Arranged marriages in India

Arranged marriages vs forced marriages in India

A lot of girls from the west get enraged when they hear that India, a relatively advanced country has arranged marriages. They see it as some subjugation of women. What most people do not understand is there is a big difference between arranged marriages and forced marriages. Feminists take notes here and hold your tongue.

Arranged marriages are between two willing adults who both have uninhibited rights to refuse their partner before marriage. What happens is simply families and matchmakers get involved in the process of mate selection for the young. However, they do not have to accept this. In all fairness there is a degree of influence brought by both families, however, it is still an act of free will.

  •     I have know ten Indian friends with arranged marriages and only one was anything less than romantic and successful. I can not say the same thing about non-Indian marriages.

My one friend whose Indian arranged marriage is just OK was obsessed with you know what. He use to wake up in the morning, before he brushed his teeth, he would turn on his computer and check girls on the Internet, SMS and text Indian girls he found on the web and meet girls four nights out of  seven before he was married. When he got married he thought he would change. He did but only after a turbulent beginning. It was more a matter of his personality than his arrange Indian bride that caused him trouble.  Oh he grew up in the US of course and although he was India he was influenced or some people say corrupted.

In contrast, in a force marriage, there is no escape clause nor free will and often the age of the bride is questionable. Many people in the west think this is what is going on in India. It is not. What is going on is an arranged marriage is free consent. If there was not, it would not be an authentic marriage.

New spin on arrange marriages in India
What is happening today is, partially inspired by Bollywood’s representation of love marriages, youth are doing something called ‘self arrange marriages’. This is were the traditions of family are respected but Indians basically choose their mates in the same way as western people, including the Internet.

Is the Indian marriage system successful? You bet it is, as only about 1% Indian marriages end in divorce, in contrast with like 50% in the USA or Sweden. Divorce take a toll on children’s emotions and the former bride and groom, so it is best avoided.

  • There are also introduction only arranged marriages. Where the parents introduce the two but it is up to the girl and the guy to pursue it.
  • Read more about my ideas on marriage in India.

My dream of my wife being chosen and my reality
When I was a growing up, I was as shy as they come. I though I would not mind if a women was given to me as a bride.  It is a sort of sick fantasy in someways if you think about it. Just someone given to you for your enjoyment and respect. I thought it would forgo the painful silliness of adolescent dating.

However, in retrospect even though it was incredible hard for me to find my wife, it was well worth it.

By Mark Biernat

I live in with family between two worlds, US and Europe where I create tools for language learning. If you found my site you probability share my passion to be a life long learner. Please explore my site and comment.

1 reply on “Arranged marriages in India”

Think again before concluding arranged marriages are successful based on the low divorce rate. Could it be because they didn’t make it so they can’t break it? That is what I think is the reason. If you observe the process of an Indian marriage you see that there is so much strings attached to it beyond just a man-woman relationship. The bride’s and groom’s parents go far and wide circulating the marriage invitations to extended, extended-extended family and friends, attaching great pride and honour to the whole exercise. Great pride and honour is associated with trivia like doing every ritual of the marriage at an auspicious hour predetermined by an astrologer. Great pride and honour is associated with feeding the guests. Even though the bride and groom don’t really respect that much, they fall at the feet of every uncle and auntie they don’t even know existed. Extreme ritual strictness is maintained in doing shit like going around the fire, relatives reading out some passages declaring the marriage agreement, and what not. All this shit has been invented and maintained over the ages for one and one purpose only – to tie as much strings around the bride and groom as possible so that they would shudder at the thought of breaking the marriage even if all hell breaks lose.
To me, that is slavery, I despise you for calling it successful.

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