls, love and marriage”

I think your analysis about girls and what a girl needs or a girl’s hope is, is not sufficient; because both the heart of man or the heart of woman need to each other; and the power of love attract them ; so will tell more next time about the feeling of the both man and woman.

Yes, men and women want to find each other and fall in love. I believe in finding your soul mate.

But if that is so true, and it is, why do some many people live with each other for 7 years and are in long-term serial monogamous relationships without ‘pulling the trigger’ and getting married and then ‘pulling the goalie’ and having a baby?

All is written above has nothing to do with love or healthy relationship. It is about abusing women. In countries like Pakistan most of the women don’t have access to education and well paid jobs or just paid jobs. They just have no choice in life. Many of them were forced to get married (and arranged marriages aren’t much different from forced marriages. They are basically the way to legalize rape). Of course moving to the countries where such things are illegal increases the “flight factor”. Most of the women in North America will run away from a man who has a life plan like this and those who won’t will become clients of women’s shelters later. The right way to have a normal relationship and marriage it’s to ask your partner about their thoughts, feelings and goals in life, not just “make her pregnant” so she won’t have time to think about meeting her friends or achieve any of her dreams.

I just read Marina’s comment above, and think I need to clarify a few things about my country. I agree with the article and also to some extent with what the cabbie said. I think women are very intellectual beings, whether men like that or not. And in doing so, we imagine and create a lot of things. When I was pregnant with my first child I would imagine what she would look like, and trust me, the way I made up my mind – that is almost how she looked like growing up. I also keep on thinking how to fix problems in the house, how to talk to my in-laws, how my husband might be flirting with women at his office (and I used to work, but left after my second pregnancy – not due to any external pressure) and so on. I spoke about this with my sisters and mothers and they said they all act similarly. I think it is the female psyche that we over think, while men do not worry much about things. My husband might lie on the couch and watch TV, even if there are things broken in the house he needs to fix. But their brains come into action whenever they have knowledge of what needs to be done. Before my marriage I used to think too much about too many things, and especially during the times when I was being courted by my husband, I was always thinking if he would marry me or not. My sisters got arranged marriage because they believed courting doesnt work for them. I didnt get arrange married. There’s no pressure in Pakistan on whether one wants to get arranged married or not. Yes, in few remote communities it does exist, but then again such remote communities exist in large countries like USA (Amish community) Russia (Dagestan region). And even in communities where women are married off by arrangement, it is hardly forced. Believe it or not, women enjoy a lot of freedom when it comes to marriage and divorce in Pakistan. We are not like Middle Eastern countries where women are not allowed to see their men before marriage. Even there the cultures are changing now, as they understand what Islam really taught about marriage. In Islam, forced marriage is illegal, but centuries of culture crept on top of Islamic laws. Regarding jobs, Pakistan doesn’t have the gender pay gap issue either. In fact, women make equal amount for the same job level. I was amazed to hear about the gender pay gap issue in USA. But then again, women began voting there in the 70s, whereas Pakistan had a female head of state, twice. Yet again, we are not so big on the feminism thing. We understand the fact: both males and females have their own roles. Feminism in the west is a hoax, that was created to fill the vacuum made by a patriarchal western society.

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