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Why Marry someone from Abroad

I am romantic. I am religious. I do not care about career. I do not have an inordinate affection for money or prestige. I believe in self-sufficiency. I am an idealist. Family comes before working at a career. I would rather be at home with my child teaching them chess than being in the metaphorical beehive. So what does this have to do with why my wife is from Europe? Why do men go abroad for marriage? Everything. Read on.

What is so wrong with falling in love with a nice domestic wife, who looks good, even if she is from another country?

Men go abroad to find true love.

Guys, what is the:

Percentage of households have foreign spouses

You will be surprised. Here is the statistics right from the US government above.

Do not let people feel funny about looking for a foreign wife.

Below is my reasons for marrying abroad in a video. – Subscribe to the channel.

Feminist might sayyou to leverage the income disparity between the two countries, and hence increase their power in the mating game.  False.  The idea is rich American men find poor, girl from a developing country and this is their play.

Nothing could be further from the truth.  If men wanted to find a poor Cinderella, they could find it in America. I live in Florida and the poverty here exceeds the poverty in Eastern Europe in many ways.

You want poor, look at the endless trailer parks here in the US. Many of my college students I teach live in double wide trailers with their parents on food stamps.

The difference is not the level of earnings a person has that matters. Not for the woman or the man. It is what is in their head. For example, even the poor in Eastern Europe are highly educated or at least can converse about basic ideas with regards to history or literature.

In contrast, the girl next door, often has intellectual curiously that is defunct. The US and the UK is like Ancient Rome. We are practical business oriented people. Continental Europe is like Ancient Greece, with an emphasis on intellectual culture. I teach college in the US and go to school for a PhD in Europe. There is a world of difference in culture of students with regards to education.

If people ask, put it right out there, that you are looking for a foreign bride. Have some courage.

Loyalty factor in Marriage

I would argue that people who oppose international marriages are not considering cultural difference

In my family’s village in Poland and Ukraine, people stay together no matter what. People can drink, cheat and not even like each other, but they stay together. In contrast in crazy American and Western European people split for trivial reasons. The US has a 53% divorce rate, Belgium 73% in contrast in India 1%, Poland 19%. I know we are a great country etc but man. We in the West are socially anti-marriage. If you are not into marriage you are not into children, because kids need both parents.

In the US sometimes I think it is better to find a woman you really dislike and give your house and half your money and save yourself the stress.

What it comes down to is I believe in love and love that last forever, not until one person’s ego flexes or the other persons ego becomes bruised.

My list of top countries to find a wife

The Culture of marriage around the world

The bottom-line cultures are different relating to relationships around the world. There are variance in marriage longevity as well as happiness. These are measured, qualitative and anecdotally but also statistically and empirically.

There are so many girls like the one in the above photo – abroad that would love to meet nice guys. Forget the alpha male hype in the West that leads people nowhere. Love is about love not flexing.

Men go aboard to find their wives because they do not relate to the culture around them. I relate to a culture of family and marriage and religion. I have a dreamy romantic outlook on life.

I would not fit well with a cell phone addicted girl who is raised on package food in the suburbs and taking online courses for her MBA to further her career. Give me a slim, European liberal arts major who know how to grow her own food and sews any day of the week, and on the weekends goes to church with me and really tries to humble herself as I hope I do.

Why I married my wife

I married my wife because I love her, she is my soulmate, she relates to my cultural origins, we go to church together, do not compete with each other and really are not into careers. We are into family.

I see average guys date girls like this, not because of the passport they hold but because the subjectivity of the human mind making choices. In her culture she might be a plain Jane.

Yes perhaps I could have found someone kind of similar in the US but I believe in a one and only.

In the end, there can be only one

The Highlander

People who criticizes foreign marriages need to be open to the possibilities

You can not limit yourself to the girl next door. In the old days you could. The culture was more uniform. My parents were both Catholic and Slavic, ate the same food, cerebrated the same holidays, saw life in the same way and were from the same Philadelphia neighborhood. They were together over 70 years.

In fact, if my dad married someone from Poland or Ukraine it would not have been the same because of the cultural chasm that existed at the time as a result of the political economic events in the world.

Find another child of God no matter where they come from.

Mark Biernat

Similarly, it is often the case with Indian American women going to India to marry a guy. Yes they are from the same culture but they see the world in a different way.

My point is in this time and place if I were a Millennial or Gen Z, since we have so much technology at our finger tips, and ease of travel, there is no reason not to go abroad if that is where your heart leads you. Women abroad speak English and they are sophisticated but still have values that are old world.

It is all about values.

Mark Biernat

Culture is one aspect that influences values. Find a culture you personally identify with and start there.

It has noting to do worth ethic make up. If you do a test like 23andme you will see that we are all a Heinz 57 of ancient peoples. Even me I have an unusual high number of Neanderthal genes.

What matters is knowing who you are. Women around me never really understood my romantic notions of love as portrayed in books from Jane Austen to Russian romantic writers and poets. I grew up in woodsy snowy New England with dreamy visions of love and marriage. It just was not me to compromise my values and dreams in the only relationship that really matters.

Know thy self

Inscription on the Temple of Delphi

What matters is the you free your mind and stretch beyond your own psychological boundaries and limitations when it comes to ‘shoulds’ and ‘have tos’ of where to find a wife or husband.

In other cultures there are scores of girls like this, who dream of nothing more than being a wife and a mother and would never leave you.

Where do start to find a wife abroad?

The choices you make now will echo through eternity

  1. My top recommendation is travel – I do not want to hear that you have a house or career or you some lame excuse. Travel. I did it and so can you. I quite my career for a decade and missed the financial crisis in ’08 and ended up better than many of my friends who were too scared to leave their careers in the beehive. I now have a family and live in a nice house and have a job etc, everything is fine. My two friends, George and Scott who did not travel and hunkered down in their careers are not marry, bored with their careers in the cube, and cynical.
  2. Start chatting with girls online – Alternatively you can try online dating sites and marriage sites as those have women who are serious about marriage. However, better is to start online with traditional dating sites. I have written a lot about dating online and you can read some of my articles.
  3. Go to school abroad – I do and so can you. I am no different than any of you. It just takes a little effort. The biggest Internet in the world is a college campus. When you are studying abroad at any age you will find more women that are single then you could ever meet online. Why? Because they are screened with your eyes rather than some photo-shopped Instagram image. You can talk to them and hear their voice rather than get an emoji. You can smell then and touch them rather than downloading their photos on your phone.
  4. We are mammals and have not transferred our conciseness to AI, at least not yet.

If you have questions, write me. I want you to be happily married.

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How to Win your Girlfriend Back #1 Trick

A winning strategy for courting a girl – if things go wrong online or offline

I have one trick to win a girl back that trumps ever other self-help or psychological technique or dating tip or relationship advice out there. This comes from a pro in messing up relationships, that is me. Your humble author and relationship advisor. Yes, I am the king of making a perfectly good relationship sour.  Yet, I prevailed. I did it. I am married to the person who broke up with me multiple times. When defeat was certain I turned the tide and won her heart back.

Chase  your ex-girlfriend not with your legs but with a pen.

Ex-girlfriends long gone are not the same as fresh breakups

First, I am not a believer in winning a girl back from an old relationship gone by. I am talking about winning a girl back who you are in a relationship with and you have had a blowout or a breakup.

Partners from past relationships broke it up for a reason. Those reasons might seem small from a distance, but my goodness, think about it, if you were to jump back in, even if you were the one who was wronged, it would be disastrous in most cases.

Dating is like chess. It is the subtle moves that make the difference between a Grand Master and a C class player. The subtle things in the old relationship would drive you crazy again.

Win back the one and only love of your life

However, if you have just had a breakup, but you feel in your heart objectively this was the one, because of a deep spiritual connection for example, you can win her back. If you want to understand this more, who is the love of your life, read more on this site.

Women like the real world. They are addicted to their cell phones because they are missing something deeper.

We broke up

My wife and I broke up a score of times during the dating phase. We argued all the time. There was so much drama, however, we always came back to each other. A lot of it was the adolescent mentalities conflicting and breaking down the ego of I to become the we.

The reason, I felt my wife Kasia was the one for me, was everything. For me I was physically attractive combined with humility. She was saying she was sorry all the time. Before Kasia, I can count on my left hand, I have ever heard someone apologize to me in my life sincerely. When someone has a contrite heart, this is the person you want to as a mate. A contrite heart opens the possibility of being forgiven and forgiving, that is one of the most powerful things.

There is a power in being powerless

So how do you win your ex-girlfriend back?

There is not such thing as chasing a chick too hard. But it is how you define hard. There is not such thing as a no win situation.

Yes, pull out all stops and play to win. That means stop the online communication. Chasing a chick with a cell phone or email messages generally is not the way to go. Women will label it as stalking, even if you have been dating them. It is one of their tricks or weapons or defenses against men in general. So ditch the cell phone and pull out the wand.

Be the Wizard

Instead of going in there with a primitive frontal assault. What you need to do is, take a deep breath, and let them know you care and you are real. Real is not a text message or a Snapchat. That is not real. Real is not buying a card or a gift. Do not listen to lame advice like buy her flowers or take her to dinner, that is just buying her. That might work, but it might not and it is buying her. You always need to appeal to a higher ideal. Ideals are the realm of magic. You need to create the dream and rise above this mundane existence.

What is real to a girl?

Real is authenticity. It is honestly. Honest communication can be face to face, however, in many cases that is not possible or too dangerous. However, there is a better way.

Old school letters work magic, they always have. Women like real. Real paper, real thoughts and words.

One trick to win a girl back found mentioned nowhere else

This is hard – writing a letter and waiting for her reply.   Yes a real letter with pen and paper.  I personally did with my wife. I wrote an old fashion physical letter.  A well thought out letter by hand and sealed with wax and some rose petals contained within.  With eloquent words and poetry you can win her heart.  It needs to be on stationary. It needs to be with an ink pen, not a common pen you get at Walmart.

She’s beautiful, and therefore to be wooed; She is a woman, therefore to be won

– William Shakespeare Henry VI, Part I


Romance wins over Flexing

That is called romance. This is what girls want.  That is difficult but this effort will put you in a league above others with money and looks and who are flexing whatever they think they have.

  Hard is not going in swinging and sending endless text messages, but like in chess playing to win with eloquent creative play.

One well crafted letter sent is better than 100 calls or chats.

Watch the move Kate and Leopold if you have  not. Every Harlequin romance is based on this type or courting. Remember the scene where Leopold shames her flexing boss? If you have not seen this movie I would revisit it.

I know it sounds crazy, and old fashion but when I play with Grandmasters that is how they play chess. They play it subtly and with eloquence. Not a frontal attack or obvious moves. It is the behind the scenes development that counts.

  • Make these creative patient moves on your ex-girlfriend so she can not help being mated, checkmated that is.

What about flowers?

Flowers are good.  However, it is buying the problem away to some extent. Even if it works, it does not solve the issue. The issue is not just the girl, but with you inside. (I mean that in good way, you have stuff repressed). That is why you need to write. Writing is a form of therapy.

Each word has to be reflected on. What if you can not write? I would practice and read books classic romantic literature and poetry. I would try very hard if you care about this girl.

What if you can not write?

Listen to classical music.  I like Chopin, Tchaikovsky, Liszt, the type that moves the soul, and find some dark candle lite corner of the house and perhaps try the twilight hours. Read books and take inspiration.

If you have bad handwriting go to a second hand store and buy a retro or vintage typewriter and sign it. I know this seems like work, but it is easier than impressing a girl with a million bucks, right? And she will love you for it.

When you write you express your inner soul in a way that she can relate to. Not just lofty Elizabethan English, something that she understands, about the pain of loneness, or whatever your Karmic connection is.  So she says, yes I feel this way to. This requires you to be honest.  This is real life. This is what dreams are made of. Read what others wrote in history and take inspiration.

If it takes time lad, let it take time

Mr. Scott Star Trek

Years latter she will remember your efforts

Hi, I am Sadia. You want a girl like me? You do not have to make money, you have to earn my love in a different way. You have to show authenticity. You have to be different in ways that most snapchatting, instagram, ADD guys do not think of. This means be creative and magical in your romance and courting for my love.

What you do will echo though eternity. So if you do something do it with consequence and thought and eloquence. When you are married she will recant the story of your written correspondences with others and make them jealous and you feel good. This is better than any flexing their husbands can do. You win her back and you win on the appeal to higher ideal front.

