Dating in America: I am so lonely and desperate – and I am single
Why is it that Americans feel the need to almost apologize when they are looking for someone? They feel the need to qualify things with statements like ‘ I am not desperate’ . This is so American.
Many Americans behave like if you do not have a boyfriend or girlfriend that looks like someone out of a J. Crew catalog, others will think there is something wrong with you. If you are not chewing the corpulent on the weekends with some group of friend at a clam bake watching the sun set, having dry wine and french cheese than you are not living. This is so lame Americana.
The truth about being single
Here is the truth. Few people have this life and if you were living it would you be happy? Being depressed and alone is par for the course. I was lonely and depressed. If you date someone, but they are not your one and only, that is messed up. It is better to wait until the end of time, rather than to have a temporary boyfriend or girlfriend, especially just for ‘boom-boom’. Why? You are distracting yourself from your real purpose of finding a mate. It does not allow you to feel the full pain of being single and lonely, therefore, push you to action.
Yes being single, lonely and depressed is a good thing. Take it as a sign or a call to action in American speak. It makes us desperate enough to look outside ourselves for someone to rescue and save our lives in every sense of the word. And this is what love does. Have no illusions, love destroys your walls.
American girls tend to be detached
See what happens is many American girls are serial monogamous daters until their 30s for this reason. They are detached, prideful and distant. American girls like this are horrible to date if you ask me. Then when they are in their 30s they want to find this last hope guy. Good luck. Girls should be desperate and lonely in their 20s, We guys are.
Rilke quote on love
If you are single and not desperate and not looking that is totally messed up. If you are single and say, ‘I do not need someone to make me happy’. You are f_kced in the head. We all need love. It is the greatest part of being human. And like the Poet Rilke says Love is the work for which all other work is but preparation. Here is the full quote:
For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been given to us, the ultimate, the final problem and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation.
Before I met my wife, I was painfully lonely. I was lost. To be alone feels like 100, no 1000 cold daggers stabbing you deep in your heart. You feel this most depressed at night or when then sun goes down, around holidays in the winter, basically most of the time. Do you not feel this way?
I admit this and I am proud of this. Why? This is how you are supposed to feel when you do not have your other half. This is nature tell you to go out there and find your other half. There is nothing wrong with this. This is good. This is nature. This is the way it is suppose to be.
Look love makes the world go around. I think it is strange if someone says ‘I do not need someone’. This is so play chess withed up. If you do not need someone, you one messed up person. Everyone needs love like plants need the sun.
Do not feel the need to apologize that you are single or feel ashamed. It just means you have the courage of your convictions to wait. What if you do not meet your other half until 50. So what.
Why European girls are desperate in dating
I teach English one on one and I will tell you what I learned. I talk to Eastern European girls who have their PhD’s and are super successful directors of large companies. Since I teach them English I get to talk with many girl one on one about things like relationships and love as it is often brought up in conversation.
They all tell me, all of them, they want to find their other half so they can be in love. They would take care of him and treat him like a king. They want to stay at home and have babies. They like it is a man is interested in them and hope maybe he will ask her out to see if they are their other half. They tell me they are lonely and desperate and do anything to find their man.
When they get married they want to please their man in the bedroom, not thinking about themselves. And you know what? These girls look like super models. Really. I wish I could show you their hots. They are tall, thin and leggy.
This is the way the world thinks and this is normal.
Don’t you want some leggy super cordial girl, and I mean real beauty like on a magazine cover, looking into your eyes with her swollen soft lips, whispering in a somewhat depressed, but soft alluring voice ”I need you, I am so lonely and I desperately need you’.
It is not some Gothic male fantasy, this is reality if you are not in the USA. Contrast that with the American girl dating model of her telling you that she is a strong women and does not need a man. Geez Louise, you hook up and marry with some American girl with even slightly materialistic tendencies, then, all you will have in your life is to wait for is the sweet kiss of death to set you free.
America’s dating scene – When two single people meet it is a date OK?
America on the other hand as such a twisted dating dynamic. You cannot admit you want this or you are single and lonely because if you do you are kind of a old fashion loser. For example in America, if a gal and a guy meet, the girls often say, ‘OK I will meet you, but lets not call it a date’. Let me tell you when two single people of the opposite friendship meet, even for coffee, it is a date. They are meeting to consider if they would be good mates and want to make babies together. American dating is so upside down.
Dating is for mating
Read my lips. If you are an American girl or and American guy. Be honest with yourself. What in your heart of hearts do you really want. Not what has been programmed in your about career or success or keeping up with the Jones. Do you not want to have babies?
This is a strong, deep instinctual urge. Do you not want to mate? Then stop playing games with your dating life and be honest with yourself.
Humble yourself to find your true love
What if you are single you are looking for love and you are lonely and you are desperate and hopefully mildly depressed? If you are you have hope. If you can admit this to yourself, then maybe you will humble yourself , and take action to find the person who you are supposed to be with. If you can not find them in the USA, look in other countries. Even match.com has a European dating website. If you want to find an Irish guy, look on anotherfriend.com. If you want to find a Polish girl look on sympatia.onet.pl. Look through my site and all the recommendations I make for dating sites in different countries. But the best of course is to travel. Important: do not leave this site without checking out my specific recommendations I have in my posts. At least look at the hots or leave a comment. It is OK to be lonely, desperate and depressed. It is not OK not to do something about it. The world is full of opportunities.
Nice article, Mark. I’m glad you are able to tell the truth when it seems like so many other Americans in this country will lie about it. Trying to say things like “I’m single and happy” is like saying that it feels good when you step on a nail and it goes through your foot. This is how American women are. They’ll go into a relationship for a couple of years, break up, go through their “single and happy” routine. That lasts for maybe 6 months at the most before the loneliness kicks in and then they will enter a new relationship for about 1-3 years. Pick and choose your numbers and the vicious cycle continues until they reach their 30’s. Hence the serial monogamy. If someone tried to tell me that they don’t get lonely then I would simply tell them how full of it they are. I would proceed to tell them that if that were true, then they would not be human. Simple as that. That usually shuts them up.
Do I get lonely? Sure, but not as frequently as I did in the past. I guess it’s because of a number of things. Over the years, I have learned how to manage my single life in a way that will minimize that agonizing feeling. Also, now that I am more educated about American women, I now know how they are. When I was younger I had no clue. The truth is out and I am on to their stupid and immature games. The American dating scene is a gigantic failure of epic proportions. I boycott it.
Thank you. I wrote this because I wanted other to know that most people feel this way. Why pretend. Oh before I was married I was painfully lonely. Why? I did not meet my other half. Nothing wrong with that. That is why I wrote this to make others who might feel this way, and it is normal.
But as years past you can live in like a status quo of being single and you adapt. But let from my own personal experience there is nothing better than finding the one for you. Especially if you are attracted to her like she is to you.
Thank you so much for your article. I really appreciate your words, reminding me that it´s completely okay feeling desperate, lonely and unhappy once I´m single. I come from central Europe but last year, I was in the USA.
The first question when I met somebody new there (no matter if it was a girl or a boy) was: ” Do you have a boyfriend?” I always felt pissed when they were asking me about this because all of them had boyfriends / girlfriends but I just didn´t.
And I felt very bad about it because (I don´t mean to flatter myself) I was way more cordialter than they did / relating to my face and body/.
But I just didn´t have a bf because either I met guys who I was not friendshipually attracted to or if I was, we were not compatible mentally. Reminding me that I´m single made me very sad because I realized that I do deserve and have right to have MY husband but I just haven´t met him yet. It was not fair from Americans, constantly spitting on my face that I´m single.
In Europe, nobody spits this on you at least. But if they do or not, u still feel fu**ked in your head about not having anyone while others do. Anyway, I know that I´m too cordial and great to be alone for the rest of my life:D So I guess all I need to do is just to take my time until I find my other half and stop listening crap about single people. After all I do believe that I´ll meet my husband (because I have peace in this issue) and this is the most important thing in the world.
I lived in central Europe for ten years, in a country called Poland, in a city called Krakow, I do not know if you know this place.
About Americans and relationships, ‘yeah right’, Americans with a 50 % divorce rate and like 52 % of kids growing up in a single parent home, these are generally not people to take seriously about dating advice. Do not go to their level. Do not listen to relationship advice from people not happily married for a while.
Americans are the last people you should heed relationship tips from, as American culure swallowed Freudian psychobabble, ‘hook, line and sinker’. This generation let this germinate and pollute the collective unconsciousness of our dating scene. Combine that with a little bit of American competitiveness and manifest destiny, and keeping up with the Jones and you have people looking down on you if you are not dating some superficial dude with a nice car and a career on the upswing.
Americans date partners they can talk about like stocks at a dinner party
Americans often view potential mates like stocks or equities traded on an exchange. The guy does not have to be making money now, however, he needs to be flashy or trendy or have high present value based on a discounted stream of cash flow from the future. A translation is, the guy has to be something that other people will admire. Someone they can talk about at a dinner party like a stock. ‘Oh my boyfriend is ‘blank”. ‘Oh, you do not have a boyfriend, you poor little child’.
You meet these same people in ten years time and they will not have as fullfilling life as you.
The American way of dating, that is find someone, contradicts my philosophy of finding someone who makes your heart skip a beat when they come into a room, and has good morals and will swept you off your feet based on romantic ideals as well as raw physical attraction.
Further, American with such high expectations based on low romantic ideal, and need to get feedback from others around them, Americans will make these petty comments often because they have a mentality that they would rather be in a hopeless relationship with some hopeless guy than not show up with anyone. Remember, some beznadziny facet will destroy you more than being single would.
It is a good question to find out if someone has a girlfriend before you get too serious as many guys here to play by the way.
By the way I know scores of amazing guys in the USA that would love to meet a sleeping beauty like you. So if you ever really get down you can friend me on Facebook and I know many prince charming.
According to the author, 100% of people in the world are just like him and are forever crying their eyes out over someone they have never met. Clearly, I will be called a liar, but I will truthfully say that I have never in fact wished to find this person called “my other half”. Why should I be made to feel like I am missing out on happiness just because people like the author feel that being what he calls a “strong woman” is something to be ashamed of? I can think of plenty of things that are a far greater use of my time than mingling with the flighty, insignificant affairs of people on “the dating scene”. I read history books; I study engineering; I delve into mathematical theories; and I think about concepts in astronomy during my spare time. I also travel, and I get to do what I want to do without compromise (and without some immature asshole criticizing every lifestyle choice I make). Perhaps I am simply better at creating my own life, and thus I am not so bored as to be desperate enough to need someone else to create a life for me.
