A princess who wears the crown of humility
The quality that I personally find attractive in a girl is humility. It is your winning selection criteria for finding a wife that will give you a life of happiness. This is why humility is the ultimate quality for me in a girl.
Yes, I know, this is contrary to what American pop-culture teaches. Women will shout you down and accuse you of wanting someone to control, a pushover. However, consider the source. If someone tells you that, it is because they do not understand the spiritual virtue of humility. I would recommend you do not try to teach them humility as it is a waste of time. Just walk away and do not say anything, because you are not your brother’s keeper.
I often repeat the similar themes on my website about dating, but it is important to read them. because, you need to let this sink in your brain. Think of it like a coaching, a mental massage, and comfort in the fact that you are not crazy or amiss in your thinking. Rather much of the world is, and will tell you up is down and down is up.
Self-confidence as the antithesis of humility in women (and men)
Western women are all about self confidence and empowerment. They have been taught it in public schools and it is reinforced in movies and TV. Public schools are a key source of indoctrination and without parental intervention the schools produce adults with a skull full of mush. You can not deprogram someone who has been raised in that culture. Maybe you can but it is not worth the effort. Better is to find someone abroad or in a pocket of America which has a sub-culture which holds different values in esteem.
- If you want to go up against that, self-confidence bordering on pride, on a daily basis, you might as well, put your assets in your mother’s name and do not tell you wife about them.
Self confidence is the biggest lie in the dating world
Women say they want a guy with confidence and they themselves try to project this in every conversation. They engage in witty banter and try to one up you and size you up based on your perceived achievements.
Do you know what real self confidence (in contrast to pop-culture understanding) is a form of humility. It is being authentic and loyal to your value system. Taking up your cross everyday to humble yourself to be a servant, and see the humanity in all people, rather than seeing them as an aspect of your life. Even self-abasement and flagellation (in the right measure and meaning), self-punishment, fasting and and ascetic practices are honorable. But self confidence, no, this is the opposite of what you want.
How do I know?
I do not know if I have any pop-culture confidence at all, however, I can say objectively that if I was single, I would have no problem chatting up model quality girls in any country in the world. I am talking Victoria Secrets caliber, and I have little self-confidence.I know this sounds contradictory, but it is true.
- I am filled with self-doubt, painfully shy, regret and insecurities, but it is not about that. I feel awful most of the time about myself. I am filled with frustration and resentment.
I am insecure about basically everything, money, my face, my looks, my background, my intelligence but it is not about that. I believe that God has a purpose for me, and despite my insecurities and fears, I am trust God. I know with my incompleteness, I found the wife of my dreams, travel the world, I am a Professor of Economics, lay chess competitively and write my own software, and oh yeas, grow my own food, and I am happy, Why? Because with God you can move mountains, whereas, the person who lacks faith’s, life is a slave to ego gratification.
- So see self-confidence is really not worth much int he dating world.
How is humility achieved?
It is achieved through the daily practice, of a religious ritual, whether it is reading a holy book or a chain of prayers which asks for forgiveness.
The early desert fathers (living in the North African and Middle Eastern deserts), of my religion use to repeat the Jesus prayer hundreds of time a day when they walked or strike their chest when a bad thought comes to mind. Virtue comes from Latin and means strength. You can not have strength without training. So I am a skeptic, if someone put themselves out there as nice, where is the proof? Do they say the Rosary or memorize the Bible?
I have seen women do this. Yes smoking cordial women, who put to shame most Hollister models have a practice of self-abasement and repentance. So they do exist.
What if you are not Christian?
Jewish, Christian, Muslim, that is the prophetic religions of Israel all have a similar tradition. The Chinese religion of Tao and Confucianism also have similar rituals, as do the contemplative religions of India, with Hinduism and Buddhism. Religion is like a language and each language has these structure in their lexicon.
What if someone is spiritual or agnostic or a non-believer?
I have seen ethical atheist develop an internal ethic, but if you are in the trenches of life, I highly recommend you do not go for these girls. You are in the battlefield of life and there are not atheists in foxholes. You need to put away childish things. When I was a child I thought like a child, life is too precious to think like a child or you will be playing with fire.
Go for a believer or also has humility as her summa bonum. Someone that tells you they are not good. Someone who tells you they are a bad person and has trouble forgiving themselves.
For me this is a person looking for redemption. And that is what life is about. It is about redemption.
What about a nice girl, a good girl?
No such thing. Everyone will say they are nice and good. Many women abroad are attractive because they do not eat denatured diets and are not obese.
How often we confuse beauty with virtue – how often we confuse nice with virtue
In contrast, my wife says she is not even that nice. She was so mean to me, when we were dating. She was not nice, but it is not about that. Nice means nothing. Super cordial means something, and humble means something. Nice means jack. So do not go to Eastern Europe and strike a rapport with a girl who puts herself out there as nice or good. Do not travel half way across the world a companion. Me, I want someone radical, someone versed in the in the spirit of humility and purification.
Where to find these girls?
If you meet a girl with humility and she is super cordial, and you feel she is the one, chase her across the stars like I did.
Do not worry about your job or money or your parents or if she will reject you. What if you are broke, your parents disown you and she rejects you. So what. It will happen, but do not make a big deal about it, it is your metaphorical red badge of courage, and you putting away childish things.
Where to find these girls?
I have given you hints on my site, I am a big believer in traveling aboard, and living abroad. I do nest alone, not with a group, as you do not want to get weighted down.
The only guys I know that did not get married or found their true love, in a year or so of being a real expatiate, are guys that can not get off the player roller coaster by choice. They have something to prove to their egos, they are not religions and are basically lost souls.
So if you want to find a wife, tune your subconscious radar into the frequency of humility. Find a super cordial lady, with humility, by living abroad or domestically with similar values (much harder). Remember nice is not a desirable quality, humility is.
I agree with you.
But very very hard to find