In life to win you need to always take the higher ground.

Time can play on your side.  If you write a letter every other day or one time a month, no way she would reject you if God wants you to be together.

I know, I know it sounds crazy but it worked for me.

I know you want a solution now to win your ex-girlfriend back today.  But this is a solution, that works, it just takes patience.

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Dating a girl who does not speak English

A lot of guys tell me they can not go to one country or the other because they do not speak the language of that country.  Incorrect logic.

When I meet my wife I had been in Poland for about a month and did not speak Polish, except what I learned in  a little here and there, and she did not speak English except what she heard on songs and movies growing up. We could not speak the same language. I do not know how but we communicated. Something about attraction transcends languages.  Snapchat, meaningful texting was out, spending time with her and learning to communicate was in play.

If you meet a hot chick and you care about her linguistic skills, you should have your T levels checked.

The good thing, ironically was she did not want to go out with me. It gave me time to learn a little Polish and her to learn a little English why I tried. At first we spoke Polish then I got lazy or her English took off and and then I got lazy. I tend to think for evolutionary reasons women can pick up a language easier (because women were required to transcend culture for marriage purposes and raising the children).

Therefore, the last thing you have to worry about is language.

You can even date your language tutor, but remove restrictions from your thinking. The rustic uncovered gems are the best choice for marriage and mating.

More important than language

Worry if she believes in God and is walking the walk. Worry if she has intellectual curiosity. Worry if she is super hot and will stay hot (determining if a girl will stay hot is another story).

But language, not an issue.  Language is a cipher. It is not something real, but a man made tool. And with all tools you can improvise.

Think of it like a recipe, if you do not have sugar, you can improvise. The other day I made homemade frozen yogurt and we were low in sugar, so,  I used other sweeteners like honey and stevia (I need to grow this plant). You similarly can sweeten the pot with other things besides fluent communication in a language. What about just walking and holding hands. What about teaching each other words, that is one of the best non-scary ways to get to know someone.

Origin of language in a philosophical sense

Existentialist philosopher say the genesis of language is the primordial scream of man when he first discovered he was alone in this universe in the wild. He became aware and needed to start to communicate beyond survival. I believe language is overrated, and that is coming from someone who creates language learning programs. What is behind the language is what counts. It is the awareness of life that matters not how one expresses it.

Religion is like a language. We are all expressing our belief in the Ultimate reality and are longing to be whole in our own ways of expression.  What matters in religion is the authenticity of the person behind the rituals.  Similarly what matters behind the language, is the feelings and person.

Many people speak the language but do not understand and many people speak different languages and communicate perfectly.  Stretching it a little is that not what Jesus was saying? He was communicating with not only the Jews but the Samaritans and people not in his culture.

They have eyes but they do not see, they have ears but do not hear – Mark 8:18

Hearing and having words is different from understanding.

What language does God speak? All and none. It does not matter. So the same applies to earthy love

What does it matters that language in dating is not a barrier mate selection?

Transcend your limits and marry me.

It matters.  If you are a man or women, you are basically saying there are no limits. And this is the way it should be. We are going for the love of your life, not someone who makes sense. Love never makes sense. Love is always upside down and all wrong to start. It is one of the rites of passages to be able to overcome this. If you are not willing to suffer for love, than you are not worthy to be called a lover. Where is your piss and vinegar? Where is your zeal for the surreal experience of this life?

If you love someone what does it matter the language they speak or the culture they come from.  In fact it is beautiful to hear someone speak another language that you do not understand, it is like music.

What matters is you both are committed to each other, that you will be gentle not competitive. You will be patient. Love does not know ambition. Love is not about money, career or standard of living, but about love of each others as you are on your journey to the source of all love, God.

The math of dating a uni-linguistic person

More mathematically, lets say there are 375 million native English speakers. Lets say 1/4 of them are single females. That is 93.75 million women. I know my numbers are way off, but this estimate is to make a point.  If there are 7.6 billion people in the world then 1/4 of that is 1.9 billion single women in total. That means if you do not worry about language you will get a 501% increase in the number of single girls to date if you ignore this one aspect. That is a lot.  I personally think the best ones are outside the realm of native English speakers and there is less competition for one reason or anther. That means you personally could marry a 10. Yes you, if you jettison your hang ups.

Are you telling me you are that defeated by life that you can not find the girl for you out of a pool of 2 billion girls? Do you know how much a billion is? If every girls was on Tinder, and you observed their photo for a second, it would take

How many seconds in 2 Billion? 63 years,  138 days 5 minutes and 49.5686 seconds.   And here is the kicker, there are new girls coming on the market everyday, so even that statistic is understated.  Also you have to sleep and do other things.  It would take more than a lifetime.

Zeno’s Paradox of the Tortoise and Achilles and dating

My point is if you accept my premise that language does not matter, in one second you increase your chances of meeting your other half.  If you know calculus as the limit approaches a number, it becomes that number.  This explains Zeno’s Paradox of the Tortoise and Achilles. The take away is the more you remove the mental restrictions from your brain,  the math says with great certainty (and patience) you will 100% meet your mate.  If you understand the paradox and I suggest you read up on it.

What would be your strategy in a languageless world?

Look for girls that you think are hot, in cultures you think are hot. For example, for me personally I had always like brunettes with a snow white look. Maybe I read too many fairy-tales,   maybe because I come from a family of blonds.  When I met my wife she had really dark hair, yet blue eyes and almost pale, like the Snow White look. I did not think I would meet her when I was traveling through Poland. I was not trying to meet a girl, rather, my family came from Poland and I had an interest in history.  Eastern Europe has a lot of variation in looks because it is Slavic mixed with Jewish and Tartar, even me.

Go for what you like. If you like blonds, or redheads focus your travels on countries that a high percentage of this look. If you like the curves of Latin America, go for that. If you like South America but like blonds go for Argentina. There is something for everyone, as long as you do not restrict yourself by the language you speak.

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European

Norwegian girls – love phrases – dating sites and marriage

Norwegian girls – In this post I give you:

  1.  Marriage in Norway –  a summary of the main issue with dating and marriage in Norway
  2.  Norwegian dating sites – websites where you can meet Norwegian girls
  3.  Book of love phrases in the Norwegian language –  a book on Norwegian love phrases (found at the bottom of the page for you to download), that will really work,  if you want to try to woe a Norwegian girl’s heart.

What are these ethereal beings from Norway like?

Think elves, like from Lord of the Rings.

The lonely landscape of Norway causes introspection.

Since there are not too many elves around these days, think you can find many garden variety Norwegian girls on Youtube.

For example, Cornelia Grimsmo is a sweet, intelligent sensitive Norwegian Youtuber, and some people say she is good looking (personally think she would be a good fit for something like the next Star Wars movie compared to that non-describe English actress in the last one). She will be an excellent mother. I can not fault her for much. She even plays chess and watches Magnus Carlson. How can you not like her.

You could say she is the quintessential twenty something Norwegian female. Her honest introspection helps people who are developing emotionally, as she describes her personal journey and advocates compassionate clean living. Yet there is a superficiality about her videos. They get boring after the first couple you want.

Blond hair on a girl is not everything

Yes the blond hair and all interesting, but she is tattooed and has had multiple boyfriends for her age and does not believe in God and can not discern any uplifting message other than having fun and be nice. For me ‘being chill’ does not satiate a deeper need of having meaning in my life.  I would not marry a person like that. If you are looking for a wife, marry someone who is real, non-materialistic, and not engaged in endless trips to fashionable shops and cafes.  Maybe if she were to go back to school or take religion seriously or homestead or do something than just film her parties, than she might be interesting.  I want a meaningful life not that. I recommend you see through superficial beauty.

All that said, if I were single, Norwegian Millennials  are not marriage material. They would not even be the slightest consideration.

Despite the rustic romantic beauty of Norwegian girls, I personally would not marry one, unless her faith and devotion exceeded her beauty.

There is an issue with Norwegian women and broadly Scandinavian relationships, with some exceptions.

All that glitters is not gold and all that is gold does not glitter.  – J. R. R. Tolkien

What is it? They are not religious

Therefore, ultimately transcendence is limited to humanistic endeavors (eventually boring) and their flight factor is high.  For example, if you were married and had a few children and all is happy, a Norwegian girl might leave you.  It is the paradox of Norway, they are family oriented and loyal people but with this main impediment in marriage. This is sad but true.

Whoever is not prepared to endure everything, and to stand firmly by the will of the Beloved, is not worthy to be called a lover. A lover must willingly accept every hardship and bitterness for the sake of his Beloved, and must never desert Him because of adversity. – Thomas Kempis 13th century German Monk.

  • Norway’s divorce rate is 44% (to be fair the US is over 50%). Reference: Marriage and divorce statistics”. Eurostat 2011. Retrieved 10 January 2013

This is in contrast with counties like Mexico (15%),Columbia(9%) bad Chile (3%)and others that have single digit divorce rates.

  • You give your life to your wife and family, and yet for many women, the door is always open. It is not the commitment of ‘until death do us part’, but rather ‘for as long as the love shall last’.

Is not Scandinavian socialism the cause? – It is not the Norwegian government’s cushy social benefits for single mothers or their new found prosperity with North Sea Oil or high tech, think Opera browser for example (I am an Economics Professor, and economics incentives are not the direct cause) , but rather it comes down to ideals. You are your religion and an embodiment of your beliefs, do not blame anyone or the abstraction of society.

Religion says your family is your life, no exceptions, even if there is hardship and someone is ill, including mentally, you take up your cross and suffer along aside them. Because this is where God is in our our darkness, feeling and suffering with us.  Humanism says your husband is an aspect of your life.  They will make a philosophy out of the psychology of rationalization for splitting up the family and having two household for the children to visit on the holidays. People do not understand this. It is the sad but true post modern world we live in and culturally prevalent in Noway.  It is the one main crack, in this otherwise picture perfect Scandinavian society.

Norwegian shyness appears cold but they have warm generous hearts, and are almost universally concerned about the planet as a whole.

Norwegian views on marriage is in stark comparison to other philosophies on marriage. For example, there are guys who drink and are prison, yet I know women that stay by their man. There are girls that have cheated and the men stay by their women. You can not explain it to someone who does not get it.  Marriage is forever because love is eternal.  Yet with such high divorce rates from Bergen to Tromsø to Stavanger, the cause is simply lack of commitment, people get bored and grow apart or find an excuse and then turn it into a necessity. This is so lame. There is no ideal to hold them together above man being the measure of all things, and you know where that leads, little weak people that we all are.

Find a Norwegian girlfriend yes, Find Norwegian bride .no

Reality check: Guys are not going to give up, being international men of mystery, traveling the world, developing their intellect and life for a girl that simply is in love and has blond hair, blue eyes and a sweet voice. Marriage is a spiritual partnership.

Lets say you meet a hypothetical Norwegian girl, you will be enchanted by her beauty. OK she has had lets say  she has had seven boyfriends before you because there is little restriction on pre-martial relationships in Noway cultural nowadays. You get married and then what? Where is the transcendence? Where is the mystery and magic. You for her are just a better fit for one reason or another, psychologically or time-line wise in her life. As she evolves and her instinctual clock to reproduce is ticking (ticktock ticktock), you are the next stepping stone on her journey. That is so unhigh.

Endless visits to coffee shops, lounging on Ikea style furniture, with  a Mac or attending a Christmas event, when one does not personally believe in God, is empty as the years go by. Therefore, I am calling on Norwegian women (women are the guardians of culture), to consider where their culture is taking them.

It takes one person to start a revolution.

The empty reality of women from Norsk

Please watch: imdb.com/title/tt0808185/ Bothersome Man – Norwegian film. This will sum it up for you about Norway. Everything is nice and in its place, but this is not life. I particularly like the scene with his girlfriend/wife, in the Ikea layout apartment and she trades him off for the next one, like a nicely placed piece of furniture.

The post modern world has replaced the practice of penance with going to coffee shops with your Mac book. And to be honest Noway is a lot better than other countries.

This is why I feel Scandinavian women might make nice girlfriends, but not for marriage.

Advice to Norwegian women

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I put the ways of childhood behind me. – 1 Corinthians 13-11

This means you jettison childlike notions of God and the life that has lead your to embracing this greywater agnosticism you live.

Unfortunately Norwegian families struggle with high divorce rates and ‘latch key kids’ because the last generation of Norwegians rejection of authentic religious practice.