I wish you luck with all that.
If your in your early 20s “I do not need a man as I am a strong woman” might work, but remember you are a human being. Being human means we are heart centered not self or brain centered. The heart is the center of your body and spiritual process in this life. The brain, as wonderful as it is can play with ego and lead you to unhappiness.
Just remember as you develop that humans are heart centered. If your ego and brain work together to deny your soul its heart connection on this life, I would recommend self reflection.
I recommend you read the writings of Helen Keller or Anne Rice or Jane Austen or Mother Teresa. This life is a gift and you can choose a path of compassion and love with a family or love and compassion for society in general in which you serve humanity with every fiber of your being.
But to just live alone will get old fast when summer’s short lease is over.
Thank you for writing this article. I am an American woman and had found ‘my other half’ but lost him to deportation, long story. After a year I am still grieving and I am sick and tired of hearing, you have to be okay with your loneliness before you are ready for a relationship. I also totally agree that dating in this country is play chess withed, men are so gun shy and think that every woman wants to get married at the get go, well women need best friends, who turn into lovers, who turn into mates, one each I mean. So do you have any advice for me. I admit, I am lonely, I do believe that we were meant to be half of a whole. With all of my heart. So in the interim I do not know how to deal with this loneliness inside my heart and soul. I miss my companion, my lover, and most American men just do not understand what American women need, or I have been very unlucky. My boyfriend who was deported was from Europe, and I cannot live there because I have a daughter here, please advice. I was crying reading your article. Thanks.
Perhaps this article is about me.. I choose to stay single over marrying a self-righteous and loathing American harlot. Yes, call me judgmental, condescending or a societal reprobate. All these labels you may use for me. I am painfully lonely yes. Just as Yahushua Ha Moshiach (Jesus The Christos) had to bear so many burdens and rejection, I feel am I too.
I choose to stay alone, depressed and lonely. I live in a place where it is cold, rains all the time and people are very reserved and self-absorbed. Basically, being a village Yid boy from the Shtetl, this is the exact opposite culture as where I belong. Maybe, the weather is
I yearn for my Shtetl and for the SHidduch Elohim G-d has intended for me. But, because i am pierced and thrown in the heart of Babel (Babylon), I must live life beign single, lonely depressed and desperate.
Here is the amazing part of it all. I must let my flesh die, so my spirit may life!!
Ruach Ha Chai Olam!
The Spirit lives forever!
Yes, all these cares we have for women, gold and glory on Earth can be in vain. I realy doubt many women on Earth care for a man for his heart. This is a journey and a quest, but nothing to take too seriously until you really meet this mystery woman who is like an oasis flower in a cordial barren desert.
American women are walking zombies that have one goal, to eat your heart! They won’t stop until they have used you for as much as they can. American women are taught to find trophy men who must live up to their quixotic demands. American men are taught to be fools who either sell themselves into a modern day form of legal slavery or who just use women for their v_ginal cavities, the male equivalent of a trophy woman.
Sorry, the snow and icy rain is coming, two weeks of dark weather.. The SAD is getting to me. Pardon me, if this topic has spawned to much retort from me.
Hi I was not thinking of your, rather I was thinking of a couple other people who wrote on the blog and write me and some comments I do not approve. But mostly it is about me. I mean I was going well in my career, working out, doing all kind of ‘cool’ things, but I was horribly lonely. It was simple, I needed to find my princess and me wallowing and thinking why do these American girls just not click with me made perfect sense after I meet my wife. I was not to marry an American girl. My princess was waiting for me on the other side of the world. It was like the universe was pushing me to find my destiny and the more I ignored it the more I felt the pain.
I think this is similar to God’s law. They are real. People might not be aware of them or might choose to ignore them. Then when they have trouble in their lives they wonder what happened. Chances are it is connected to something the universe needs to teach them spiritually and they were not listening, so the universe comes back with a little stronger hint.
It is case and point with feeling alone. If you feel this way it is like the Bible says, ‘you leave your mother and father to go to your spouse’ and nature encouraging this. At least this is true in my case. I mean girls have the same thing. They want to be like Carrie Bradshaw and single in the city their whole lives with guys chasing them. Wrong. It is a bankrupt business model that has no future. Everyone needs someone.
Mark, I know the article wasn’t literally about me.. I was speaking more figuratively.. Sorry, for the confusion. It was a poor choice in words. Yes, when I read things about being lonely, depress and single, well of course I tend to make a connection. Don’t worry about anything. This is a great article Mark and I appreciate it. It is an eye-opener.
Perhaps this blog is about many American men and women. Not just you and me.. I know that the core of this article was from your own eyes. I just relate to it very well.
I apologize for confusing you about what I said.
“They are detached, prideful and distant. ”
So were almost all the Polish girls I knew. Lots of Polish women are incredibly cold, haughty, two-faced, manipulative and materialistic. This trend is constantly growing nowadays.
“I was painfully lonely. I was lost. To be alone feels like 100, no 1000 cold daggers stabbing you deep in your heart. You feel this most depressed at night or when then sun goes down, around holidays in the winter, basically most of the time. Do you not feel this way?”
These are the best words describing what I feel. I’m 27 now and I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve never even dated a girl. There were no serious problems with my personality, intelligence or appearance except I was always shy and maybe a kind of nerd. I knew a lot of girls, e.g. when I was at the university, I talked a lot to them, but they seemed to be so distant and unapproachable. No chance for anything more than a timid friendship. Once when I fell in love with a girl who was my friend for a few years and she noticed it, she became arrogant and suggested in many ways I should better stay away from her. Such a turn in her behavior was completely incomprehensible to me.
I have stopped with the fables and dreams that I’m ever gonna be able to find a girlfriend. I had a few episodes of depression during the last several years (that was not the only reason, of course), and, unfortunately, I’ve become an Internet addict. This addiction even started to ruin my life. I’m on antidepressant drugs all time, I go to a psyccordialherapist. I feel like a total loser.
Many Polish girls are going the way of the west in terms of values, but I do not think it is like that yet in Poland 100%.
I think also if you are from Poland, I do not know where you are living, you could go to Western Ukraine. See girls like exotic or something different. I know many people who do this in Poland and are happily married.
Or consider Latin American girls. A couple of my friends one from Sweden and two from Holland married girls from this part of the world and they are very happy. The mixing of culture spices it up a bit.
OK but all that practical stuff aside. I promise you, you will find your princess who will be 100 times better than anyone you have ever meet. Girls go for older guys. Most of my friends did not really start to date girls seriously until they were in their 30s.
Fate has a strange sens of irony – Sure you get guys that are studs and marry in their 20s. But to marry young many people say is not a happy life. My friends that did married girls about their same age and by 35 have pot bellies and their wives have ‘relax’ and really put on weight. Better might be to start dating about now or in a few years and find someone about ten years younger.
Trust me – for you it is just the beginning of dating, or in a few years. You if you play your cards right will have more women to chose from than George Clooney.
OK now that is the practical me talking.
Here is the real me: I believe in destiny and corpulente. You have not meet your other half because it is not your time. When it is your time nothing will keep you apart. I do not know if matches are made in heaven but I think people are here on this earth to develop spiritually. You have not meet your other half yet because either you are her are not ready and it is not time. Just be patient and use this time to develop yourself or work or travel or whatever you are into. And when it is your time you will find her and ever day after that will be happiness. I know people will disagree and say it is not like that but it is.
I work from home. I am with my family 24/7. We are rarely apart for more than an hour. I have known my wife for almost 7 years, I do not think will change. Before I was married I was mildy depressed a lot of the time. It is normal. After I meet my wife, I understand what it was all about. I had to have enough motivation to slay a few dragons, get out of my career and find my wife.
‘Our greatest fears are like dragons guarding our heart’s deepest treasures, waiting for use to be bold and beautiful.’ – Rilke.
Until you meet your other half, most people are mildly depressed and just existing, but not really living. At least that is how I felt. But it motivated me to ‘take up arms against my sea of troubles’ (Shakespeare).
Your words ending with this – “‘Our greatest fears are like dragons guarding our heart’s deepest treasures, waiting for use to be bold and beautiful.’ – Rilke.
Until you meet your other half, most people are mildly depressed and just existing, but not really living. At least that is how I felt. But it motivated me to ‘take up arms against my sea of troubles’ (Shakespeare).
Are truly beautiful to me.
I believe in spiritual growth and feel I am developing towards something greater and yet I am not quite there. But I do feel sick of being without someone to be my own and to be able to love completely and be loved back.
When you say you believe when I am ready we will find each other and just know and the way you talk of humans purpose on this planet, I find your philosophy of spiritual development and finding love truly beautiful and when you say it will happen to me one day you give me great hope.
It is almost like all the spiritual work you do before you are married is like accumulated good karma for finding your mate. I know it is a simplistic but I feel all the loneliness and trials I experienced before I was married prepared me to be a better man for my wife.
I am confident your will meet your other half.
I think Poland has a demographics disaster with a massive shortage of single women. I skimmed over the demographics last year and I believe in the early 40s age range there are twice as many unmarried men than women. In the 30s age range I can’t recall exactly but I think it was 50%-80% more unmarried men than women.
The West is not that bad, but still more single men than women at every age point up to about 50. On the surface it may seem male and female ratios are balanced out. But once you only look at unmarried men and women, it shows that there are about 80 women per 100 men in the US and Canada in the 20 to 30 age range.
The Female to male ratio in Krakow or any major city in Poland for girls in their 20s is many more girls than guys as girls educate themselves at a higher level rate. Poland is loaded with beautiful girls in their 20s. In their 30s I do not know if that changes, where did you get your facts? I think girls like cities and all the conviences. Men die at a faster rate then men so this is only increases the female to male ratio as time goes one. Men take risks and live wild. Women go to doctors and have better genetics as their bodies are made to care for children. So after living in Poland for ten years I have no idea what you are talking about.
Even if you could show me some government statisitic (I doubt that), I would say that has not been my exprience. Poland is crawling with young beautiful girls looking for their one and only true love, who are educating themselves, learning language, styudying music, travelling and have a real intellectual curiousity.
I’m sure what I found was more recent, but for now I found 2002 Census info (http://bit.ly/Auwis2). I bumped up the ages by 9 years.
