Dating in America: I am so lonely and desperate – and I am single
Why is it that Americans feel the need to almost apologize when they are looking for someone? They feel the need to qualify things with statements like ‘ I am not desperate’ . This is so American.
Many Americans behave like if you do not have a boyfriend or girlfriend that looks like someone out of a J. Crew catalog, others will think there is something wrong with you. If you are not chewing the fat on the weekends with some group of friend at a clam bake watching the sun set, having dry wine and french cheese than you are not living. This is so lame Americana.
The truth about being single
Here is the truth. Few people have this life and if you were living it would you be happy? Being depressed and alone is par for the course. I was lonely and depressed. If you date someone, but they are not your one and only, that is messed up. It is better to wait until the end of time, rather than to have a temporary boyfriend or girlfriend, especially just for ‘boom-boom’. Why? You are distracting yourself from your real purpose of finding a mate. It does not allow you to feel the full pain of being single and lonely, therefore, push you to action.
Yes being single, lonely and depressed is a good thing. Take it as a sign or a call to action in American speak. It makes us desperate enough to look outside ourselves for someone to rescue and save our lives in every sense of the word. And this is what love does. Have no illusions, love destroys your walls.
American girls tend to be detached
See what happens is many American girls are serial monogamous daters until their 30s for this reason. They are detached, prideful and distant. American girls like this are horrible to date if you ask me. Then when they are in their 30s they want to find this last hope guy. Good luck. Girls should be desperate and lonely in their 20s, We guys are.
Rilke quote on love
If you are single and not desperate and not looking that is totally messed up. If you are single and say, ‘I do not need someone to make me happy’. You are f_kced in the head. We all need love. It is the greatest part of being human. And like the Poet Rilke says Love is the work for which all other work is but preparation. Here is the full quote:
For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been given to us, the ultimate, the final problem and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation.
Before I met my wife, I was painfully lonely. I was lost. To be alone feels like 100, no 1000 cold daggers stabbing you deep in your heart. You feel this most depressed at night or when then sun goes down, around holidays in the winter, basically most of the time. Do you not feel this way?
I admit this and I am proud of this. Why? This is how you are supposed to feel when you do not have your other half. This is nature tell you to go out there and find your other half. There is nothing wrong with this. This is good. This is nature. This is the way it is suppose to be.
Look love makes the world go around. I think it is strange if someone says ‘I do not need someone’. This is so screwed up. If you do not need someone, you one messed up person. Everyone needs love like plants need the sun.
Do not feel the need to apologize that you are single or feel ashamed. It just means you have the courage of your convictions to wait. What if you do not meet your other half until 50. So what.
Why European girls are desperate in dating
I teach English one on one and I will tell you what I learned. I talk to Eastern European girls who have their PhD’s and are super successful directors of large companies. Since I teach them English I get to talk with many girl one on one about things like relationships and love as it is often brought up in conversation.
They all tell me, all of them, they want to find their other half so they can be in love. They would take care of him and treat him like a king. They want to stay at home and have babies. They like it is a man is interested in them and hope maybe he will ask her out to see if they are their other half. They tell me they are lonely and desperate and do anything to find their man.
When they get married they want to please their man in the bedroom, not thinking about themselves. And you know what? These girls look like super models. Really. I wish I could show you their photos. They are tall, thin and leggy.
This is the way the world thinks and this is normal.
Don’t you want some leggy super hot girl, and I mean real beauty like on a magazine cover, looking into your eyes with her swollen soft lips, whispering in a somewhat depressed, but soft alluring voice ”I need you, I am so lonely and I desperately need you’.
It is not some Gothic male fantasy, this is reality if you are not in the USA. Contrast that with the American girl dating model of her telling you that she is a strong women and does not need a man. Geez Louise, you hook up and marry with some American girl with even slightly feminist tendencies, then, all you will have in your life is to wait for is the sweet kiss of death to set you free.
America’s dating scene – When two single people meet it is a date OK?
America on the other hand as such a twisted dating dynamic. You cannot admit you want this or you are single and lonely because if you do you are kind of a old fashion loser. For example in America, if a gal and a guy meet, the girls often say, ‘OK I will meet you, but lets not call it a date’. Let me tell you when two single people of the opposite sex meet, even for coffee, it is a date. They are meeting to consider if they would be good mates and want to make babies together. American dating is so upside down.
Dating is for mating
Read my lips. If you are an American girl or and American guy. Be honest with yourself. What in your heart of hearts do you really want. Not what has been programmed in your about career or success or keeping up with the Jones. Do you not want to have babies?
This is a strong, deep instinctual urge. Do you not want to mate? Then stop playing games with your dating life and be honest with yourself.
Humble yourself to find your true love
What if you are single you are looking for love and you are lonely and you are desperate and hopefully mildly depressed? If you are you have hope. If you can admit this to yourself, then maybe you will humble yourself , and take action to find the person who you are supposed to be with. If you can not find them in the USA, look in other countries. Even match.com has a European dating website. If you want to find an Irish guy, look on anotherfriend.com. If you want to find a Polish girl look on sympatia.onet.pl. Look through my site and all the recommendations I make for dating sites in different countries. But the best of course is to travel. Important: do not leave this site without checking out my specific recommendations I have in my posts. At least look at the photos or leave a comment. It is OK to be lonely, desperate and depressed. It is not OK not to do something about it. The world is full of opportunities.