The greatest way you can honor and respect your parents is not live their mistakes. If they split up,  than reflect on this and be the generation that breaks the cycle, turn back to the faith of your grandparents and ancestors.

Read real theology for example by Hans Kung Does God Exist and examine the issues afresh. Faith is a radical reorientation of your life, like marriage is. This means not not going to give up your life but a fulfillment of your life. Replace the patterns of love and marriage you see around you in Norwegian culture with your own ethic of idealism.

In this most modern malaise, there is no triple sense Hegel commitment of aufheben, but rather, ‘two solitudes that greet each other’. Further, there is a ethos flowing around Norwegian women that advocates caution from the highs of lows of life, relationships should be ‘chill’. If I was chill and did not rescue my wife, we would not be a family today.

For me, playing it cool is not love, but a relationship you have with a little dog. Love is a complete turn your life upside down and abandon everything, career, home, even family (Romeo and Juliet) for love.

You want this person who is no limits, all or nothing, your heart skips a beat when they come into the room, everyday. For me I do not see it in women of Norway in the collective unconsciousness of the Millennials.

You can say it has to do with the social benefits so the government helps single mothers, or men or more players these days, but it is simpler than that.

Say good-bye to authentic penance and say hello to Tinder

The root of the culture is growing without religion, like a tumble weeds.   Lithe, ethereal and romantic transforms into to Tinder browsing, serial monogamous boyfriend relationships, tatooes and at best turning to money making New Age gurus like Deepak Chopra, or living by the laws of attraction, instead of meditating on the the book of Psalms for example.

  • If you met a Norwegian girl who was walking the walk, it does not matter, Lutheran or Catholic (Usually Polish immigrants into Norway), she is a keeper. She is the diamond in the rough, not her Blondie friends.

Where to meet Norwegian girls

  • moteplassen.com -Norwegian dating site 1 moteplassen
  • sukker.no – Norwegian dating site 2 – sukker
  • Tinder – You know what this is about.
  • Craiglist is overrun by foreigners seeking to marry a Norwegian woman for a visa. Marrying in Norway for an immigration visa to Europe is easy to obtain, but you have to be in true love this site is not the place.
  • Snapchat seems to be the crazy online fad in  the Kingdom of Norway
  • Chess.com – seems out of the box but because of Magnus Carlsen, half the country is on this website.

Norwegian people are pretty amazing, intelligent people, if you can understand their culture is post modern European.

Norwegians like to escape off the grid to nature in rustic settings at least once a year. This adds to their charm.

If dreamy romantic fog filled fjords with breath taking peaks and aquamarine stream do not take your breath away, the looks of the high cheekbone blue eyed smiley Norwayan girls will, however, know that it will cost you with your life, if they leave you and there is a good chance they will.

The women of Norway are shaped by their environment both physically and psychologically.  It is not the environment for me, until there is a cultural revolution.

Love Phrases in Norwegian

Here I have written a short guide to love phrases in Norwegian if you want to try to meet a girl online or in person or using your cell phone texting her.

Categories
American

Women of Appalachia – undiscovered and single

In my personal experience, women of Appalachia are sensitive, artistic and have sense of romanticism that transcends the hyper-consumptive cookie cutter existence many of us have subscribed to. Jettison your stereotypes and consider an undiscovered region of single girls that are marriage material in the Eastern mountains.

That being said, cultural views in this region are still predominately aligned with Americanism and Protestantism.  They could be your dream girl, if you are looking for a good wife, or not.

My recommendation is align the crucible of your fantasies with a region of the world that germinates the type of women that dance in your dreams as you drift to sleep at night. Every man dreams of women as they fall asleep. The women of these twilight dreams are the the key to you finding a wife. For example, I was fantasizing about a Princess from Eastern Europe, before I met my wife, and I am happily married countless years later.

Tell me, what does the woman of your dreams look like.

Female archetypes types in Appalachia

Perhaps you are looking for a non-feminist thin version of Katniss Everdeen, or a nano-farming homesteader, or a faithful traditional wife who will meet you at the door in a plaid dress and dinner ready, or simply a pretty girl who wants to raise a family away from world’s preoccupations.  All these female archetypes are plentiful and waiting for you in Appalachia. They are in Appalachia specifically because of the environment of the region is still a wilderness and a land of faith in God that spawns the above female archetypes.

What is your vision, your fairy-tale?  I recommend you paint your fairy-tale on the empty canvas of  your imagination. You identify who it is in your dreams you see. If that includes nature and a degree of isolation away from others people’s agendas, and thoughts about how you should live your life, and also a loyalty to moral convictions, consider Appalachian girls.

  • Appalachia is one of the few regional sweet spots for eligible women whom I would marry in the USA and a clear alternative to foreign brides.
Connected to nature is often synonymous with being fit naturally.

Appalachian dating – An American alternative to foreign brides

If you are looking a homegrown/home team girl, consider this region of the US that is overlooked (lucky). If you are tired of communicating with Russian women on the other side of the world that  size you up based on your wallet, consider the Appalachian mountain region of the US. It is domestic (if you are in the USA), overlooked (your not competing with metro player guys),  they are Christian (good if you are a person of faith, if you are non-religious then you should off roll the dice with with modern liberated NYC career girls, good luck), and connected to nature. If this is not a winning combination for finding a loyal spouse I do not know what is. However, it is not for everyone. It is a Protestant land. However, it is specially American.

The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.  -John Muir

nature facilitates the transcendence of the female soul

Maybe you cannot find a wife because of something in your water

I know what you are thinking, it is just another far away place and will lead to another disappointment. So what.  Any with any hunt for a bride you can not just pick and choose, you have to discover, explore and conquer. You have to uncover and discover something others overlook, zig when others zag. Think about the rugged pioneers this country was literally built on. These were men. Similarly, you have to venture into the wilderness and prospect not for gold or land but for something greater. You can not except to get the girl and replicate your DNA unless you have enough testosterone to take crazy chances.

  • If you do not have the stones to take risks and do crazy things to find and pursue your wife, I would check to see if you have too much BPA and other estrogen mimicking substances in your water supply.

Appalachia is a wilderness

 A forbidding, oppressive, primeval country that was “grim and wild . . .savage and dreary,” fit only for “men nearer of kin to the rocks and wild animals than we.”  –  Henry David Thoreau

Bill Bryson, A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail recounts even the transcendental, nature loving Thoreau saw it as wild.  Yet do you not want a girl from the wild? Is that not part of the fantasy, a girl from some primordial time or place? Russia as Siberia we have Alaska ( no girls there) but also the Appalachian mountains.

Women in poverty in Appalachia

Being poor is actually a good thing, at least poor in spirit.  As long as the women is aware and curious and educated, what do you care? Yes, there are women in poverty that are uneducated or closed minded. That might be true in some cases but not universally, it is a percentage. According to the US census in 2010 there are 25 million people in the region, that translates into about 5 million single eligible girls in Appalachia, that is a lot of ladies to extend an invite to.

This might be your view of the economics of the region.

Lets talk about isolation

Generally isolation makes you beautiful and eccentric, and at the very least introspective because there are as not as many people to talk to, and you have more of a dialogue with yourself and God.

Isolation has cause a cultural fermentation around the mountains of the East coast. It is a true subculture in America. It is a combination of romanticized ruggedness, self-sufficiency and Bible based Christian values.

From an economics perspective isolation causes countries, regions and villages to be on a slower economic growth trajectory, because trade and specialization pushes the production possibilities curve out. Therefore, have no illusions because of its isolation, Appalachia remains still one the the poorest areas of the US.

The Appalachian region of the United States, while abundant in natural resources and rich in potential, lags behind the rest of the Nation… its people have not shared properly in the Nation’s prosperity. – The Appalachian Regional Development Act of 1965

This is what I envision

Stereotypes aside

I am not talking about marrying an uneducated unsophisticated person. I recommend someone who has benefited from the isolation the mountains afford, yet has a rich intellectual internal life. Someone who the lie of consumerism has not infected.  When you are closer to nature no matter what language of rituals you express your spirituality in, you transcend. This closeness to nature and isolationism is what make women who grow up in this region special.

You can browse this women of Appalachia site and see if there is introspection and sensitivity.

Therefore, I am not recommending your should marry some hillbilly like Elly May Clampett (from the TV show the Beverly Hillbillies) but rather more like some introspective sensitive moral beauty like Mary Ellen Walton or Erin from the TV Series the Waltons.

Is being in a cabin in the mountains boring? Not if you have a companion.

Yes, I know, I know it is still hard to find a single girl who has these traits, but in Appalachia they exists. Families stay and live in this region specifically because of the isolation and because of nature. There are women in towns like Huntsville, AL, Knoxville, TN, Greensville, SC, Morgantown WV, Asheville, NC, Roanokeo,VA, Pittsburgh, PA, Stretching it a bit, Brattleboro, VT and Augusta, Maine. The small cities and areas around these towns have statistically millions of single women living our their lives without being around the block a dozen times like their metro counterparts.

Change the the label and you have something different

What was once called ‘dirt’ or ‘substance farming’ is now called ‘homesteading’ and ‘organic’. What was once seen as ‘fundamentalism’ is now call ‘being loyal to one’s spouse and family’. What was once called ‘healing with herbs’ is now called ‘alternative medicine’. What was once call ‘isolated’ is now called ‘having some peace’ in the world of endless traffic jams.

Are not all rural girls the same?

I know what you are thinking, are there not a lot of rural areas in the USA that have country girls?  I have always felt with some elitism, that the East Coast was a little more my style. There are regional differences in every part of the USA that can not be ignored. Living in the deep forests of the East as a highlander girl, is not the same as a girl living on a Texas ranch.

Real life or virtual connections, I prefer real, because this is only a drive away for most of America

Where do you find a bluegrass doll?

I am not an expert, rather I know a lot of women from the region because I live in the South. I am in the inner circle of these women and hang out with them because I have a school age child. I personally know a score of soccer moms that are from Appalachia. I also went to school undergraduate at Wake Forest University resting at the foothills of Appalachia and I know the micro culture that exists among the educated women of this region. I was friends and roommates with people from this area and they universally had that sweet small town attitude but with sophistication enough to get into a top university. I travel there and hike the Blue ridge mountains.

The syrupy girls of Appalachia from Eastern Tennessee, Northern Alabama, Western North Catalina and Eastern Kentucky are intriguing. They are universally sweet (not cloying), religious, good mothers and loyal wives. They build you up and make you feel good with sincerity because every part of their being has been raised this way. It is an Appalachian female subculture.

None of us really changes over time. We only become more fully what we are.
― Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat

The core nature of females and males crystallize in the first twenty five years of life. The environmental tone you are raised in shapes this nature to no small degree. The society you are born into manifest itself in how you actualize your potential. The women of this South Eastern region, actualize and fulfill their dreams by being married, having a family and living a peaceful life.

There are two type of women that I would consider from this region

Christian women in Appalachia – These are the women that read the Bible. They are educated, conservative and not closed minded. They are not Southerners per say, remember during the Civil war, Appalachia was a Northern symbiotic region (since it did not have the cotton industry and hence, Slavery was not part of their economy), although the region sits mostly in the South. They are cultured and and open minded without prejudice and Christians who walk the walk in a non-showy way. They are Christian women who educate themselves and are not caught up in excess materialism.
Earthy women in Appalachia – Americans who migrate or immigrate to the Appalachian region who are into permaculture and are attracted to the mild climate and alternative living. The reason appeals to them because of the low local zoning restrictions that allows for freedom of lifestyle. They stand for something, usually connected with agrarianism. The lack of hype connected with the West Coast. The closed minded liberals move to Portland or California or dissipate their vital energies on smoking something in Colorado.

When I say alternative women, I do not mean the drug culture that exists in Eastern Kentucky or Asheville, NC for example which is the Sodom and Gomorrah of the wrong type of liberalism. I am talking about clean living moral believers who are ecological and earthy with some ideal or region to keep themselves clean in spirit and mind, someone who runs a urban farmer or or a permaculture homestead or at least you see at Wholefoods.

Not all women who are from Appalachia are desirable singles, mind you.  You want premium women who have some dream, ideals and who just happen to have a local dialect and body like Katniss Everdeen of district 12 (yes a little thinner).

  • Read my lips you want educated. You want some girl who studies literature or theater. You want a woman that likes to go to fine art museums, not a country music junkie.