Single:
24-28
Male: 1,673,322
Female: 1,583,509
Excess single men: 89,813 (5.7% excess)
Women per 100 men: 95
–similar to G8 and Anglo countries
29-33
Male: 1,408,710
Female: 1,132,349
Excess single men: 276,361 (24.4% excess)
Women per 100 men: 80
–similar to G8 and Anglo countries
34-38
Male: 714,318
Female: 447,502
Excess single men: 266,816 (59.6% excess)
Women per 100 men: 63
–much worse than standard ratios
39-43
Male: 304,722
Female: 168,509
Excess single men: 136,213 (80.8% excess)
Women per 100 men: 55
44-48
Male: 219,895
Female: 109,523
Excess single men: 110,372 (101% excess)
Women per 100 men: 50
By the way, I’m not trying to be argumentative…I like your site.
I have to say this is interesting. Poland actually is a country that has more births of females from my understanding, however, there statistics are enlightening. However, I can assure you that with dating age women in the cities there are more available women than men. Women simply go to univerity at a higher rate, go to cities for jobs or take care more. There might be more men on a global statistic but many cities in the west from Boston to NYC to Krakow to Lviv, have more available females to males.
So I do not mean to be argumentive but I lived in Poland for almost ten years and never did I see so many women looking. The competition was high compared to the west. Or maybe it is that the percentage of women who are looking are higher. There is something behind these statistics that do not make sense.
I feel for you. We have alot in common emotionally anyway. I have never had a girl friend or dated either, have had lots of girls who were friends. I even fell for one after knowing her for 9 years, and she reacted exactly the same way. She even went so far as to call me vicious and hateful names. I have seen stopped talking to any female, other than family and then rarely. Women these days are evil self absorbed hateful individuals. Yes I live in America, so can’t speak for women everywhere.
I also became addicted to the distractions you can find online, to try to fill the void in my life.. only to end up on all kinds of meds and “treatment” none of it works. I have a mess of side effects, so I stopped taking all the meds 9 months ago. I just wanted you to know your not the only one. There are more of us men in america who so just want someone to love, and be loved by. Feminist’s have destroyed our culture with they man hating, under cutting of society. They even teach kids in children shows how evil, stupid, worthless men are. And how only women can be happy if they are better than men. I will shut up on this… its just so sad. Keep you chin up, and if you need to look abroad for someone, I would if I had the money to travel.. I can barely make rent and eat once a day. Internet at public library.
Hey! I am american girl and I feel the same way the European women feel!!
I don’t think it has to do with nationality–it has to do with “This is how God created the world to be: the woman’s desire is for her husband–God literally said that in Genesis!–and the man to care for her.”
I am a domestic Christian female–content in my natural role in life–and I would be even more content if the women I knew would leave me be!!
ALL my life I had to explain reasons for being a homemaker, and now I found words to say, “It is natural to want to be this way because I am a true woman!! NOT a workaholic materialistic, this is what the God of the Bible created me to be!”
Ok, quick question, there is this guy who is 24, and I am 17, but I don’t care, love knows no age boundaries is what one of my girlfriends told me,”
But anyway this guy is lonely and sad too, I have been very open and honest about what I have been through, and about my need for a mate.
The thing is, what more do I say to him, to maybe have him like me? I really don’t know.
My other girl friend say to talk about light subjects with guys, but when I meet a guy that I like I, when I can talk to him face to face, kinda sorta alone, I want to talk about the future, like “how many kids do you want? what will your carreer be? what is your passion? who are you? If you tell me, I will answer you back, and be completly honest!”
Is it wrong to feel like that?
In Poland where I live now, people at 17 talk like this. This is because it is a traditional catholic culture, where people have one or maybe two boyfriends and get married at 24 and this is normal.
But the USA is different. It is a different culture entirely. I would start with finding out what he is interested in and be interested in that too a bit. For example, if he is into World of Warcraft, his dream come true would be a girl, who was interested in this.
If he is into chess, ask him to help you be a better chess player. If I had met a girl like this I would have been blown away. I love Lord of the Rings and when I found out my wife did two, it was a like a match made in heaven.
But also do not betray your own interests. If you are into Jane Austen, see if he is. Or if you like s_x in the city or Lost or something, see if he does. If not do not make an issue out of it, find commonality and build from that. I think keep it light and breezy at first, but if you want to bring it up your thoughts in a hypothetical situation do so. I always love deep conversation in the right time. I mean my wife and I really did not start dating until about a year of knowing each other so this left for a lot of time for light and breezy conversation before we even got into the heavy stuff.
Many people scare people away with heavy talk, unless it is the right person, they you will draw them to you, but I would not open up with this.
See love is like two pieces of cloth being woven together. Every ordinary day you spend together is like a stitch. With time you are one cloth and can not be pulled apart. The only thing is it is better if your other half has a pattern and color that matches to your cloth. That is if he is a plaid and you are pin strips, time will weave you two together, but it might not be a match.
So see what he is about from a world view stand point before you ask questions about mating and kids.
I am so sick of the verbiage around about if you need a man you must be deficient.
Men bring strength, discipline, practicality and boots-on-the-ground thinking to a woman. Women bring softness, compassion, an emotional safe harbour, support and society to a man. Both friendshipes are needed to make the world go round.
I am not a Christian by dogma, but I deeply believe in the Christian God and the balance of natures.
A woman should always stand by her man.
I would love taking care of my man. Make my man a home and cook and take care of him emotionally and physically because its my nature to do so.
I Make an effort to stay in shape, I am an emotional refuge for him. I love harmony in the household. I only want to be by his side in good times and in bad and never leave him. Because I know that a good man would always stand by me, be there for me, protect me and love me. Men are far more loyal than women.
Drum roll…I’m an American woman. Old fashioned, traditional, intensely loyal to the people I love and who are loyal to me.
I deal with the deep disappointments of the American men I meet every day. I have to deal with bitterness and anger caused by disappointments in love. I am one of the few women that come to the defence when a man is down.
But I am still alone.
Not because I am unattractive. I’m educated, witty, romantic and extremely energetic and healthy.
Its because I live in a culture where men think that being with a younger woman is better. We American women have our own issues to deal with in men our age.
I’m only 53 and look 45. But I am still on the receiving side of this perception. I have met it in men I have loved and given a lot to. Only to be disappointed when they pursue younger spoiled women. Just recently for me. He’s 55, overweight, poor, a little unhealthy but he is beautiful to me because of his strength, intelligence, generosity and loyalty to me. And still, he wants a younger woman despite loving me to pieces.
You shrug your shoulders and say that’s how nature is. OK…Then you have to understand what women see as solutions for it.
I honour that you are a traditional woman, yet I find it hard to believe that you have had 35 years, to find a man, and you could not? I do not understand, something does not add up? Are you expectations too high? Or you were too strong willed and tried to asset yourself or try to change a man? From 18 to 38 did you make finding a man your top priority, above everything else in life?
Oh, yeah, I emailed that 24 year old guy a link to this article; it will be interesting to hear what He has to say about it.
Also, one thing more–he is agnostic, but I am Christian and am trying to tell him about Jesus’s free gift of salvation–should I get romantically involved or back off? I know I have told him the gospel message–so my part is done in that area, now it is up to God to work on his heart.
This is a e. I think there are two way to look at it. The first is that God sees the goodness in all people, even if they do not see it in themselves. These people are anonymous Christians. Living the message of Jesus but not declaring it or knowing it. God sees this.
However, for me personally I think birds of a feather flock together. I am very happy that my wife is a Christian and that faith is a part of our lives. I would not have the same rich experience with her if we could not share faith as the center of our lives.
I am happy my mate is a Christian.
I see what you mean about different cultures: this is where I come in! I am a conservative Christian fighting secular humanism in america. It is also known as the culture war: Christian way of life vs. secular humanism (within it containing feminism, Darwinian macroevolution, atheism, and a varierty of friendshipual sins); Good vs. evil.
That is what American Christians are up against, and if they don’t ALL get their acts together, we will lose.
However, I study theology, Bibilical end times prophecies, and what is wrong with American culture since I was 9 years old. So I CAN tell you that the 3rd Great Awakening has started here, some say in California, and in this movement God will draw millions of unbelievers to Him, and after that is the Rapture.
So if God commands me to stay single I will serve Him and His purpose with everything that is in me. I love America, and it about time that this country is taken back for Jesus.
There is less then 1% chance you will stay single. A girl like your, educated, passionate aware and full of honey and vinegar in no way could not have some prince sweep you off your feet. The key thing is you are relatively young and it will take time. I did not meet my one and only true love of my life until I moved to Europe. If someone told me I would some day move to Europe be speaking a foreigner language and married to a princess from across the seas, I would have thought they were crazy.
No one can predict your life, not even you. There are so many twists and turns that it makes like exciting.
Like you, I believe life is the unseen battle between good and evil. I am a Christian but not a fundamentalist
I generally think what is before our eyes, or in our awareness, is not the real limit of reality. Hegel points out ‘there is a complex stratification of realty’. Our brains are limited by their physical structures and what we can not perceive or outside of our awareness is unknown. It is why dogs can not see rainbow (dogs can not they are color blind), as their brains are limited. Our brains are also. But what I do feel is that life is about learning to develop spiritually and in life we are tested many times.
I also feel, and maybe I am wrong, you are best off with someone who see the world like your do. Maybe a Christian. There are countless people who see the world like you.
I probably get the loneliest man of the year award. Depression and Desperation can also be described.
Sadly, I have been made an outcast and thrown away from my own community and most people because of the knowledge I have acquired.
The bible says, you will be hated, scourged, thrown out of synagogues for my sake. He who is of the world is not of God.
I am basically hated by the word, especially women because I accept the mitzvot (teachings) in the Bible and because of this I am the reject of the Earth and the offal of the world.
People seem to have the misconception that the more knowledge and wisdom you have, the more admired and respected you will be by the world; however, I have found it to be quite the contrary.
There is a reason why all the holy men of the bible died single, it is because most women could not keep up with the strict and orthodox lifestyle they lived in their faith. However, there are a few exceptions of women who followed their husbands and formed a close spiritual bond.
If California is the place of the 3rd Great Awakening, I think we ought to perhaps just stay in bed and sleep. How many abominations come out of California? I am an ex-Californian and have a lot of family there. The place is a haunt of heathen and every type of abomination of the world. Between San Francisco and Los Angeles, the homos_xual, p_rnography and vanity capitals of the world, I don’t see much treasure left in the “Golden State.”