They need to have gone to Universities like:

  • Appalachian State University
  • East Tennessee state University
  • West Virginia University
  • University of Tennessee

For example, educated  acquaintance I know has three kids and runs a community garden, as her job, and they are remodeling their 1930s house to look HGTV with little money. Their kids run barefoot and are half-home schooled. She will always be loyal to her husband who scrapes by with some on-line business. They are in love and live outside of Asheville and all around the are for the last nineteen years.

Another, lady I know has four kids, grow up in Kentucky but has four kids and teaches college, and is a Christian.

What is wrong with that? I would say these educated women from the country side are wives men aspire and dream of having.

What would Plato say?

The marriage material from Appalachia are either educated Christians or idealist educated perma culture hipsters. The best would be a combination of both.  Lets be honest, it is about a girl who is pursuing wisdom. Did not Plato say that wisdom as the ultimate good, the one good you can never have too much of, the good that is required for a happy life? You need a mate that is almost obsessed with virtue and wisdom, she can be super hot mind you, but none of these good looking girls who have no substance.  Its building your house on sand man. First category 4 or 5 storm, it will fall and until that time you will find yourself in an unequally yoked relationship.

These mountains are not for everyone

  • If you are weak or shallow or do not believe in God, skip it.
  • If you do not want to have kids, skip it.
  • If you do not like nature, skip it.
  • If your dreams area aligned with a different fantasy or archetype, make the effort to pursue that vision, but do it like you mean it.

What do you mean another vision or culture?

It is a Anglo baptists Scottish Presbyterians border country. Although these women have all the whistle and bells I would be looking for if I were single, I married a princess from Eastern Europe. Remember I am not a WASP, my family name is not Smith or Wheat or Johnson. I am American many generations but yet my subculture is Roman Catholic, Eastern European. My world has always been East of the Elbe river and I believe Catholicism largely influenced my subconscious.  However, that being said, even me, if I were single would consider Appalachia as the place in the US to find a wife.

Who might not be for these gals?

If you are a generic guy with no particulate ideals, except believe in transitory humanistic ideas like being nice etc, I would say it is a no go. The women here are sweet because they are aligned with religion. It is emanating from their core. These women are specific, so if you are a generic guy with no strong religious beliefs they would not appeal to you. Generic guys are those without any great ideals either religious or even environmental counterculture type values. What are generic guys? Rather they spend their time on Netflix or their cell phones than reading books and exploring ideas. They have this notion of finding a nice girl, but they themselves have not used their intellect and spirit to uplift themselves.

They travel through the heartland, past cold factories and drifty towns, to the old, old mountains slumbering east of Tennessee.
― Sarah Sullivan, Passing the Music Down

What do they look like and where to find them?

The looks they have, they have to have. It is so un-high to marry an unattractive girl.

Their beauty impresses because their genetic line is unique. Genetically they are in one sense like the Icelandic people,  like an heirloom fruit they have unusual features. Their faces have the distinct high cheekbones and often a broad look with fair skin and freckles.

Where specifically do you find these girls?

This is the most common question I get. My answer is, I refer you back to the water metaphor above.  That is, you need to have the spirit of adventure and risk taking, and you have to have the vision and with a little luck you will find your wife. A wife rarely is just found with a click, rather, with time and effort. Since they are domestic American women, just take a trip there. You can go online or use a dating app (Whatsapp, Tinder etc.), but nothing beats taking the time to explore the region:

It is not a bad place to live, far away from the world. You can get ten acres of land and a house for 190k. If you do not believe me write me and I will show you where.

Categories
Find a Date

Image your ideal girl

Plato believed that everything on this earth corresponded to a form, an ideal archetype of a concrete object on this planet. To contemplate these forms would bring a greater awareness to this life and happiness.

Similarly pop culture has had a parade of self help recommendations about visualizing your ideal partner.

In contrast, there are those that argue that you should not not have an ideal vision of a wife (or husband) or type because your real mate might be something totally different than you could have ever imaged. If you subconsciously filter out potential partners based on preconceived notions, then you might miss your other half.

My preconceived notions consistently get shattered with life broadening experiences.

The people and ideas that are distant or unconformable in your life, are often what you embrace closest to your heart. That being said, I believe imagining an ideal will help you sift out the wheat from the chaff. The reason is there are 3.7 Billion women in the world and 1.3 Billion single women of dating age.

Imagine the woman you really want in your heart. This is your life, it is an empty canvas. Paint a mental picture of the unspoken longings of your heart’s desire. This honestly will bring her closer to reality.

Why dating sites do not work well

I am a believer in dating sites, but I question is this the best approach. That is playing the numbers game with a dating site, and going on dates until you find the right one. Yes many people do that, but it can wear you down. Thinking people use the three basic methods below.

  1. Advance searches – You could argue that all you have to do is refine your search criteria on a dating site like match.com under advanced searches. Filter people out until there are really only a handful of people in your criteria.
  2. Brute-force attack – By calculating and checking every possible potential mate as fast as you can on a dating site with visual screening. Even if you have the fastest right hand index figure on Tinder you would never really find the right one for you.
  3. Logical way or interest based dating sites – Similarly, you can be the logician and think your way out of singleness. You can use sites that are not dating per say but more interest sites. Using your brain and do what your friends say,  like meet people based on clubs of mutual interest, work setting and getting set up. If I was a girl I would personally be on chess.com.

All the above are nice ideas but limited in effectiveness.  Life does not work that way.

Better is to fantasizes your ideal mate and go about your life and she will appear. Sounds crazy right, but  it works. Try creative visualization and prayer to send out a message to the web of the collective unconsciousness. This is much more effective in my personal experience.  You can use dating sites as an adjunct to visualization, but you would be better off spending more of your time in your imagination, the imaginary web, than on the dating sites on the real web. I am writing this because it worked for me, and writing this for you.

We can argue until we are blue in the face about if reality is more than what it seems. I want someone who searches for and feels this transcendence.

Is visualizing New Age hocus pocus?

I do not care if you do not believe me, I am not my brothers keeper. My question for you is, are you happily married? I am. Just be open to the idea that something that sounds like esoteric gnosticism, might work.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy. – Shakespeare

I tried everything and I believe a combination of prayer and visual fantasies bought my dream girl to reality.  I do not believe in hocus pocus or new age thinking. I can not give you a statistical study or proof imagining your ideal wife will work. In fact, I am a cohesive skeptic and have for years followed the Skeptical Inquirer: www.csicop.org/si

I do not believe in anything, and certainly nothing supernatural. However, I believe in the human spirit, God, and prayer. This is real.

There is a complex stratification of reality. – Hans Kung

The reason is God is not a super magician, but rather than objective working in the subjective. This is another conversation, but trust me, prayer does work. Even if you have little faith, perhaps the size of a mustard seed, if you say to the mountain move, it will move.

I tested it on a small scale and a large scale. It works beyond the realm of coincidence and beyond anything you could ever imagine.  If it were tested under the lens of science, I am sure it would not pass. Dr. Lary Dossey writes extensively on the subject if you would like to follow up.  However, if you are a skeptic, remember, life is subjective and relative, and it did work for me and others I know. If you are talking about a law of physics that is one thing, but we are talking about love and the human spirit.  If you want to really get married, try it.

Here is a previous post on techniques for imagining your spouses. This goes a little more into some techniques in my list of seventeen or so methods. My most recommended method is simply imagining a fantasy that speaks from your own myths.

For me it was connected to a time and place I used to image when I was a teen, for example, Eastern Europe in a time long ago.

Patience is a virtue not a girl’s nick on Tinder

People will say they tried this but it does not work. Because it is not a magic trick. It takes patience. In our society people want something today or at least next week like an Amazon order. The universe does not work that way. God’s ways are not man’s ways.

God not only plays dice with the Universe, he sometimes throws them when you are not looking

Many guys write me and want to have their wife appear with nothing more than a click on a dating or brides site. Again this is the Amazon.com mentality of: I have the cash and I expect my order to be here sooner than latter. First you do not have the cash, as the karmic cash needed to achieve the results in the spiritual realm are earned though prayer and meditation. Second, God exists outside the time-space continuum and is not on our schedule.

Therefore, better than any dating app is developing a sensory rich and active image of the husband or wife you want.  Use your brain which was created by a million years of evolution.  To use your brain to think and image and explore out of the box ways to find a mate.

Thinking is the hardest work there is, that is why so few people do it

Why am I writing this?

Because, man, wake up, you should be a romantic conquistador seeking a princess, not some metro-boy, pop culture, Tinder using, corn addicted (I mean the other word), settling for endless dates with mediocre women. Stop wielding your cell phone in your left hand and replace it with a metaphorical sword and find your damsel. Go on that quest.

If you have no idea what I mean, choose a cheesy or deep romantic book or film epic to snap you out of your daze. Anything that inspires you personally like:

  • Last of the Mohegans
  • Braveheart
  • Casablanca
  • Romeo and Juliet
  • Lord of the Rings (not romantic in the traditional sense but, dreamy and courageous)

Start feeding your mind with ideas that will  snap you out of the pack of lies that you have been sold by society. Be the champion that you are.

How to conceptualize your ideal wife?

Do not think your ideal wife, imagine her. See her in a rich sensory fantasy where you interact with her and win her. It should be fun not another technique. If it is a technique, I do not think it is as effective as if it comes from your heart.  Do not have a list of determinate criteria that she has to fulfill, rather, fantasizes, feel, image, visualize, mediate and pray. See her in your mind’s eye in fantasy where you win her in some scenario.

Do not think about getting a wife or husband, dream her. Lay on your sofa and make your imagery so real you can feel, taste and smell her.

Thinking is not imagining

The greatest distance is between the heart and the head

Thinking gets in the way. Some people say that in the next life the logical analytical thinking is not needed and goes away and at your core true essence only feeling imaginative thinking is retained. Your imagination is the link between your soul and this world, all generated by the physical brain, mind you, but none the less valid.

If you want a more academic psychological scientific understanding of what imagination really is I recommend Imagination and sensory experien

I prefer more spiritual books on the subject. However, before you choose a book, also read about the author to see if they are walking the walk before reading their books. For example I see relationship authors who are not happily married themselves. In my humble opinion they are not experts on life. So much junk is published these days. However, usually the written word in the form of a book that takes years to write and the person is married, is of good quality.

The two page novelette Circular Ruins by Jorge Borges where the shaman dreams a human to reality, only to realize that he himself is a dream of another. Reality is multilayer, become aware of this. Do not be intimated by chants of the Richard Dawkins crowd. Their arguments are nothing more than rehashes of philosophical schools discussed for centuries and with less rigors than the Ancient Greek thinkers. Create your own reality.

But in the end you do not need a book. Simply try what I say. Imagine yourself in a romantic dream that you win your girl. Do this as you fall asleep.

What really prevents this image of your wife or partner materializing in reality?

The answer is, too much time on the web/phone, let me explain why.

Love in the time of technology

Call it karma or something else, however, watching corn on the Internet or  too many pictures in an image search, that over excites the brain detracts,  from the power of your imagination. This includes spending too much time randomly browsing dating sites like, Grindr, Tinder, OKCupid, or POF. The reason is the brain needs sensory deprivation to start to create and visualize. When you give the brain the image, its done. There is no need to work and sending out a message to the Universe. It tells, the Universe, OK this guy is happy, he has an object of adoration and move on to people who really need love. Those who practiced asceticism and monasticism in centuries past knew this. It heightened their sense and imagination, and power. It was like the original Internet.

Think about it, for one reason or another, in developing countries or even among the Amish, basically everyone gets married. In the USA or the UK there is lower marriage rate and marital success rate. The reason is temptation is everywhere as are images.

I live and breath technology myself. But I asked an Amish acquittance, why they do not use electricity. His reply stuck with me and I could not argue with it.

Electricity corrupts the youth – Amish cart driver

I contrast the Amish family with smiles on their faces playing with their children and American hyper consumptive and instant gratification behavior.

I am not recommending to become Amish or giving up your mobile phone, but rather use these tool in a way that it does not block your imagination. I am semi addicted to technology myself. Rather, use technology to play chess or learn something, listen to classical music, rather than fill the void.  When the void is filled with countless hours browsing your phone or on snapchat or whatsapp, then there is no room for anything else to come in. My recommendation is, rejoice in the pains of loneness and the darkness and emptiness will allow your imagination and fantasies take over, in a positive proactive way.  Gently guide these images to interaction with your ideal in your imagination.

It is in the darkness that light appears

Why hormones lead us to wrong choices?

Where id is, there shall ego be. – Sigmund Freud, New Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis, 1932

If you are like me, healthy, your hormones are raging. Not raging like I say,  ‘yes women are nice looking’, rather, driving you to the point of obsession (not in a certified psycho way, mind you). I am talking honestly how strong our physical needs and drives truly are, and they move us to do great and wondrousness things.

Sigmund Freud’s theories have not stood up well to academic research, however, his main thesis, I believe is true. Most human action and notation is initiated by the ‘Id’ or drive for reproduction and exists at the subconscious level.

Nature makes it this way or the human race would not procreate and continue. Lets be honest here, unless you are seriously repressed, every waking moment of the day you fantasizes or at least think about the opposite gender on the subconscious level. Even when you are not thinking about women, you are thinking about them. If you are honest it is like an intense hunger or thirst that drives you. This lies at the heart of the problem, your drive is so strong you might end up with the wrong woman. Your judgment is clouded because you need physical relations. Your ability to make a right choice is not clear.

With healthy hormones, you could be tricked into going for the wrong type of fantasy.

Some people learn to became perpetual players using the Craiglist or match.com for example or browsing POF late at night and using Snapchat to seal the deal for hook ups. However, when you do this, you are opening doors that can not be closed. With time you would have plucked the petals off the beautiful flower and mystery of life and find yourself feeling empty and depressed in middle age. Every time you loose your seed in some type of frivolous encounter, this weakens your ability to visualizes, as your creative energies have been dissipated.

Midway along the journey of our life – I woke to find myself in a dark wood…this wood of wilderness, savage and stubborn…a bitter place, Death could scarce be bitterer.  – Dante

Lets be honest, if physical relations are you want, being a single player, is an inefficient way to get it, with all the drama and risks connected with being a player. If you do not notice some strange rash while showing, or knock some girl up who has so many issues they would have to be check into a clinic in Vienna, Austria for psychotherapy for her to be normal.

Using your body like a roller coaster

Having a physical relationship with yourself every evening does not do it either. There is nothing ethically wrong with that. It is silly people feel guilty. However, you might feel tired and depressed and regretful, or just unfulfilled. It is fine for a urgent quick fix is your urges get too intense, as long as it does not dissipate your drive for human intimacy.

Post coitum omne animalium triste est – Latin Proverb

The above quote is true only with non marital relations including ‘self relations’. After the moment of truth, you want to be around someone you are totally into.

Better is to marry a hot chick with good values and than you have a VIP card of unrestricted access, additionally you have your best friend.

Where are your values? Go for a beautiful woman, not a career. The two are mutually exclusive.

Wrong channels for libidinal drives

Challenging your energy into chasing money will not end well, like the classic movie Citizen Kane.

Some people transmute this libidinal energy into career or education or recreation. However, once you are in your mid-20s, I recommend you first get the girl then focus on your career. The reason is you do not really start living until you are married. This changes everything. Family is more important than careers. Do not let your parents or society con you.

Therefore, my purpose above has been to convince you to try visualization for love. Try it with the full power using positive thoughts and avoiding distractions and things that would dissipate your creative Kundalinic energies if you will.

Below I will give you a framework for finding that ideal girl simply by listing the qualities I think you want to look for. I am not an expert on life and all ideals and vision of beauty vary. However, if you hear another persons ideal, it might get you to reflect on yours.

If you read my site you already know my emphasis on finding an idealistic wife/husband, however it is worth reviewing:

Must answer the meaning of life question

OK, here it is, if I were to use criteria for screening girls it is this, a girl who is or has ideals lifting her up. They could be in poverty or a Ph.D from Harvard, it does not matter, what matters is they are idealist and live their life not for the here and now, but something greater.  Discussing the meaning of life with them, would be one of my first steps. This is so basic. You have to talk to your potential life partner early on about life. Forget careers and level of education, talk to them indirectly or directly about the meaning of life.

The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things – Rilke

For example, a strong active faith in God if you are a believer. If you are an atheist or agnostic or free thinker, your woman needs to have to have a strong ideal pushing them upward. I can not emphasis this enough. In the end the meaning of life question, is the only question that is relevant in a relationship. Love elevates you and transcends you.

Often people do not articulate this in a formula like

Ad mariom dei glorium

Rather convey something like this:

But, you know, I feel more fellowship with the defeated than with saints. Heroism and sanctity don’t really appeal to me, I imagine. What interests me is being a man. The Plague by Albert Camus

My point is you want your choice to be aware and striving toward transcendence. Do you understand how important this is. It affects their actions past present and future. They must be living a raison d’être that you can share.

The girl has to be going not in circles but on a spiral stair case upward.

People ask me questions about if a girl is a scammer or if she will divorce, or make a good wife. Better is to have a lot of conversations here and there in the relationship about the meaning of life and the purpose of human existence.  See the sincerity in their voice and passion as they talk about elevated things. You are looking for a life partner not a hook up. You have to live with this person all the day of your life so you had better choose right on this one criteria.

All women have magic. However some women have very little magic, like .01% – Mark Biernat

Think of the cliché Jersey girl (hyper consumptive, Facebook addict, cell phone junkie) might have their magic set at .01%.

You do not want to marry a girl with a low level of j’en sais quoi. The way you screen for this is find a women who is aware and walking the walk. She does not have to be doing anything greater than living a prayerful life for example.

How often we confuse beauty with virtue.

Guys like to rate girl from 1 to 10, trust me, many women (and men) are below 1.

In the end, this is all that matters. That the person is a person you connect with, on a meaning of life level. That is it.

Beauty and transcendence is almost synonymous. It is so unhigh to be with a base woman, and she will bring your down in the long run. In contrast, higher beings exude an aura of sensuality.

In conclusion

Start to visualize or pray before bed. I like prayer as I am too ADD for meditation. If you can meditate than more power to you. I can not do it consistently, although the times I have I like it. Maybe at the end of yoga class when I can not move anyway, but even then. However, prayer does not require any rules or formulas. St. Ignatius favorite position was laying down with his head facing Jerusalem. Others use essential oil candles. Others just close the door for a few minutes. Find what works for you.

If you are a non-believer, just fantasizes before you go to bed in a dynamic way, and be patient. For example, be creative like see her lost in a open void and you find her, or in a forest with mist and you have to fight off villains to bring her to safety.

Be patient, finding love is not instant, like pinging and Uber ride. It is more like chipping away at a block of granite, to create a Michaelangelo stature, it takes time, the end result is something beautiful.

Categories
Russian

Saint Petersburg girls – Break the cycle of loneliness

Why Saint Petersburg girls are different and I would go for them if I were not married?

Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women. – Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

To understand the subtle nuances of Saint Petersburg women you need to understand the history of the imperial capital of Russia and the climate that shaped their mind. These girls are not for everyone. I would say they would not appeal to your Joe average. They might only appeal to 1% of the single guys out there or less.  Their appeal to me is connected to the genesis of my psychology in my formative years, a life of pain, loneness and rejection.  Read on and see if they apply to you.

Women in Northern Russia around St. Petersburg have a more somber dreamy mentality.

Saint Petersburg was built on the back of conscripted peasants

It is said the hardship these indentured surfs  suffered to build the Petrine city, embedded sorrows in its fate. Saint Petersburg with all its beauty, is a city encased in a frozen veil of tears and suffering. However, hardship raises one’s awareness in life. When pain and lament overwhelm you, awareness and compassion elevate you,  like a city from the bog.  Which one of you reading has not felt this (in my correspondences with readers of this site, they are universally more sensitive and aware).

Life is pain, life is fear, and man is unhappy. One loves their life, because one loves pain and fear. – Dostoevsky

These are the people I pass on the street in Saint Petersburg. The residence are not like the people of who attend Carnival in Brazil or an Ibiza nightclub, live in pretentious London, or some opinionated, spoiled, base woman in the USA. The people and faces in Saint Petersburg, not only show a seriousness, but the belief that suffering is good for the soul, even a path to redemption.

If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite. – Blake

Wow, what a mind trip to be around a princess model ballerina who really believes this. That is, a girl who really looks at life around them with eyes, where the lens of perception have been cleansed. Even if you do not know it, this is what you want in life? A muse to inspire you. A partner who you can experience beauty and transcendence with.  This is love. Is this not the theme of romantic literature and art?

The average girl on Nevsky Prospect does not look flashy, but if you look at her close she has a reserved rustic beauty.

Once her psychology has been formed in or around the Northern Part of Russia, it is hard to change this.

Will your girlfriend be corrupted if she leaves Russia?

Once a girl is over twenty something years old, even if she were to leave her snow princess landscape of her youth, and move to sunny Florida, her outlook on life will not change radically.  The impact of the culture has already been imprinted deep in her.  Yes, there are shallow scammy women in SPB, like in every city of the world, including the cornfields of Kansas; however, with proper screening you will not have a problem.

If you take women from Saint Petersburg and they immigrate to the US or UK they will not be corrupted.

You will take home a wildflower from the North, whose colors are not gaudy or intoxicated with overgrowth, like the broad leaf jungle of singles in the US. Rather a singular note or shade that is rare, existing in a lonely northern landscape.

I agree with Tolstoy quote above. And nothing is so unhigh as being with, laying next to, or spending time with an unintelligent female. Give me a mousy girl, plain Jane, normalite  from SPB with depth any-day over an American or UK girl.  In Saint Petersburg you do find primitive women, but it is all about the ratio or classic/primitive that  is relevant.

The city is far enough away, and where there is a barrier to entry for non CIS counties citizens, that is a visa. Therefore, it has not been over run by over-texted (meant to write another word) western guys swinging though.

People say Russia is corrupt and bankrupt.  No that would be the West, if you are talking morals.

When to chase girl in Saint Petersburg?

Meeting women in the summer is fine if you focus on parks, but I prefer the winter as psychologically people are look to be rescued from the darkness.

In Winter there is no dawn and no sunset. Around 10 o’clock you can see some light peaking though the grey sky cover. Snow muffles sound. It is a silent frozen world.

The last trip I took to St. Petersburg was in November. People thought I was crazy to travel in November, but I felt this captured the mood of the city the best.  I also feel people come together in a closeness and look for someone to hunker down with. No one wants to spend Christmas alone.

How to get girls in Eastern Europe?

I advise be a literary traveler.  That is really learn the literature of the country you are in. This way you will pull out words that will trigger whistles and bells from their subconsciousness. You will score big points on the cultural. Taping into this unconscious well, overrides any dominating Alpha man type theories you might harbour. If you speak their language on an unconscious level, the level of myths and fairly-tales, you will win their heart.

If you want to romance anyone, send any books or web posts, on flirting and picking up girls, you might have been reading straight to the recycling bin. There is only really one way to pick up a woman and sweep her off her feet. Speak the language of her subconscious fantasies and dreams. If you are not successful with women this might be the reason. That is you are not speaking to their deepest dreams and the unspoken prayers of their heart.

If you want to change the world, you have to change the metaphor.  – Joseph Campbell

If you know Joseph Campbell’s The Power of Myth, than you know what I am talking about. If you do not know this book or what I am talking about read up on it. You need to be the hero of your own story, your own romance. This translates in concrete terms to this: Have the archetypal appeal of someone dressed cool, but understands fairy-tales that these girls live by,  and not just mention the stories or speak about them intelligently, rather live them on this elevated plane, and you will win a girls heart. Every girl wants a hero. The question is finding the fantasy world she lives in. Do not believe me?  Do you really think I would have any trouble going there any day of the week and meeting authentic women from Saint Pete? I am no different than you are.  I just wear Hollister clothes have a stylish hair cut and spend my free time listing to classical music, playing chess and reading the classics. If you are lonely only two reasons, your style is not cool enough or you do not understand the importance of transcendence in love.

Meet women on the street or Moskovsky train station, it does no matter just get their mobile number

Where do you start if you want a Rus girl?

If you can not read, watch movies like:
Doctor Zhivago
Sergei Eisenstein: Ivan The Terrible
Attack on Leningrad

  • Better is to read every Russian fairy-tale you can and try in your imagination to fantasies about you being in them and altering them.

These are three I personally recommend and catch a little of Russian culture

I can recommend:

  • Any books by Tolstoy, Chekhov, Solzhenitsyn, Dostoyevsky
  • You can also sit anonymously in the back of an Russian Orthodox church. You do not have to engage in conversation and if someone asks just say you are here to observe and experience.
  • Listening to Tchaikovsky or liturgical chants of the Russian Orthodox church, on Pandora for example.
  • The book 900 days by Harisson E Salisbury
  • Read everything you can on the history and culture of Russia and stay away from people making stereortypical females in Russia Youtube videos, they are the lowest common detonator.