Alyssa, be careful of you are trying to woo the heathen. I’m sure you think I may be a bit condescending, but I am warning you that a religious CHristian like yourself is only headed for trouble trying to get involved with a person who doesn’t have faith. The bible says not to marry a non-believer, but if you are already married to the non-believer then better not to divorce. You are setting yourself up for trouble. If you want to be a humble and submissive wife to the husband, trying to steer your new husband/boyfriend to God may result in a catastrophe. The worst part of it, is he may challenge your faith and cause problems for you and your children. THis is my advice, but you can make whatever decision you wish.
King Yahushua is a Great King to serve.. I am a celibate male who is almost twice your age. So, even though it is hard and lonesome at times, there are awards for those who keep themselves virgins.
I know that for me chasing after a biblical women is probably a waste of my efforts. All it has brought me is sorrow. My real hope is that I can be content and happy being alone and giving my heart to my Father and His Son Yahushua, My King.
that should be:
hated by the world, not word..
Sorry for typo.
To Yonatan,
I see what you mean about getting involved with unbelievers, but I do want to say that I won’t get romantically involved with him, though. Also, I was witnessing to a panfriendshipual guy who is my age–he lives in texas, and he has suffered abuse from his achoholic adoptive mom, and he has an eating disorder–anorexia; however when he told me he was open to religion, I ran with it!! And at the end of the time I spent talking with him, he said he would be talking with a pastor very soon!
So it is worth it to reach out to the lost–Jesus hung out with sinners, remember, not the Pharisees. He came for the lost, the least and the last.
To the lost–all I can offer to them is the gospel message, and if they come to Christ, that will be because G-d has worked on their hearts.
You talked about getting thrown out of synagogues–are you telling the Jewish people about Jesus?
If you do do that, then you will know about how I have the fire of evangelism in my heart.
You said something about California–granted it is heathen, but so is the rest of the world. If something good starts somewhere–then why should it matter where it starts, just that it starts?
I in america am fighting for the Christian way of life and its morals for the sake of my future children. I read the book, Mind Seige, by Tim LaHaye, and it scared me, but also roused me; because this book painted a picture of what america would look like if secular humanism took over, Secular humanism is the antithesis of Christianity–because it is a way of the life based on the lies of satan. Thus that is why we have a culture war here.
I am fighting with millions of others to prevent what happened to Russia, China, and other European countries, from happening here.
I am glad that you, like Paul, have found it well to serve God as a single man–that is inspiration. Paul talked about in the New Testament that he wished that all men were like he is. And he also said that single people can serve God the best because they have their whole attention on Him, not on the worldly concerns of being married.
To be completely honest, these days I am wanting to be single my whole life because I feel the pull of fighting secular humanism for God in my country very strongly. I am writing my memoir–to lead others to Jesus, and to revolutionalize the Christian teens of my generation. We are the next generation, and scores of studies have proven that even kids who have come before me are becoming more and more moral–they abhor abortion and do not support it, for example. See, not supporting something leads to action, and action leads to something being abolished. In my memoir, I teach by example–by what I have been through–no patronizing. I show how Psalm 119:50 has become true in my life.
Finally, G-d is a God of miracles–He will change my country through His people. It is time for a conservative counterculture revolution against to the mainstream educated princess, secular humanism culture.
Nice post Alyssa. Yes, Secular HUmanism is just a more convoluted term for godlessness.. Perhaps people use these terms to mask all the lusts, idolatry, greed and selfishness that is prevalent in their society. The scripture about being thrown out of synagogues, I think you took literally. Actually, I just wrote out the words of the verse, which uses the terms synagogues, because the term “church” did not exist in those days. In reality, you will be thrown out of churches and synagogues. There are many wolves in sheep’s clothing. If you are a true follower in Elohim God, the world will reject you, as it has rejected me. Being a reject is far from honorable in the eyes of men.
As bad as Russia may seem and as good as USA may seem, it was the Russian government that stopped the gay pride parade in Moscow. They deemed it was immoral and went against the values of their society and the ever increasing influence of their Russian Orthodox Christian church. I am yet to see our government or people try to break up a gay pride parade in good ol USA, the land of the Christian.
I’m glad you are so fervently on fire for God and his Son Yahushua Ha Moshiach. May Ruach Ha Kodesh (Spirt of Holiness) bless you and guide you in your spiritual journey. There will be many obstacles and not everything you think is so, will be so. It is wonderful that you have brought people to the Lord. However, think twice about romance with a recent convert. Because, in this day and age, people tend to bounce back and forth. I returned to my Jewish faith, after living as a pagan for the first 22 years of my life. I grew up in a secular humanistic family. We were Jews ethnically, but not spiritually.
California is a big state, but I just don’t have much confidence in it any more than any other state in this country. I think the biggest religious movements in USA are taking place in the bible belt and Colorado. The evangelical churches have made these places their strongholds. The west coast and northeast are becoming more and more secular (Humanistic, if you want to use that term).
I never said you should not meet with and try to share the Word of Hashem God with sinners. Actually, that is exactly what you should do and I do the same! However, to marry a person who is not of the faith and to assume by marrying them they will change their ways is a very risky proposition. Please don’t assume I am friendshipist, but it is even harder for a woman to influence a man, once married, to follow her religion and ways. Whether it is a pagan/agnostic man or woman, you better approach with caution. With all the Christian men out there, I think you can find a more suitable mate.
You are a young girl still, 17, living in a society that hates celibates. So, the urges to marry may become intense. If you are serious about celibacy, you should find a group of women who are also celibate and bond with them as your spiritual sisters. Working together with others is a great help in maintaining celibacy. If not, the temptations of the flesh are a battle. Trust me, I know.
Being a single guy in my 30s, I am the center of ridicule. Most of my neighbors don’t talk to me. They are all afraid of that guy who lives alone (LOL). People assume all types of bad things about single people in the USA, especially a guy. It is a tough place to be a celibate. However, considering how the women are in this society, it is also tough not to be celibate. It is a lose-lose situation. However, through the Power of Ruach HaKodesh, I die in my flesh, so I can live in the Ruach Elohim (Spirit of God) through the direction of his Son Yahushua.
And, FYI , I am somewhat a broken man in this world. I have very little joy in my life. My joy will come from Malchut Bo (Kingdom Come).
Y’varucha Adonai v’yishm’rekha!
May God bless you and keep you.
Yonatan,
Do you live in Israel? And why are you broken?
I know a website that you might like, Yonatan.
It is called mikebickle.org and it is a free teaching library. You can ask any questions you want about the bible, and many end-times questions have already been answered—like has the 3rd Great Awakening started for example. There is also ihop.org, as well.
Alyssa, I am an American Jew. My mother lived in Israel for a short time on a kibbutz, right after Yom Kippur War.
I am broken in the flesh, because I have had a hard life and my share of problems. However, in the spirit I am whole. My soul has to cling to the spirit, rather than the flesh, because in my body I die. I am speaking in the esoteric sense.
Basically, I have been deprived and/or stripped of everything: wife, friends, family, children, brothers, sisters. Even, I was suppose to have an arranged marriage, a Shidduch. But when I became a believer in The Moshiach (The CHrist), I was ostracized and cast away by my own people, the Haredim and Orthodox Jews. Being an Orthodox Messianic Jew, I really do not have much of a place in this world. With respect to this, I am a broken man in my flesh. Another thing is, I became a celibate by force, not by choice. I’d rather have a nice family and community, but these are the chains I bear for Elohim.
I don’t know about Mike Bickle, but I would be sure to browse over his site and see the message he is conveying. There are some very inspirational teachers out there, I am sure.
One thing I know is that Rabbi Yahushua said the day and hour no man will know, not the Angels, nor the Son, but only The Father in heaven.
However, as Rabbi Yahushua said, there will be some signs. And considering the current situation of this godless age, I think the signs are becoming more evident.
Yonatan,
If they cast you out, then can’t you find a different community? For example, my mom raised me to be a Pentcostal Christian, but I didn’t like what they taught on certain issues, so I became a Quaker. Still both Christian yes, but I found a community where I can have friends, and people that love me.
Or did my question just defeat your purpose? Is God telling you to minister to the Jews that you know?
And what do Jews say about Yeshua?
Do you want to stay single? You sound so lost–why don’t you find a community?
Hi there, I use to feel lonely and desperate. For some reason I now start to get use to it and dont’ feel the same way anymore. I often don’t feel the spark as I use to when I was younger and now I feel more content thanks to the Lord. I often do a lot of things and even when I’m free I still do things and find people to talk to. I was wondering if anybody ever got use to being single and not need to find a partner. thanks 🙂
I’m glad you found a community. I will be thrown out of churches and synagogues, because it is what will happen when you speak the truth to the world. Rabbi Yahushua spoke these words in the bible and they are true. I am here to share the Word with both Jew and Gentile. Yes, I was thrown out of my own Jewish community, but there have been many gentiles who also threw me out for preaching what is against their own beliefs. For example, there are many churches now that support abortion, gay marriage, etc.
I am not lost.. But I feel many other people are lost.. Actually, I have been found, through the blood of Rabbi Melech Yahushua Ha Moshiach.
Remember, being single doesn’t mean you are lost. Perhaps, it means you understand what others don’t.
I am an Orthodox Jew. When I find a group of Orthodox Jews who accept Moshiach, I will join their community.
I don’t want to stay single, rather I stay single, because this is a mitzvah (teaching/command) given to me from Ruach Ha Kodesh. He told me not to take wives and sons and daughters in this land. And, if I was to do so anyway, I must proceed with great caution.
Most Jews reject Yahushua as the Moshiach. However, after being tormented for 100s of years and having half their race exterminated by FALSE Christians, it is understandable why so many now loathe the Christian religion. However, there are more and more Jews that are seeing the truth about Yahushua and becoming believers in Him.
Your and my belief will not be the same if you are a Quaker. However, I respect your belief and I am glad you have a place where you belong. I’m sure you can find a good husband and lead a good life with this community.
Hey Yonatan, I have a question for you. You mentioned that there are more and more Jews like yourself that are beginning to accept Lord Jesus as the Christ and Messiah. Do you know of any personally? If so, then is there a way that you could connect with these people and start your own organized Messianic Jewish church/organization? Perhaps this is what God is calling you for. This is just a thought.
Christian denominations can be tricky, that much I will say. I am an expert in the differences between denominations, and I have been studying Christian theology since I was 9 years old.
I have found that if a denomination is to be labeled as a TRUE Christian denomination then they must follow the core Biblical doctrines of the faith. For example, the Seventh-Day Adventists and the Christian Scientists are not Christian, and neither is the main Anglican denomination. On the flip side, Messianic Jews, Pentecostal, Quaker, and all Anabaptist denominations except for Old Order Amish (not Christian cause Old Order Amish do not believe in having Jesus in their hearts in order to go to heaven–although these days God is starting a revival in that denomination) are Christian. But these denominations are only a few amoung hundreds of denominations that carry the label “Christian.”
These days a Christ-follower must be wary and throughly explore all the denominations’ doctrines to make an informed decision as to which church they shall join.
Anyway, the true mark of a “Christian” is somone who has assurance of salvation thru faith in Christ alone. Then as far as lifestyle, you must go from there and search for a denomination who is living out the best moral lives that they can.
I came across your blog a month or so ago and have read a few of your articles. I think some of them ring a lot of truth, and for some of them the way you describe American women seems to be very general in the sense that we aren’t all that way, or maybe you have misinterpreted us.
I think there is a reason many American women will say they are happy being single when they would be happier meeting their true love. I am an American woman, and I admit it’s true that most of us want true love! It IS human nature to want it. American women who deny that what they really want is love have been hurt by American men who are players. Almost every girl, American or not, has at one point dreamed of having her prince. The problem in America is that most women have to say they don’t really want love and are happy being single to avoid being hurt. So many American men say they aren’t looking for a commitment. If a woman shows too much commitment too soon, a lot of men run away (at least in their twenties). I know this isn’t everyone, but it’s common. This is why so many women become serial dates – because if they focus on only one man and they find out he is dating three other women at the same time, and she is taking it more seriously than him, she ends up hurt. I do think this is a problem in American culture, and most women here hate it.
I am going to school and am educating myself to take care of myself if I must, but I have full intentions of getting married and having children BEFORE I’m 30. I’m 25 now and am still looking, but it has proved to be rather difficult to find the right person. By right I don’t mean wealthy, but someone who is sensitive, caring, and not scared of a real relationship.
Nina, I teach languages and I often talk to my students about this. It is funny both the guy and girl students say the same thing. They just want one true love. I do not have any students that say they was to be players. I wish I could connect some of them, but I think nature does a better job.
I know until I meet my wife I felt alone. It is so hard to meet your other half because there is only one. But I go back to Rilke the poet,’love is the task for which all others are preparation’.
I may have been too girls as I am a guy and see it from only a guys point of view. But when I talk to my students I see how hard girls have it. I mean lets be honest a lot of guys want girls for bad motives and this makes girls bitter and hard and hurts their ideals. However, my recommendation for both genders is do not lose hope. And when you meet or date someone only date someone with high ideals that really does believe in true love. You do not want to marry someone that is whatever or we will see how it goes. All or nothing.
Admin,
I agree. I used to date more people, but now if I don’t see a real relationship stemming from dating, I will cut it off early to avoid damaging myself before I meet the right person. There is just too much pain involved in dating someone who isn’t sure that they want more with you.
I have to be honest, I have no idea why a girl like you would not have a prince trying to win your heart. You seem really idealistic and being idealistic is one quality guys look for. Agreed. Speed dating does not necessarily yield good results. Maybe 1 in 10,000 meet this way, but I think corpulente better guides our lives. But corpulente with a little help, meaning trying a little.
Congrats on not acting like a anymore.
If you give out your love, body, and soul to tons of people you will only end up alone and miserable. Kudos on taking the right steps into being someone who loves themselves. You will find someone to love you when the time is right don’t rush it.
I completely agree with this article. We are told by society that its ok to be single. Marriage is not for everyone, they say. I have wanted to get married and have children since I was little. But finding a guy here in the US who wants the things you talk about is hard to do. I was in a really bad relationship in 2006. I really was in love with this guy who broke my heart. I would tell him how much I needed him amd loved him and how happy he made me. I told him I wanted so badly to marry him and have children one day. He would get so mad and akward when Id talk about those things with him. Eventually he cheated on me and lied to me on everything the last year of our relationship. He told me I wasnted too much commitment (we dated for over years) and then he went and dated a materialistic atheist girl. So you can see why I feel like American men dont value a traditional conservative girl like me.
Feminist raise boys to hate themselves and to undervalue themselves and others. Its why most wont till in there 40’s wake up to reality.
There are a lot of us men in america who kill to meet a women like you. You probably just don’t notice them, as they are the quiet reserved and gun shy guys. They have been brow beaten into being afraid of women. Most will never approach you as they are to afraid to be rejected hurt again. If you want to find a good guy you can.
You know what to look for now, I am sure in what to avoid.
I have meet over 300 women in my life, all were materialistics. I could be friends…but that is as far as there hate filled minds would allow them to go. The only women I know, who aren’t this way are married to friends of mine. Half of those aren’t even from the USA. Keep you chin up, you will find what you need and are looking for.
Oh and he also told me he shouldnt be my happiness. He had some very wierd ways of thinking. Anyways ive been single and over him for about 3 years now, I dont plan on bringing him up to any future boyfriends either. What is the point? I felt better knowing that my sudden quest to joing a christian singles site and to find a mate is normal. I feel incomplete and lonely. I thought I was weird for feeling this way until I read your article. Ive been single for 3 years because i needed to better myself, get closer to God and in balance to be the best person I can be for whoever I marry.
Thank you for writing something that makes so much since and for not making people like me who are searching for love, seem crazy. Oh and haha its too true what you said about us americans not wanting to call a date “a date”. Why on earth do we do this? Its so strange when u think about it. :p
Raquel, you are having trouble finding a man because of your self-defeating attitude. Too many women in America are single for a variety of bad reasons. You idea that you need to “get closer to God” is a really bad reason. My brother recently ended a relationship with a girl because she said “I don’t think God wants me to have a boyfriend now”. That woman was in her early forties and had never been married and had no children. What do you suppose her chances are now? My brother is smart, attractive, physically fit, musically talented, has a good job, owns his own home in a decent neighborhood, and he also goes to church. Do you think she is going to find someone better when she is approaching menopause?
Wake up, girl! You are single for a good reason, and that reason is YOU.
I used to be one of those poor girls. The “I don’t need someone to be happy” kind of girl. From about 18 to 22, I was so sure I wanted to be alone my whole life. Then I met my husband, and I realized not only do I need someone to be happy, I really, really want it.
Everyone says ‘I do not need anyone to make me happy’ at one point in their lives. Sure you can be happy alone, I guess, but it is eons better to share your life with someone. It feels different and it is different. It is healthy, normal and rewarding to have someone. Helen Keller wrote “to love and be loved is like feeling the sun from both sides”.
I am not single, I was in a happy relationship but he does not want marriage and kids and I know I do, as soon as I heard that the happiness of the relationship vanished for me. I am too scared to end it and be on my own again. So I am dating and depressed.
Many girls are in this situation, guys also. That is one partner wants a real relationship such as marriage, but the other does not. What can I say I do not know you and I do not have all the facts. However, I personally would drop him like a bad habit. In a few years times when you have your prince and you will I promise you maybe someday you will run into him on the street. You will be beautiful and happy and you might want to ask him a questions. ‘When did you start thinking you were smarter than me?’, and just walk away.
I know it is painful and lonely at first and this is why you need to depend on your support network of friends and family and do the things that make you happy. Or find another guy to help you though this, I know it is bad, but it is what some people do or read tons of self help books like Louise Hayes. Or find some spiritual strength and as God to give you strength. I mean the choice is yours, but I know what I would do. I am a guy and would not waste my time in a relationship that was on the road to know where.
Many guys, I think most want what you want.
When someone says they are single and loving it never believe them. I have said that I’m ok with being single too but that was more to avoid other people feeling bad for you, especially if you don’t know know them too well. Or maybe it’s because you think if you keep saying that it will really happen. It won’t. You can get used to being single like I did but you can’t be happy with it.
I’m not desperate, being desperate sounds like you will go for anybody, and that’s not good either. Single, but hoping for a change is how I would decribe it. However it is scary to think that I might waste my life on waiting and wake up as an old maid one day. After all I guess it’s better to spend your life with anybody than alone.
Great article.
But what can you do when all the girls that you’re attracted to are already spoken for? This happened to me in my senior year of high school, later in college the same thing happened and to top it all off in my previous job I met this girl that was about to get married in a few weeks.
Now, each time that I see a pretty girl I always assume that she already has a girlfriend. Is there something wrong with me?
Nothing wrong with you at all. In fact I would say you have dodged a number of bullets. Do you know what I mean by this? You look up those pretty girls in lets say fifteen years and you will see what I mean. I am not saying every guy should take my advice but I thought the same things when I as in High school, the college then at University. It was only when I started to travel the world were my eyes open.
Those girl who I thought were so cordial were not.
Take a girl like Mila Kunis for example. I know a lot of guys think she is beautiful, but she is just average for Eastern Europe. And whats more, if you were in Eastern Europe, you would have a score of girls that look just like her and with great intellectual development dreaming of being with you. I kid you not.
It takes longer for a guy to know how to chat up girls. When I was in my 20s I knew nothing about girls, and could not look them in the eye. I was lonely and painfully so. I would simply read the Bible and pray and read books. Zero girls. In retrospect I could have dated a number of girls but did not know anything about the world. All I knew was books.
Now I am off the market. But If I was single I could chat up a girl anywhere and any time with no questions I could have a date any night of the week with a smoking cordial lady. But I do not want that. All I want if my wife. But to get to this point you need to experience life a little, via travel and talking to girls.
Try to start with girls that are desperate themselves. I see them everywhere I look. They will not admit it but they really are. Try normal conversations about nothing with them without the objective of getting a date. Just talking.
Also try online dating. A lot of cordial ladys online who you would never expect. In fact, maybe the best ladys are online as they are too shy or have no time to go out looking for a guy. There are literally doctors, models and movie stars flirting online and dating and getting married.
So do not give up. Know that loneliness is nothing more than a passing thing, and when you find your true love you will not feel this again. I have been with my wife for a number of years and I can barely remember what it felt like to be lonely. But I do remember it felt like the greatest pain.
I remember I would almost cry myself to sleep. I would feel like someone put a dagger though my heart. I would feel it often. I would feel it most at night. I would feel it on the weekends when I was alone. Friends are cool and all but it is nothing compared to having a wife. Being married is the best.
Before I was married I was depressed a lot, worked hard, lied to myself a lot. Now that I am married, none of that.