Seems like a lot of work?  Like I said, these Saint Petersburg Princesses are only for the 1%.

If you go to a country without reading incessantly about their culture, it is like going to an exam and winging it. This is real life, not school so the stakes are even higher, you want to be prepared. Therefore, study up before you go.

Historical legacy of culture

SPB was the capital of the Czars and princesses. In historical capitals there is an emphasis on art,literature, music and a classical education, even if through osmosis. These things are in the air, and perminate the collective unconsciousness of the residence. To the average girl on the street even mentioning

For example, to be in the city of the Hermitage or Church of the Savior on Spilled Blood, or ballets, you can not help to transcend ordinary life, especially since economically Russia is not prospering under the current oligarchy. Growing up you around objects of art and beauty your mind starts to probe and elevate beyond the here and now.

Analogously if you grow up in a house where they played classical music you would be attuned to higher ideals.

If you grew up in a place you felt painfully alone in a harsh environment far removed from the mainstream, perhaps you can relate.

The city itself was expanded on an elevated marsh by Peter the Great. This in itself is a form of doing something great rather than practical.

For Russians it is a city of historical romanticisms in the 18th and 19th century understanding of the phrase.

How is my psychology analogous and maybe yours?

The cold and dark, I lived in and sufferings of my youth, differentiate me.  I grew up in on the side of a wintry mountain in New England, with a situation that was beautiful but also hard for various reasons psychologically. I used fantasy to escape my reality.  If this was your coping mechanism than Saint Petersburg is your place.

The Edgar Allen Poe picturesque landscape of my mind combined with religion, made me more romantic and dreamy. Similarly in Saint Petersburg the swings of dark and light combined with the extreme cold and cloudiness, bathed in the air of romantic idealism affects the brain of the girls living there. The are long legged hot models but on the inside they are different than anyone single girl you would find in the West.

Think about it, I live in Florida now and for me to be happy I just step outside. In America, everything is there and at your figure tips ready to make you happy from strip malls to sunshine and the school system tell you everyday “we are all winners”.

In contrast when I lived in Eastern Europe under a veil of clouds and darkness, and poverty, the human brain would seek stimulation to make itself happy. Therefore, you have to create your own happiness not by going to the mall but ut though a fantasy or a book.

I would have to find it in intellectual pursuits like chess or reading or taking a trip in my imagination.  This is a similar effect on women in Saint Petersburg.

Where to meet the hot girls of Saint Petersburg Russia

  • Nevsky Prospect, Passage Shopping Center is particularly good
    The train station ( I know it sounds sleazy) the the metro are all legitimate places to pick up women, by just ‘meeting them by accident’ on the street. The station is beautiful it was design by Konstantin Thon in 1851. Many students go to and from Moscow from here and further to Crimea.
  • Any park including the Summer Gardens (czar’s), Michael gardens Alexander garden and Leningrad Zoo.  Summer and fall is best, when the weather is good or the university studenki are in town.
  • 5/2 Kuznechny Pereulok at the Doloyesky museum
  • The best dates you will find not in a club or a bar, but going here:  http://www.hermitage museum.org/wps/portal/hermitage/about?lng=en this is truely a retreat for the reflective. I saw the original Rembrandt Prodigal Son there.   Something we can all relate to. At the bottom of our moral depravity we have hope. It is worth going there just see paintings like that. The museum was protect during the war with around the clock fire brigades stationed on the roof.
  • Passage Shopping Center

The race is on
When you are going to Russia, Russians are open minded as the Soviet Union was a multi-ethic empire. Xenophobia is not ubiquitous, contrary to what people might portray Russia as. If you know about the Tartars and the Soviet Union you know, much of the history of the Eastern Slavic people was about Eurasian mixing. That being said, if you are of African, Indian or Middle Eastern origin for example, you might want to be aware that ethnic Russians might not be as open to dating you.  Like any social group acceptance is higher with people they have a history with, that would be Asiatic peoples, however, African (Alexander Pushkin their national poet was part African) or Pakistani are not as much in the context of their history.  Therefore, Saint Peterburgians might be friendly on the streets (or not), however, to take you home to Mama, I think you have a challenge. But is this different than any other culture?

Day to day interactions
Russians in Saint Petersburg do not invest time in pleasantries. They are matter-of-fact, I think it is to preserve energy as it is so cold and dark.  When you see a smiling person with cargo shorts, it is most likely and American.

A note on the siege of the city

To further, change the mentality of the residence, the  900 day siege during the Second World War that was the worst siege in history by any measure.  The only supply line to Leningrad was the Road of Life, from the shore of Lake Ladoga.

The Russians are specialists in ice so they were able to give limited supply to their citizens through a supply line over the frozen lake.

I will not detail the mass starvation, and hardship, you can read about this yourself. However, the cities population suffered untold pain before it was liberated buy the Soviets.

There is a saying that the effect was, the people of Saint Petersburg are remarkably compassionate and sweet as a result. Frequently people who undergo suffering develop a compassion for others. Even though the war was two generations ago, this awareness of of life is passed on. The people you talk to from there have a shy and gentle nature.

Art museums and cultural sites are magnets for classy females in Slavic countries Look how long this girls legs are. I noted a number of unusual positive physical attributes on women there I do not often see elsewhere. Perhaps it is the mixing with the Nyenskans.

Some extra points to know about Peterburgians and the city

  • Neva river the bridges go up at midnight and are not accessible until 4 am.  Many nights partiers sleep on the river bank in the summer waiting to get across.
  • The Metro in St. Petersburg deeper than anywhere in the world, coupled with Moscow as they were built as Nuclear fall out shelters during the cold war, and filled with Soviet style realistic art engravings Worth a trip and you will sit next to many pretty girls. I never take cabs in foreign cities, what a waste. The bus, metro and Uber if you have to are the best ways to meet women.
  • Drinking – Intoxication is a sin. However, if that is your thing, any Russian girl can out drink you no questions asked, do not even think about it.
  • There is a higher proportion of students in SPB per capita of population than anywhere in Russia
  • City are use to be known as the Leningrad Oblast.
  • The city is on the banks of the Neva, gulf of Finland and the Baltic.
  • Great finds of raw Amber can be found on the shores of the Baltic, even I have collected them.  There use to be a trade route to Egypt.
  • There is an over night train to Moscow if you want to do an excursion. I have been on this and it is safe.
  • If you want to do some soul searching in English there is the Catholic Church of St. Catherine on  Nevsky pr. 32-34. They sometimes even have American Priests.

Clubs to meet girls in Saint Petersburg

There are a number of general travel sites with clubs lists for St. Petersburg, ignore them they are just lists by people who have never been to the city.

If you must go to clubs here is the list I recommend:
Metro – this club is on Ligovskiy pr. 174, Ligovskiy Prospekt. It is a bit descant for me, but it is exciting to see so many beautiful girls in one panorama.

You do not turn because you do not want to miss the next one.

This is a three story club.

Fish Fabrique on Ligovskiy pr. 53 Retro style basement club with an artisitic spin.

Money Honey is John Wayne meets Saint Petersburg – plus a lot of live entertainment for an unusual nightlife in Saint Petersburg. Apraksin dvor, korpus 13, Nevskiy Prospekt metro

Places to eat are almost equivalent to discos in picking up chicks so choose your establishment right. These Russian equivalent to dinners, do not go to fancy ones, rather the ones the students go to.  For example, Na Zdorovye – На Здоровье on Bolshoy Prospekt, 13 3rd floor. Metro: Sportivnaya. Another one is the Green Room -Зелёная Комната on Ligovsky Prospekt 74 Metro: Metro: Ligovsky Pr.

I usually go to the store and buy yoghurt and herring for example if I am on a budget and hit on chicks in the market. You have to see every moment an opportunity to get the cell phone number of a Russian girl. Once you have that, you can snapchat her into submission.

Additional resources of the City of Peter the Great:

City of St. Petersburg official site

Phone numbers will look like this: Тел. +7(812)  Whatsapp is popular so if you want to get Russian girls whatsapp numbers, let me know.

Стоп – (that is stop in Cyrillic)  Do not just leave here,  like this post on Facebook, or ask a questions, any questions about females in St. Petersburg.

Have a question about finding a wife in St. Pete, ask and I will give my best reply.

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Find a Date

Marry a woman 10 to 15 years younger

Perfect age difference husband and wife

My argument is why get married unless you are going to enjoy yourself?

Statistically most people marry within a couple of years of their spouse.  There is a problem with that, and a big problem.

Once women hit menopause, their juice is down and they become round.

If you are a male with any sort of drive for physical intimacy on a regular basis, you are in trouble if you marry a woman close to your age.

I guess you could start to eat frozen TV dinners and processed food and let your health degrade so it does not matter. However, a better solution would be, marry a younger woman. Science shows you will love longer and be happier.

When searching for a mate, go for beauty not companionship.

I was never looking for companionship when I was single and neither should you. A lot of women will try to sell you on the idea that they are good companions. Wrong. False.

Maybe if you have chronic low testosterone. However, better is be full of vitality, a fifty year old teenager. If you are seeking a companion, a friend with shared interests in a partner, I would check your hormone levels or make sure you do not have too many phytoestrogens in your diet. Look I know you have been told by our society to search for a nice girl. No, I do not want a nice girl. I want an attractive young woman who gets my blood going, I always did.

Let me give you an example, my ninety-seven year old uncle won a dance contrast with his younger Swedish girlfriend. He was driving a pick-up truck and having fun. The reason he lived so long and healthy was just that. His life force, his chi, his prana was flowing and always in the game. You want to be in the game. Choose a woman at least ten years younger.  You want to think like a teenager when it comes to dating and choose a woman in her 20s and early thirties if you are in your forties and fifties.

If you have resigned yourself to complacency at middle age, you have a long road of decline ahead of you. You need to think young to be young and that includes being wise in your mate selection. If you marry a woman around your age,  where is the excitement?

What happens if you marry a woman close to your age?

In colonial America you would have been fine as life expectancies where different, and women and men were educated to be humble. However, today, when you will spend fifty years with the same woman, a woman from modern western society, marry a young lady.  If you are less then ten years year difference women will try to control you. You will be hen pecked to submission.

Instead of giving up on yourself and your dreams, Better is to take up Astanga yoga and get a young hot chick, lock her down in marriage and enjoy yourself.  After a few years the excitement will not wear off if she is into fitness, and you will not have a wandering eye. Further, you might even develop a friendship if your world views are the same but this is icing on the cake of the physical side.  What if you do not like to work out or do yoga?  If you do not like yoga, think of it this way, you can suffer for 90 minutes a day in yoga class or for the next 90 years of your life your choice.

I am not taking about marrying a twenty one year old or someone twenty plus years younger (although I have seen happy marriages at this age gap), rather I am talking about a healthy ten to fifteen year difference. Basing it on two principles: The female has to be hot for you, and have a similar world view so you can engage in inquisitive exploitation of the world around you together, rather than compete and try to convert life philosophies.

Therefore,  advocate getting a hot slim chick who does not hassle you. Someone whose juices are flowing and even slightly perverse, as long as they are have morals.  You want someone who has good morals to maintain the longevity of the relationship, but irresistible. You are not going to find that in the long term with a woman who is your age, unless you are  a man who does not take care of themselves. The reason again is men and women age different.

I recommend a foreign woman because they are more open to age difference. You could get a domestic hen, but she would have to be open minded and uncorrupted by Western thinking.

Foreign women believe love is magic, eternal and has no bounds. Love is the mystical fountain of youth.

What is marriage anyway?

Marriage is everyday life. Most of it is having good meals (not in-front of the TV), weekend trips, dreaming about a Thomas Kinkade home  and watching Netflix together. When you do this, do do it with a total babe. If not, I recommend  taking up a hobby like a library book club to channel your libidinal drives.

Guilt of the media

The politically correct media in the dating field is dominated by women writers. They try to sell you on the idea that age closeness is the way to go.  It is not. It goes against nature. As long as a woman is in her 20s she is datable (often women in their early 20s their brains are still developing which has a good and a bad aspect to this).  Think of all the scandals and men that are cheaters, this happens because their wives are not hot enough. I am not one of those guys.  There is zero percent chance I would ever cheat, because I married a cutie and so can you.