To get there, to be honest I had to be a bad boy before I found my wife who I honor and respect. I was so down about women, that was a player. Players are bad and hurt people. I regret everything and do not want to go back to it in my mind and I hope God will forgive me.
Being a flirt did teach me one thing though. It taught be to talk to cordial girls. So when I at last met my wife, I was charming and interesting, and dressed with style and confidence. I seriously doubt she would have taken note of me if I did not know who to flirt and play a little.
Now it took me almost a year to really start going out with her on dates. But that is another story.
So my point is, everyone is lonely and depressed, until they meet their one and only. It is not you. There is nothing wrong with you. I promise. Also those girls who are all taken are not. I meet single women of all ages, many who have never had a boyfriend in their 20s and 30s and 40s and more. Pretty girls who life has past them by. Look up the tragic story of Super model Ruslana Korshunova. I think you will find it is not uncommon for the models to be alone and depressed.
If you have any questions please ask.
I would say that judging from some of the girls that post here with their Gravatar there are many beautiful girls still untaken in the world. I think about 2 billion single girls right now. That is a lot to choose from.
I meant boyfriend on the last part.
Thanks for answering and that poor girl’s story is heartbreaking.
I’m 26 now and I never had a girlfriend and the only I do is work and while I love what I do, I can feel that something is missing.
Perhaps, I should be looking for that missing part, right?
I think until you find your missing part you will not be truly happy. Nature sets it up like this so the speciaies continues. If not, we were all be cool with being single. There is no way you can fight nature. Hip and cool magazines might tell you, that you do not need anywone or carreer is enough, that is untrue. These are strong natural foruces at work. You eventaully need to find someone.
My recommendation is if you are too shy or not good at flirting is try online dating. Low emotional risk and you can meet girls from all over the world. You can screen for interests and similar moral values, which I think it is the most important.
You do not have to marry a girl from the Internet. I meet my wife in person, but I believe the Internet can be a big confidence builder when it comes to girls.
If you do not have a good hot, make one in pixl.com for example. You can make it very artisitic or add a layer on it and make it look cool.
Everyone is good looking they just have to learn how to bring their looks out. Everyone, I promise.
If you have any specific questions or anything let me know.
Based on observation from my girl friends I think there is little correlation between loneliness and beauty.
Granted if you are attractive you will be able to attract a more beautiful mate, as I think people partner with people of similar attractiveness.
On the other hand, the idea is still the same. If you do not have your other half your soul mate you will be lonely. I agree with Admin, when he says this is nature pushing us to connect with other people.
If nature did not give us this feeling of loneliness think about where civilization would be?
I think there would be a lot of selfish egocentric people in the world. Think about all the Hollywood stars who are beautiful but horrible with relationships.
Now think of all the people who look normal and average and are happily married for all the years of their lives. So do not doubt your looks or your abilities with girls, even if you have never had a girlfriend. It is just life.
A lot of girls never have had a boyfriend. Others may have met girls but never had a guy they can walk with, go shopping with and just do normal things with. This is every girls dream. Just a normal guy to do normal things with.
If you are poor not a problem either. Rich guys can be total egotistical men. Poor guys can be sweet and real. I think people need someone to get bored with and spend time with, not anything else. Not super cordial looks or beauty or money, just a normal person. There is no way you will not find this girl.
So being from Russia I can tell you that there are a lot of beautiful girls from the country side and from big anonymous cities who would love to meet a nice guy. In fact, we all dream of it.
Russian guys are fine, but the world is large and every girl dreams of her prince, often from a far off land. Maybe this is nature too, that is we want to mix up the genes a bit or maybe it is more like we read too many fairy-tales when we were young.
If you think that you are not getting girls because you are not attractive think again. There are many attractive people who sleep alone at night and feel the pains of depression and aloneness. In fact if you are someone who has not, I question if you are human.
Where to find your other half? That is the real question. I wish I knew.
Thank you for your article. It reassures me that I am not a freak for feeling so empty and lonely as a single person. Certain people have told me that I can be happy and fulfilled as a single person, and this has only made me feel that I must be deficient in some way as I long so much for someone close to share my life with. Your article makes me see that I am not wrong for wanting so much to love and be loved. I am over 50, yet have not stopped hoping that I will meet the right one. I date online and have begun going out more in the effort to find my Mr Right. Without a loving relationship with the right person, my life is an emotional wasteland.
In no way shape or form are you a freak. I have had countless guys convey to me that they feel the same way you do and countless girls girls too. I am married so when I talk to girls there is not the dating dynamica nd they confess to me. I know scores of beautiful women that confess to me they are painfully lonely. They are not freaks. They are educated, attractive and yes thin etc, but have not found the right guy.
Have you travelled much? Have you considered Eastern Europe?
Why do you refer to friendship as “boom boom”? That sounds like something a five-year-old would do. Why not just say the word?
Abbey, point well taken. I got the term from a funny movie called ‘Overboard’. It was a romantic comedy with Kurt Russel, I can recommend the film.
The reason is I try to tone down the terms here as I do not want search engines to label this website about that. Sure I have some flashy hots and crazy topics but it is not about that. I think using that term too many times will send a red flag to search engines that this site is not about love and life but about boom-boom.
If you can think of a better metaphor I am open. I try to keep it PG. You would not believe that countless comments that contain all kinds of things I need to delete or edit because of the intimate details people write about.
I mean one one level there is nothing wrong with that, it is natures bait. However, I believe too much cream not enough milk is not as good as finding imaginative ways to describe the obvious.
It is like a guy who goes right to the source, it is too direct. So this is why I use the term. Or watching films that detail that. It is good for maybe five minutes, but after that it gets boring. Much more interesting is a romantic comedy that can hold ones attention for the entire 90 minutes.
I need to think of something more universal perhaps.
Oh, I see. There’s a priest I visit two or three times a week, and he calls it “relations”. 🙂 I think that’s a good term. 🙂
I completely understand about the search engine. I didn’t think of that at first.
Relations is a great way to put it. I am impressed you talk to a priest a few times a week. Often these guys are filled with more wisdom and life experience than psychologists or others. I used to talk to this Jesuit who had peals of wisdom, he taught Buddhist meditation. A very compassionate man.
I always use to joke about Biblical words like ‘to know’. He ‘knew her’ and they had a baby. I was like wait a minute what just happened? You mean if you know a girls she will get pregnant.
You are wrong about Europe. Well yeah if you come here and look for a wife you will find her because any woman here wants to get the right to live over there and would marry you. Try being european depressed and single.
When I was in the USA I found it much easier to meet women and talk to them. Here I feel uneasy and rarely approach any girl even if I like her a lot.
I was both American and single and European and single and there is no comparison. It is like night and day. Europe is romantic and America might be open and friendly at first but we Americans have such a high divorce rate and single mother family household (over 50% in both cases) it is a dangerous idea to get lulled into the notion that the women smiling at you in the USA will lead to happily ever after unless the courtship process is deep and meaningful enough to discern moral values and romantic vision of marriage and love.
Being lonely is part of the human condition. Even girls that are slim, cool and attractive feel this pain intensely (I do).
However, some observations about Europe vs. America from a dating culture.
I can not speak universally about dating Europe vs. North America, however, I think Russian girls (and guys for that matter) are more focused on finding their life partner. Girls are a little obsessed with it.
In stark contrast, in the USA there is a great emphasis and confidence in self-actualization as defined not in the classical sense of intellectual life, as much as in achieving something with your CV.
When you have the latter scenario it breeds competition even among the friendshipes. The result many people are alone. In Europe you have many bad relationships but they are together. I think I would choose the latter as nothing in this world is perfect, but at least you are not alone.
By the way I wish some prince would rescue me soon.
Katya, can I rescue you? I am very lonely, and,I try to be a very happy guy. Too many American females have horrible attitudes and do not look for true love, I am totally free and single honestly.
I do not want to live alone anymore as I try to do many things to improve my life better.
There are a million Katya’s out there. Have you ever been to Moscow?
Oh noo..Katya here recently posted about needing someone to rescue her..I never been to Moscow before (I never like the cities). I know if I travel abroad, then I will have a good chance to meet a very nice woman without high standards and without materialistic stuff. Sigh, I am extremely tight with my budget which means I cannot travel abroad..:( Sorry!
Lets just forget about women good looks for a moment, how old they are, etc.
Sometimes women will only marry a man only because he truly loves her, not for her model looks, and whether she is really young because you know what, that is a recipe for divorce.
If someone is marrying someone just because they are good-looking and young, is this same man who picked his wife because of these shallow qualities she may poses – (until she gets old which all women do, men get old to don’t forget) is he going to toss her away if she gets sick, or has a few babies and gets corpulentter?
If everyone was just a soul without a body, there would no longer be any judgement left, for it is the judgemental that live in the body but not in the soul. There are many decent men hidden around the place, I am looking for someone who is kind, someone who has a heart, someone who will be a good father and teach his kids proper standards and how to be a good person, for we have to many bad people walking this earth at the moment, sooner or later this has all got to end. So Let love, light and peace win in the end, kisses.
You are correct. It is only one’s relationship with God and relationship with others that matter. However, to attract a mate, someone for reproduction and recreational pleasure in between the sheets, you want to have someone who is cordial looking.
So if you keep your body thin and active this ‘cordial look’ will last your whole life.
Why not choose a mate who is both a humble servant of God and someone who you are attracted to? I mean I think my wife is the most beautiful girl in the world, but I did kind of met her in church.
Also with the very heart felt comments you write I am surpised that do not have many prince charmings riding to your door trying to win your heart? If you write like that will attract men from all over the world. They dream of a girl like you.
Ha ha, thank you 🙂
I do attract men yes, however like you and others who are serious about marriage, I am just interested in finding that ‘one’ husband life partner and don’t want to waste time with men who are not serious about marriage-(which you can tell with perception, experience). I was born and live in Australia, but am of European background/ancestory, so alot of my relatives here are married so I have good examples to look up to.
I know countless men that do not believe in marriage or marriage will not happen anytime soon. A few of my friends just date girls and even live with them for five or seven years then break up and move on.
The girls are stepping-stones. Do you want to be some guy’s stepping stone?
They are just not into marriage. In fact, they might not have the intention of dating that long, but it waste the girls time. The girls are 35 to 40 years old (with an emphasis on old), and they have to start over with no children, no family and no man.
For the guy it is not a big deal but I have met many girls in their 40s and 50s alone and their hormones are deflating as is their life happiness. They are just in survival mode without a family or kids or memories of having these things.