If you think my advice is off base than let me put it to you this way.  In pop culture the media and blogs will advise is  to marry someone your age. The scandal happens affair, than a divorce. The media accepts this and even recommends divorce. I say no. I say marry a youthful woman and ride that wave and do not look elsewhere. Get over the guilt and social pressures.

If you must go for an American girl, look in niche social groups like yoga and permaculture, I guess.

What is the ideal age

I think a great age to find a woman is when she is about 27.  If you are older you can bump it up a few years. If you are in your late twenties and you meet a girl in her early 20s this could work as long as you screen her for loyalty. With young women who have not crystallized a coherent unified world view there is a high flight risk latter in the relationship. Forget half your age plus seven years., marry 10 to 15 years younger.

Some women will say I look much younger for my age

This is more female speak nonsense. They do not. A 35 year old does not look like a 21 or 27 year old, period. Similarly women speak is they are wiser. They are not wiser, simply their hormones have calmed down and they are not doing things like having relations with random guys. It is not that they are wiser, it is their hormones do not give them this urge or opportunity. So if you hear a woman say this chances her sensuality is going down the hill.

I know several of my friend that married women older. It looks unnatural. The women look like old ladies and the men look like they are polished and attractive.  Women that think they look younger do not and even if they did, it is not the same. Women that say they look younger are lying to themselves. I know some tragic cases of women in their 30s not married. It is very sad. I would say they should be chasing men at that point not giving a lame excuse that ‘they are too picky’ or ‘there are no good guys’.  There are good guys all over my website.

For example, I will be 53 this year.  Can you image me, someone who is fit and goes surfing and travels the world, being married to a grey hair round lady who is into lunch dates with her friends and cats? No, I am married to a beautiful fit younger woman who I love with all my heart.

I told my wife you do not have to worry about me having a mid-life crisis, because you are my mid-life crisis.

In contrast my friend the same age married a woman eight years older than him. She is in her sixties, wow. Can you image me, a man of the world, dating some sixty year old?

When you marry for lust the whole world can not help but smile on you

Love is about honesty and I am pleading with you to be honest with yourself and free yourself from societal expectations. Feel free to marry for a younger woman ten to fifteen years younger (adult of course).

A woman for the long-run

Men age different than women.  That is a fact because the estrogen makes their skin wrinkle faster. A woman’s skin is more delicate.  Women age 10+ years faster than men because nature, wants it this way. Their hormones decline all at once. Nature wants women to reproduce when they are younger. Women like mature men instinctively because they want to be taken care of for evolutionary reasons. Women have so much power in the mating game. They tend to have multi suitors, and can have physical relationships with anyone at any time. However, they have a short window from 21 to 40. Men are good their whole life for dating. Further, we live so much longer. You will live well over eighty while in the old days people checked out at sixty. Be real when you are sixty do you want to be married to a sixty year old?

  • People say, women live longer.  No one knows how long anyone lives. Do not play that statistics game in your head, live one day at a time.

Younger men can not understand how to deal with women’s mood swings. If you are metaphorically Capitan of your ship than the rough seas of a monthly storm can be ridden out.
If your wife is younger you have more experience and wisdom to understand the ebb and flow of female emotions and are better equipt to handle them in a a peaceful calm way, instead of a reactive way

This is why women are so rude and difficult when they are younger because they know instinctively their time is limited and must find the best mate, they do not have time to mess around. I can respect that.

Another common problem is if the ages are too close women in American try to dominate. Come on guys how many women have tried to assert their strong will in a relationship?

What if you are married to an older woman?
That is great. As a religious person it ultimately does not matter. Enjoy your life and stay committed to your soul mate.  If you married young you will have years of happiness others will not understand. I am writing this to guys before they have pulled the proverbial trigger (the point of no return).

Bottom line if you ever are asking is there too big of an age difference, I would day no.  Statistically I think the optimal is 8 years for male and female happiness, but I recommend about 10 to 15 years as the world is changing. What was true a decade ago is not true today. Men are taking care of their health like women did.

Let me know if you have any questions on how to get a younger woman or the subtle dynamics of your relationship.

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Find a Date

European bride market – fantasy to reality

The purpose of this article is to look at bride buying from a psychological and historical context. Latter in the article I look at one legitimate way to pay for a bride without buying her.  This is an acceptable method, I would use to find a wife, that exists today change your fantasy into reality.

  • Men and women have fantasies about being sold or being a buyer in some Gothic medieval bridal trade.

Fantasies women have about being sold into marriage

Lets look at two common fantasies and see what this means for you today if you are looking for a wife.

Fantasy 1 – Believe it or not, some women imagine (in an historical romance context) being taken prisoner and being sold as a wife or the peasant girl force to marry and then falling in love with the man they marry. The reason they fall in love is their husband turns out to be, he was a good man who similarly was force to take a wife by family or political pressure and is just as much a prisoner as she is. This might even be close to an arranged marriage in India or Pakistan. This equates to finding love, without the painful courtship process  as in Western dating, rather others decide for you.

Fantasy 2 – Another fantasy scenario is some gallant knight rescuing a woman from the bondage of an inauthentic forced union. This is the plot of romantic historical fiction.

Fantasies have an historical root and psychological base.

Marriage fantasies from  a Jungian perspective

These tales speak of a deep archetype longing about the subconsciousness desires of women and men in marriage.

There is a power in being powerless – Jesuit Priest working in Latin America

The fantasy 1 – Being sold into marriage, where the man is also a victim, it speaks of how women in today’s society feel so much pressure about everything. They feel pressure to be good and choose the right man and feel guilty about their own sensuality.  Being stripped of their power in such a humiliating way, removes the guilt and responsibility of women.  It is a fantasy of surrender. From this powerlessness and surrender comes something good, that is finding the man that they were suppose to be with anyway.

Fate has a strange sense of Irony. – Morpheus the Matrix

Women have deep issues with guilt and responsibility because as guardians of the next generation they have to make right choices in love. Men feel less of this burden. This is the root of this fantasy.  I am speaking about a deep psychological desire women have of either being rescued or relieved of the pressure of a proper marriage.

Fantasy 2 – With the gallant knight fantasy, women want men to rescue them.  This is why men go to poor countries to find Cinderella. It is a form of being a hero, and to some extent it it. Women want a man that saves them from their pain in life, and can lift them up to a higher unity. Women want to be taken care of and made to fee secure. However, to equate this to material security rather than spiritual or moral security is the grave mistake girls make.

  • Understanding the psychology of women gives men the power to be a better husband by fulfilling a woman’s needs in the context of a real relationship. Marriage is not real in the eyes of God if one person does not do so willingly. But if you are in a relationship and understand what women want from a Jungian perspective the result will be a more optimal union.
  • The take away from fantasy 1 – is  you need to take the burden of responsibility from the woman in finding a mate and you be the one who makes the effort to get the girl, not the converse.
  • The take away from fantasy 2 – is you need to make the girl feel secure not in a material way but as a spiritual hero.

The history of women being sold into marriage in Europe

Before Christianity marriage and even the act of ‘physical relations’ was seen on par with eating (a good meal). It was not elevated to a human idealistic level. It was functional and practical for the perpetuation of the bloodline or to satiate and hunger. I recommend you research women in the Roman Republic and Empire.  Romans were not  hedonists. Rather they simply saw marriage not an elevated way, rather the acts of physical relations with a woman way to release stress or basic desire, than a beautiful expression of love.

Historical revision of Western European culture of marriage – Many feminists believe Christianity represses women. This is not true.  Feminists confuse women’s liberation with the true liberation of women. Christianity brought love to and respect to women to a new level. The Middle Ages was about the adoration of the purity of women.

The dark side to European Christian culture was and still is excesses associated with this quest for purity in women. In fact, that exist in the subconsciousness of men today. However,  I would argue that this pre-dates Christianity as it relates to an evolutionary or biological need for a undiseased mate. However, in the historical context you can not assume that it was Christian thinking that put this expectation on the bride to be. Men need to learn to override this quest for the holy grail of purity unless they themselves are without sin.

Eventually any nebulous area between arranged marriage, dowry and slavery existed,  but in mainstream culture was eradicated.

In contrast, existed the slave and bridal markets of the non-Christian empires in Europe. The Ottoman Empire was notorious for capturing Slavic and other European women and selling them to the highest bidder for forced servitude or marriage.  Which was essentially the same.

To some extent this exits today, for example, go to Istanbul and see what is bought and sold there. I have seen it with my own eyes. It was like something out of a Star Wars where princess  Leia was enslaved. However, these are not brides but rather women in forced servitude.  I saw women in cages well guarded to keep out Westerners. In Western Europe less obvious situations exist for this type of trade.

Trafficking and brides sold are slowly being stamped out with Christian and humanitarian charities.

Who is looking to buy a bride in Europe?

Men from The Middle East and Asia and even the West still believe buy women in this way is still in play. It is not as it is a moral sin. If a woman is captured and sold it is not a fantasy, it no pleasure for her only the male I would image as some power trip or lazy way to get a wife.

Indian guys are just looking for a wife in Europe because they like the European features and their culture has this tradition of buying a wife closely related to arranged marriage.  Indian guys might actually be looking for real wives to love and honour.

Middle Eastern men often are seeking brides in Europe, might be looking for a visa or access to the EU.  However, I have met Arab/Muslim men that married Europeans in a true love marriage.  This might sound like politically incorrect statement but look at the Sham marriages for work or politics statistically.

Where are the bride markets in Europe?

In Bulgaria there are Roma or Gypsies still sell young women to suitors that bring money. The cost of a bride is between 1,500 dollars and 5,000 dollars for a top pure bride. The market is in the town of Stara Zagora. The girls are Orthodox Christians and the age of 19 is consider the best age to marry.

A lot of Indian guys have interest in this I think because Indians are fundamentally shy and would like to get a European wife but feel they they could not get a European women.  Also India has a tradition of bride buying related to dowry and the ratio of males and females as well as economics. For example in India, you can buy a bride for 1000 RS, 100 dollars or for cheaper than a cattle, because the cost of raising a daughter and cultural acceptance of this.   After Rajputs bride-selling began in Jharkhand in India (Kirpal Kazak).

However, in the Bulgarian bride market the women do not look European, rather Roma. Ironically Indians and Gypsies are generically related as they both come from the Indo-European migration (reference: Indians in Europe as Roma ). I personally do not find the Kalaidzhi that attractive as they do not have the classic tall lean European look.

If you want to experience this go to the open air bazaar in Bulgaria and choose a wife after flirtation and conversation and pay an interested party for the girl. There are Kalaidzhi who travel from town to town.  If you are looking for the exact town they exist in, Stara Zagora, where women are put on stage.

Although the bride and groom involved on both sides might be sincere, it goes against my ingrained cultural understanding of love.  You can not commoditize love.  Someone is making money off the love connection, beyond acting as a transaction broker (a facilitator with no interest in either party such as a tour guide), but rather a true middle man making money of the buying and selling or someone with a vested interest in seeing a girl sold to the highest bidder is not my style.

The bride markets in an open traditional form only exist in Bulgaria.  However, in Europe, there still exists in a respectable way to get a wife for a small fee.

In Russia there are bride beach hunts and bridal safaris which involved exactly what it sounds. Women put flowers in their hair and in a strange ritual are chased, and you can image what happens when caught.  Similarly there are state sponsored fertility festivals in Russia with the purpose of reversing the declining birth rate of European Russians.  These are largely nationalistic festivals and attempts sponsored by Putin with incentives to increase the rate of pregnancy in Russia. The former, I would put in the fantasy category until I get confirmation, although people say it is true. The latter is in the reality category, as it is widely reported in the news.

What men think of as a European bride – You do not find a woman like this in a market on stage, but on a bride tour.

The respectable European bridal market

  • Tours  – I would use this method. if push come to shove.  Bridal tours by companies like Anastasia web tour,  Elenas models tours and loveme.com (A foreign affair) is an accelerated way to find a wife without buying her. Specifically this is where you go abroad and find a wife. These are usually in Russia and non-EU European counties.  This is loosely analogous to speed dating in the USA. The criticism of these companies is they are expensive and there are scammers. That is true.  However, remember in the USA and the UK there are also a percentage of women who are looking for a sugar daddy, or a free ride too, they just do it in a different way. So you have to understand most are sincere but some are not.

On the tours you do not buy a bride, rather you meet girls, correspond and date women ready for marriage in an honest way.  You can meet twenty or even a hundred girls in a couple of weeks.  Beautiful women lined up to meet you and have already been screened for willingness to go abroad.  More often then not they are thin and educated women that have the look every guy dreams of.  They are from these large industrial cities that are legacies from the Soviet Unions attempt to create a workers paradise.

No one makes money except a dating agency acting as a company that facilitates the tours. I have no problem with this. This is perfectly moral and acceptable.  It is simply an accelerated way to pair off because the free will of the woman is retained. I personally would do this. I would go on a bridal tour looking for a wife.  That being said, I never did this because I felt there were better ways. I recommend another way because “loves is patient”.

The best way to meet women from Europe

I would say that bridal tours are not as optimal as moving to a country and finding a bride or even taking a vacation to a country and hitting on women as you walk down the street, in Yoga class or at the grocery store. Meet women in youth hostels or alternative outdoor events like permaculture or hiking.  Or meeting women online before you leave your home country, then date the best ones once you get there. If you are in immediate need for a bride, do something radical as I advise here: find a foreign wife.

As I bequeath a parting tip to sound advice to such men,
who come across in airships to bring home a polished woman.

  • Go back to the beginning of this article and reread the psychology of women – remember women want to be rescued and want you to do the work in dating to relive them of the responsibility of making the right choice.  You do not have to buy them, but you have to win them. You have to be a little crazy and even obsessive with the girl to convince her you are the right one. You have to be crazy enough to quit your job and chase her until she has not choice but to marry you. For example, want a Romanian woman, move to Romania for the summer or longer and teach English.

In one sense you are going to have to pay one way or another. In the modern world you pay with effort and chivalry, rather than a monetary unit of exchange.

This is a woman you might meet travelling in Eastern Europe and shopping at Ikea one day. Image coming home to her every night?

A note to Western women who think men going on Bridal tours or foreign brides are sleezy –  Get off your high horse.  So many women in the west who are educated and professionals can not find a good man. These women that judge men,  might be the same women who take home guys on the third date or less. Women in Europe are sophisticated because of the classical education system.

Further, think about the bridal market for bridal accessories in preparation for the big day in Europe, in London, Paris and Vienna or the USA for example.  There is big money going into the preparation for marriage. It seems respectable on the surface, and women love the idea, except it is about money.

The idea there is a whole industry geared around making money off of people for a wedding in a opulent way. Look at the ads in any woman’s glamour magazine. It puts the expectation into their crazy western women heads. Its normal for American and Western European brides to spend 25k USD plus for a wedding., yet they criticize men who go on bridal tours to find love?

I believe in a low to moderate cost wedding as it is a spiritual union, not a day for show. Women might criticizes men for shopping for a bride via a tour to Eastern Europe, but these posh brides to be have no problem dropping 25k on a wedding only to divorce him latter.

Therefore, do not buy into this hypocrisy. Women that have extravagant weddings are much worst then men who are sincerely looking for love which is a natural thing.  Feminism and materialism are symptoms of a larger problem Western culture.  For example, I know many a bride that breaks the bank for her extravaganza,  and a few years latter end up divorced. Better is to get married in a simple church wedding or on the beach or in a forest with a Minster or Priest or Justice of the Peace that has an authentic spiritual intention.

  • If you want advice on finding a woman (or man) in another country ask a question in the comment section below. I will answer all comments well articulated and in good grammatical form.
Categories
Russian

Understanding Russian women

Do you want to see through Russian women? I am not talking about their clothes, but rather, to understand the mind of a Russian woman. If you can crack the code of psychology of Russian females you can discern the difference between a scammer or a heaven sent angel of a wife.  With great confidence if you follow my dating advice you will be married happily ever after, and conversely if you ignore it you will be punished. Trust me you do not want to be punished.

If you want to ‘see though women’ from the former USSR, understand stand their motives and what inspires them.

There are many women that will smile at you, pretend to be shy with  blue eyes and Slavic high check bones and subtly provocative style, please read my advice and ask questions.  Further, romantic love brings people together that never should be brought together. Ask me any question about Eastern European women, I am an expert as this is my nationality and I have a life long study of the culture. I would challenge anyone PhD or just expatiate pick up artist/player with their understanding of the Русская душ.  I bridge both cultures and living a successful marriage for many years.

  • There are three types of Russian women. If you are aware of these categories will allow you to understand Russian women, find one and get married.

Yes, everyone is different and you can not categorizes females into three simple buckets. However a conceptual framework of three buckets, is a good working model.

What do women want? Find out their ‘meaning of life’. Every Siberian beauty has many layers but what resides at her core?

The psychogenesis of the three streams of Russian collective unconsciousness and why they are divided

The genesis of the Eastern European mind stated over one thousand years ago in the history of the the Prototype Slavic culture. Then subsequently it differentiated into currents which influence the way girls see the world and interact on a relationship and dating basis.

Fertile Slavic women are the true Alpha women of today

Pre-Christan Slavic culture was everything you might image out of some erotic historical fantasy novel.  It was largely connected to the natural settings of the deep forest, and mating and reproduction was the goal, to keep the culture going.  Perun was the supreme god and the goddesses Lada, Lelya and Ziva, were worshipped for love, fertility, spring, marriage and beauty. Living in a rustic culture, in a winter wonderland forest where a society largely centred on the goddesses of love and fertility does not sound like a bad start.

Therefore, deeply ingrained in the initial consciousness of Slavic women is reproduction and mating and being a mother to take care of the next generation.  Maybe it is a coincidence, but have you experienced how Russian women want to get married and have a family, whilst their English or American counter parts are not so direct or consequent? Russian women want someone to make them pregnant. This is because of thousands of years of the culture even affecting their genes.  This is how evolution works. Society and culture influence genetic abilities to mate and bond.

I recommend you do research on respected sites:

Do genes influence romantic behavior or or culture change our DNA and brain?

My wife (Polish) and I (Ukrainian) who both did 23andme.com, found we have a high level probability of strong enduring romantic bonding in our genetic code. Attribute it to culture or oxytocin receptors but we are striking together.  I have not seen any in-depth study of this in relation to Russian women but the hypnosis of culture influence on genes, however, it would make an interesting research topic.

Christian Russia was the time to find a mate East of the Oder River

Since we can only travel forward in time at varying rates but never back, we can learn from the past and not participate in it. Although if there ever was a time machine who would not want to go back in time and pick one beauties of these from the Golden age of Russian culture. The good news is you can, as a subculture of them still exist.

You want a humble, submissive female as a wife who tries to perfect her spiritual soul though a life of self-denial and hard work.

From Cyril and Methodius through the time of Kievian Rus to the rise of The Grand Duchy of Moscovy to the time of the last Romanov, Russia was a paradise to find a mate in terms of loyalty.

There are moral philosophers put loyalty as their highest value, the summum bonum. Why? Because, if someone is not loyal to their ideals, than what is the point of having ideals.

Byzantine Orthodoxy in Russia had a twofold affect. It elevated women above a pagan objectified status to and idea. Look at the adoration of the Blessed Mother in their Icons. Women were quasi-sacred, even if economically they did not have career opportunities in a paternal society (except for the princesses and queens like Katherine the Great, (the horse story was just a myth)). It instilled humility and loyalty. So if you married a girl with an authentic ‘Russian Soul”  practice of Orthodoxy, would be by your side beautiful inside and out.  Women like this rarely exist today in the areas of the former Soviet Union and here is why. Subsequent Petrine reforms further then elevation of female Russian Peasantry on par with males for inheritance. The consequence was a society intact and  functioning for the male and female in marriage.  If there were relationship problems, ecclesiastical guidance was given based on Biblical principles.

Christian and a love of nature, with beauty and hard work is what you want to go for in an Eastern European wife. Above my wife in the garden, we try to grow most of our own food.

The Soviet Union and the erosion of idealism

The Soviets were not effective at economics as Marxism was based on the primes that value was determined objectively by the amount of labor put into its creation rather than subjectively. However, when it came to the eradication of religion, they did it.  Stalin turned the Union from an idealistic society into a surrealistic perversion of culture. Like the Rolling Stone’s song Sympathy for the devil lyrics alludes to.  Unless you lived though it, or had a close experience with it you can not imagine how the Soviets systematically destroyed any ideals of the soul and religion values.  It was replaced with a didactic materialism.  The result were people who had not dreams and hope beyond what was in front of them, a nihilism that can not be help.

There was no transcendence.  Without transcendence in life, people become pessimistic and cynical.

This caused a split in the thinking of modern Russian women and why there exists three main currents of thought.

The three types of Russian women

  1. Post communistic materialistic – Their motives are they go for the gold, money, excitement, travel, visa and whatever they need, and all primitive manifestations of power. – less than 10% of the population. You can easily smoke these chicks out if you press them on experiential questions. No need to read Nikolai Gogol’s Dead Souls,  to understand this.
  2. Post modern spiritual or atheist but classically educated – They have the Slavic looks and are upgraded to Nordstrom style and a liberal eduction, which was a legacy of the USSR, but not who you want to marry them. Their motives are career and their definition of family. Although not bad people, and certainly highly educated, their belief in marriage and love is diluted and if needed they would divorce you someday they would. There is not feeling of transcendence only ‘fun’ and career and Facebook. Yes love but a temporal love, not eternal.  They want to believe but too much psychological inertia. You will find these women in accounting, science and academics professions for example and are often from the culture of divorce. That is their parents are split, so why would they ever commit to you forever? They live quite lives of desperation behind their charm.  Maybe better than a liberal American girl, but not my cup of tea or should I say samovar. 80% of the Russian women. Could be saved but from this existential desert, but too much work, I am not my brothers keeper.
  3. Russian Cinderellas and snow whites – They are not spiritual, but religious. Their whole life is a practice in humility. Toil, suffering and lament is accepted to purify the soul and make oneselves a more beautiful person. They go to church weekly and read the Bible and have a prayer routine.  They are often from the countryside and love to garden and cook.  They are also classically educated, but it is balanced with a spiritual temperance.  I am not talking about the Russian Old believers or a Slavophile. Rather have the sense of morality like Russian writer Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, the romanticism of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky and Tolstoy with the depth of Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Yet behind that all is a primitive uncontrollable sensuality and faith in God. 10% of the Russian women.
Most from post communist Russian dolls are either nihilists or have a vague spirituality which does not elevate their actions, and you need to avoid these women. Faith is a radical reorientation of your life.

This is exactly who you want to marry

I get a lot of questions about what the true motives of some Russian lady they met online or on a tour.  My answer is simple, you need to discern what is their: raison d’etre or Weltanschauung or the meaning of their life? How specifically this is manifest in the ‘walking the walk’.  Read a Viktor Frankl book and not Boris Mikhailovich Teplov  or Lev Vygotsky, if you need more clarification about this question.  How many hours a day or week in do they spend in prayer and meditation?  That is the question when we come to the corrosive end of our analysis of Russian women and their inner thoughts.

You need to ‘cleanse the doors of perception’ so you can see which one of the three girls you are dating. They are all three good, but I personally would only date and marry the latter. American women may jump up and down if they read this, but are they really happy?  I am.

Why Pious Russian peasantry are marriage material?

Remember I am not making a prescription for society, but rather, what I personally recommend for a man looking for a wife from Russia.  If you want to ‘roll the dice’ and go contrary to my advice that is fine. It does not bother me.

However, there is a basic psychological principle in play here, and that is consistency of values and behaviour.

If someone can make small sacrifices daily though a structured pattern of behaviour like prayer or fasting, than chances are that when life gives real challenges, their internal coping mechanism will be more one of self-sacrifice and riding the waves instead of abandoning ship.

Think of it this way, if you are meditating and you distractions tempt you but you are able to gently guide your mind back to your purpose, than in life you will be practiced to do the same. In contrast a weaker person who does not train their spirit will be weak and not take the high road.  The obvious extension of this metaphor is a woman will not forget your purpose when in a relationship if she is disciple in prayerful practice.

The alpha Slav female – tempered with meekness and submissiveness

This is your best choice to date and mate with.  When people think alpha, they imagine genetically superior mating material. This is not true. An alpha is woman who will give you the greatest happiness over the long-term by knowing how to be a good wife. It has nothing to do with genetics, being a mesomorph, coolness, number of people they can attract or nationalism. You want a Russian girl from a Baba Yaga and Vasilisa the Brave fairy-tale.