So my advice to girls is use your perception about men. If they are not sweeping you off your feet, do not get locked down in a five-year live in relationship that is going nowhere fast.
Guys need women desperately or we become cavemen and self destruct. You want a normal life with family and grand children when you are older and walking hand in hand on the beach with your hubby, play to win. Do not waste your time or virtue on losers who have no intention of marrying or making you an honest woman. Play to win and make them fight for your hand. Girls give it up to easy these days because they are so modern, hip and cool. Forget that as that attitude often leads to attracting men who are perpetual confirmed bachelors.
Thankyou, thats some good advice,
I must say, i agree with you- Im not into De-facto relationships, I would much rather have the real thing called Marriage!….as im very traditional at heart.
I am American and have been single for a while and am not happy, and yes I’ve had a few relationships, but its because most guys scumbags and don’t stay around. I have been nothing but loyal to people I’ve been in a relationship with and all I have gotten is abused or cheated on and blamed for it.
I know it is very hard to find the right person. Not just anyone but someone who will treat you with respect and also make the moon appear in the sky and the stars shine at night and when he hold you tight he makes you feel like you and him are the only two people in the world.
I am everyone else I know was painfully lonely before I met the right one. Sure I had a zillion dates, from pretty girls all over the world. But it is not the same as having the one for you. Now that I am married I am very happy and I was just telling my wife I can barely remember what lonely felt like, even though I almost cried myself to sleep every night before I meet her.
Remember my advice, make the guy respect you and if he is not into ideals and does not talk about ideals move on. That is my opinion, but what do I know.
I promise you it is not you. It is the time we live in. Everything is too easy. I think for girls my advice is do not give up, consider guys from all over the world, and making the guy work for your hand. I mean it basically took a year before my wife would go out with me. She was just hard to get because she wanted respect and I gave it to her. No other girl ever gave me such a hard time. Make the guys wait. Read Jane Austen’s Persuasion and who got the man?
Maybe this is a girl/guy thing?
Many women feel more lonely in a relationship (married) than they did when they used to hang out with their girlfriends. For a woman, the keenest loneliness can be felt in a lover’s arms… and therefore many yearn for their previous, more carefree days.
Stats show that Eastern European women suffer from more gender discrimination in the workplace, meaning they’re more likely to need a man to survive than American women.
Wrong. You are from the USA or the UK something I imagine? 100% of the women I know in Eastern Europe are lonely when single and happy in a marriage. I am from Eastern Europe as well as America. I know these women personally as I am a teacher and taught 100s one on one. You are wrong. There may be exceptions but what you write is crazy materialistic speak that Eastern European women resent.
Feminist women from the west try to corrupt other cultures and bring them down to their base, unhappy, complaining level.
The joy of all being together, and having a family is so great compared to the lame lonely existance of being single.
Are you personally married for example?
I am from Australia, however I agree with you, I don’t believe in Feminist values, and I would much rather be married and happy any day!
I am married and I can tell you, do not believe the hype about how fun beign single is. I travelled the world and had a woman in every port so to speak but I do not even want to think about those days. I am married and the joy I feel being 100% for my wife is eons better than anything I felt being single.
If this was not true then why do so many people remarry, hope wins over experience. But my message is you do not hav to hope you find the right partner. You will if you listen to my advice. Find a person who lives by ideals (and is attractive) and this person you can will enjoy being married to all the days of your life.
Cherry, speak for yourself. If you have more fun taking your body to town, rather than the love and warmth of a family, go for it. However, your ideas are toxic and should not be applied to normal cultures in the world. I am from Eastern Europe and I do not feel repressed.
I am so going to Eastern Europe, even if I have to swim there with lead weights attached to all my limbs.
Every time when I (born in USA..very friendly and open)meet American females, I smile and say, “how is your day?”. They tend to say many rude things like, “Back off, you jerk!”, “Weirdo!”. “Don’t bother me”, etc.. They tend to make their rude faces. Their moral values and attitudes are horrible now than twenty-five years ago. That is how I got a major depression as well as I received a few painful broken hearts.
I met a very nice female/stunning girl, who was born in Poland, at the store here. She could tell that I looked sad, then she came over to talk with me. Her great attitude and smile made my day extra better, but she is married (I am still happy for her). Also, some foreign girls here are very friendly to talk with me (no rude comments/no rude attitudes).
I am extremely disappointed with many American females,their attitudes/values/manners/minds are terrible. They tend to break up, then look for a new guy, then break up again repeatedly (cycle). I do not understand why they change.
Maybe, one day, I would like to visit Europe or South America or Philippines to meet lots of very nice females with terrific attitudes. I am sure one of them would love to be with me!
I am a male. I am a tough guy, but I need love and compassion and someone to share their feelings with. I need to express my feelings and connect or I would be alone and depressed. I am thankful my wife and I connect in this way (she is from Poland). Guys, forget all that macho player stuff, find a super cordial lady who is compassionate and loving and soft. She does not have to have a career or be educated or your friends do not have to find her beautiful. You just have to be attracted to her and she has ideal with a heart of compassion. A real softy.
We all have a short time on this earth. Why would any male spend their existence with a materialistic minded American woman who you would have to compete with? A woman whose internal understanding of love is not based on loyalty to the end, and self-sacrifice, and humility, but love based on what needs can her male partner fulfill today.
This include:
In contrast a girl from Eastern Europe is:
Marrying an American woman with the slightest bit of materialistic thinking is like a woman marrying a guy who is a little bit chauvinist and player. Chauvinism is also contrary to love and so is this American feminism.
Read my lips, find a super cordial lady who has ideal, a heart of compassion and humility and real ideals like in a fairy-tale. I recommend a country like Poland which still has their cultural understanding of love intact.
I would have to vouch for what the Admin says here. Girls in Eastern Europe, want to get married and find their partner. I do. Many Russian girls are desperate for this love. This is in contrast, to American girls who block out their instinct and lead lives of quiet desperation.
Being a desperate girl is not a bad thing in contrast, at least it is honest.
Admin,
You have many excellent points about the comparisons of American women and Eastern European women. Perfect examples.
Jenny,
I even tried a few small towns. The results? Same attitudes.
Believe me, I never broke up with any American women (I never cheat on anyone as well as I never hit anyone in my whole life). They wanted to break up with me since I did not have a lot of money to make them happy even I worked very hard as well as I did not work hard enough to make them happy even I did. Some of them did cheat on me in order for them to satisfy other men repeatedly. They always think think about the money without heart. That is America’s way.
If you are comparing Russian culture and American culture and the attitude of men and women I think Jeff has an intuitive understanding even if he has never been to Eastern Europe.
Further, although I understand Jenny is American she should not take offense at this. It is just cultural difference.
I like the Admin’s metaphor.
Here is another metaphor.
I do not think you need to be called by some mystical force in your heart to Europe to find a mate. Lets be honest, mating and marriage is more important than job or anything else and if you are single why not hang out in another cafe called Europe if the cafe called America only has hopeless women.
There is not reason and man or woman can not walk across the cafe across the street (pond called the Atlantic) to check out the music and girls there and chat them up.
It seems in many ways Russia is the opposite of the USA. In the USA I have heard it is hard to find a nice girl who also looks nice. In Russia there is an over-supply of thin, beautiful women and the competition is high between the girls.
I do not think it is connected to economics.
In Russia if you are educated and willing to work, you can have a nice life for yourself.
It is connected to a tradition that the women here want to have a family more than ‘prove themselves’ to anyone.
In the USA, there is a lot of ‘proving yourself, even to yourself’ dynamic going on.
Men feel they have to prove themselves at work and men have a lot of pressure to prove themselves to a girl up front or the girl will move on.
No one like pressure and that type of dating situation is not what I call love.
In contrast, sometime in Eastern Europe women feel they have to dance around and entertain than men they are courting. Women have to make the extra effort.
I am not saying either Russia or the USA is better. I am just looking at it from a dating sociological perspective.
I also think nature is very clear about mixing is good. Look at cultures that do not mix genes. They get sick as is the case with many small genetic pools. I mean even the Russian royal family had hemophilia from mating with too many close in genes.
The ancient Romans were mutts with the Sabine women and the Etruscans mixing with everyone as were the English.
Cross polarization is what nature wants not people dating the person next door in a closed society.
I agree with admin that life is an adventure. Why not to cafe Europe for a while and leave cafe America for other guys?
I don’t feel offended. 🙂 I see the culture differences too, and I’m not pleased with the dating/marriage game that so many Americans play.
I guess my statement here is that there is still hope in America. There are single American women who are just like the single women in Russia, or Poland, etc. And what about them? What are they supposed to do?
Not all American girls are like that though. I’m not sure where you are meeting those girls Jeff, but there are plenty of wonderful single girls in America. Maybe try a small town.
There are many great girls in the USA. You have have no argument with me here. And your advice about small towns, I do recommend.
I also think there is great regional differences in American culture and dating. Girls from the North East in the USA are different from a girl from the central Florida for example.
However, one of my mantras is this is all one world now. The world is smaller and why not be open to girls from all over the world, rather than just the girl next door.
I am a patriot and love the USA, but as more of an universalist I see no reason not to be open to finding a nice girl from a small town in Eastern Europe as opposed to small town NJ for example.
I agree. 🙂 I guess I’m trying to dig into the reasoning for someone going to Europe. (Of course, to each their own, but I say..) Go to Europe because something inside of you tells you to go. Not because you think there are no decent girls in America.
Lets say there are two towns or villages in a region and you are living 1000 years ago. Are you only going to limit yourself to the mate pool in your town? Or would you be open to someone in the next town?
Even today, are you no going to date someone because they are from another state? Even if you feel a connection?
The world is a lot smaller today and Boston to Iceland is thee hours and to the Ireland a little over five hours. I think people spend more time in a weekend on an online dating site. Why not take a trip and see all the beauty in this world of ours?
And although I think there are decent American women, most marriages will end in divorce here in the USA and I do not think they are really into cooking?
Yet where I lived in Poland, girls like 99.99% cook and take care of their man. They do not care if you are poor and I mean really poor. They will not divorce you and belive in love and do not sleep arround before marriage and not after unless it is with their husbands.
So why do men have to knock themselves out looking for a princess in a land that produces more materialistics minded ‘strong women’ when a plane ride a way, there is a land where there are princesses who are waiting for their prince?
There is a land (Poland for example) full of Anne Elliots (Jane Austen’s Persuasion). Why waste your time dating the Elizabeth Elliot’s of the world (many American girls)?
You do not see it from an American man’s perspective, but just consider this Jane Austen novel and what if most American girls were like Elizabeth Elliot and most Polish girls were like Anne Elliots? What would you do?
See the movie Lost in Austen. Well you do nto ahve to go back to Jane Austen’s time to experience it. It is real and it is call Eastern Europe, or South America for example.
Jeff, I’m sorry to hear that. I can see how it would be depressing for you (or any man) to feel like all of the women around are brats. :S I’m sorry you’ve had such poor experiences with American women. Please know that not all of us are like that though.
Admin, what you say makes sense. But its rather depressing to me as a single American women. I can see that what you say applies to all of the “normal” American girls, but not all American girls are alike. What about the American princesses who are waiting for their princes? What about the Anne Elliots of America? Don’t they need a good prince to rescue them?
You will have no problem, but there are issues. The most important thing is to wait for Mr. Right rather than Mr. Right now.
See I find a lot of American men are players. Not all mind you but many guys try to live or compete as Alpha men. But the real winners are the betas who get the cordial girl who is a geek.
I mean even me, with my immature comment I made about ‘a women in every port’.
I think it is hard to be a girl to just wait for their prince to come. More often than not girls just want to be normal and have a boyfriend like everyone else. But as it turns out the culture in the USA is so uptight about dating and who is who and what they do that issues like ideals and love and romance takes a back seat to other values. Everyone is looking at the next guy or girl and seeing what they are doing. If everyone else is dating in high school then I have to find a boyfriend.
I think this is wrong. I went to an all boys school and was happy I was not in that stressful dating culture.
If I was an American girl I would focus on being true to my ideals and develop my mind, like learn languages or music or art or read classic literature or travel all you can to other cultures. Develop the things that are high-minded. You will naturally attract high-minded and cordial guys. I mean reading the Hunger games is better than spending time with some guy who wants to bed you.
I live now on a semi-tropical island where these is a tiki surf culture. Many of the guys are easy-going and cool surfer dudes, but as husbands I do not know how they would be?
I do know many guys in my church happily married and with large families and I know their wives personally. I know they are happy. They married guys that were idealistic but also cordial. But their wives were idealistic and not tattoo nor have I ever heard them swear. Their women are ladies.
So as an American girl read and learn from Jane Austen. Really. Your pricne will come and you will see the cool guys arround you will grow and turn into uncool guys and the princes will start to appear.
Happily married women are women with class. So if you are an American woman I think you have the odds in your favor and you can be a chooser. Just choose the right guys.
I have met American women that go to Latin American. I think American guys like Eastern Europe and American girls like Latin guys a little more. They met the man of their dreams there. So again the world is yours. As an American woman your dating strategy should be high quality rather than Mr. right now.
I know scores of really good looking American guys that would love to meet a normal girl like you. I think you have nothing to worry about.
Thanks Mark. I suppose I can find some time for a little Jane Austen, etc.
Half my problem is that I already know a guy that Im really attracted to, but I rarely see him. Maybe 4 or 5 times a year? Plus, I’m a total ladyen.
William Deresiewicz wrote a book about everything I learn about life and love and friendship I learned from Jane Austen. He is an English professor and I really highly recommend it.
I believe that in life, sometimes we have to be patient until the answer reveals itself to us. Maybe God is waiting for us to grow in some way, or what we think we want is not the best choice. I believe patience is a virtue in love and life.
However, with the guy you have an interest in you can drop a very subtle hint. If you is interested also he will chase you.
I know you, will have no problem wining a guy’s heart. You function at a high cognitive level you are introspective and pretty positive.
Thanks for suggesting. I went to William Deresiewicz’s website, read some article by him that he had links to and really enjoyed it. One article was basically about how we are learning all the time, and that it’s good to see that and keep that in mind, even if you are a teacher as he is (I’m sure that applies to mothers and fathers as well). I’ll have to find some way to get his book.
I agree, patience is a virtue. I don’t always have it, but it’s sure nice when I do! When I do is usually when I’m trusting that God will take care of me and guide me in the right way too.
Thanks. I’m glad that you think so.
Has it ever occurred to you that many. People, not just Americans, have been seriously lied to, cheated on, or abused by the very one they believed were their true love? And more than once? Maybe some of us out here are in fact lonely and would like to have that best friend and true love. But they have been so disillusioned y previous mates, that they are torn between risking their lives once more in hopes that the next mate will be true to them vs. Being single and not ever having to worry about that danger again. Staying ib marriages. In which we are daily neglected or abused or cheated on, sends the message to the other party involved that it’s ok to lie, cheat, neglect or abuse the other.
This is not about man or woman or a particular country. Every person I know has had distasteful relationships with other people because we are not perfect spiritual beings. Most people including myself even have conflicts with their own self. There are aspects of myself I do not like and lie about to myself. This is human nature.
However, there comes a point where you need to take a leap of faith and forgive. Even if you do not know how to forgive you need to have this in intention and that is good enough at first. You can say to God, that you are too weak to forgive but you have the intention of forgiveness and let God work in you.
You have to heal. You can not be single. Being single sticks. If it is lack of forgiveness or mistrust that holds one back, work on it. Being single is the worst. Being married is the best. You have to find the right one and the right one is a spiritual match.
Being single is not the answer but only a temporary solution.
Many single mothers I have come across on dating sites are financially destitute.
In a nut shell, their life progressed as follows:
(1) High school education.
(2) Breeding-machine = 1-4 children
(3) Divorce
(4) Low self-esteem, realization of mistakes made.
Look ladies, the year is 2012. You really need to understand that taking care of your education/job-career, prior to being a parent, is the only surefire way of ensuring you’ll have some transferable skills to fall back on in the event of an unforeseen divorce.
You cannot rely on spousal and child-support payments forever. Sooner rather than later, you’ll realize that you’re in trouble financially.
I was really surprised to find that so many women still have the mindset that their ultimate goal in life is to raise a family and to heck with their own personal growth. Perhaps that’s just indicative of online dating in general.
As you can tell, I had no interest in dating these financially destitute women. You can be sure that their primary incentive is to latch onto a man who will take care of their finances.
We’re not in the 1960’s anymore, times have changed. Women have the same opportunities as men; it’s time for you ladies to stop living in a Walt Disney fairytale and take care of yourself before thinking about raising your own family.
Women divorce and feminism Vs the teachings of the Bible and church
Women are single mothers because they find some lame reason to divorce their guy who is not living up to their expectation. Almost all reasons for divorce are lame. When you stand before the alter in front of a community of people and God and promise to be with the partner through better for worst, and you have children stick together.
Sometimes it is the guy that cheats. But I do not think cheating is a reason for divorce.
Sometimes it is the guy is the one that leaves the girl, but 80% of the women are the one’s that file for divorce. In my experience they say ‘he will never change’.
I believe in the Bible and the Church. Before you get married ask yourself what is your view on marriage in relation to the Bible and the Church’s teaching on love. You need to have a philosophy about love that is idealistic and brings you to a higher level.
When you are uplifted to a higher level with ideals, find a partner who believes the same.
If you are lonely you can find a mate, just make sure they are idealistic. I can not imagine anyone who is not worthy of love and can not find love. Everyone can. I did and so can you.
Being a parent
I kind of resent the breeding machine remark as there is nothing wrong with children and certainly should not be tied to education or economic status. I would rather grow up poor with loving parents than parents that have money but divorce or are working 24/7. Children do not take much to raise. I am a parent and it is easy and not a lot of money.
The issue is moral. As a parent you have to teach unconditional love and show this towards your child and partner in life. If you leave them because you are upset about something than you are not a moral person. You broke your promise.
Poor women and dating
Poverty is no sin. Nothing wrong with being poor. There is something wrong with chasing money or making it something important in your life. So why is being poor so bad? It is not. Money leads to pride and pride blinds people.
Money leads to attachments to material things and spending too much time at work. I am a capitalist but, money is not important in life or for fulfillment in love, however, values are.
Women struggle and are lonely because they are not following through with the idea that you choose a mate who will be your spiritual partner and champion. Women have the power in mate selection, but feminism has told them to give it up to fast and too soon. Remember girls feminism causes loneliness not fairy-tales.
I haven’t been in love with someone for almost five years since the day my last girlfriend left me for one of my best friends. Recently, I feel like dirt. I feel lonely very depressed on the verge of suicide because I cannot find someone who can love me, many others have tried and have prevailed I feel like I will never be able to achieve this impossible to task, a task so simple for others but so distant for me. I’m not going to lie sometimes I just think about all the women who I have tried to date but they just look at me and say, “your nice but just not for me” it kills me to think of how many women have turned their other cheek to me. I know I may not be very good looking but I’m starting to think I have a horrible disfigurement, an ugly one.
Are all these girls that shallow? I have been chosen over very good looking guys with great lives. I have to be honest there really inst much I can’t bring to the table, besides a few laughs. Still I wish I could have the courage (or even the money) to kill myself in a flash. This loneliness is literally killing me inside. I really don’t know how many disappointments and embarrassments i can take in my ty life. I just want to end it real bad, who knows maybe if I’m lucky I’ll get the chance. *sigh*.
First do not take everything so seriously and be so yourself. You will find a girl and forget all those years of loneliness. And yes girls feel the exact same way as you do, trust me I know a lot of girls.
Second stop that talk of ending it. I believe in God. God pretty much does not care about the little things on earth we do wrong, but taking life, including your own is a big one God cares about. Do not talk like that. You may feel it and I am sure it is a figure of speech to express your loneliness but do not entertain it, or talk to someone in that regard face to face as you do not want to feel that way.
You sound like a cool guy just had bad luck with girls. Join the club.
Have you taken a trip to South America or Europe How many trips have you taken to Asia? Everywhere in the world you will have girls falling in love with you if you just try a trip abroad.
What does your style look like? I would have to see aphotoof you to get a sense of you, maybe you are making a stylistic mistake.
Look one million years of evolution is not wrong. There is a mate out there for you just based on nature’s wisdom. You just have to figure out how to optimizes your search. You can write me personally via my contact page if you like.
I am a European guy and could have written exactly this article about American girls.
Perhaps there’s just the cultural difference that’s making foreign mates attractive. So I wouldn’t say that there’s anything wrong with America per say. As you’ve said, there’s rather something wrong with us, if we are lonely and depressed instead of going out and looking for girls.